HeavenOrHell Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I can't stop crying and shaking, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I had such a nice evening with him but I cant do this anymore, I am going to delete him from facebook again, I am sick of seeing all my old friends befriending him and not bothering with me. Last time I deleted him he requested me straight away. I have to go NC but it's killing me.
kickintheaz Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I can't stop crying and shaking, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I have to go NC but it's killing me. HOH.. Why are you doing this to yourself... NC won't kill you, or make you wanna throw up, it'll be hard, but jeez, i'd rather that than putting yourself in a position where he does that to you... delete and BLOCK him on facebook, then he can't request you cos you won't exist on FB for him.. be strong, within a few days ya'll start to see how it gets a little easier, I am now looking fwd to having 1 month NC done, properly.. I have the date marked and I gonna do something nice for me that day.. be it a party, a present, a nice meal, I not sure yet, but there will be a prize for me.... you can do this HOH.. you know you can, you are a strong person, stop letting yourself be put in positions where it hurts like this... we're here for you.... *hugs*
trueblue72ny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 maybe removing yourself from the scene entirely for awhile will give you the time/space it sounds like you need.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 Thanks both. I know it sounds mad but 18 years is half my lifetime, we were together all that time and I've never known love like it. I have to stop this though, I know.
RoMeIx Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Thanks both. I know it sounds mad but 18 years is half my lifetime, we were together all that time and I've never known love like it. I have to stop this though, I know. First, I would like to say I am so sorry for how you feel. I can honestly relate, it is by far the worst feeling I have ever felt. The best I can do to comfort you is to tell you that myself and others on this forum have been where you are right now and time does infact lessen the hurt. I wont say time will completely stop the hurting because for me, the hurt has not yet stopped. You say you were with your ex for half of your life. I was with my ex for about a third of my life. When you become so close with someone for such a portion of your life, unless you are some kind of sociopath, the other person becomes a part of you. Your plans and goals for the future involve that other person. When the relationship ends it is so hard to let go because not only do you feel like you are missing a part of yourself, but the end of the relationship also changes all of your plans and goals that involved the ex. Obviously that is very hard to come to terms with. After four months I am having alot of trouble getting my life back on track becuase for me, my ex was a huge source of motivation to succeed. I often times feel lost without her. I go through the motions every day but I just dont have the drive I used to. My advice to you is this: although it sucks and will be tough at first, NC is the way to go. I didn't believe my friends and family when they told me to go NC, but every time I talked to the ex I was reminded of the things that would never be and it ate me up inside. Do I miss her and wish things could be different? Absolutely. But there is nothing she can do for me any more, as there is nothing your ex can do for you anymore.
LovelyDaze Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 First, I would like to say I am so sorry for how you feel. I can honestly relate, it is by far the worst feeling I have ever felt. The best I can do to comfort you is to tell you that myself and others on this forum have been where you are right now and time does infact lessen the hurt. I wont say time will completely stop the hurting because for me, the hurt has not yet stopped. You say you were with your ex for half of your life. I was with my ex for about a third of my life. When you become so close with someone for such a portion of your life, unless you are some kind of sociopath, the other person becomes a part of you. Your plans and goals for the future involve that other person. When the relationship ends it is so hard to let go because not only do you feel like you are missing a part of yourself, but the end of the relationship also changes all of your plans and goals that involved the ex. Obviously that is very hard to come to terms with. After four months I am having alot of trouble getting my life back on track becuase for me, my ex was a huge source of motivation to succeed. I often times feel lost without her. I go through the motions every day but I just dont have the drive I used to. My advice to you is this: although it sucks and will be tough at first, NC is the way to go. I didn't believe my friends and family when they told me to go NC, but every time I talked to the ex I was reminded of the things that would never be and it ate me up inside. Do I miss her and wish things could be different? Absolutely. But there is nothing she can do for me any more, as there is nothing your ex can do for you anymore. This is all true. Exes have a way of dragging us back in the past by a simple text, call or visit. It's as if they don't want us to let it go. Remind yourself, HeavenOrHell, that your heart is too precious to be put through the ringer.
XKatieX Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 The more you hold onto something that isn't there anymore the more pain you will feel. It will be hard to go NC of course but the pain will lessen, and you will move on quicker. You could tell him that maybe with time when you don't have feelings for him anymore that you can be friends. Never say never though, you don't know what could happen in the future.
mickleb Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I KNOW this is massive for you and, seemingly, unbearably hard but I, actually, think this is a really good point for you. LS has talked to you about NC for a while now and I think the reasons you gave to justify not doing it were fair, so I stopped nagging you (!) I think you just weren't strong enough before and I think you really are now. When I started on here, I had no idea how NC worked. I couldn't imagine it making things one jot easier for me. As far as I was concerned, I was going to be heartbroken for months, years and no 'method' could help me avoid doing my time. I want you to understand that I have seen so much proof on here that NC works in a similar way for most people, regardless of their circumstances, length of relationship, age, etc. I have seen so many members move clearly through the stages of grief / abandonment. This movement is called healing. Contact f*cks up this process. And the process isn't the easiest one to go through. But it is important to go through each and every stage. Contact simply throws you about unnecessarily as you try to negotiate a path on some very slippery ice. Thanks both. I know it sounds mad but 18 years is half my lifetime, we were together all that time and I've never known love like it. I have to stop this though, I know. The other point I'd like to make is that you have forgotten how to love yourself, by yourself. You have moments of love for yourself but you doubt that love, too. I want you to know a love like one you have never known, and I know you will have it because I know you will give it to yourself. You're, actually, a really wonderful, beautiful, caring, funny, special lady (I think that stuff is pretty obvious - to me, it certainly is) but you have become dependent on HIS judgement of you. He has no right to judge you (directly or indirectly) but his judgement means nothing if your judgement of yourself means more. Please go NC and remember, clearly, who you are, how wonderful you are and how wonderful this world is. Give yourself this gift. No-one else can love you (not really) until you are doing the best job of this, possible. You will be fine and I will be here to see that. It will happen sooner than you can imagine. x
grfins Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I feel your pain. At least you have the choice of no conact.. How do you deal with NC when you have a child though? There always has to be a certian amount of contact so i keep having setbacks regularly. I feel i may never get past this as we were together over 20 years. I have the almost daily crying as well. I wish i had some good advice for you. I am always interested in your posts because we shared a longer relationship with our exs than most here. I wish you the best.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 Thank you. I am so thankful we decided not to have kids, I would find that incredibly difficult and painful if I couldn't go NC if I wanted to, ugh, not good, I REALLY feel for you. I'm so sorry, keep posting. I feel your pain. At least you have the choice of no conact.. How do you deal with NC when you have a child though? There always has to be a certian amount of contact so i keep having setbacks regularly. I feel i may never get past this as we were together over 20 years. I have the almost daily crying as well. I wish i had some good advice for you. I am always interested in your posts because we shared a longer relationship with our exs than most here. I wish you the best.
nobmagnet Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 grfins hey love im with you there. Blummin impossible to have NC. Every time...........it hurts. Have heart my love intime it will be less xx
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