To the women...what ARE a woman's emotional needs?

[InspiredbyYou]

Come on stewie we are socially integrated how could you say anything above those three survival needs is desire? It's not the social sciences and psychobabble that wants to believe we need more than food, shelter and clothing. Those are basic needs we need to survive but in order for us to grow and thrive as emotional human beings we need to feel affection/belonging, respected/recognition (self-esteem), fulfillment (personal goals) these are all vital emotional needs not desires. A Rolls Royce is a desire, respect is a basic human need we all require in order to prosper and to nurture our self esteems. The idea that we are emotional beings and that helps to differentiate us from animals is the basic distinction between how we live as humans and how predators (animals) live. Even animals yearn for social respect.

 

Without social respect and a sense of belonging you would probably not be able to achieve shelter, food and clothing on your own if you think about it.

Bac I think your needs are realistic, in varying degrees. Though the unconditional part is the only point of contention for me since there are conditions when it comes to love and relationships, whether I want to believe that or not (meaning if I am conscious of it or not) I still feel there are conditions that need to be met before romantic love can happen for me. Perhaps for you there are no conditions at all so then it would apply.

Edited December 22, 2009 by InspiredbyYou

[mem11363]

Infants deprived of a minimal amount of human contact in orphanages have a very, very high mortality rate. Adults deprived of same aren't harmed as quickly or as visibly, but they are harmed.

 

 

Come on stewie we are socially integrated how could you say anything above those three survival needs is desire? It's not the social sciences and psychobabble that wants to believe we need more than food, shelter and clothing. Those are basic needs we need to survive but in order for us to grow and thrive as emotional human beings we need to feel affection/belonging, respected/recognition (self-esteem), fulfillment (personal goals) these are all vital emotional needs not desires. A Rolls Royce is a desire, respect is a basic human need we all require in order to prosper and to nurture our self esteems. The idea that we are emotional beings and that helps to differentiate us from animals is the basic distinction between how we live as humans and how predators (animals) live. Even animals yearn for social respect.

 

Without social respect and a sense of belonging you would probably not be able to achieve shelter, food and clothing on your own if you think about it.

Bac I think your needs are realistic, in varying degrees. Though the unconditional part is the only point of contention for me since there are conditions when it comes to love and relationships, whether I want to believe that or not (meaning if I am conscious of it or not) I still feel there are conditions that need to be met before romantic love can happen for me. Perhaps for you there are no conditions at all so then it would apply.

[Kamille]

I just wonder if it is possible to find a guy who can satisfty at least half/or some of my basic emotional needs.

 

Yes it is.

 

But as has been pointed out, you are in charge of your emotional well-being.

 

I've gotten the impression, from following some of your threads, that you perhaps set the bar pretty low for guys when you meet them. Perhaps this is because you think that's the only way to get a guy interested.

 

The thing about emotional needs is that you have to be upfront about them. Or rather, you have to be upfront about what you expect out of a relationship. Don't start a casual relationship, with an understanding that the relationship is a FWB arrangement, and then expect your guy to suddenly care for your emotional needs.

 

If you do want someone who will care for your needs, start telling the men you date that you are looking to find that special someone. You know what will most likely happen? The guys only looking for casual encounters will go look elsewhere and the ones looking for serious relationships are more likely to stick around.

 

I recommand you reread TBF's analysis of your needs and see if any of the points she raises speak to you. Maybe you need to readjust some of your expectations, but no need you raised is abnormal.

 

In short, don't think your needs are abnormal. Promise yourself you will not emotionally get invested in a guy unless he shows he's capable of meeting them.

[meerkat stew]

Sorry SOX, a "need" is nothing more than what an organism requires to sustain life, despite what Maslow or any of the other social sci... sci... sci... (sorry can't even type out the blasphemy again) quacks and quacks about.

 

Everything else is a desire. Now, there is nothing at all wrong with desiring things. We all desire human contact, respect, love, a better laser pointer, spiritual fulfillment, smokin' sex etc., but we will not perish if we do not have them, and many people throughout history, maybe even a majority, have lived successful and enriched lives without several of these desires we tend to disguise as needs.

 

Can fulfillment of desires make life richer? Absolutely. Are we necessarily less human, though, due merely to the fact that many of our desires as human beings are not satisfied?

Edited December 22, 2009 by meerkat stew

[InspiredbyYou]

Infants deprived of a minimal amount of human contact in orphanages have a very, very high mortality rate. Adults deprived of same aren't harmed as quickly or as visibly, but they are harmed.

 

That is exactly the case Mem, babies who grow up in orphanages and who were deprived of touch stop growing and sometimes even die. A child who is deprived of affection and touch grows up with severe social issues and has no sense of security, as well babies who were touched develop faster, they gain weight faster and start do develop their motor skills at normal rates. So please don't tell that touch is a desire, it is a necessity for normal development. If developing normally is a privilege then we should all quit our bloody whining and accept that we are all overachievers. LOL

[meerkat stew]

That is exactly the case Mem, babies who grow up in orphanages and who were deprived of touch stop growing and sometimes even die.

 

You are both being sophistical. Limit to "adult" needs v desires please, or at least cut off at where the child can prepare food and feed itself. Infants are not considered viable, self-sustaining human beings where I'm from, as they are completely dependent.

[InspiredbyYou]

Sorry SOX, a "need" is nothing more than what an organism requires to sustain life, despite what Maslow or any of the other social sci... sci... sci... (sorry can't even type out the blasphemy again) quacks and quacks about.

 

Everything else is a desire. Now, there is nothing at all wrong with desiring things. We all desire human contact, respect, love, a better laser pointer, spiritual fulfillment, smokin' sex etc., but we will not perish if we do not have them, and many people throughout history, maybe even a majority, have lived successful and enriched lives without several of these desires we tend to disguise as needs.

 

Can fulfillment of desires make life richer? Absolutely. Are we necessarily less human, though, due merely to the fact that many of our desires as human beings are not satisfied?

 

Alrighty Katstew, the only sox happening here are the white kind I put on to work out in. I think you misunderstood in that other thread what I meant, and I will gladly explain to you in private since it is severely off topic here.

 

If the desire to live vs dying is what you deem as a desire, then we are simply arguing semantics here. A baby who is deprived touch can be severely stunted in growth and even die, therefore that desire becomes fundamental, and that in turn makes it a need. As far as I am concerned anything that can potentially stunt your life and even ends it is considered a need, not a desire. It's no different than not getting food, or having a shelter to protect you.

[meerkat stew]

Baby, schmabee, stop with the baby and infant examples! Gimme some full growed up examples! Sorry for assuming SOX, but now you've ruined a whole new line of forum teasing and flirtation ala DAMN WOMAN YOU ARE ONE SOXY BABE!

[InspiredbyYou]

You are both being sophistical. Limit to "adult" needs v desires please, or at least cut off at where the child can prepare food and feed itself. Infants are not considered viable, self-sustaining human beings where I'm from, as they are completely dependent.

 

SO predictable! LMAO I knew you were going to say that, and my answer is that as adults we still carry the same emotional needs that infants do. Respect is a basic human need, that without it no amount of shelter, food and clothing will allow you to survive. If you set up a box for shelter and have a can of food for a meal, and some blankets and clothes for protection, all it takes is for another human being to not respect your space and run you over with a car, in order for your existence to be finalized. So please don't tell me that socially speaking respect is a desire and not a need, when without it you cannot exist.

[meerkat stew]

No, infants' needs and desires are all jumbled up in a "mommy's milk soup." Not the same as adults. You knew I'd bring it up because you know it's a valid point and I only make valid points

[meerkat stew]

There is no such thing as an "emotional need." Oooooo. Ahhhhh.

 

Mem likes to talk about concepts such as "maya" which involves the realization of non-dualism in such a way that all reliance on the ego (or self) is in fact false ideation, and entrapment in one of the chakras. A basic tenet of more esoteric strands of Hinduism, practiced by a healthy (and quite happy) number of folks in the world teaches that not only are there no emotional needs, but that emotions themselves are a symptom of maya, the illusion of dualism. What say either of you to all those happy Hindus roaming the earth today?

[meerkat stew]

Don't even get me started on the Buddhists, and there are an assload more bouncing beatific buddhists in the world than even happy hallucinating hindus. And any serious practitioner of either dogma would say "fie" to there being any sucha thing as "emotional needs."

 

1. Life is full of suffering.

2. Suffering is caused by desire.

3. Follow the yellow brick road (or in some translations, the eightfold path)

 

Siddhartha Gautama

 

So all those Buddhists and Hindus are floundering in a sea of psychic trauma due to not acknowledging the legitimacy of "emotional needs?"

 

What say you to that?

[InspiredbyYou]

LOL Soxy babe LOL

No, infants' needs and desires are all jumbled up in a "mommy's milk soup." Not the same as adults. You knew I'd bring it up because you know it's a valid point and I only make valid points

 

Come on stew I gave you a concrete example about how respect surpasses the infancy stage, and how it is an important need that contributes to our longevity and survival and you are back to the baby thing. Yes it a valid point that you made, in fact it's my fault for only stating the baby example and I could see why some would say but yes that is a baby and babies are dependent on adults to survive, but the point is that while some people never outgrow the need do be breast fed, or to have their poopie pants changed that our adult social emotional needs are not all that different from our infant ones. The world cannot exist and evolve without respect.

 

take for instance work, we choose the work that we do and we choose to excel and to meet personal goals because of the need we have for acceptance and personal fulfillment. It is a need that is inherent in us that promotes evolution. Identity, same thing, why do we strive so hard for an identity if all we need is food shelter and clothes to survive?

 

I mean if the questions is can an adult survive solely on food, shelter, and clothes and no human interaction/contact/affection or sense of emotional belonging, the answer is probably yes. To a certain degree, though if you see a lot of people who end up alone and disconnected from society do lose their minds and become either severely depressed and a menace to society or die. So the question then is how can we deem these needs for survival as simple desires?

[InspiredbyYou]

Don't even get me started on the Buddhists, and there are an assload more bouncing beatific buddhists in the world than even happy hallucinating hindus. And any serious practitioner of either dogma would say "fie" to there being any sucha thing as "emotional needs."

 

1. Life is full of suffering.

2. Suffering is caused by desire.

3. Follow the yellow brick road (or in some translations, the eightfold path)

 

Siddhartha Gautama

 

So all those Buddhists and Hindus are floundering in a sea of psychic trauma due to not acknowledging the legitimacy of "emotional needs?"

 

What say you to that?

 

Are you a monk? You are quoting a fundamentalist doctrine and its extreme views for your basis on what defines needs/desires? I mean sure if we are talking as monks than yeah I would even say the need for clothes is a desire and food runs a close second. I'm taking off my shoes and changing into a robe....to get into the spirit of this discussion....but I refuse to shave my head, sorry. :-P

Edited December 22, 2009 by InspiredbyYou

[meerkat stew]

while some people never outgrow the need do be breast fed

 

...must resist the layup... must resist... (sorry just watched Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back with the two devils on Jay's shoulders).

 

OK, will give you this much. In order to be happy, at least some of our -desires- as human beings must be met.

 

 

The world cannot exist and evolve without respect.

 

OK, Aretha, will grant that in order for social institutions to be successful, some mutual desires, "respect" among them, must be satisfied.

 

take for instance work, we choose the work that we do and we choose to excel and to meet personal goals because of the need we have for acceptance and personal fulfillment.

 

Fair enough, in my case anyway, those fries aren't getting any saltier or crispier just sitting there in that cold cold corn oil.

 

C'mon, 87.3% of people out there work to trade for the things that are real needs, despite that I would like your world much better.

 

I'm getting a vision of 2001, a Space Odyssey, where the ape gets "schooled" by the obelisk and then runs straight away to the rock quarry yelling "yabba dabba doo!" It's only really been in the last 100 years that work was considered a focus of human fulfillment, or did your great granddad really have a "career?"

 

 

To a certain degree, though if you see a lot of people who end up alone and disconnected from society do lose their minds and become either severely depressed and a menace to society or die. So the question then is how can we deem these needs for survival as simple desires?

 

Or did they become disconnected because they were in fact, insane to start with? Interesting egg/ chick-fil-a question there admittedly.

 

What about all those Hindus and Buddhists though? The existence of something called "emotional needs" is completely counter to the path towards enlightenment in those two "world class" religions, yet they seem to do ok. What about em? Huh huh?

[meerkat stew]

Not just the monks, but pretty much all Buddhists go by those noble truths, get rid of desires (or needs as most in this thread would call em) and get rid of suffering. Pretty simple formula, with which I don't agree (being the good Nietzschean I am), but they seem to keep on truckin pretty well without the massacres that we "emotional needs" western types tend to foist on each other. Why are we with our emotional "needs" out slayin while they are sitting up on the hilltop blissfully cogitating away?

[Lovelybird]

Without emotions, human are just machines with meat on.

 

The loving person isn't the one who killed the need for love, but one that have been filled with full of love. Even desires exist for a good reason. I don't believe those monks can simply repress those desires and emotions, some day some way those repressed will come out, from one way or another

 

A woman is satisfying emotionally, she will flourish; if she is hunger emotionally, she wither. So emotion is definitely a need

Edited December 22, 2009 by Lovelybird

[InspiredbyYou]

...must resist the layup... must resist... (sorry just watched Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back with the two devils on Jay's shoulders).

 

Nooo don't resist the layup, that was done completely in your honour so that you could hit us back with one of your infamous come-backs. I was looking forward to the good laugh. SOOO disappointed!

 

OK, will give you this much. In order to be happy, at least some of our -desires- as human beings must be met.

 

He giveth, and he taketh away all in one fell swoop. Ok I will gladly accept that answer.

 

 

 

Fair enough, in my case anyway, those fries aren't getting any saltier or crispier just sitting there in that cold cold corn oil.

Dalai stew you've never made a fry in your life and judging by the level of sophistication/worldliness you display, I can only guess that it is a product of your needs and not just your desires.

 

C'mon, 87.3% of people out there work to trade for the things that are real needs, despite that I would like your world much better.

Well sure we do, but if it weren't for the needs that I feel we have we'd all be waiting for the fries to get saltier. You will probably argue that it is desire for material things that makes us excel and want to pursue careers that are fruitful, but I think personal fulfillment has a lot to do with it too. As employees we love a good paycheck but we get the most satisfaction from praise and recognition. That's not so different from the rewards we respond to as infants.

 

Or did they become disconnected because they were in fact, insane to start with? Interesting egg/ chick-fil-a question there admittedly.

Valid point, and from personal experience only all I can say is that I kind of don't really want to know exactly how insane I am which would explain my eternal need to sustain loving and stable relationships.

 

What about all those Hindus and Buddhists though? The existence of something called "emotional needs" is completely counter to the path towards enlightenment in those two "world class" religions, yet they seem to do ok. What about em? Huh huh?

I'll tell you what about them, if someone held a gun to my head and said quick pick a doctrine and adhere to it, Buddhism would be the easy choice for me. I think I could do sitting up on the hilltop blissfully cogitating away rather well, but only if I can retreat back to my cushy bed a warm body next to me and some passionate love making to seal the deal. Where do I sign up? Edited December 22, 2009 by InspiredbyYou

[meerkat stew]

Where do ya'll get the idea that all hindus and buddhists are monks? We are talking millions and millions of people here. Just googled and was wrong, mea culpa, there are more hindus (900 million) than buddhists (376 million) I had it ass backwards. But that's a lot o folks who would probably laugh at our western conception "emotional needs."

 

Those folks don't tend to shed as much blood as we do, do they, are they in fact withering away as human beings because they don't have the same conception of human needs as we do in the West?

 

Now they do have ethical principles and edicts, plenty, involving showing respect, love what have you. They would categorize those as social duties or desires as opposed to "needs" though, I feel fairly certain.

[InspiredbyYou]

Without emotions, human are just machines with meat on.

 

 

 

LOL I love that! SO true! ;-)

[InspiredbyYou]

Where do ya'll get the idea that all hindus and buddhists are monks? We are talking millions and millions of people here. Just googled and was wrong, mea culpa,

 

 

It's actually mea culpa because I thought you were referring to the religious extreme not just as using the premise and adapting it to our western lives.

 

I think you can do it in the western world, it's called getting a cabin in the wilderness and becoming a writer. LOL

[meerkat stew]

I think I could do sitting up on the hilltop blissfully cogitating away rather well, but only if I can retreat back to my cushy bed a warm body next to me and some passionate love making to seal the deal. Where do I sign up?

 

Hastily filling out the LLC papers on a new Zen retreat in the hills of South Tennessee (cheap land) while envisioning SOXy lady, a big pile of pillows a bunch of mandalas and a dog-earred copy of some old forbidden tantric version of the kama sutra.

 

The advertising copy will read "Come to lovely Meerkat Monastery, South Tennessee's only "clothing optional" buddhist/nudist retreat with weekly llama caravans to Nashville for some pickin and grinnin." And the slogan "Leave your emotional needs... and your inhibitions... at the door" will be prominently featured.

 

Did the buddha ever drink moonshine or chew tobacco? He will before we get through with him.

[meerkat stew]

Without emotions, human are just machines with meat on.

 

Here, let me try one.

 

"Without social science snakeoil leading people to confuse "desires" with "needs," humans are a much happier lot."

[InspiredbyYou]

Hastily filling out the LLC papers on a new Zen retreat in the hills of South Tennessee (cheap land) while envisioning SOXy lady, a big pile of pillows a bunch of mandalas and a dog-earred copy of some old forbidden tantric version of the kama sutra.

 

The advertising copy will read "Come to lovely Meerkat Monastery, South Tennessee's only "clothing optional" buddhist/nudist retreat with weekly llama caravans to Nashville for some pickin and grinnin." And the slogan "Leave your emotional needs... and your inhibitions... at the door" will be prominently featured.

 

Did the buddha ever drink moonshine or chew tobacco? He will before we get through with him.

 

Nice come back stewie!

 

No one warned me it would be THAT kind o'party!

Reminds me of a line from a Beastie Boys album...but it ends with some part of the male anatomy in the mashed potatoes...never mind....

[Lovelybird]

Well, maybe they use a different term "desire" to describe "need", the truth is still truth. Without emotion, human wither, this is a pretty definition for need

 

They DO have emotion need or desire need

 

I won't want to make monk as example of human kind, I sort of think they do wither in a way