9Lives Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 all i tried to do was bring goodness into your life and the more I tried to do that, the more you try to bring hurt and pain into mines. What kind of man is this? What makes him always want to tear me down I will never understand. he has been thru alot of challenges in his life and I stood by his side thru all it the best I could and he still treats me like I did something wrong. I just dont understand. Please dont say well he is just a jerk. I want real answers.
westrock Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 What kind of man is this? A man who is scared, more likely a scared little boy. It has to do with the challenges he has faced. Did he have a difficult childhood growing up?
nobmagnet Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 google narcassit. If he ticks the boxes (like my ex) you will have your answer my love.
Author 9Lives Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 A man who is scared, more likely a scared little boy. It has to do with the challenges he has faced. Did he have a difficult childhood growing up? No, it is like he can be nice to everyone but me and I have been there so much for him
GrayClouds Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Sorry 9Lives but your asking the wrong question. Better Questions: Why where you willing to put up with such a person? What in your self make you think that love means ptting up with that crap? Why are youu spending this time trying to understand him rather then trying to understand yourself? Much harder questions but these answers will matter.
westrock Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 No, it is like he can be nice to everyone but me and I have been there so much for him Sadly in their past (usually in their experiences with their parents), these people somehow associated others giving them love and goodness as someone who can also hurt them and abandon them. For these people who have mixed positive and negative experiences with others who have loved them or tried to bring goodness into their lives, these people find it too much to deal with and reactively as a way of self-defence they push away the very people who are bringing goodness into their lives. The very love they crave, they push away because they are scared of being hurt. However, almost paradoxically, when dealing with others, such as strangers, where they understand that they don't have any obligations to the strangers and can put up an emotional wall knowing that the strangers can't hurt them emotionally, they act all friendly to them. It's toxic and you can't do anything about it unless they want to get help. Gray Clouds is right in suggesting to ask a different question.
Author 9Lives Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 Sadly in their past (usually in their experiences with their parents), these people somehow associated others giving them love and goodness as someone who can also hurt them and abandon them. For these people who have mixed positive and negative experiences with others who have loved them or tried to bring goodness into their lives, these people find it too much to deal with and reactively as a way of self-defence they push away the very people who are bringing goodness into their lives. The very love they crave, they push away because they are scared of being hurt. However, almost paradoxically, when dealing with others, such as strangers, where they understand that they don't have any obligations to the strangers and can put up an emotional wall knowing that the strangers can't hurt them emotionally, they act all friendly to them. It's toxic and you can't do anything about it unless they want to get help. Gray Clouds is right in suggesting to ask a different question. i still dont agree. it is more to it
Woggle Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Chances are he has been deeply hurt by the women in his past and you are paying the price for it.
curiousnycgirl Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I am dealing with many of the same questions in my own very similar situation. The answer is the are very selfish and self centered - I agree they would they probably have undiagnoses narcisstic personality disorder. In my case he would let or expect me to pay for everything, but in the end told me that I was emasculating him. During the past two weeks of NC I have still not been able to reconcile how this happened, how he could not see it for what I thought it was - a parternship where now I was giving more, later he would. During the last two weeks I have also begun to feel better than I have in a long time. Without him cutting me down - I am no longer walking on eggshells, my stress related issues have disappeared, and I can sleep through the night. Truth is GrayClouds is right, as he was in his reponses to my posts, we need to focus on ourselves, figure out why we let this happen and how to make sure we don't allow it to happen again.
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