Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 ok...im f'ing going for it. Who cares what happens. if she pulls away, it was probably not meant to be anyway...whatever. Thank you SO MUCH for all the advice. I'm a confident dude by nature, but this dating crap has got me all messed up...
Okeydokey Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 The third date kiss is the best. I think this is perfect timing (and I tend to be shy - which you said she is). By the way, the previous poster has a point - comes across a little aggressive (and funny) - there definitely has to be some verbal or non-verbal cue that the kiss is coming (with me asking is fine, but other folks don't like it) otherwise it is a disaster and you just leave feeling embarassed and disappointed. I think a gentle hand behind the neck is definitely the right approach but think Dougie Houser (sp?) not Arnold Schwarzenneger. lol.
meerkat stew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 1. Stand close, face to face. 2. Grab the back of her neck with your hand to stabilize her head. 3. Go in for this kiss. She can't move her head at this point, even to back away. Works as a "kiss close" on a stranger, but for OP, with very touchy feely gal after several dates, IMO the best thing is to imagine a plane between you and the girl, break that plane a bit while with your hand on her waist or upper arm and look in her eyes. part your lips just a bit, and wait for her to come in to meet you towards the middle, but not quite. You will know you are doing this right when her lips slide down slightly off of yours (which means her knees just buckled).
D-Lish Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I wouldn't approach it as a planned thing, how you're going to do it, when you're going to do it. Just do it when the moment comes up. Maybe you two need to have a couple beers together, get loosened up.
meerkat stew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Maybe you two need to have a couple beers together, get loosened up. Cool, that way first kiss and first conception are likely to occur simultaneously!
D-Lish Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Cool, that way first kiss and first conception are likely to occur simultaneously! I said "a couple", not twelve:eek:
meerkat stew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Why not go ahead and kill two birds with one stone though? OP, got any absinthe and Barry White records?
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 you all are hilarious and REALLY helpful. I talked to her awhile last night on the phone...didn't plan it, just happened - though I was told be my buddy this could again put me in the friendzone. It only lasted 25 mins tops. She did say something interested though...we were joking around and she said: "how about this-let's assume everything is going really well until one of us tells the other person otherwise?" " that way we don't worry about anything" so, I think thats a pretty solid sign that she's ready for the kiss.... i'm totally going for it next date. we will have a few beers....now its just up to me to find the timing. I would really like to do it before we are at her door for goodnight. too expected that way...
meerkat stew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 One other good one in cold weather is to lean in and smell her neck while helping her with her coat, tell her specifically how she smells and hesitate for a moment breathing warmly on her neck. She will usually turn into you and then there ya go.
Phateless Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 One other good one in cold weather is to lean in and smell her neck while helping her with her coat, tell her specifically how she smells and hesitate for a moment breathing warmly on her neck. She will usually turn into you and then there ya go. You could even kiss her shoulder while you're back there. Put your hands on her waist and turn her toward you, then go for it. Also, as D-Lish said - one of my favorites was when I was walking next to this girl with our arms around each other. She moved away to walk around something on the ground. I put my arm out and said "come back here." and she did. As she came toward me, instead of putting my arm around her waist again, I put my hand on the back of her neck and slowly drew her into me for a passionate kiss while we were still walking. Let me tell you, IT WAS ON!
Zeegagge Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Girls always seem to kiss me before I can even get around to it. *thinks about this* Went on a first date the other night, we talked at dinner the whole entire time and had a lot in common, but I honestly felt it was more of a friend thing at that point. We walked down to the beach after that and there was this remote chair out there, probably shouldn't have been there so we sat and talked, she kept getting closer. Ended up making out for an hour! That was a good first date! I could tell stories all day, but this has nothing to do anything so I'll stop now...
GiveAndTake Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 You should definitely kiss her on the next date. If you're afraid of her reaction to an unexpected kiss, then simply tell her you want to kiss her. You can say, "What would you do if I kissed you?" or You can say, "Can I kiss you?" or You can say, "I want to kiss you?" (my current bf used this, then I kissed him) From a girls point of view, any one of these 3 scenarios would be charming.
Yukikazi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 You should definitely kiss her on the next date. If you're afraid of her reaction to an unexpected kiss, then simply tell her you want to kiss her. You can say, "What would you do if I kissed you?" or You can say, "Can I kiss you?" or You can say, "I want to kiss you?" (my current bf used this, then I kissed him) From a girls point of view, any one of these 3 scenarios would be charming. From a guys POV.. any one of those 3 would scream "WUSS" Lets see: Q:"What would you do if I kissed you?" A:I wouldn't let you for one. A: Introduce your twig and berries to my knee. A:You're not kissing me Q:"Can I kiss you?" A: Why? A: No A: You shouldn't ask.. its a real turnoff (instant friendzone) Q:"I want to kiss you?" A: Good for you A: OK (in a tone that says "Ok you want to kiss me.. but this isn't an invitation to do that.. you just gave me a fact and I accepted it" A: (Looks at cell) "Oh look at that.. my puppy just puked.. gotta run" ASKING is the LAST thing you should ever do. While you MAY get lucky and find the 1 per million that thinks its cute.. 99.999% of the time you will shoot yourself in the foot by being an indecisive man and not acting like one.
Miko Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 In the past i've ALWAYS gone for it 1st date. Preferably BEFORE the end of the date otherwise it seems like a "last ditch" attempt. Some girls may not go for it but most will if the date's gone well, hell some girls don't even think kissing is 'cheating'. That's another topic though.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 ok...here's the plan... I'm not going to ask. Thats NOT me. I'm confident and take charge kinda guy and honestly, if she rejects the kiss, I have plenty others to try out after her. I'm going to try and do it before I drop her off, but not right when I pick her up. We are going to have some drinks at a lounge that has couches and little private nooks, so it wouldnt be full on bar makeout. I will do it there while we are close and touching playfully (no, not down there) I'm going to keep it simple, sexy and short. I'm going to pull away and leave her wanting more. See where it goes from there....probably lead to more making out Do I have this about right? Way too much has gone into this thought of a first kiss for a 30+ year old dude.
Phateless Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Yuki is dead-on. You've got both guys and girls telling you to kiss her. Are you really that much of a wuss that you're too scared?
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Yukikazi - you should have your own advice column for wusses:)
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Yuki is dead-on. You've got both guys and girls telling you to kiss her. Are you really that much of a wuss that you're too scared? nope....i merely asked if this was acceptable or respectful. Never really considered doing it and won't.
Phateless Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 nope....i merely asked if this was acceptable or respectful. Never really considered doing it and won't. lol sorry about that, posted right after you did and wouldn't let me edit. You've got this bro. go get her!
Yukikazi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Yukikazi - you should have your own advice column for wusses:) LOL.. I dunno if I could take all that depression w/o putting a bullet through my brainpan *squisH* But having been on that side of the coin.. I know what its like and the type of responses it will garner.. and while it may be a sweet cute adorable romatic thing on paper.. its suicide when the moment arrives.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 ^ I hear ya guys.... I'm by no means a sexually inexperienced dude...like I said, I've just been mired in 2 long term relationships since I was in college 10 years ago, so I'm doing this dating thing for the first time. Sadly, I have never initiated a first kiss either...always been the girl... My main concern with the kiss is not me being able to do it - im fine there...its being respectful to her and not wanting her to think im too pushy. But from everything I've read here, that is NOT the case and I should do this! Thanks for the support everyone!!!
Miko Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 "how about this-let's assume everything is going really well until one of us tells the other person otherwise?" " that way we don't worry about anything" Some chicks have balls, I like that. Some women with more experience know when a guy's 'unsure' and take steps to let you know what's up and they don't automatically think you're a 'wuss'. That's nice too.
Phateless Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 ^ I hear ya guys.... I'm by no means a sexually inexperienced dude...like I said, I've just been mired in 2 long term relationships since I was in college 10 years ago, so I'm doing this dating thing for the first time. Sadly, I have never initiated a first kiss either...always been the girl... My main concern with the kiss is not me being able to do it - im fine there...its being respectful to her and not wanting her to think im too pushy. But from everything I've read here, that is NOT the case and I should do this! Thanks for the support everyone!!! It's the socialization conundrum. Men are taught to be respectful and feminist, but women are expecting us to try. When it comes down to it she won't blame you for trying. If she's not into it she'll let you know. I remember one girl who said "I'm not going to kiss you." Flash forward and she asked me to come spend the night in her bed. You can try to spontaneously plant one on her and still be respectful. They don't have to be mutually exclusive.
v g Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 One other good one in cold weather is to lean in and smell her neck while helping her with her coat, tell her specifically how she smells and hesitate for a moment breathing warmly on her neck. She will usually turn into you and then there ya go. Is it hot in here? *fanning face with hand* From a guys POV.. any one of those 3 would scream "WUSS" Lets see: Q:"What would you do if I kissed you?" A:I wouldn't let you for one. A: Introduce your twig and berries to my knee. A:You're not kissing me Q:"Can I kiss you?" A: Why? A: No A: You shouldn't ask.. its a real turnoff (instant friendzone) Q:"I want to kiss you?" A: Good for you A: OK (in a tone that says "Ok you want to kiss me.. but this isn't an invitation to do that.. you just gave me a fact and I accepted it" A: (Looks at cell) "Oh look at that.. my puppy just puked.. gotta run" ASKING is the LAST thing you should ever do. While you MAY get lucky and find the 1 per million that thinks its cute.. 99.999% of the time you will shoot yourself in the foot by being an indecisive man and not acting like one. Agreed! For me, anyway, it gives me time to think which gives me time to get nervous and pull away. ok...here's the plan... I'm not going to ask. Thats NOT me. I'm confident and take charge kinda guy and honestly, if she rejects the kiss, I have plenty others to try out after her. I'm going to try and do it before I drop her off, but not right when I pick her up. We are going to have some drinks at a lounge that has couches and little private nooks, so it wouldnt be full on bar makeout. I will do it there while we are close and touching playfully (no, not down there) I'm going to keep it simple, sexy and short. I'm going to pull away and leave her wanting more. See where it goes from there....probably lead to more making out Do I have this about right? Way too much has gone into this thought of a first kiss for a 30+ year old dude. A confident and take charge kinda guy is the type of guy I want kissing me! Got for it!
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