Divorce Dilema - the ex'es best friend

[Dirk In The South]

This is my first post on the forum and I am in need of advice - though I think I should know the answer. I am nearing the end of divorce proceedings with my wife of 11 years - she was my college sweetheart from 1983. We have 2 children - 4 and 8 - and are in a bitter divorce. My wife had originally asked that I only have supervised custody of the children. For the last 3 years of our marriage my wife went through depression, a break up with her father, and now a ultra conservative christian, and now I am the devil being a liberal who brews beer and votes democratic.

 

As perspective she was a stay at home mom with a nice home and vacation home in the moutnains on 70 acres in a gated community. I helped out significantly around the house, active with the boys, cooked, etc. When my wifes relationship went sour with her father we began our decline. Went to therapy, communication seminars, pastoral counseling, etc to no avail. Along the way my wife's best friend took up for me telling my wife she should consider herself lucky I did not divorce her. I should also mention that my wife and I did not have sex for 2 years prior to separating. Her best friend suggested all sorts of toys and tricks to no avail.

 

After telling my wife we had to do something different I came home one day to find my wife had moved $65,000 dollars out of our saving account and asked that I move out.

 

Will to cut to the matter. We are now nearing the end of the divorce and along the way her ex bestfriend has be-friended me (my wife cut her off because she would not testify in court against me). Along the way I have fallen in love with her. We have flirted talked about more than friendship including naked photos and sexy talk. I know this is unproductive and stupid but I have come to rely on her as my friend who will listen to me anytime about the trevails of my life - I have know her for 13 years.

 

I think about her constantly - did I mention she has a boyfriend of 8 years who is a gun dealer? She is also bi-sexual and asked me if I thought I could talk my wife in into sleeping together (sounds very cheezy but she is hot). It is all so torrid. My therapist says it sounds like a cheesy movie and I agree. Did I mention my wife previously married an Iraqi who was sneaking possible terrorists in to the US and had her car impounded and the Canadian boarder ?

 

Now for the question. My wife's former friend is now become my confidant and love and the logical part of me say run but the hurt guy who need a friend with benefits wants my wife's ex best friend. But in a moment of clarity I told her we can not speak until the divorce is over and hopefully I am over her ( I am a romantic sot).

 

I am pretty certain I did the right thing. Does anyone else agree? Other perspectives?

 

Thanks for listening

[norajane]

did I mention she has a boyfriend of 8 years who is a gun dealer? She is also bi-sexual and asked me if I thought I could talk my wife in into sleeping together (sounds very cheezy but she is hot).

Your not-yet-final divorce is, unexpectedly, the last reason on the list why you should get away from this woman. There are two other reasons which take precedence.

 

Get your head on straight. You are a father, not a pimp with a death wish.

[Dirk In The South]

Thanks for the response but do not get the pimp part perhaps that was for dramatic effect. Agreed running is the best option.

[norajane]

Pimp = a man who procures sexual gratification for another; procurer; pander

 

She is also bi-sexual and asked me if I thought I could talk my wife in into sleeping together

If you're talking your wife into sleeping with the "friend", that makes you someone who is procuring a sex partner for your "friend", i.e., a pimp.

[Dirk In The South]

Never discussed with my wife knew it was not a good idea

[imagine]

Why does your wife need to have her friend testify in court against you? Is this why you have not had sex for two years?

[Dirk In The South]

My wife wanted her to testify that I treated her badly and was a drunk. Neither of which were true. Her friend told her she would not lie in court. My wife has given up that angle. We are now down to the money part with our lawyer.

[nobmagnet]

i think you did the right thing. She is not the kind of woman you need in your life long term is she????? Cheeting on her boyfreind, cheeting on her friend.............she had little or no morals and that is not good. You children come first in this and you second. get yourself in a good place and then find a genuine woman to share your life with xx

[Dirk In The South]

Yes I think so to and agree about it being a short term relationship. Just have to make it 6 more weeks until its final. Have my boys for 10 days starting christmas so we will have a big time.

[nobmagnet]

sounds great. Consentrate on reality. Kids need to see you happy in your own skin.

 

have a cool crimble x

[Dirk In The South]

It has been hard to be happy lately with Christmas being so different this year and being in the middle of this divorce - actually working on getting ready for the settlement conference. Proving pre-marital assets. That's how I have been spending Christmas. Makes it hard to get into the spirit. Had planned on taking a mini vacation to the coast with the boys but got a large bill from my lawyer last week - HO HO HO!

 

Merry Christmas

[phineas]

Man i'm happy I kept my own bank account.

not that it matters though because i've wound up broke anyways.

[nobmagnet]

ho ho ho

 

im going to try to be santa

 

 

fast forward......................12 months probably less

 

sunny day out with your boys..........your happy, single, content having grown.

 

she sees you, your eyes meet, you talk about stuff...........exchange numbers.

 

need I say more??

 

crimble is different but no more magical

 

 

new year my freind is ours. new dreams new goals new life. irrespective of time together we have our desiny on our own hands.........how exciting is that???! im going to sleep under the stars alone. Im gonna have expriances i planned with him alone........i cant wait they will me mine and I have kids but they will love and try it for themselves one day. We are one. we would love to have somebody walkk alongside but..........we will live life to the full regardless

 

massive hugs xx

[Dirk In The South]

Thanks for painting a fast forward picture. I can be easy to fall in the trap of thinking things will always be a they are presently. If not to cold the boys and I will camp at the river. Bought them a zip line to zoom across so we can play all day in the woods.

 

thanks