Knossos Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I was promptly dumped by the much younger guy I'd been seeing for about a month yesterday morning. We've been having certain trust related issues for the past two weeks that were accelerated by the arrival of one of his friends from college on winter break. Basically, he dumped me for said friend (old childhood buddy that is closer to his age). The catalyst was a week-long ski trip that he had neglected to mention during our short time together. He's supposed to be gone from the 27th to the 2nd of January with a bunch of other younglings from his church group. Of course, his dear childhood friend is also going to be part of that group. He said, after I had to literally beg and plead for some shred of the truth, that he wants to date someone close to his age, and he's got some unresolved feelings with the friend that he would like to explore during the ski trip. This is the only reason why he could have conveniently forgotten to mention the damned trip to me during our recent conversations about what we were going to be doing over the holidays. The trip was booked two months ago, and maybe there's some unwritten rule that states you don't have to tell the potential girlfriend about anything that you have coming up if it was planned before they met and started dating. He's 19, so perhaps he should be forgiven for a lapse of judgment due to his age. That wouldn't explain his hidden intention to hook up with his old friend, though. I mean, did he forget that too? I'm just...numb, sad, stupefied, all over the place emotionally. We were getting along really well, and while I can't say we were ever going to be married (because of the age difference; again, he's 19, I'm 36), I did really enjoy his company. He seemed so damned sincere, mature for his age. I've had a string of bad relationships, and haven't dated for seven years. I hoped for something sweet and nice that would leave pleasant memories, and maybe launch me back into the dating world. But no, I had to be used by some...I don't know what to call him. I'm just very confused and stunned right now.
Bejita463 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 he's 19, I'm 36 Tells the story in my mind. He isn't even old enough to know what he wants to do with his life yet. This was never a good idea, due to that fact along. Not the difference itself exactly, but the age the difference ended up making him be.
imagine Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Ok. I got married at forty. I know what it is like to be lonely (and choosy). It is well that he broke up soon. Imagine that you had gone out for some years before he changed his mind. Join a club. Dress smart and practice confidence. Also no sex before the wedding. This can truly kill a relationship.
Bejita463 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Also no sex before the wedding. This can truly kill a relationship. No sex before a wedding can kill relationships too, actually. That's only a good rule if it is in line with your personal set of morals.
Author Knossos Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 Actually, I might have to agree with the "no sex" part (although not until the wedding. I'm patient, but not *that* patient). I realize this was the first clue something wasn't right with this kid. In the past, I've never gotten to the sex part until after a month of dating someone. Biggest mistake I made in this experience was having sex on the second date. (He supposedly understood my perspective on the matter, but when it came to the occasion, I said, "Not yet", he said, "But I want to. Don't you want to? It's been awhile, right?" Wow, a player in the making!...and I fell for it). In regards to being choosy (as imagine said), I'm not allowed that luxury. I'm really ugly, so I have to settle for what I can get. I've never been asked out by any guy in the past seven years until this kid. If I had better opportunities, I never would have chosen to go out with someone young enough to be my son.
an hero Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 In regards to being choosy (as imagine said), I'm not allowed that luxury. I'm really ugly, so I have to settle for what I can get. I'm sorry, but I literally choked on my food when I read that. Anyway, time to move on. You are lucky it was only a month. There are guys out there for you.
Author Knossos Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) I'm sorry, but I literally choked on my food when I read that. Anyway, time to move on. You are lucky it was only a month. There are guys out there for you. At least the food went down to its intended location, right? Anyway, I am being quite literal in my assessment of my ugliness. Random features include: short hair (likes to keep it that way), glasses (also likes to keep it that way), teeth that aren't perfectly straight and perfectly white, weight that doesn't equal out to the perfect size 0, height which basically approximates that of a Hobbit in stilettos...does this paint an attractive picture? Of course not. But yes, it's definitely time to move on. I would have preferred not going through this experience at all, and wished that I had listened to my better judgment. I bear much responsibility in this failed venture, I do admit that freely. I also feel the youngling bears a great part in how this mutated and died (age doesn't excuse lying or using another person for sex). As for meeting other men, if the only ones I'm allowed to meet and date are schmucks, then I'll pass. (If a decent man who also happens to be a decent person would come along, I would be grateful. But that'll never happen, so...) Edited December 21, 2009 by Knossos
imagine Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Go get a make over. There are just so many women with false eyelashes, high heels, dyed hair, rouged cheeks, step-ins and false teeth. Even the magazine pictures are touched! Girl, there is a gorgeous hobbit out there, wearing your future surname!
sonicranger Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I have to agree with everyone else. A) As you admitted you're a little "unchoosy" shall we say. B) He is 19 and CLEARLY a young 19...if he was interested in sex, sex, or more sex, he'd probably have been a little more anxious and accomodating to your requests. Sounds like he is really about 15 and just wants to "have fun" in a good old fashioned way. You'll do fine. There are plenty of male Hobbits who drink coffee and are losing what hair they have that probably think you're a slice of heaven...
torranceshipman Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) Seriously, what on earth did you expect from a 19yr old?! He is immature, but because he is meant to be, he's only 19, he is still growing up!!! And that girl sounds like his girlfriend. Oh and don't beat on him for wanting sex quick - whilst noone should be pressured, etc, his hormones are gonig insane at his age. If you want a serious partner who is emotionally mature and doesn't want to bang everything that moves due to the insane amount of testosterone and growth hormone that just hit them (normal for a male teen) then you've pretty much struck out with the age range that will give you EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of what you are looking for. Edited December 21, 2009 by torranceshipman
mansquito Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I hoped for something sweet and nice that would leave pleasant memories, and maybe launch me back into the dating world. But no, I had to be used by some...I don't know what to call him. I'm just very confused and stunned right now. Sounds like you were using him, too. If not for sex, then for companionship, or to help yourself feel better, or whatever. You clearly weren't expecting anything long term. But seriously. 36 and nineteen? Jesus Christmas! What were you expecting? Remember all of the self centered, emotionally immature guys in college? This guy is younger than most of them. Why were you expecting a fulfilling adult relationship from somebody who's barely an adult himself?
mem11363 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 i If your photo is accurate you are SO not ugly. Something else is causing a problem meeting people - you are not ugly. At least the food went down to its intended location, right? Anyway, I am being quite literal in my assessment of my ugliness. Random features include: short hair (likes to keep it that way), glasses (also likes to keep it that way), teeth that aren't perfectly straight and perfectly white, weight that doesn't equal out to the perfect size 0, height which basically approximates that of a Hobbit in stilettos...does this paint an attractive picture? Of course not. But yes, it's definitely time to move on. I would have preferred not going through this experience at all, and wished that I had listened to my better judgment. I bear much responsibility in this failed venture, I do admit that freely. I also feel the youngling bears a great part in how this mutated and died (age doesn't excuse lying or using another person for sex). As for meeting other men, if the only ones I'm allowed to meet and date are schmucks, then I'll pass. (If a decent man who also happens to be a decent person would come along, I would be grateful. But that'll never happen, so...)
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 In many cases, 19 year old guys are too young for women of ANY age. Mme. C.
boogieboy Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Actually, I might have to agree with the "no sex" part (although not until the wedding. I'm patient, but not *that* patient). I realize this was the first clue something wasn't right with this kid. In the past, I've never gotten to the sex part until after a month of dating someone. Biggest mistake I made in this experience was having sex on the second date. Having sex on the second date doesnt mean anything, plenty of people who are REALLY into each other have sex on the second date and still have healthy LTR's. Doesnt mean something wasnt right with him. You just assumed he was going to see the relationship the same way you did. HE just wanted a fling, you took it more seriously than he did, and his behavior was expected from a guy his age. From now on, if you want a serious relationship, you need to make that known to the guy in the beginning.
dreamergrl Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 He's being 19. What did you expect from him? What did you expect getting involved with a 19 year old boy? Maybe instead of 'settling' and crying about what you look like, start focusing on the positives and landing yourself a man who is ready for what you want. Quit dating kids not even old enough to drink.
FilthMerchant Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Ok. I got married at forty. I know what it is like to be lonely (and choosy). It is well that he broke up soon. Imagine that you had gone out for some years before he changed his mind. Join a club. Dress smart and practice confidence. Also no sex before the wedding. This can truly kill a relationship. No sex before the wedding? I can't for the life of me think of a surer way to kill relationships. That is like AIDS for relationships. Actually, I might have to agree with the "no sex" part (although not until the wedding. I'm patient, but not *that* patient). I realize this was the first clue something wasn't right with this kid. In the past, I've never gotten to the sex part until after a month of dating someone. Biggest mistake I made in this experience was having sex on the second date. (He supposedly understood my perspective on the matter, but when it came to the occasion, I said, "Not yet", he said, "But I want to. Don't you want to? It's been awhile, right?" Wow, a player in the making!...and I fell for it). In regards to being choosy (as imagine said), I'm not allowed that luxury. I'm really ugly, so I have to settle for what I can get. I've never been asked out by any guy in the past seven years until this kid. If I had better opportunities, I never would have chosen to go out with someone young enough to be my son. Okay... you can't be that ugly if some 19 year old goes for you. Think of all the girls his age available to him... unless he is not the most attractive person himself You were probably more like a mother figure than anything else for him. 19 year olds shouldn't be with 36 year olds... it's more than an age difference it is a generation difference.
Author Knossos Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Go get a make over. There are just so many women with false eyelashes, high heels, dyed hair, rouged cheeks, step-ins and false teeth. I'd rather work with what I have instead of becoming something else. Sounds like you were using him, too. If not for sex, then for companionship, or to help yourself feel better, or whatever. You clearly weren't expecting anything long term. Actually, he said that he never wanted to hurt me by using me, so we both agreed on something casual that would last until one or both parties got tired of the arrangement. I wouldn't have minded him saying it was time to end things, but I would have preferred a more honest approach. Just because he's 19 doesn't give him permission to lie and keep banging me until his friend decided to dump her boyfriend for him. (Actually, since they're both liars, they deserve each other. Ha!) i If your photo is accurate you are SO not ugly. Something else is causing a problem meeting people - you are not ugly. It's actually Dita Von Teese taking off a pair of glasses. If I used one of my pictures for an avatar, I'd be sued for breaking pixels . He's being 19. What did you expect from him? What did you expect getting involved with a 19 year old boy? Maybe instead of 'settling' and crying about what you look like, start focusing on the positives and landing yourself a man who is ready for what you want. Yeah, I know, mea culpa. I still think he could have shown a little more respect and said, "You know what? This isn't working out. Let's end things, okay?" That approach would have been fine. As for crying about my appearance...actually, I stopped crying about the state of that department years ago. Now I just state it plainly. I'm not going to misrepresent myself by stating that I have some attractive physical characteristics when evidence proves otherwise. Again, it's that honesty path I like to follow, although I will admit that particular tendency is honest masochism. Okay... you can't be that ugly if some 19 year old goes for you. Think of all the girls his age available to him... unless he is not the most attractive person himself You were probably more like a mother figure than anything else for him. 19 year olds shouldn't be with 36 year olds... it's more than an age difference it is a generation difference. I just look younger than my age. Nothing particularly attractive from my perspective. He did complain about not being able to find a date because of his appearance. So he definitely settled for the lesser of two weevils by going out with me. Which doesn't help my lack of self-esteem, just reinforces that I'm the Last Chance Saloon for guys who can't get laid via traditional means.
meerkat stew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Sorry you had to experience this, try to look at it as a fling that ended as flings inevitably do as opposed to taking it personally as a rejection. There's a lot of distance between "sex on the second date," and "no sex before marriage," you will find a happy medium.
Author Knossos Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 (edited) There's a lot of distance between "sex on the second date," and "no sex before marriage," you will find a happy medium. Then "no sex at all" will have to be my happy medium. Edited December 22, 2009 by Knossos Simplifying post.
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