PrettyinInk Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 First time poster. I just got out of a serious relationship. We were engaged to be married, but it fell apart with lies and empty promises. We broke up nearly two weeks ago, have already has the post break up talk, and the collecting of material belongings is complete. Obviously it took me a long time to come to terms with the deicision that i was going to end such a serious relationship; i feel like i did a lot of my healing while i was making the decision, but there are still a lot of thoughts in my head, i miss being in love, i miss being close to someone, living with someone, not having to go home alone at the end of the night, not having to sleep alone. I have never missed any of these things at the end of a break up. Before i met the ex, i had a list of qualities that i would like in a person, i have been in a lot of bad relationships, and as i am not getting any younger, i wanted to weed out certian types of people. Well ex came along and blew everything out of the water... the qualities were pushed aside. I have met someone who meets everything on that list. But i just ended a very serious relationship two weeks ago. We have definate chemestry. He told me he has liked me for a long time, but i was "off limits", until now. Is this too soon? Is the idea of a rebound my personal hangup that i need to just get over?
DustySaltus Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 When you say lies and empty promises, I'm just curious to know what they were. How long did the "checking out" process take you? People have different definitions of what a rebound is. Mine is simple. It's the first intimate encounter you are in after a breakup. Whether it be a date, kiss or something more...it's the first. Some rebouns last a night and others have gone on to get married to their rebounds. It's all a matter of perspective...
Zeegagge Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 If you have to ask then it's definitely too soon! You may not even have as much chemistry with this new guy as you think you do. Sometimes trying to replace intense emotions with something new can mess with your head and make you think you have something when it isn't there. And besides, this guy, hanging around, waiting for you to be available, trying to strike so quickly... I don't like it. Not smooth.
Author PrettyinInk Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 There is far more than any normal human would want to read, but basically when he started talking marriage, i started talking about things i want out of the future, and he made it seems as though our goals were the same. They were not, he never intended to follow through with anything, even a thing as simple as going to get a bank account, he would say he was going to do, then never do it, and when i asked him why he would say, "would it really make a big difference anyway." Honestly the whole thing was a mistake, he asked me to marry him far too early in the relationship, and i should have said no, i wanted to say no, but i let me heart take over, not that i have anything against love, i just tend to be practical. I made the final decision to cancel the wedding in November right before the next set of payments was due. i ended the relationship in early December. I had been unhappy on a daily basis in the relationship since September.
carhill Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 So, how long were you and your fiance together? Tough time of year for a breakup, especially an engagement. If your friend's feelings are honest, they've been there for some time and will be there in six months (insert your own timeframe) so no worries. Take your time and heal from this loss. Best wishes and welcome to LS
Author PrettyinInk Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 thanks, he has put me in the "no pressure" zone, which makes me feel comfortable. I am not at all worried about his intentions. Basically wondering if people really believe in the idea of a rebound, or is it silly? Who taught us to think that we cannot fall in love again after one relationship ends? Just seems a little odd to me.
LikeABirdWhoFlew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Pretty in Ink, you sound very much like my ex. I mean if it weren't for the dates you say you guys broke up I would swear YOU were my ex! How long were you two together?
LikeABirdWhoFlew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Who taught us to think that we cannot fall in love again after one relationship ends? Just seems a little odd to me. I don't think anyone really teaches us not to fall in love once a relationship ends. What people due stress is just be sure to take your time and don't jump right into another relationship just to fill the void of the other person missing. Any relationship that starts like this is bound to fail. I know this from experience. Let me take a wild guess and ask, was your ex-fiance a rebound? How long did it take you until you got over the guy before him? Did you rush into it with the ex-fiance as well?
Eisenhower Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 PrettyInInk, as the victim of a rebound (my ex was getting divorced when we started dating), I can tell you it's far better to slow down that to hurt someone (and yourself) by latching on to first guy that comes along after a breakup. Remember, all relationships seem perfect in the early days. Just go slow. Rebounds are more often than not like a dream that starts to turn into a nightmare. Eisenhower
Author PrettyinInk Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 no, ex fiance was not a rebound. the relationship just went a little faster than most would, i guess. i was suprised when he started talking about marriage, but i honestly think he just wanted some stability in his life, and he saw i had my **** together, and that i would be a good person to "hang on to." Thanks everyone for your advice, i think i will slow things down a bit with the new guy. i definatly do not want to jump into another relationship; i am over the ex, but not so much over the fact that i was suppose to be married in may.
LikeABirdWhoFlew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Pretty in Ink, how long did you last with your ex-fianace? Also, why did you want to get joint bank accounts if the whole time you really knew it wasnt going to work out? David
Author PrettyinInk Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 a year and a half. and i did not want to get a joint bank account, i just wanted him to have a bank account, of his own, i view that as part of being a responsible adult.
singlegirl Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 The love of my life died in my arms 14 yrs ago. I was totally in love with him but felt the need to go find someone immediately...I think what youre feeling is biology...We need human touch, we need sex.we need nurturing.... I would find myself a freind with benefits to fill the void but be open about what the relationship is and that your in rebound. that way no one gets any surprises.... My recent break up was similar to yours, too much too soon and then reversing....I wonder what goes through the heads of these guys
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