snake501264 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I have been going out with a girl for like 2 months. I noticed that one of my friends has been talking a lot with her. They are both from a foreign country (unlike me). So, they often talk in their own language. My girl tells me what they talk about, but not him. He seems to avoid telling me what they talk about (it's a good thing she tells me). I'm not sure if he liked her before we got together or he started to like her after, but this kinda irritates me. This guy and I had some history in the past. 2 years ago, he had a relationship with a friend of mine. Since I knew her before they got together, I kept talking to her (not crossing any lines in my opinion). Apparently, he got jealous a few times. I don't know why since I spoke English to her and he could hear what we talked about all the time. Everytime my GF, me, him and a few of our friends together, they always talk in their own language. In the beginning, I was okay but then I felt that he either likes her or he is trying to get back to me regarding the thing from 2 years ago (he broke up with my friend already). My GF is nice enough to talk English with him, but after a few minutes, he always goes back to speaking their own language. I noticed that he only does this irritating things in front of me. In other words, if he really does like her, he probably would do stuff like, talking to her on FB all the time or text her all the time behind my back. But, he didn't do those things (according to my snooping) I don't want to tell her to stop talking to him because I understand that they were friends before I got together with her. But, he just annoys the crap out of me. What do you guys think? Do you guys think that he likes her or he is just trying to get back to me from 2 years ago?? He and my friend broke up because of long distance relationship not because of me...so I don't get the reasoning behind him trying to make me feel jealous.
FilthMerchant Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Tell her that you want her to speak to him in English when you are in their company. It is just goddam rude otherwise. And he is clearly only speaking in his language because he wants to exclude you.
james123 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 It could be either of the two things or both together. Went through something similar when a mate and I both ended up falling for the same girl, though neither of us was dating her.
DustySaltus Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Tell her that you want her to speak to him in English when you are in their company. It is just goddam rude otherwise. And he is clearly only speaking in his language because he wants to exclude you. +1 Either ^ or pick up a copy of Rosetta Stone and tell him ^ in his own language.
GiveAndTake Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 My boyfriend is from another country. So is his sister obviously. She is a bit jealous of my relationship with him so she constantly tries to talk to him in their native language. He stops her every time and says, speak English, you're being rude. If your girlfriend doesn't take it upon herself to stop him, then you have every right to say..."hey guys, speak English please" Speaking in another language when they are both capable of English is the same as whispering in the other's ear. It's just plain rude.
Anthony_x99 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) Dude if the guy's trying to take your woman away that's not a friend. Look if he keeps doing it cut him loose man it's not worth thinking about it, I know it's making you upset so do what you gotta do... just be nice about talk to him man. Edited December 21, 2009 by Anthony_x99
ADF Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Here's a reaity check: it is highly likely that ALL your male friends "like" your GF. That's just how men are. That said, it shouldn't be a problem if he respects appropriate boundries. But it sounds like he isn't. Talk to him (and her) and explain what you want and don't want. And be specific.
Author snake501264 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Good advice! Which advice are you referring to???
Author snake501264 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 A few weeks back, her and I made a plan to eat out on a friday night. Then, the guy made a plan to eat out with a bunch of our other friends, total 10. He then invited me and her. She then told me that we should go to with him and others since some of our friends are leaving the country and she would like to spend time with them. I became so angry when I heard that because she pretty much cancelled our plan (actually, she didn't because she suggested that we have our dinner date some other time). I told her that I didn't like the way she "prefers" the guy's plan (let's call him A) compared to mine. She said that she would rather go out with others because her and I could still spend time together in the future. Then, I told her, what if that night would be our last chance to be together. She said, "why do you always say what if, what if?" A asked me beforehand about making the dinner plans. I told him that I can't do friday night (because her and i are going out), but I didn't tell him why I can't do it. A few hours later, he then decided to make the dinner to be on friday because he thought that my GF can go and I can't. In reality, her and I still went out together on friday night, but just the two of us. My theory is that he knew I won't be able to make it, so he made the dinner to be on that night, assuming that my GF could go, but she didn't.
phineas Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 ah-ha! the plot thickens. soon he'll be consoling her when you argue. I got two schools of thought here. 1. Kick his ass & tell him to stay away from your girl. 2. You wouldn't have to do anything if she were your girl. I've seen this before. The bad news is he may start telling her lies about you or revealing some of your past discrepancies to her. (skanks you banged) The good news, after he takes her from you he will be ostracized & she will eventually figure him out & dump him. you'll still be without a GF but you'll have way less drama in your life. Honestly though you need to buck up & show no insecurities & stop the "what if" crap. It's kinda childish & a big turn insecure turn-off. Other than the douche' bag making moves on your girl she did have a good reason to hang with those people.
DustySaltus Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 ah-ha! the plot thickens. soon he'll be consoling her when you argue. I got two schools of thought here. 1. Kick his ass & tell him to stay away from your girl. 2. You wouldn't have to do anything if she were your girl. I've seen this before. The bad news is he may start telling her lies about you or revealing some of your past discrepancies to her. (skanks you banged) The good news, after he takes her from you he will be ostracized & she will eventually figure him out & dump him. you'll still be without a GF but you'll have way less drama in your life. Honestly though you need to buck up & show no insecurities & stop the "what if" crap. It's kinda childish & a big turn insecure turn-off. Other than the douche' bag making moves on your girl she did have a good reason to hang with those people. Bet you $1 this is going to happen to the OP: "A" is going to do something else to piss him off when he's with the girl. He's going to beat the crap out of "A". GF is going to feel sorry for him. "A"'s BF is going to show up ....huge misunderstanding and take it from there....
Author snake501264 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 ah-ha! the plot thickens. soon he'll be consoling her when you argue. I got two schools of thought here. 1. Kick his ass & tell him to stay away from your girl. 2. You wouldn't have to do anything if she were your girl. I've seen this before. The bad news is he may start telling her lies about you or revealing some of your past discrepancies to her. (skanks you banged) The good news, after he takes her from you he will be ostracized & she will eventually figure him out & dump him. you'll still be without a GF but you'll have way less drama in your life. Honestly though you need to buck up & show no insecurities & stop the "what if" crap. It's kinda childish & a big turn insecure turn-off. Other than the douche' bag making moves on your girl she did have a good reason to hang with those people. Actually, 1 hour after the fight, I noticed that she tried to call him. But they never talked on the phone. They just texted. I'm not sure what they talked about, but i think she wanted to tell him that she didn't want to go to the dinner on friday. I got the feeling that he did talk **** about me behind my back. I noticed this because in the beginning of our relationship, she didn't want HIM to know about us being together. My theory was that he told her that I was a bad person, but since she knew I'm not like that and we were already together, she didn't want him to know. If it is true, then I can not believe that he did that because when he first came to the country, I was the only one who constantly helping him and his girlfriend at that time. What an ingrate!!
phineas Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 It happened to my group of friends two times. We had one friend that would get too drunk & start hitting on our GF's. He got lucky once with someone's girl. he lost a lot of friends over that. We had another friend nuke one of the group behind his back & steel his GF. Nobody from the group has talked to either of those guys in over 10 yrs. Neither is still with the women they traded their highschool friends for. Problem is you can't tell her she can't text him or anything because you'll come off as a jerk. Just be a good boyfriend & treat her with respect. If she's a drama queen you don't want her anyways.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Which advice are you referring to??? Here's a reaity check: it is highly likely that ALL your male friends "like" your GF. That's just how men are. That said, it shouldn't be a problem if he respects appropriate boundries. But it sounds like he isn't. Talk to him (and her) and explain what you want and don't want. And be specific.
lordWilhelm Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I would try to minimize his being "around" -- don't invite him to your events, try mixing things up with a different crowd, etc. But really, you just need to tell your GF that it's disrespectful for them to talk in another language while you're around. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, then you have a problem on your hands and you need to figure out why's that... she's your GF because she found you attractive but maybe you've become more insecure possibly because of your so-called "friend" budding in, and who wants to be around an insecure guy? Think about it this way. You can only control what you do, not whatever this guy is up to. Just focus on your own actions; be confident and attentive to your GF, make her feel attractive & loved around you and she'll stay with you. If you think about this guy too much you're only going to end up driving her away. Just my 2 cents.
datingsites Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I had a similar 'friend'. He was an annoying sod too. Being part of a conversation where two people who can speak in the same language as you, but choose not to is rude. Don't take it out on your g/f but you could use this to your advantage - perhaps tell her that your 'friend' likes to belittle you tries to whenever he can etc... ....and part of this is the reason why he changes the language of the conversation and by doing so he is belittleing you. If she cares for you she'll probably stop this the moment he changes the language, and she'll continue to speak in English.
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