loudog40 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Not sure if this is in the right place or not but I shoot for it anyway. I am not the type to seek advice, but hopefully someone has some insight. I am 28, dated alot and also had quite a few serious relationships. I recently was in the process of dating two women and reached a point with one where I had to make a choice, bail on the one that moved too fast but was very physical, or chase down one I knew would require lots and lots of work, the patient one I guess you could say. I bailed on the physical one, cause well, it just felt right, I dare not tell this "new" one I just left a great thing behind as you will read below that might be a little scary to her. The woman I chose is 25 and at first glance is the woman I want to marry, but of course things may change so Im doing my best to be patient and not clue her in on this scaring her away. On her end she says she has never connected so well so fast, which is great but heres the kicker: we both have these feelings where it seems perfect, which we both agree in the beginning happens, and jumping right in? bad idea. I have always been the one to jump right in, on the other hand she seems to have major self control, and basically tells me she wants to know me as a friend before going any further with this or putting a label on it. My concern? I have known her for 3 weeks, we have been on 7/8 dates now, all magical, connecting on all levels and sharing the same values, morales, and beliefs(i.e. spirituality, long term life goals, etc). Heck she even enjoys phone conversations(surprising as it seems a lot of communication is done via text these days, and I love talking) We are both very grounded and in touch with our natural side meaning we share a love for the outdoors and finding our peace is usually with mother nature. I guess my biggest concern is how do I keep myself from telling her how I feel? How do I lock these feelings up and just 'get to know her'. I want to open up every feeling I have but I know her thoughts of "wanting to just know eachother" for the time being, my feelings would most likely scare her. I can sense she feels the same, however she has an incredible ability to put these feelings aside and focus on the learning one another before anything else. I have never experienced taking things slow, getting to know someone first then forming the relationship. I see it happening one of two ways: either I hide these feelings while they grow stronger and it doesnt work out, killing me inside, or, things work and it will be as magical as I envision it being. So whats the best way to focus on knowing someone without falling for them, but also spending time with them and growing and again not falling for them? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 So whats the best way to focus on knowing someone without falling for them, but also spending time with them and growing and again not falling for them? Any help would be greatly appreciated. only see each other once per week for the first couple months and keep the other contact (phone, txt, email, smoke signals, etc) to a minimum. do **** with your friends and keep your social activities going as before.
EcstasyX6 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 It could go very well if you confess how much you care for her, and she feels exactly the same way, or if you reveal yourself too early, she may get nervous and withdraw. Is that how you see it? My bf tested the waters with me early on, by sending me a sweet love song via voicemail to express his feelings, which was a nice way to say 'I love you' without him feeling the pressure of actually saying the words. My heart swelled, but because it was only a song, I didn't get too blown away. It was cute because we kind of danced around it for several more weeks knowing deep down we were crazy for each other.
Author loudog40 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 I have implied she is very unique, and that her attributes are dead on to what I am looking for. I think the insinuation has been made but as far as coming out and being 100% accurate with my feelings? No, not only is it too soon for me to know for sure, but she seems the type that may find this tough to absorb. I think she will appreciate it more if we start as twp ppl who just met for the first time, talk, get to know eachother, realize we have fun sharing our life and time together, try letting things be, love will find its own way. I am all for it, but need to keep my mind sidetracked during this process. Thats my biggest problem, keeping my mind of the fact I have developed this 'first impression' feeling that she is everything I want. Need to find ways to know her better without falling any further. Thanks for all the advice...
Recommended Posts