Love in Increments? Falling in love at first sight...or over a period of time?

[moimeme]

If you did NOT fall in love 'at first sight', how did it happen? Did you notice yourself becoming fonder of the person in increments? Did you just all of a sudden realize you loved the person?

 

If you aware of it growing bit by bit, do you remember what it was that turned your affection into full-blown love? Was it a moment? An event? A series of circumstances? Was it that you checked one more quality off on your 'desirable qualities' list?

 

Let's hear the stories...

[Tony T]

I have to admit there have been a few times I have fallen in love pretty quickly without knowing a lot of details about the person. I think for a lot of people either the details would be a roadblock to falling in love while for others they would be immaterial. The falling in love part is pretty easy if it's going to happen. The staying in love is where the details of a person's background, character, habits, etc., become far more important. I am sure in many cases, if love is really meant to last, it does so despite many reasons a person could easily find not to stay in love...putting up with a lot that most people wouldn't.

 

There are a lot of people for whom falling in love is done without consideration of whether or not it will last. At the moment, it's not even a thought....it's autmatically assumed the love will have longevity. For many, it's not even important that the loving feelings are mutual although it's hoped they eventually will be.

 

Most of the time I have every idea upon meeting the person that I will fall in love with them (and they will fall in love with me). I guess I am just a fricken genius! As I've gotten older, however, I do pay a lot more attention to details and it does take a lot longer for that to happen. If I feel pings in my chest right off the bat, I know it may very well be some short-lived infatuation thing...which I also like to enjoy.

 

Truly loving a fallible human being may have more to do with loving them despite their bad qualities than loving them for their good ones.

[Vivid_29]

Interesting topic -

 

I think I felt something before, but I don't know if it was love or infatution, and I don't ever recall stopping and realizing, 'Hey, I love this woman', but I do remember feeling that she was potential relationship material.

 

I can tell you how she hooked me. We'll call her Ms.X --

 

While in college, Ms. X pursued me. At first, I couldn't stand it, because I was so focused on school and was running around, being promiscuous, and having fun. She was sexy, confident, and very aggressive, but looked soooooooo innocent. This was very deceiving to me. I found this so appealing, being that the two didn't seem to fit. This cocky, innocent looking little girl had the attitude, as if she could have me anytime she wanted. I felt that I had finally met my match, so I resisted. The more I resisted, the harder she pushed, and after 3 months, she broke me.

 

During our time together, I started being bad again; disappearing for a day or two at a time. She cheated and kicked me to the curb. Now, she's gone and I continue to run around.

 

The player got played.

 

~V

[yes]

"Truly loving a fallible human being may have more to do with loving them despite their bad qualities than loving them for their good ones."

 

Yes!

 

-yes

[Aonz]

IMHO there is no such thing as "love at first sight"; you have to get to know a person before you can truly love them.

 

But it is easy to fall in love and so very hard to stop loving them if not impossible.

 

"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century." -- Mark Twain

[HokeyReligions]

I knew when I met him. I was in college and working part-time as one of those mall survey-takers. He was one of the people I 'interviewed'.

 

Anyway, I flirted a little and I could just tell that he liked me. He asked me out for coffee after work and we sat in a Denny's for hours (closed the place down) just talking. My mom and I had moved back together into an apartment since I was going to school and when I got home she asked me "how was this one?" and I calmly told her that if I ever got married someday it would be to him, then I went to bed.

 

I just knew and it wasn't passion or chemistry, I just knew. It was a very calm casual feeling. Two years later we did get married. We waited two years to get to know each other and to know ourselves and how we would be in a marriage. He told me that after about our 3rd or 4th date he just figured "this is it" and never even thought about a future without me - it just seemed right to both of us! We were comfortable right away.

 

Even with all the problems we had, and the breakups, we still maintain that feeling - its like we are linked on some level and no matter what we can't break the link. We are tied together forever -- thank goodness! I had never felt that for anyone else, although I had been in love before. He said the same thing even though he had been in love, and engaged, before.

[Thinkalot]

Well, my partner and I kind had the "love at first sight" thing happening and it all moved very quickly. Like an instant connection, or meeting with a good friend and being comfortable.

 

However, in the past, with previous boyfriends, I experienced a gradual growing of feelings, almost as if the person grew on me, with time. I started to learn more about them and gradually my feelings shifted to something more. Until one day, you recognize that you really do want more than a friendship.

[Arabess]

That's funny Moimeme....I almost responded that I know immediately if someone would be a person I would be interested in.....but I had to retrack that thought. I've been quite surprised on several occasions how I've been wrong on my first impression of man. The only person I've ever totally been in love with....was someone I had a good rapport with, loved his wit....but really didn't have the ' love connection' right off the bat. In fact, early on, there were times I downright ignored him!!!

 

I believe it IS in increments.....but they sneak up on you!

[quankanne]

I just knew and it wasn't passion or chemistry, I just knew. It was a very calm casual feeling

 

like it was a sure thing ... I felt the same way about my Love Monkey ... I just knew. Unfortunately, it took him a lot longer to see me as someone he wanted to be romantically involved with!

[justagirl1121]

I'm not so sure i even know what love is.....i mean how do u know if its just a deep liking or love? im not in a relationship but i really like this one guy and its all confusing right now....i wouldnt tell anyone i am in love with him b/c i dont think i could really be at this point, esp. since we're just good friends at this point, but i've known him for over a yr now...and i think i have some pretty deep feelings for him...but how can u tell