My first love..8 year friendship and relationship, where is it going now?

[Myheartisbroken]

I would first like to thank anyone taking the time to read this. I have debated over to write this, because honestly ive been so sad and depressed i dont know how to feel anymore. Me and my boyfriend met eachother since grammar school. We were good friends, and dated all through highschool and into college. Im now 22 hes 21. We have gone through a lot together. Learned a lot, fought a lot, made up a lot. We even went through a miscarriage situation back when we were 19. Needless to say yeah its been tough, but we have had so many great moments. He is honestly my whole heart. My best friend. Dont get me wrong, im not a bad looking girl, im young, no kids, work go to school. I have guys ask me out all the time and they think im a freak for not wanting to get out of the house. The truth is im trying to deal with the crappy situation im in. I cant be a party girl and get out and forget about things. Im one of those people who takes thing really serious and deeply.

 

Four months ago exactly he tells me he really doesnt want to be in a relationsip anymore. That he was stressed out, and didnt want to deal with it. I was kind of blindsided. We had been having some of irritating last months yes, but nothing i felt was enough to walk away from this. We had broken up twice before, through our teenage years. He knew i didnt want to go through it again, now us being older i figured.. This was it, we were on our way to great and big things together, with our new liberty and independence. But i sat there and cried, i was heartbroken. He said "im not saying i dont want to be with you later, im not going to be gone forever. I just want my space." A couple days later he texts me that hes sorry. I was thinking he had came to his sences, but no he was apologizing over making me cry.

 

Next thing i know hes moving out on his own for the first time, which I ALWAYS supported. But i couldnt help but feel so sad knowing here was single,21, and his own place. I felt lost, scared, confused. I was starting to get, that he wanted to have fun and do his own thing, but i knew it was going to hurt for me. Like i said im 22 but i dont find any good in getting drunk every week, going to parties, and being obnoxious..Im a mellow girl, likes her concerts, her drinks here and there, and just having a nice time. I was terrified thinking, hes gonna go wild, do all these things that are going to lose the years of respect i had for him and i cant control it..So he moves in. He suddenly starts writing weird comments on his NEW facebook page to random girls ive never known he talked to.. I usually know his friends and aquaintances and found it weird. I dont know if he necessarily likes one of them or what. But he commented on one of their pictures as "sexy" and needless to say he spent Thanksgiving with that whole group of friends which are mostly girls. Then he lets one of their guy friends whos always with those girls( who are slutty girls i might add) MOVE IN WITH HIM. So to make matters worse we have argued so much over him and his comments with those girls, hanging out wit them, spending thanksgiving with them. This whole group of people i have no idea who they are. And now hes living with one of the guys who i have no idea who he is. I havent gone by his apartment anymore since he moved there, cause i feel uncomfortable and more confused than ever. Everytime we argue he repeats the same thing, i dont want a relationship. Let me have my space. When honestly i havent even mentioned wanting to get back together but im sure its something he knows im waiting to happen.

 

I dont get him. What is wrong with him? he is such a nice guy, hes my best friend. Hes always been so respectful and caring. But hes acting like a maniac, kind of like an empty robot towards me. When we argue he always texts me or tells me that he really loves me a lot. But if he does.. why is he distancing himself so much? and being surrounded by these new people hes met..Why would he take a chance of losing me? Is having "fun" and experiencing "things" matter more than me at this point? im so confused. I dont want to stop talking to him completely i really dont. Its been 8 years of us being so close. Its too hard, and i dont want us to be strangers to eachother. But then sometimes we end up seeing eachother too much and end up acting like were still together, and i feel like hes never going to be comitted and come to his "sences" if i allow that to continue to.. How is there a in between here? how does he miss me and realize anything without me having to cut him out of my life.. Do i really have to act like a bit** for things to change..Its just not who i am.. Im so tired and any advice is appreciated.. thanks again for reading :/

Edited December 21, 2009 by Myheartisbroken

[Myheartisbroken]

I just want to add that he has told me numerous that he doesn't want to stop talking. That he just wants space. And if does continue to tell me he loves me. Please anyones opinion matters. I'm at my lowest level right now. I'm becoming someone I don't want to be. We have argued these 4 months more than the years. I feel like were just getting damaged and this space is tearing me apart.

[light2]

I'm far from being a love expert but here is my opinion. He's been with you since you were kids and he might feel like he is missing out in life if he just stays with you and get married and so on...

 

Though what he is doing is wrong, you should look at things differently. He seems like he wants the best of both worlds. Once he sees that you're about to move on, from reading what you typed, I predict he will be calling you and begging you back.

 

You should try to look at this situation as a new experience and new chapter in life. I know its realllllllllly hard since you guys have been together so long, but truth is, the more you beg/bother/argue with him, the further he gets. Just move on, occupy yourself and if he comes back, then it is what it is. If not, then move on. You're 22 only.

[Myheartisbroken]

Thank you...Anyone else? :/

[madmoggy]

Because you've been together for so long he feels like he's missing out on "life" and has freaked out. He's having an extremely premature mid life crises, I suppose you could say.

 

It's a tricky situation for you. My advice would be to give him his space and move on yourself. You're only 22. See other people and have fun. I would guess you guys will always be close and will probably end up together at some point. This is probably just something he feels he needs to do - and I can sympathize with him. If you try and pressure him now he might resent you. If you let him be and move on he might (as already suggested) realize the grass isn't greener and come running back. Or maybe it will take some time.

 

Don't give up on him, but don't put your life on hold either. Not at 22.

 

My hunch is that you guys have a strong connection that won't easily be broken.

[Myheartisbroken]

Thank you for that response. Your right we do have a close bond.I keep saying he's having a life crisis and has freaked out glad to know someone else can agree. I don't want him to resent me at all, I rather let him be now than to suffer later. Hopefully in the end it works out. Thanks for your words of wisdom.