Cora Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 It's kind of funny how things go sometimes. I was so nervous about meeting internet guy. I was basically making up every excuse to get out of it even though I really wanted to meet him. I finally got up the nerve to do so which I am proud of myself for that at least. After our meeting I find I'm not all that interested in him....but he seemed super interested in me. We got to know each other a bit more and what do you know he grew on me. I could not wait to see him again and he seems so sweet!! Well, as luck would have it, just as I was getting increasingly interested in him, he starts to lose interest in me it seems. He no longer texts me anymore...doesn't call, rarely emails and when I suggested we go out again he totally blew me off and said he was leaving to go out of town early for the holidays. Things are just different now...I dunno. He probably sensed I wasn't all that interested in him...even though I am now! Eh I guess that's just how life goes sometimes. It really bites, but what can ya do? I sent him one last email after he emailed me about going out of town. I told him to have fun and to have a great Christmas and to let me know when he got back so we could do something together if he was still interested? I know I know...probably sounded a little too desperate and I hate that! I guess I'll just wait and see if he ever gets back in touch with me and if not then I guess it's really over. LOL we only met one time and that was it. So funny how I was willing to give him another chance now and he no longer wants it. The tides change fast.
Boundary Problem Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 may I ask why you were nervous about meeting him?
Author Cora Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 may I ask why you were nervous about meeting him? Because I don't date often and this was like the second guy ever I've met online. I also have terrible anxiety issues...very shy etc. I am just a bit confused I guess because almost immediately after our first meeting he sent me a text saying how much he enjoyed meeting me etc. A day later he emails me telling me again what a good time he had and asked me out again. No plans were ever arranged or set in stone, but one friday I just started texting him and when I got off work that night he sent a text asking if I wanted to catch a late movie with him? I told him I would, but I was soo tired...it was after midnight, I had just gotten off of work and I was coming down with a cold. He understood...or so it seemed. I sent him an email apologizing again for not being able to go out with him in which he replied no worries at all! No mention of another date though so I took it upon myself to ask him out again which he totally blew off...did not even say hey when I get back into town after the holidays maybe we can get together. So I don't know what has happened here? I guess he just lost interest?
Author Cora Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 He was so sweet too because when I told him that night how I couldn't go out because I was so tired, he asked if I would be okay to make the drive back home? Since I live an hour away from work. He basically offered to take me if I was too tired to drive, but I told him I would be okay in which he replied drive safely. I'm not sure what happened, but things are just not the same it seems.
Brightmoon Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Cora I have been there too, and it's bewildering and hurtful. Not being keen on someone and then realising that you like them... and then it's too late. No matter how reassuring you are.. it's too late. I hope it is not the case for you. Hope he returns your interest again. But it may be the case that he has met someone else. Internet relationships are notorious for that.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Hey you didn't have it bad. At least you didn't went psycho texting the guy after one date... As I've always said, take online dating with a grain of salt. And never put your heart on your sleeves until perhaps after the 3rd date.
Els Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Honestly, chances are if there wasn't any sort of spark at all at first meeting, you aren't really attracted to him. So it isn't really a big loss?
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 seeing that you met him online, he probably met someone else online. online dating is a fierce competition of survival of the fittest... i would wait a little bit and text him something short maybe after christmas and gauge the response...
tkgirl Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Do you think you might have become more interested in the "idea" of him rather than who he really is as a person? because when you first met him you weren't so sure about him... and he most likely sensed that too and that's why he's backed off. Just try to play it cool now... I wouldn't call or text him again... just let things happen how they are supposed to...
Author Cora Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 Thanks all. Yeah, I'm not contacting him anymore. That email I sent him was the last contact he will get from me unless he shows some signs of being interested again. When we first met it was sooo very awkward with both of us being extremely nervous! I think that had a lot to do with it and my immediate non interest in him. I mean it wasn't complete non interest. He was just not what I'm usually attracted to and I was a ball of nerves that day so I figured hey I'd give him another chance. After I had made up my mind to give him another chance we communicated quite a bit more and tried to arrange other meetings which didn't pan out. He started to grow on me and while he isn't the type I'm usually attracted to....I realized he was one of the nicest guys I had ever been out with. Which made me start to look at him differently. That was a quality that the other guys I dated lacked. Even though I really haven't been on that many dates so I guess I don't have much to compare it to. You guys may be right....maybe I'm not really interested in him, but I was really wanting another meeting to figure that out. A meeting where this time we wouldn't be so darn nervous! Anyway, what can you do I guess? If he's lost interest he's lost interest. He could have found someone else which I knew could happen. I'm not by any means completely torn up over this...I mean we did just only meet once and the rest were just emails, texts and such. It just kind of sucks now that I was starting to like him and wanted to see if there was really anything there. Thanks again.
Lucky_One Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 A post-midnight invitation to a late movie on a Friday night is just an invitation to a booty call. I am SO thankful you turned him down. Never, ever accept a date with a guy who asks you out at the very last minute (in this case, after the last minute!!). He is doing the classic "It's midnight, I'm horny, and who can I call at the latest possible second who just might meet up with me, 'cause I got nothing better to do right now anyway." Always remember your grandmother, and think of what her dating rules would have been, had she been living in 2009.
Author Cora Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 Oh Lucky One, I totally agree with you! However, even though I don't know this guy very well.....I am about 100 percent sure he isn't that type of guy! There is just no question about that...I don't know, you would just have to know him to understand what I'm saying. I'm pretty sure the only reason he asked me out on such a last minutes notice was because previous plans did not work out and it was seeming more and more like we were not going to be able to meet again any time soon. Now, I know I could be completely wrong about this, but I so don't see him as having those type of intentions! Whether he did or not, I seriously would not go out with anyone that late anyway. Again, I highly doubt those were his intentions though.
tkgirl Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Oh Lucky One, I totally agree with you! However, even though I don't know this guy very well.....I am about 100 percent sure he isn't that type of guy! There is just no question about that...I don't know, you would just have to know him to understand what I'm saying. I'm pretty sure the only reason he asked me out on such a last minutes notice was because previous plans did not work out and it was seeming more and more like we were not going to be able to meet again any time soon. Now, I know I could be completely wrong about this, but I so don't see him as having those type of intentions! Whether he did or not, I seriously would not go out with anyone that late anyway. Again, I highly doubt those were his intentions though. you're right... we don't know him at all... but how well do you know him, really? It sounds like you have idealized this guy.. saying stuff how "he's one of the nicest guys you've ever gone out with etc." when you've really only met him face to face once... and of course most people are on their best behavior the first time they meet someone they may be interested in. I'm not saying he's not a nice guy, I'm just saying that you seem to have already put him on some type of pedastal and now you are bummed that he may not be interested in you anymore. To me, if a guy loses interest that quickly, they probably are just looking for something more casual... and it's really not a loss at all!
Author Cora Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 No, I don't know him that well and I know we only met in person one time, but we communicated for two months prior to meeting. Not that that's a huge thing or whatever. I don't think I've idealized him yet. It's true that he is one of the nicest guys I've ever gone out with because in the past I tended to pick ones who were only after one thing etc. This one is different.....for starters, we met at a restaurant....not his apartment like I have made the mistake of doing in the past with other guys. I have made some stupid mistakes in the past which I have learned from. Let's say for a second that I am being totally naive here and this guy could be a total user, maybe he is only out for sex. I would not sleep with him anyway. I wont sleep with him or any guy I meet/date etc. ever again. That will be reserved for a relationship. Perhaps he is lying to me when he says he isn't looking for something casual, but rather something more serious in the long run. I have no clue. This really isn't a big deal and I'm sorry if it sounded like I made it out to be one. Yeah, I'm a little bummed.....not because I've put him up on this pedestal, but because we did spend some time communicating and he did seem very interested at first. Ah well, no big deal....I was only kind of venting I guess. Sorry.
tkgirl Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 No, I don't know him that well and I know we only met in person one time, but we communicated for two months prior to meeting. Not that that's a huge thing or whatever. I don't think I've idealized him yet. It's true that he is one of the nicest guys I've ever gone out with because in the past I tended to pick ones who were only after one thing etc. This one is different.....for starters, we met at a restaurant....not his apartment like I have made the mistake of doing in the past with other guys. I have made some stupid mistakes in the past which I have learned from. Let's say for a second that I am being totally naive here and this guy could be a total user, maybe he is only out for sex. I would not sleep with him anyway. I wont sleep with him or any guy I meet/date etc. ever again. That will be reserved for a relationship. Perhaps he is lying to me when he says he isn't looking for something casual, but rather something more serious in the long run. I have no clue. This really isn't a big deal and I'm sorry if it sounded like I made it out to be one. Yeah, I'm a little bummed.....not because I've put him up on this pedestal, but because we did spend some time communicating and he did seem very interested at first. Ah well, no big deal....I was only kind of venting I guess. Sorry. aw hun! no need to be sorry at all! I just don't want you to be bummed out about a guy that may or may not be as great as you think he is. It's a mistake that I've made before and I wasted a lot of time pining over guys that later turned out to not be worth it at all. I wasn't trying to judge you... and I hope I didn't sound that way. They are your feelings and you have every right to have them! You were hoping this guy was one of the good ones... and maybe he still is. But for now you have to just chill and let him figure it out... if he's smart he will call you... and not for a last minute late night date!
Author Cora Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 aw hun! no need to be sorry at all! I just don't want you to be bummed out about a guy that may or may not be as great as you think he is. It's a mistake that I've made before and I wasted a lot of time pining over guys that later turned out to not be worth it at all. I wasn't trying to judge you... and I hope I didn't sound that way. They are your feelings and you have every right to have them! You were hoping this guy was one of the good ones... and maybe he still is. But for now you have to just chill and let him figure it out... if he's smart he will call you... and not for a last minute late night date! Thank you! I know you weren't trying to judge me....sorry if it sounded that way. I appreciate your advice and know that you are right. My days of pining over guys are over. lol As far as I'm concerned, communication is over between me and this guy unless he contacts me with good reason. I guess the only reason I was a little bummed was because I wasn't expecting him to just fall off the planet like this even though I knew it could happen. I'm getting over it now though. You live and learn! Thanks again!
tkgirl Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Thank you! I know you weren't trying to judge me....sorry if it sounded that way. I appreciate your advice and know that you are right. My days of pining over guys are over. lol As far as I'm concerned, communication is over between me and this guy unless he contacts me with good reason. I guess the only reason I was a little bummed was because I wasn't expecting him to just fall off the planet like this even though I knew it could happen. I'm getting over it now though. You live and learn! Thanks again! no, I know it sucks... I don't know why some guys do that... act all interested in the beginning and then bail for no reason. It does seem to happen more with guys you meet online I think... I just figure it's their loss. Hopefully he will come around... but when he does, you probably have to play the game a little bit... don't let him think you are so available. And yea, I hate the game too... but sometimes it's got to played.
bluewolf17 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 It's kind of funny how things go sometimes. I was so nervous about meeting internet guy. I was basically making up every excuse to get out of it even though I really wanted to meet him. I finally got up the nerve to do so which I am proud of myself for that at least. After our meeting I find I'm not all that interested in him....but he seemed super interested in me. We got to know each other a bit more and what do you know he grew on me. I could not wait to see him again and he seems so sweet!! Well, as luck would have it, just as I was getting increasingly interested in him, he starts to lose interest in me it seems. He no longer texts me anymore...doesn't call, rarely emails and when I suggested we go out again he totally blew me off and said he was leaving to go out of town early for the holidays. Things are just different now...I dunno. He probably sensed I wasn't all that interested in him...even though I am now! Eh I guess that's just how life goes sometimes. It really bites, but what can ya do? I sent him one last email after he emailed me about going out of town. I told him to have fun and to have a great Christmas and to let me know when he got back so we could do something together if he was still interested? I know I know...probably sounded a little too desperate and I hate that! I guess I'll just wait and see if he ever gets back in touch with me and if not then I guess it's really over. LOL we only met one time and that was it. So funny how I was willing to give him another chance now and he no longer wants it. The tides change fast. It's normal to get nervous/anxiety about meeting up. You are putting yourself on the line, and taking risks by online dating (risk being rejection or not finding someone you like). Be proud of yourself for activity looking, and knowing what you want, and don't want. Many end up being with someone they don't even like. But that won't be you. Just keep working it. You seem like a nice person, I'm sure it will happen.
Miko Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 when you first met him you weren't so sure about him... and he most likely sensed that too and that's why he's backed off. Good call. You probably decided that you DID like him AFTER your date but during the date you came off as though you did NOT like him so he backed off. Maybe he was trying to play 'hard to get' b/c you seemed unsure. Can't blame him since that's what we're all told to all our lives.
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