Owl Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 To be totally honest Owl.. it's not MY problem.. it's his.. he knows he should stop.. he always says he feels guilty.. blablabla.. we had this discussion many times.. Like you said.. it's his choice.. I say it's a kind of addiction... I'm not a doctor.. we are just having a discussion here.. no one here is qualified to analyse anyone.. we can just have opposite views of one problem.. You're totally right...it IS his problem. And his wife's...and his child's. He's emotionally investing in an impossible relationship with you, where he SHOULD be investing in his wife and his family. He's spending precious time (alongside his 80+ hour work week) sleeping with you when he SHOULD be home with them. You've often said that what you do HELPS marriages. How is it helping here, when this man is already stretched too thin? How is your FEEDING his 'addiction' helping him, or his wife? Wouldn't HELPING in this case actually be trying to convince him to GET help for his addiction, rather than participating in it? I get that it's not "your" problem. But do you really feel that this removes any responsibility for the damages done by supporting his behaviors? Say that the addiction here wasn't sex...say instead it was alchohol. Would you be helping or hurting him and his marriage by keeping a bottle of whiskey at your house for him to come by and get whenever he wanted? Say it's NOT an addiction...but his choice as I've said...does that change the equation really? Does supporting his destructive behavior help or harm him and his family?
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 and why exactly should I stop.. he's been my 'lover' for over 4 years now.. Why are you trying to 'convert' me to 'convert' him.. Let's say I try to make him stop.. do you honestly think he will.. I don't think so.. he will get another OW.. simple as that.. I enjoy being with him... why should I send him into another woman's arms..
donnamaybe Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I don't think there's an attempted conversion in those questions. I think it's more about calling out the stuff he believes isn't true.
2sunny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 most people (if not all) would never argue if they didn't have feelings involved. you like to state that you don't care - but i believe you do. you would never argue if you felt indifferent like some of your other MM. this makes me believe that you must have your feelings hurt to some degree. of all your threads - he has been the one over time to "stir your emotions" with ease... thus, making you angry at him more so than the other MM you have. if you are honest with yourself... what is that all about?
Owl Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 and why exactly should I stop.. he's been my 'lover' for over 4 years now.. Why are you trying to 'convert' me to 'convert' him.. Let's say I try to make him stop.. do you honestly think he will.. I don't think so.. he will get another OW.. simple as that.. I enjoy being with him... why should I send him into another woman's arms.. Lizzie, I'm well aware that you're "going to do what you're going to do", regardless of what anyone else thinks about it. No "conversion attempt" in here at all. But I'm also a firm believer in being honest with yourself. You're not "helping" anyone here but yourself. You pride yourself on your ability to snag and shag a guy like this, and the fact that you're still desireable enough that he'd want to be with you, regardless of his love for his wife. There's nothing altruistic in this. And there's no point in trying to rationalize his side of it with an "addiction"...call it like it is. He's a young man who cheats on his wife. With you, and/or with others. He's done it for a long time, and will keep doing so for as long as he can get away with it. He may also be a hard worker and a caring father...but these are ALL facets of "who" he is.
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 most people (if not all) would never argue if they didn't have feelings involved. you like to state that you don't care - but i believe you do. you would never argue if you felt indifferent like some of your other MM. this makes me believe that you must have your feelings hurt to some degree. of all your threads - he has been the one over time to "stir your emotions" with ease... thus, making you angry at him more so than the other MM you have. if you are honest with yourself... what is that all about? 2sunny... I understand you might think I have feelings for this guy.. I do.. but it's nothing close to 'love'... I like him very much.. he's amazing.. we have a lot of fun... we can talk for hours.. he makes me feel like a million bucks.. We enjoy each other.. He did hurt my feelings ..but that was about 2 years ago.. and it didn't last very long.. I've been sooooo over it since..
Impudent Oyster Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I had a fight with my young MM tonite.. not sure if he'll call back.. He just left and said he was very much hurt by my attitude tonite.. Oh well... I might have lost him.. we'll see. I'm just letting some 'steam' out.. Thanks.. No worries, plenty more where he came from, eh Lizzie?
pureinheart Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Lizzie, I thought you were blowing off steam, like "mad" at him. But it seems you are just annoyed that he wasn't understanding that you have no obligations to him. I know there is more to "just" being annoyed, but you certainly don't sound angry about anything. I hadn't been on LS for awhile, although I do remember when the OW used to start threads, saying particular things just to piss off the BW's (I always use "BW" because Trial BY Fire hated using BS....remember...lol) and vice versa.....when I read Lizzies OS it sounded like this was the case, meaning to flaunt rather than having a serious issue to discuss. If this is the case Lizzie, that would be way uncool because this forum, due to the serious nature, is meant for people to heal in. I would like to see the BW's and OW come together because the problem IMO is not them, it is the actual cheater. Sure this forum is to discuss stuff to, I just sensed a hint of Liz being onery.....
bentnotbroken Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I know.. but he's certainly not the first and not the last.. Oh sssssooooo true.
donnamaybe Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 No worries, plenty more where he came from, eh Lizzie? MANY, I'm sure. At least for awhile...
bentnotbroken Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I guess you can say the same about cigarette addiction, drug addiction, etc.. they choose to continue.. maybe it's not that easy to stop.. I don't think anyone believes it is easy, not by a long shot. But if it is what you truly want, the same with any addiction, you take the steps to make the change. You do the hard work, the heavy lifting and you walk away(maybe with help from the spouse)from the addiction.
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 they're all the same.... he called back today.. left me a message... he wants to know if I'm still pissed at him.. and that he'll call back tomorrow morning.. he wants to talk to me...
2sunny Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 that's not what he really wants and you know it... who does he think he's fooling?
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 that's not what he really wants and you know it... who does he think he's fooling? Well, we often met just to talk... it's not always for sex.. but I know he thinks about it..
2sunny Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Well, we often met just to talk... it's not always for sex.. but I know he thinks about it.. he knows he could just discuss it on the phone if he only wanted to clear up a misunderstanding...
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 I know.. but he was calling me from home.. and probably couldn't talk too long.. and he never calls from his cell anymore.. he got caught twice..
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 will you be available for him tomorrow? I doubt it.. I am meeting my BFF for breakfast .. this is already planned..
White Flower Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 C'est vrai! Les hommes sont le même! Men...they're all the same.
JMC Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Or have their genitals permanently installed in a jar of pickle juice. Yah, and with God's grace too.
bentnotbroken Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Yah, and with God's grace too. Where have you been my friend? :DI have missed you. Happy New Year. Of course we all are in God's grace.
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