singlegirl Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Met the man of my dreams, or so it seemed for 8 weeks. He was warm, appeared emotionally available. He was consistent with calls, dates, timekeeping, he cooked cleaned and was extremely loving etc. He had a problem getting an erection, I was patient and understanding. I thought he was vulnerable.. He swept me off my feet with romance and cards expressing love for me, dinners and nights out. One card had a picture of a wedding dress and hands holding a ring. He mentioned kids, marraige and meeting his mum...He told me I was his future. Eventually I felt that I loved him too and wanted what he wanted...One thing that concerned me was that he wouldn't tell me about his past relationships. If I asked him anyhting he said he couldn't remember...I tried to be patient but we spent every night almost together for 10 weeks and still he said very little... It so happened that his work life wasn't what he had led me to believe and he is actually out of work and getting welfare. he siddenly ran out of money and then the very next day woke up and was foul tempered and very much changed..it transpired that he has been out of work for a year. He moved once in the 10 weeks we were dating, has no furniture to speak of . He mentioned moving in with me which I never would have allowed so soon. He never took a penny from me which seeemed to suggest he was a good guy just having a bad run of luck...however.... Two weeks ago I finally saw through him. In a few conversations he said he wasn't going to the sex therapist (he had sought) about his erectile dysfunction. he actually lay in bed with me when the appointment should have taken place...He said wasn't sure he even wanted a job as welfare was getting him by...( I work 12 hrs a day and work 6 days a week) He went to his ex friend with benefits home to hang out . Called me at midnight to tell me her husband was working abroad and they had been alone even after I told him I wasn't comfortable with him hanging out with his ex...He then told me she was 15 when he met her on a train and he was 28....I went mad at him, just couldn't get past it. I have a 20yr old daughter. He had arranged to lay her floor ? I went mental and told him he's either comitted to his past or his present!! I went into emotional meltdown as all of this came out around the same two weeks. I blamed myself for getting angry at him...eventually I tried to talk to him but he refused and got out of my bed at 2am and left my home. I refused to take him back as he half heartedly asked a few times last wednesday. I got the feeling he was going throught the motions...I told him i wanted no contact.He texted me Friday to say he's started a temp/cover courier job and nothing since...... Why on earth would someone build you up, do everyhting in their power to get you to fall for them then do this? I am heart broken but I have not contacted him
trueblue72ny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 He sounds kind of deceitful if you ask me. I think you made a good call not to take him back. it is Not cool to make you fall that quickly, and then pull things out of left field. Not cool. besides that you don’t seem to share the same ethics, at least as far as working goes. Total night and day difference there. Not only that but I don’t care how long you have known your ex for. You don’t go and hang out with your ex while you are seeing someone else. That’s not cool either. I think he is more screwed up than you know.
Ilovecake Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Sounds to me like he was (rightfully) scared that if he told you the truth about the person he really is you wouldn't give him the time of day. Either way the guys sounds extremely creepy and unstable. If I were you I would get as far away from him as quickly as possible.
Author singlegirl Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 I think he is more screwed up than you know. That's the feeling I had, couldn't get away from it..he kept asking me to take him back and my head was screaming RUUUUUUUN, don't walk away!!! My emotions, my heart is broken
trueblue72ny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 i am dealing with something like that right now. my heart says one thing, my head says RUNNNN FOREST RUNNN!!!!!! your misery would be 100 times worse down the road.
Author singlegirl Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 Deepak Chopra says our stomachs contains 'thinking cells' much like the brain. he maintains that they are better judges of character than the actual brain cells as they haven't yet learned to question themselves.... Follow your gut trueblue, thank you for your advice
Author singlegirl Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Found a shirt of his today I packed it up and dropped it off outside his door...His car was there but i didn't knock. he clearly couldn't hold down the temporary courier job... I get a text 30 minutes later..."Thank you, wow just woke up. I was hoping you would remember my lovely bottle of wine I hope to enjoy over the christmas period. maybe on your next rip if you would be so kind".... WTF ?????
curiousnycgirl Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 ..."Thank you, wow just woke up. I was hoping you would remember my lovely bottle of wine I hope to enjoy over the christmas period. maybe on your next rip if you would be so kind".... WTF ????? Tell him you drank the wine, and truth be told it wasn't that good. You can thank G-d almighty that you discovered this earlier rather than later. I know it hurts, but thankfully you wasted a minimal amount of time and came out of it relatively unscathed. I swear I want to be you!
Author singlegirl Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 I have to say I am hurt but I am not broken..I have kept no contact. I just wanted him to have his freakin shirt back lmao.... He is such a looser but his sweet words were music to my ears...I am sooo lucky he ran out of money or he may have moved in or worse even married me!!! he was looking for a soft place to land. He's dipping into his rent money to buy food and stuff, not paying bills and has credit card debts...I am realising I had a very narrow escape. I must be honest though if the sex was mind blowing I would never have left him what am i like?
curiousnycgirl Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 II must be honest though if the sex was mind blowing I would never have left him what am i like? What are you? A smart, independent, strong woman :bunny: ROFLMAO
Author singlegirl Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 It's been a week now since we broke up. It's christmas eve eve....I'm torn between relief and heartbreak. I miss him in my bed, laying in his arms and his smell....I keep asking how I could have fell so madly in love with this man...How cruel life can be
Author singlegirl Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Found a letter in my door. He returned the beautiful birthday card I gave him. He said he is dazed by my quick break up and angry that i accused him of not being open and being evasive. I didn't add him to my facebook and he only met a couple of my friends. i didn't want to show him my books..This he believes is hypocritical. Maybe it is, I don't know but I did open my heart up to him. i told him about my past relationships ... He said what we had was special and wouldn't be easy to find again. he needed closure and so did I. He wished me a merry christmas and said his present to me was my desired radio silence from him... I emailed him and said I am sorry we didn't work out. I told him that I loved him, I missed him and I am sadder than he could possibly know. I am sorry for my mistakes in the relationship. I wished him well for the year ahead.... Am I the commitment phobe? I have no idea tonight. I am truly heartbroken
curiousnycgirl Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Ok first he manipulated with you with his lies, now he is skewing the truth to get you to doubt yourself. NO you are NOT a commitment phone, you are fully willing to give your heat, body and soul to a man worthy of those things. He is NOT. Plase do not let him do this to you. Please enjoy your christmas knowing you did not let him drag you dow with him. I am tipsy so I am sorry if this is harsh, but I firmly believe you deserve better!
Author singlegirl Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 I guess you are right. He took no responsibility in that letter, didn't admit to one mistake. I can let go now that I have said what I needed to say. I feel so bad though. I really tried to let him in and open my heart. I guess what got to me was that I surprised myself by my reaction to him and my dumping him so quickly. I wondered if there was something wrong with me because I was so anxious. I needed to end it so much it scared me. I was out of control emotionally
curiousnycgirl Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I guess you are right. He took no responsibility in that letter, didn't admit to one mistake. I can let go now that I have said what I needed to say. I feel so bad though. I really tried to let him in and open my heart. I guess what got to me was that I surprised myself by my reaction to him and my dumping him so quickly. I wondered if there was something wrong with me because I was so anxious. I needed to end it so much it scared me. I was out of control emotionally How about being shocked that someone could be so conniving and treacherous? You trusted - he lied. Nuf said?
Author singlegirl Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Thank you curious you have been such a support...I am thrown by his letter and have sometimes little faith in myself. I do worry about my own interpretations of relationships but I get on well with people in general. He was evasive and he did hang out with his ex, then got the two Turkish girls upstairs down to his place the night I went out. He was only in the flat a month, how on Earth did he get in there? he said he asked them if he could drop a sofa down the back of their flat. He set me up with a false mask of who he was and then dumped all of his financial **** on me. He couldn't make love to me and when I asked him to do other than get his thing involved, he told me he would not be pressured and left me humiliated!! Then he woke up one day and was totally off with me less than 5 days after saying "You have so got me,you are so beautiful, you rule the room" No, he was not consistent. He was what they call a Head F***
curiousnycgirl Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 No, he was not consistent. He was what they call a Head F*** Wow that is so well said! Keep repeating that mantra! You have so much to offer, you deserve honesty and integrity as just a basis! One you find a man with that - you can build so much on top of it! But trying to build on a lie is a house of cards, it WILL come crashing down. My ex always knew lying was a non starter for me. I always said that if I found out he lied, that would be it, I would be gone. Now I know he only ever lied to me twice. The first was when he said he was looking to get married (he'll never marry) and the second is when he told me he loved me.
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