stevejohnson1976 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Hi, So I went on a second date last night. It was fun, we connect well, convo is great, kid around with each other....mild touching (hugs, grabbing arms, arm around, arm around and grab her side), lots of laughing. when i put my arm around her or her side, she always reciprocated with touching. A lot of times through the night she grabbed my arm when getting excited about something. so i go to drop her off - walked her to her door. Right away I give her a quick hug as we get to her door...she initiates more convo, then another hug and in she goes. there was definitely an awkward moment or two where we looked at each other like 'what?'. did i miss an opportunity for a kiss? I know its hard to judge, but I just have no idea when to do it and feel like it risks everything when you do. Its like, if she kisses me, she likes me, if she doesnt, its over. i have never dated before, I was in 2 lomng term relationships for the past ten years, so I'm very new to this. My friends think that if I dont kiss her next date, i'll be in the friendzone. I think this girl is great and im definitely interested in seeing where this goes.... thoughts? experiences? please help a 31 year old dating noob!
DustySaltus Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 My friends think that if I dont kiss her next date, i'll be in the friendzone. I think this girl is great and im definitely interested in seeing where this goes.... Your friend is wrong. I don't think it's about being "friendzoned" You'll have another chance to make this happen if you like. Sometimes you just have to go for it. Worse case, she maces you..... Set something up and go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
looking4 green grass Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I say go for it on the next date, especially if there was already that "what now?" moment.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 your friend is wrong. I don't think it's about being "friendzoned" you'll have another chance to make this happen if you like. Sometimes you just have to go for it. worse case, she maces you..... Set something up and go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. hilarious!!!!!!!
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 i do want to kiss her....thats for sure....i just dont want her to think that im too forward or something. not all girls are comfortable with kissing on a 2nd or 3rd date, just because you're on a 'date'. i cant read her if its 'on' or not. but i think i'm ready to go for the kill next date - if its right. i just hate how its do or die....once you go for it - its THE moment of truth.
Yukikazi Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 You should have tried this much earlier.. you will be lucky if she hasn't friend'd you already. When it feels right.. do it.. don't hesitate or ask or stand there looking like someone just stuck a beehive up your ass and used your scrotum to seal the breach.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 You should have tried this much earlier.. you will be lucky if she hasn't friend'd you already. When it feels right.. do it.. don't hesitate or ask or stand there looking like someone just stuck a beehive up your ass and used your scrotum to seal the breach. MUCH earlier? We've been on 2 dates for a total of 8 hours. 6 of which have been spent eating.... only once did I take her home to drop her off.... so you dont ask huh?
Vintage79 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I would say just go for it next time...I don't think you'll have to worry about mace, maybe just a turned cheek, but she seems pretty warm to you, so chances are it will be a go. A 2/3rd date isn't too early for a kiss - I think most people will think it's going waaay to slow if it doesn't happen by then...I suppose this is the origin of your friendzone comment. That said, if you're looking for a romantic relationship, you need to try to make it happen. The contact sounds good, but at least ratchet it up to a kiss from a hug - there's a big difference, girls hug their friends, they rarely kiss them...put yourself in the latter category. Good luck!
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 I would say just go for it next time...I don't think you'll have to worry about mace, maybe just a turned cheek, but she seems pretty warm to you, so chances are it will be a go. A 2/3rd date isn't too early for a kiss - I think most people will think it's going waaay to slow if it doesn't happen by then...I suppose this is the origin of your friendzone comment. That said, if you're looking for a romantic relationship, you need to try to make it happen. The contact sounds good, but at least ratchet it up to a kiss from a hug - there's a big difference, girls hug their friends, they rarely kiss them...put yourself in the latter category. Good luck! Thanks! this is great advice! I totally want a relationship, its just a matter with who. I'm dating a few girls right now, but I would say I dig this one the most. The physical part of a relationship is huge fore me, so I need to know that we mesh well that way - and that starts with a kiss. The pressure will be on this sat or sun, whenever we decide to go out again. I'll be sure to jump on here before the date and whine about what a puss I am! hahaha
mem11363 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 There is this body language people use prior to a kiss - they telegraph it - there are lots of good movie scenes of this very specific type of behavior. You start to move forward and then hesitate, while watching her, she is either telegraphing yes - maybe or no. And you will know for sure. Do NOT ask her if you can kiss her. That question in female world means "I am both unable to read your body language AND too fearful to risk rejection" That is a bad bad combo for a man. Loosely it translates into a lack of balls and brains. Ideally you have both yes? If you are moving forward and giving her time to react - you keep going UNLESS she clearly radiates a NO. Hi, So I went on a second date last night. It was fun, we connect well, convo is great, kid around with each other....mild touching (hugs, grabbing arms, arm around, arm around and grab her side), lots of laughing. when i put my arm around her or her side, she always reciprocated with touching. A lot of times through the night she grabbed my arm when getting excited about something. so i go to drop her off - walked her to her door. Right away I give her a quick hug as we get to her door...she initiates more convo, then another hug and in she goes. there was definitely an awkward moment or two where we looked at each other like 'what?'. did i miss an opportunity for a kiss? I know its hard to judge, but I just have no idea when to do it and feel like it risks everything when you do. Its like, if she kisses me, she likes me, if she doesnt, its over. i have never dated before, I was in 2 lomng term relationships for the past ten years, so I'm very new to this. My friends think that if I dont kiss her next date, i'll be in the friendzone. I think this girl is great and im definitely interested in seeing where this goes.... thoughts? experiences? please help a 31 year old dating noob!
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 There is this body language people use prior to a kiss - they telegraph it - there are lots of good movie scenes of this very specific type of behavior. You start to move forward and then hesitate, while watching her, she is either telegraphing yes - maybe or no. And you will know for sure. Do NOT ask her if you can kiss her. That question in female world means "I am both unable to read your body language AND too fearful to risk rejection" That is a bad bad combo for a man. Loosely it translates into a lack of balls and brains. Ideally you have both yes? If you are moving forward and giving her time to react - you keep going UNLESS she clearly radiates a NO. wow...thats really solid advice!! THANK YOU! My next question was to ask if i should ask her first.... What a about a playful, sexy -"i really want to kiss you"??? I understand the body language thing and yes, I have both balls and brains. I just havent EVER done this before. And dread it. I really shouldnt either, because this is supposed to be the fun part!
Phateless Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Hi, So I went on a second date last night. It was fun, we connect well, convo is great, kid around with each other....mild touching (hugs, grabbing arms, arm around, arm around and grab her side), lots of laughing. when i put my arm around her or her side, she always reciprocated with touching. A lot of times through the night she grabbed my arm when getting excited about something. so i go to drop her off - walked her to her door. Right away I give her a quick hug as we get to her door...she initiates more convo, then another hug and in she goes. there was definitely an awkward moment or two where we looked at each other like 'what?'. did i miss an opportunity for a kiss? I know its hard to judge, but I just have no idea when to do it and feel like it risks everything when you do. Its like, if she kisses me, she likes me, if she doesnt, its over. i have never dated before, I was in 2 lomng term relationships for the past ten years, so I'm very new to this. My friends think that if I dont kiss her next date, i'll be in the friendzone. I think this girl is great and im definitely interested in seeing where this goes.... thoughts? experiences? please help a 31 year old dating noob! YES. You were supposed to kiss her instead of hug her. She re-initiated conversation to stall for more time and to give you another chance to kiss her. Right now she's probably wondering why you didn't, and wondering if you even like her as more than a friend. Grab your balls and just kiss her. BE A MAN. Seriously. I've heard from reliable sources that it only takes 3 signs of interest before a woman is ready to be kissed. Once I learned that I got more and more bold and never got shot down once. This girl has given you way more than 3 signs. Quit dicking around and kiss her already. EDIT - Next time you hug her, get cheek to cheek and then slowly pull your head back and gently kiss her. Easy. Or look her in the eyes, gently put your hands on her face and lean in for the kiss. It's a lot easier than you think it is.
Chicago_Guy Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Hi, So I went on a second date last night. It was fun, we connect well, convo is great, kid around with each other....mild touching (hugs, grabbing arms, arm around, arm around and grab her side), lots of laughing. when i put my arm around her or her side, she always reciprocated with touching. A lot of times through the night she grabbed my arm when getting excited about something. so i go to drop her off - walked her to her door. Right away I give her a quick hug as we get to her door...she initiates more convo, then another hug and in she goes. there was definitely an awkward moment or two where we looked at each other like 'what?'. did i miss an opportunity for a kiss? I know its hard to judge, but I just have no idea when to do it and feel like it risks everything when you do. Its like, if she kisses me, she likes me, if she doesnt, its over. i have never dated before, I was in 2 lomng term relationships for the past ten years, so I'm very new to this. My friends think that if I dont kiss her next date, i'll be in the friendzone. I think this girl is great and im definitely interested in seeing where this goes.... thoughts? experiences? please help a 31 year old dating noob! This doesn't sound good. You're either missing her signal that she wants or is open to a kiss, or she's just using you for free entertainment. If you don't get a kiss by the end of the third date, don't ask her out again because you'll just be wasting your time. I know where you are coming from and have been there myself.
yeex Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Yeah, if a girl accepts a second date and I find her attractive, then I am going in for the kiss at minimum. Rarely has it failed. If she likes me, I highly doubt trying to kiss her too soon is going to lower her interest, but waiting too long may. Don't over analyze it. If she accepts a third date, just go with the attitude that she wants you to kiss her and go for it. Easy.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 Yeah, if a girl accepts a second date and I find her attractive, then I am going in for the kiss at minimum. Rarely has it failed. If she likes me, I highly doubt trying to kiss her too soon is going to lower her interest, but waiting too long may. Don't over analyze it. If she accepts a third date, just go with the attitude that she wants you to kiss her and go for it. Easy. she has already accepted a third date. so i WILL do it!! As for the 'signs' someone stated above, I have no idea what those are...but will watch for them next time.. But you are all right in saying that if she wanted to go out with me again, that she should at least have some interest in me and finds me attractive. I hope she doesnt think I'm a puss. She seems like the kinda girl who wants to take it slow...she is a little shy... I really hope she isn't using me for free entertainment, I don't think this girl is capable of that. I'm a very good judge of character, and this girl is very grounded and real. And very appreciative when we went out. Overly so. Like I said, I met her online (dating site) and we have only been face to face for 8 hours...most of which was spent eating and small talk. Its not like I sat with her on her couch and snuggled. i've only had one brief opportunity for a kiss and apparently, I blew it. As for her small talk after the hug, I really dont think she was stalling for a kiss. She just wished me merry christmas and we got to talking about our families very briefly...so I then reached in, gave ANOTHER hug and off I went.
phineas Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 i'm horrible on when I should go for the kiss. To be honest, most women I dated, their lips touched my wang before they touched my lips so it was a no-brainer I should kis them when they came up for air. That's a true story & kinda sad over how much of a wus I used to be with women. but I was buff back then. Now i'm no longer a wuss but got a gut. Oh well.
Phateless Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 she has already accepted a third date. so i WILL do it!! As for the 'signs' someone stated above, I have no idea what those are...but will watch for them next time.. But you are all right in saying that if she wanted to go out with me again, that she should at least have some interest in me and finds me attractive. I hope she doesnt think I'm a puss. She seems like the kinda girl who wants to take it slow...she is a little shy... I really hope she isn't using me for free entertainment, I don't think this girl is capable of that. I'm a very good judge of character, and this girl is very grounded and real. And very appreciative when we went out. Overly so. Like I said, I met her online (dating site) and we have only been face to face for 8 hours...most of which was spent eating and small talk. Its not like I sat with her on her couch and snuggled. i've only had one brief opportunity for a kiss and apparently, I blew it. As for her small talk after the hug, I really dont think she was stalling for a kiss. She just wished me merry christmas and we got to talking about our families very briefly...so I then reached in, gave ANOTHER hug and off I went. She's on a DATING SITE. Of course she wants a kiss! *forehead slap* Trust me, you're wrong. She stalled because she wanted a kiss and you're just a big oblivious dork, lol. Signs: deep eye contact leaning toward you absent-mindedly playing with her hair combing hair with fingers fidgeting with a necklace or rings laughing at things that really aren't THAT funny touching - arm slap, hand on arm when talking, etc - pretty much any touching counts proximity - how close she sits to you, etc Trust me, this stuff seems meaningless, but it's not - it's a "YOU ARE HERE" map for where you are in the process.
Yukikazi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 MUCH earlier? We've been on 2 dates for a total of 8 hours. 6 of which have been spent eating.... only once did I take her home to drop her off.... so you dont ask huh? Yes.. much earlier as I said and others have backed up. Also don't ask as others have backed up. No you don't ask.. high schoolers ask.. men just roll with it. Which do you think is more sexy.. a girl that is timid and askes if she can kiss you.. or a girl that takes the initiative, grabs your head and pulls you in. Its the second one.. and thats how you must be for them Who the hell eats for 6 hours? what were you doing a buffet.. 1st date should rarely be that long and if it is.. you better be kissin that girl by the end of hour 8 otherwise she will think you are missing a pair
Phateless Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Yes.. much earlier as I said and others have backed up. Also don't ask as others have backed up. No you don't ask.. high schoolers ask.. men just roll with it. Which do you think is more sexy.. a girl that is timid and askes if she can kiss you.. or a girl that takes the initiative, grabs your head and pulls you in. Its the second one.. and thats how you must be for them Who the hell eats for 6 hours? what were you doing a buffet.. 1st date should rarely be that long and if it is.. you better be kissin that girl by the end of hour 8 otherwise she will think you are missing a pair I say this all the time, and it irritates me to no end that my fellow men don't understand this. She wants to tell her friends "the story" of how "it just happened!" In reality, it didn't "just happen," the man grew some freaking balls and kissed her! Asking permission is not romantic and spontaneous. She wants to be swept off her feet and caught up in the moment. She doesn't want it to be scripted. capisce?!
Mary3 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Dude : You have GOT to kiss her this next date. And please don't wait for the awkward at the door moment.... You are so much focused on the what , when , where , how and why and if you don't STOP thinking about all that and just DO it then she is going to think you are just not interested enough to even KISS her ? Okay so I went on a date with this guy 3 TIMES. Ist date he did not kiss me. Okay 2nd date he did not kiss me. Third date he did not make ONE move to hold me , kiss me , he seemed akward and I am thinking. Wow I am in his condo, I am walking around looking at his place. You think he would have playfully pushed me against the wall and tried to kiss me...Um no... So LATER That day he asks me " Is there something I am doing wrong " ? He said we weren't progressing....By THIS time I had LOST interest in the guy : MY analysis. He did not spark anything in me and made no attempts to do so....End of Story Dont BE like him ! Kiss this girl ! Thats an Order
BobSacamento Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 My motto has always been: Date #1, Kiss is optional. Go by feel. Honestly, my main goal after this date is to get the second date. Date # 2, Going for kiss is mandatory. Worst case you get the pull away (Or mace like the other person said LOL) but you learn something. Either she is shy or she's not interested. All very good things to learn. If you call and you get a third date it's obvious she's just shy.
D-Lish Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 If you were going to be friend zoned- it would have happened within the first 10 minutes of the first date. Actually, I know sooner than 10 minutes if a guy has potential. This girl is giving you all the right signals, some of them are ridiculously obvious!!! I've been attracted to someone initially, then lost interest because of something they have said, a simple remark, even a gesture. I don't think you have screwed anything up by not kissing her yet- but I think you should get to it the next time. I had a first date with a guy that I was having fun with, I was feeling a medium level of attraction. I said something and we both laughed really hard- then he just got up, leaned over, grabbed the back of my head and laid a hot kiss on me. My interest level went from 60% to 90% just like that. The guy had just read the timing well. I also loved that he went for it with such confidence. Don't wait for the end of the night- kiss her when it feels good.
meerkat stew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Make the next date somewhere with lots of nooks an crannies so you can pull her off into a more private area and kiss her at your leisure. Don't ask. Don't be nervous, it's gonna be great! She wants to kiss you, is not put off that you haven't, and there's no pressure, just enjoy it, don't sweat it.
mem11363 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 SJ, You have handled this really well so far - and I have high standards. She definitely likes you. The way she responded to your touch says it all. Most women are solid and as you have noticed she is not the kind of person to go out just for a free date. She is into you. As for kissing - the first time IS scary. It just is. And that is part of the reason a first kiss is so hot. You do NOT have to wait until the end of the date - if at some point you get squared up facing each other not too far apart - make eye contact and start the lean. And don't break eye contact. Just lean in slow enough that if she wants to stop things she can. I am going to give you 10 to 1 odds at this point she truly WANTS you to kiss her. And she will be happy when you start to do this. Just recognize that if she is a private type person you have to be alone or she will be frustrated by her choice of rejecting the first kiss even though she doesn't want to. The classic mistake guys who haven't dated in a long time is they give too many compliments and/or are too nice. One comment along the lines of - you look fantastic - just one - is plenty. It means more and you get taken more seriously that way. And the best thing to do with all of this is to make it playful as that in itself is such a nice trait in a person. Before I would kiss I might hold someones hand walking - super erotic. Love to hold my wifes hand - sometimes we play with each others hands - fingers - huge turn on. My wife can get me hard just touching my hand for a while the right way and talking to me in this voice she had would melt an iceberg.... If I hadn't dated in a long time I might use that to my advantage. "I haven't gone on a real date in X years - so rusty not even sure I know how to hold a girls hand anymore you mind telling me if I am getting this right" while you take her hand wow...thats really solid advice!! THANK YOU! My next question was to ask if i should ask her first.... What a about a playful, sexy -"i really want to kiss you"??? I understand the body language thing and yes, I have both balls and brains. I just havent EVER done this before. And dread it. I really shouldnt either, because this is supposed to be the fun part!
D-Lish Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 SJ, If I hadn't dated in a long time I might use that to my advantage. "I haven't gone on a real date in X years - so rusty not even sure I know how to hold a girls hand anymore you mind telling me if I am getting this right" while you take her hand No- I wouldn't go that route at all. It screams "I am not confident". The right move is to just grab her hand and go in for the kiss with confidence. She's giving him all the right signals- she wants to be kissed- and she wants a guy that is going to go for it without prefacing it with words or questions as to whether it's okay.
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