loveistheanswer Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together nearly a year, and have been in a LDR for 5 months. As to be expected in any long distance relationship..its had its serious ups and downs. I am extremely sensitive and attatched to him..he is the one in the relationship that is much better at handling emotions and hard times. I am a dancer, so I use that as my outlet. He has lacrosse, mixed martial arts, and...partying. He parties alotttt. I had been SO excited for this week as he is coming home for christmas break from school. Its been a little difficult to talk as much since he got a job, works every other night, plus practice, homework, and his 2 hr time difference. He's said so many of the right things. Telling me how much he loves me, he will do anything to keep me by his side forever. He wants to commit and follow me to college.....etc. Then of course, I had to go looking for trouble. I saw that on his facebook, he listed himself as "single". I tried very hard not to freak out, but did anyway. I confronted him about it and he promised to change it as soon as he got home from work...although he never did!! He even updated his information but never changed his status. He just got facebook a month ago, but he's learned how to use it quite a bit. On myspace, his status is in a relationship... A couple days in the past week, i haven't heard from him at all. I asked why..because i noticed he would have time to get online myspace and facebook but wouldn't text or call. His reply was "idk. why havent i heard from YOU?" Then on facebook..I went to see his photos. In his "tagged" section, there was a picture of him at a party, kissing a girl on the cheek. Then another picture of the girl kissing HIM on the cheek. Maybe no big deal? Not for me..the second i saw it..i felt all the blood rush to my face and I got hot and cried. I went to the girl's album and saw that pretty much in all her pictures she was having someone kiss her on the cheek or the other way around. That calmed me down a little..but I can't shake this feeling. I know I need to confront him when he is here in person.. i just don't understand why this had to happen it ruined everything I have one paranoid voice in my head thinking he's moved on and is playing me, the other voice telling me that i know him better than that, and I just don't know all the facts..i mean why would he stay in this relationship and talk to me every day if he didn't truly want this? he could easily just end it and move on with his life! I am confused. I will admit, most of my fears stem from insecurity. I am very very paranoid of losing him.. I keep trying to remind myself of the things he's said that have been reassuring, how he can't live without me, and not to worry about other girls because they have no chance..that all he ever wants is me... But.. I've become a serious cynic lately and find that i have a hard time trusting anyone! should I be worried? Any advice would be very helpful. Thank you !! :-/ Edited December 20, 2009 by loveistheanswer
ADF Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Your BF has been cheating on you--I'd bet any amount of money on it. Don't become a cynic. Instead, tell yourself the following as many time as you ned to: LDRs NEVER WORK. DON'T HAVE LDRs.
Flavour Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Confront him seriously abot everything. And do not lose hope. It's not true that LDR never work, a lot of them do. (((Hugs))) I understand you completely.
ADF Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Confront him seriously abot everything. And do not lose hope. It's not true that LDR never work, a lot of them do. (((Hugs))) I understand you completely. No, they don't. At least very few do. And the ones that do are built on a solid foundation of lies and deceit. Only one guy in 10,000 her BF's age is going to go 5 months without cheating. LDRs nearly always end badly, with much anxiety, drama, and hurt leading up to the final split.
carvidep Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Don't worry loveistheanswer, LDR's really can work. it's true that they take a LOT of work and require a substantial amount of communication, but if you both want to be together, you'll figure it out. and all of the things that ADF listed happen in local relationships, too, so don't let that scare you.
Mei Mei Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Hello, I would like to give my two coins. I think as other localized relationships, there are working and non working relationships for LDR too. Undeniably, the need for more secure characters for those involved, able to commit, to trust and added with all sided communications are very much crucial. One's perseverence is really tested during time of being staying alone in another place. Nevertheless, you can imagine and see the joy and happiness of those successful ones indeed. In your case, I think he has commitment issue that you have to find out the truth at this stage. Please continue to post and many members here are willing to share and give support to you!!:bunny: Best wishes!!
ADF Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 all of the things that ADF listed happen in local relationships, too, so don't let that scare you. They certainly can. But do you honestly believed that LDR suffer more from that kind of pressure than local ones? I mean, if you are determined to be the eternal, starry-eyed optimist, fine. But I think my point is valid
Author loveistheanswer Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 well he will be here saturday..so i will let you all know how it goes. i'm a little nervous, but i think it'll be all okay in the end. i'll update soon. thank you all for your words
b52s Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Your BF has been cheating on you--I'd bet any amount of money on it. Don't become a cynic. Instead, tell yourself the following as many time as you ned to: LDRs NEVER WORK. DON'T HAVE LDRs. NOT necessarily. I have been in a situation where I had a female friend that was in a long dist. relationship with a guy. BUT, she has to get out of the house to socialize/go to a friends party or whatever. They will eventually start interacting with other people, and you might just be a passing thought, and it becomes" out of sight, out of mind" and you're pretty much forgotten, because 1. You've become Geographically undesirable 2. He/She is living in the NOW, meaning they're currently,and not actually meaning to flirt with other people when they're out socializing. It might come to pass where the LDR might end, and he'll start dating someone in their current geographic location. Seen it happen all the time....girl stays home, guy goes off to college, he comes home to visit on occasion, but then he later joins clubs, study groups, activities....interacts with other people, and you'll be come just a once a week phone call...then 2 weeks, then a month...then "Poof" relationship dissolves.
You'reasian Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) NOT necessarily. I have been in a situation where I had a female friend that was in a long dist. relationship with a guy. BUT, she has to get out of the house to socialize/go to a friends party or whatever. They will eventually start interacting with other people, and you might just be a passing thought, and it becomes" out of sight, out of mind" and you're pretty much forgotten, because 1. You've become Geographically undesirable 2. He/She is living in the NOW, meaning they're currently,and not actually meaning to flirt with other people when they're out socializing. It might come to pass where the LDR might end, and he'll start dating someone in their current geographic location. Seen it happen all the time....girl stays home, guy goes off to college, he comes home to visit on occasion, but then he later joins clubs, study groups, activities....interacts with other people, and you'll be come just a once a week phone call...then 2 weeks, then a month...then "Poof" relationship dissolves. OP should set up a face to face talk and keep up regular communication. If one person tries to start playing games, it will fall apart. Edited December 26, 2009 by You'reasian
Romance Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Dunno why there is so much LDR hate in this thread. My boyfriend goes to college and yeah he goes to parties and all of that and he is five hours away but it is NEVER out of site out of mind. Not everyone is a cheater, someone who cheats in an LDR is the same as someone who cheats in a local relationship. I don't worry when he goes to parties because I know once we're done with school, we'll live near each other and this is how it has to be for the time being. If he wanted to be with a girl closer to him, he'd break up with me first and hopefully the OP's bf would have the same decency.
Author loveistheanswer Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 (edited) Dunno why there is so much LDR hate in this thread. My boyfriend goes to college and yeah he goes to parties and all of that and he is five hours away but it is NEVER out of site out of mind. Not everyone is a cheater, someone who cheats in an LDR is the same as someone who cheats in a local relationship. I don't worry when he goes to parties because I know once we're done with school, we'll live near each other and this is how it has to be for the time being. If he wanted to be with a girl closer to him, he'd break up with me first and hopefully the OP's bf would have the same decency. THANK YOU SO MUCH. that has to be the best post yet. My bf came home for 2 weeks for xmas and new years and it was like no time had passed..our feelings and love was stronger than ever. i had worried that feelings might have changed and it would be different..but it wasnt at all. we both felt like we were closer and more confident in what we have. its like seeing him just reassured me and we talked about all the little problems. haha, the girl he was kissing on the cheek in a picture was a lesbian! i even went to her page and it said so. i felt so stupid about freaking out about that without knowing all the information. he really opened up and let me know how he feels he's the kind of guy that always has a big tough exterior up but when it comes to me he is verrrry sensitive. seeing each other helped me realize that i know him really well...and its dumb to freak out over the little things. we have plans for me to move up where he is and go to college together. now that he is back in pennsylvania..things are better still! it sucks being apart but we webcam nearly every day for hours at a time, he texts me whenever he goes out to parties or with friends..he is really making an honest effort and i think its great i feel like i can finally say that i KNOW we will stay together. i like the feeling of being more confident and less insecure so..for whoever will come and try to be negative and say he's cheating..i say don't even bother because i dont want to hear any of it!! thank you to everyone that has been helpful and supportive. i've learned alot!!!! Edited January 14, 2010 by loveistheanswer
StarChick Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 LDR's can work and have in my situation. Been married seven years after starting out in an LDR. There must be trust, communication, honesty, and a set time in the future to be together. I don't think we would have survived if we hadn't had a time when we knew we were going to be together and make it happen. And once we were together, I never, ever, took him or our relationship for granted, because I remember what it was like to have to say goodbye to the love of my life many times over. It sucked, but it strengthened us in a way. LDRs are hard as hell, but it can be done. (sorry for the t/j!!!)
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