EddyEP Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I’m considering calling off my engagement with my boyfriend of over 3 years. When we get along, it’s wonderful. We can talk about anything and laugh for hours. However, we argue a lot since he moved in a year ago; we scream in each other’s faces and call each other names. He’s even punched a hole in my wall. I’ve become a sad, angry person. I had never yelled or cursed at anyone in my life before meeting him. He had a really rough upbringing, including physical and emotional abuse that he won’t get therapy for, so arguing is second nature. I had a privileged, loving upbringing that he criticizes. He says my “cookie-cutter” life is boring and beneath him. He’s said he hates my house, my dog, the fact that I want kids, go to church, and love being with family. But when I expose him to the good side of those things, he admits to enjoying them, and even wanting them. That gives me hope, until the next fight. The issue at hand: He’s broken up with me and then quickly changed his mind a few times. I take him back because I still have that hope. However, the last time he broke up with me (a few days ago), I felt nothing except exhaustion. I was upset, but I didn’t try to stop him like in the past. We’re back together now, but I’m not happy. I don’t even want to be around him. So am I just angry about yet another breakup attempt? Or is this a sign that my feelings are tapped out, and that last shred of hope is gone? We’re going to my parents’ house for Xmas this week, and I planned to do wedding planning there. Is it hasty to call everything off now and skip the planning? Should I wait until after the holiday to reassess my feelings and avoid ruining my family’s good time?
trueblue72ny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 You should get married to someone because things are going well, you should not be feeling sad, angry, dealing with drama like holes punched in walls. Something is wrong and should be fixed before you enter into something as sacred as marriage. Doesn’t matter what the excuses are, or someones past, doesn’t make it ok. and he is telling you he hates all these things about you? why would you want to torture yourself for the rest of your life with that? you are already breaking up and getting back together now. My advice, follow your gut instincts. Put off your engagement until you know without a doubt how you feel. Take some time and reassess your feelings. I would say should be the very least thing you should do. marriage is a big thing and you should be feeling pretty solid about things, not on shaky ground.
DustySaltus Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Being someone who has gone through a broken engagement I know the pain it may cause. If you were to break things off at this point I'm sure NO ONE would blame you. Your happiness has to be number one always. There is so much stress in our everyday lives and your husband should be the person that RELIEVES you from all of this not ADD to it. It you do decide to make things work you have to attend some counseling sessions together. He may really, really love you but has other issues that he needs to iron out. If he agrees to it, I would give things a chance but postpone the wedding a little while to make sure that things were on the right track. My ex didn't want to do that because she thought she was fine and the problem was ME and I'm sure you know how ****ty that feels when it's not. Marriage is not a cure to problems. Take your time and offer this solution, only if you want to.....good luck.
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