Butterflying Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 For our first date, he called me spontaneously and I agreed to meet him halfway for dinner. He lives a hundred miles away from me. He was traveling for work and was supposed to call me as soon as he landed at the halfway point. Unfortunately, he never called. I saw him a few weeks later at a business function. He seemed happy to see me. He explained that he had lost his cell phone at the airport right after he and I made plans for dinner. So I had to give him my phone number again. I didn't bother calling him because I hoped he would call me to express an interest. Really, I feel that I've made myself available to him. There isn't much more I can do. He should take the bait if he wants it, right?? When he hadn't heard from me in a while, he stopped by my office over the weekend and left a bouquet of flowers with his business card instructing me to call him. I called to thank him for the flowers yesterday. It just so happens that he will be in my neighborhood for work tomorrow, but he will be arriving to stay overnight. We made plans to have dinner at a very exclusive country club he belongs to. No big deal. He wasn't sure, however, if he would be able to get reservations last minute. I assumed if he couldn't get reservations there, we could arrange to dine at another place. There are many great places in the city for dinner with or without reservations. This guy called and canceled the entire date because the country club is sold out until after the holidays. He left a message to apologize hoping we can get together another time. He will still be in my neighborhood however. I can call him after work if I want. The thing is, I don't see the point in calling him. It seems like a waste since he will be here and neither of us have other plans for the evening. Should I call him and suggest another restaurant. It will feel like I'm begging for his attention since he has already canceled the date, plain and simple. Is that enough to let me know that he's simply not interested in spending time with me? Or should I make a suggestion to him?
ordinary_girl Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 he is either incredibly flaky or just very dumb. who on earth arranges a date only to disappoint the person completely just because the particular place didn't accept reservation? I don't know what his game is (could be some extremely silly game) but he doesn't sound that bright to be honest. I don't think it matters whether he is into you, you should not be interested in someone so spastic. also it should not be this hard to arrange to meet up with someone. forget about him, he sounds an absolute pain
DustySaltus Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 The flowers were a nice gesture but how do you cancel a date when ONE place wasn't accepting reservations? I mean there has to be other options where you live. He seems to be very flaky and that's not a solid base for any new beginning.
torranceshipman Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 It sounds very much like he is either a) married or b) wants a night of passion whenever he is in your part of town, but cancels because he either feels guilty or his W is around, or because he has another option, or because he got the message that you weren't in it just for a night of good lovin' only...
Vintage79 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I say forget about him - he's had lame excuses for cancelling twice, and you haven't even really connected yet. If he was really into you, he would have found another restaurant/activity. I know I act like the guy you described, sans flowers, when I'm not terribly interested...the flowers are the only confusing part.
Author Butterflying Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 The flowers were a nice gesture but how do you cancel a date when ONE place wasn't accepting reservations? My sentiments exactly. That is what makes this situation so difficult. When he lost his phone (therefore my number) I forgot about him. But then we saw each other again and exchanged numbers. I still wasn't all that thrilled about him. Then he sent the flowers. So I figured, 'okay, maybe I jumped to conclusions.' Now he canceled again. 1) first he lost his phone 2) now ONE restaurant is sold out What about another restaurant? If not dinner, what about a movie, or dancing? What about a show at the Comedy center? Monday night is amature night and the cover charge is only $10 dollars per person.
DustySaltus Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 What about another restaurant? If not dinner, what about a movie, or dancing? What about a show at the Comedy center? Monday night is amature night and the cover charge is only $10 dollars per person. See how quickly it took you to come up with alternative options? Something is fishy. You seem to be a good "catch", I would just move on to someone that appreciates you enough to substitute themselves instead of flowers.
sunshine94 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Cancelling because one restaurant is booked is not a good excuse at all. Maybe he is married or seeing someone else. If that is you in the picture, you are a beautifull lady, you don't need someone like that.
ADF Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't even belong to the country club in question. This whole thing reeks of a con job. Why would a man want to enter into a relationship with a woman 100 miles away? I can think of only one reason: he's married, travels to your area frequently, and wants a secret FWB.
Author Butterflying Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Cancelling because one restaurant is booked is not a good excuse at all. Maybe he is married or seeing someone else. If that is you in the picture, you are a beautifull lady, you don't need someone like that. Yes it's me. But in the photo I am all glamored up for a photo shoot. I don't walk around looking that way every day. And I certainly don't bare that much skin. This whole experience is really mind boggling for me because the same thing just happened last week (or the week before I don't remember exactly) with a different man whom I've known for several years. That particular man keeps popping in and out of my life sometimes after months of no contact. We make plans. And then he cancels at the last minute with some ridiculous excuse. I posted on LS about that one too and got some great advice just like now. I'm not trying to be a victim or overly negative. I've been studying some philisophical concepts that suggest our "thoughts" create our experiences. Somehow, I am attracting these type of men into my life. I've got to figure out how I'm doing that and STOP it as soon as possible.
D-Lish Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 He's either married, has a gf, or isn't as interested as you deserve someone to be. Too many excuses, fishy stories, cancelled dates. You already know in your heart he's bad news. Lost his phone, lol... That's classic. He's a liar!
Okeydokey Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I feel like I meet a decent number of men who blow hot and cold like this too OR who are way into being together for a while and then from one day to the next lose interest. I've complained about this to my uncles who are older in age and gay and they say that gay men have the exact same problem and that it is typical and a nightmare. The behavior is strange, mysterious, drives you nuts, and you just WANT TO KNOW what the heck the person is thinking. Unfortunately this is just common unexplainable maddening behavior and you just have to get comfortable with the idea that you will never know what the deal is. In any case, it's inconsiderate and it is manipulative throw you out and reel you back in stuff.
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