Meltkamp Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 OK ive been with this girl for three years she very special to me but idk what to do anymore we broke up a month ago cause she didnt know if she could support me and be with me anymore. I admit ive been in and out of jobs but i always helped out when I could. I cleaned, cooked and fixed her car, figure thats cool and she is cool with it. Well anyways she give me that im like wth. She'd been hangin out with this other guy and she told me she kinda has feelings for him and is confused. We took a break for a week and promised we wouldnt do anything with anybody. She told me she kissed him on the cheek i was ok with that hurt but ok, shes just confused I figure. Well apparently she made out with him wth i hit the wall and confront her on it and she yells at me telling me its non of my buisness. So whatever i leave. a month goes by idk how but we start talking. I tell her how i feel about her and how hard this is and stuff and she tells me its really hard for her and that she does love me and misses me but still doesnt know. I ask her about the other guy and she says she trying to distance herself from him and such. Ok i have some hope of us getting together again which makes me happy. We hangout the next day and go for a drive she gets horney and asks if we wanna have sex i go for it. We are being friends and trying to repair this thing she acts like well the next day shes super wierd and barely talks to me but she tells me she wants to be friends but is unsure. I tell her I'll give room to think well she gets online while i am we talk about how we miss each other and the old times and such. We also list of songs that make us miss each other. She gets offline so im bored again (insomnia) so im go on her myspace page and see her boytoy or whatevers page i click on it and his comments are showing i look and there's one from her that says "Aww, you mean a lot to me too I miss you. I can't sleep :/" it was posted when we where talking about how much we miss each other and stuff. Im so lost know idk what the hell to do anymore and really need some help. Yes they have had sex and spend the night with each other but arent dating
Author Meltkamp Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 this also tells a lil about what im goin through http://mark-veltkamp.livejournal.com/
HLP234 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Hey man, I am going through the same "break." At least she told you she did stuff with this other guy. I dunno how you handled it and decided to continue talking to her. Mine is on vacation at home and like you I see comments on myspace about her staying at this dude's house. I wonder when she comes back if she plans on saying anything about it. She doesn't know I know this though..so who knows what she will act like when coming back. Honestly, I would just ignore her, tell her that you can't take this anymore and you have been messed with. And then just tell her you are done with her forever. Don't contact her at all. This is my post, its not been updated since I put it on here because people stopped responding. But it tells the whole story minus the rest which I have posted on other threads on here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210688/
Author Meltkamp Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 yeah... It probably is best but Idk its so hard. I want to be with her soo bad though.
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 I went NC.. this morning talked to her and she just doesnt seem to care about me anymore so F.. it I'm done super hard not to contact her but I know its for the better. Or I think it is. what do you think?
GrayClouds Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 She lied and disrespected your relasionship. NC is the only way to heal and move on. NC does not make it easy but does make it easier. Good luck and be kind to yourself
HLP234 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 It's hard to do but you must do it. Aren't you upset that she cheated on you? It will be hard and you will be very sad but once they change their mind its very hard to change it back, just the way women are.
blackbear_703 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Hey Meltkamp-- I know exactly how you feel because the same exact thing happened to me with my ex. Found pics of her on Facebook hugging around on another guy and those "love ya/miss ya" comments they sent each other. Naturally I was floored. When I confronted her about it, she told me he has a girlfriend (who was also in the same pics over on his site) and nothing was going on between them. Afterwards she promptly broke up with me and now we aren't speaking at all with no hope of reconciliation....esp. since she has declared herself a "female swinger" since the breakup. I've decided to cut her out of my life completely and to keep on with NC. It hurts like h***, but the only thing we can do is NC and move on. They disrespected us and hid this from us when they supposedly loved only us. I'm sure we can both find women who will love and cherish us much more than these two. Good luck bro and we'll be here for you if you need to talk.
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 it does hurt like hell but I think its for the best. Its the getting drug along thing thats killing me cause she says she still loves me but doesnt know if she can be with me. Wth does that mean btw. I dont know the NC thing will help I beleive. Its almost too much pain to bear right now though. Especially since she was my best friend and also Girl friend. I have trouble making friends I can trust whole heartdly and talk to about my problems.
blackbear_703 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Yep...I've gone through that too. That does hurt the most and worse than that, it's confusing. It could mean a wide variety of things, such as her feeling guilty about cheating and/or breaking up or trying to make things easy for you. Or any combination of emotions. Just remember to stay focused on yourself and healing your own heart. NC is by no means easy, but the only way to heal yourself and move on. If she wants to talk about what she's feeling, she knows where to find you.
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 Yeah very true. A day doesnt go by that I dont think about her Im trying to focus on joining the airforce thats about the only thing I have to distract me If you didnt read my live journal when we broke up I moved out of the house. Well I can only keep my stuff at my fathers and not sleep there. So im sleeping on the couch at a friends. I have no job cant afford gas or anything. Its super rough and I feel like this hole Im falling down will never end
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 I also made promise to her while we where talking she admited that she was feeling alone and that everything in her life was going away I promised her that no matter what I'd be there for her as a friend cause she was and still is so special. Im a man of my word what should I do about that. I cant break promises even though she has for me
blackbear_703 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I had a look at your journal and read about everything you mentioned. If you can make it into the Air Force, that will definitely broaden your horizons and open all kinds of new doors for you...careerwise, travelwise, and otherwise. Just remember to keep your mind focused on your dream and not on her. Right now Life may be hard, but you've gotta hang in there and accept the challenges head-on. If they accept you in the Air Force, you're going to meet so many new people and go to so many places and it'll undoubtedly be the greatest time of your life. And when your ex finds out how far you've gone, she'll deeply regret having dumped you! Just keep your head held high and keep on moving for your dream. You've probably heard it a million times before, but things will get better for you and you've got to believe that.
HLP234 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Believe me I'm going through the same thing though without the cheating. If I wasn't finishing up college, I would deff go into the military at this point. It will keep you focused, strengthen you and make you a better person. But don't give up, you have to think about how you will overcome this. Right now I feel like crap, happens every night..I get to these low points. Just try and think positive..even though I can't do it myself.
blackbear_703 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I also made promise to her while we where talking she admited that she was feeling alone and that everything in her life was going away I promised her that no matter what I'd be there for her as a friend cause she was and still is so special. Im a man of my word what should I do about that. I cant break promises even though she has for me In all honesty, I made the same exact promise to my own ex just last weekend. However, since it's pretty clear she and I can't even be friends, I've broken that promise and I don't feel good about it one bit. As for you, you'll have to decide whether you have the strength to truly be friends with her or whether to keep on with NC. If you truly want to be friends, you'll have to set your feelings aside, not let her use you as the back-up guy, and be ready for the day when she talks to you about the new love in her life. This is a task that's easier said than done for most people.
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 yeah the airforce is the one thing solid in my life and its helping me claw my way out of this hole even though I keep getting knocked down. I beleive it will help me broaden my horizens also. I'll be there for her if she needs me but I doubt thats gunna be anytime soon cause she's not dealing with her pain and is hiding and feeding off other peoples happiness. When we where talking she told me she's not truely happy she just puts up a front so she doesnt have to deal with the pain. Oh well its not my life to help anymore
HLP234 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Thats the thing girls do best..they can conceal if they are not happy or better yet, they can just get anyone else to get over you. Which seems the case with me too. And if that dude messes up than she comes back to you I suppose. Its just wrong but once they find a new attraction, they fall right for it and it changes their mind..yeh its cruel but what can you do, that's how we become mean towards other girls. Stick with the Air Force, I was going to go but all I wanted to do was be a pilot but my vision is not 20/20 so that really upset me.
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 yeah I will stick with the air force been wanting to do it for a while now
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 This Whole NC thing is soooo hard ugh.
blackbear_703 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 The Air Force was also my big dream all the way from elementary through high school. In fact I was raised around it b/c my grandpa was a WWII AAF veteran and I heard all of his stories and wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to fly so bad, but like HLP, my eyesight isn't perfect. However, I would've been perfectly happy doing something that involved space or communications. In fact, my g-pa told me the same exact thing I told you last night about the Air Force Meltkamp. When Life got pretty rough for me and I wasn't sure I wanted to stay in high school, he reminded me of this fact. Unfortunately I never made it in the AF because of health problems, but I did graduate and go on to college. As for NC, yeah it's hard and even harder when you check your e-mail, SMSes, etc. and there's nothing there...esp. at those times when you used to get something from her. That's how I'm feeling right now since we used to talk every morning at this time, but now there's nothing. Oh well...she's the one who wanted to break up, not me.
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 yeah the military isnt big in my family as in not at all. Im gunna be the first in the forces in a long time. But yeah everytime my phone goes off everytime i have an email or msg i hope its from her but its not I miss her so much she did break up with me I know. Its so hard though
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 Im stupid I broke Nc but when we where talking we where gunna go no contact but she wanted me to tell her when I went to oregon to visit my Mother so. I simply sent her a msg on fb telling her Im leaving tomorrow and that I hope she can go to montana to visit her father (when he moved the problems started) Is this a huge mistake or was it ok??
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) Me I leave for oregon tomorrow. I told ya I'd tell ya. I do still wanna be friends but want you to get your head straight. Hope you can go to Montana To visit your father ttyl Her I'm not going to montana anymore. Me why? im sorry I do still wanna talk and try to be friends As much as it hurts your a good person to talk too Her Because trappers back legs have been giving out for the past week and my grandpa doesn't want scooby around him but my dad won't lock him outside thats just mean. I know you want to but we should give it time. Me Yeah :/ im so sorry. Yeah we should give it time only if you do want to be friends with me. This is ****ing stupid hard i think me in oregon will help a lil bit wish you could go to montana I really do I think it'd help ya figure **** out Her Yeah.. I wish I could go. I miss my dad so much Me yeah you do wanna try to be friends? I know you wish you could go. You should talk to him and see if you can find a way out there Her No.. I'll just wait.. It'll be okay. i don't know if I wanna be friends. Thats gonna be super hard. Me ok i bet you tellin him how much you miss him will help ya Yeah i know it will be hard Its hard for me cause I still have feelings for you and **** Why do you think it'd ne hard for you? Her Yeah.. its hard for me because i've never been friends with you ever. And you can't just go from being in a 3yr long relationship to being friends. It do esn't work like that. ME Yeah well I feel like we where friends and also where dating :/ but thats just me. I know it doesnt work like that. I just want to be friends bad. Idk Theres still love there and I know you still love me deep down :/ thats what makes this so hard... I need to leave for basic soon cause It will give you time to think with out me here Her Yeah.. Well thats not the same. We were never actual friends. Being a best friend and bf/gf is so different from straight up friend. I don't know if it'll work. Me yeah idk... I need to leave for the airforce I so want to be friends and try again in life but I just need to leave so you can sort your head out and figure out what you really want Idk... I do love you still and I miss you soo much Her Yeah. I really do need to just be alone. I haven't really seen or talked to Ron(edited name) in the last few days Me Yeah its probably for the better so you can sort yourself out though ya know I'll leave ya alone as best I can promise. Give ya sometime to sort your life out and **** Her Yeah.. It'd be helpful so I appreciate it. Me I will.. I know it'll help ya. I'll always be here for you like i said. I made that promise to you and wont ever take it back Her Okay Me K I promise:) So that was our conversation what should I do Edited December 21, 2009 by Meltkamp
Author Meltkamp Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 we also talked over txt a lil bit and her. Apparently her new boytoy lets call him Ron and her are done he's trying to control her while not having a relationship. He talks to his ex still and they hangout but when britt talks to me or i help her or whatever he flips out and yells at her and stuff they arent dating so thats stupid. So she told me she's done tryin with him and yeah i believe her. Idk whats up anymore. I'm gunna give her time to figure herself out but any input is helpful
HLP234 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 You definetely sounded soft in that convo. If you kept no contact, when at least responding to her, you need to sound short, and sound like you don't care. You see how she just controlled the situations still? You begging for friends does not work. I would not be able to be friends with my girl if this break ends with me telling her I need to be done with it because i can't take it anymore. You can't beg her for stuff, that makes you look weak. You have to show that you have strength and confidence. Show her that you don't need her at all. She doesn't know what she wants like my girl too, and you can't make up her mind quicker. If you can't take the wait the best thing to do, and also the hardest, is to just tell her you need to move on and cut contact with her. Good luck with training, and don't worry, you will miss her but waking up at 5am, exercising and doing drills. That will get your mind off of it soon enough. And you will be able to travel to new places, go out at night and meet new people..this is the best thing to do in case of a hard break up like this. If I didn't need to finish college soon I would probably do the same.
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