DustySaltus Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm numb. ....and it's almost 6 months later. Therapy, alcohol, women...i've tried everything..... Strict NC, it's ALL or NOTHING for me, it's always been. Should have been married by now. Gave my all, i really did...but she's a wackjob. It's never going to change. Met a new girl who really likes me, i like her, she's knows my situation and is being patient. I don't have the "feeling" with her but it's too early to tell and I can use the company. Maybe at 28, i've peaked. look what i've become, look what you have made me become "K". Thought I was good, but it could never be that easy can it? Someone slap me around please....
TaraMaiden Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 *slap, slap, slap*. Now shut up and pass the panettone cocktail. look. I know you're in a crappy place right now, but would it not be worth thinking this the other way around? "Should have been married by now. Gave my all, i really did...but she's a wackjob. It's never going to change. Thank God I'm out of that. Imagine the aggro if we HAD got married! Met a new girl who really likes me, i like her, she's knows my situation and is being patient. So in spite of all your efforts, 'K', I've become better than I was before. You thought you had the best of me, but look at that - At 28, I'm in my prime and ready to rock.... look what i've become, look what you have made me become "K". The cr*a*p you dished up actually made me more aware of how I need to be to get ahead in life. Thought I was good, but it could never be that easy can it? 'Cause now I see, it might be tough, but I'll be better than ever." If you think positive - you'll be positive. You asked for a slap up de head. Look, if that's what you want, I can dish it up like a mechanical tennis-ball launcher. I'm relentless. I hammer away until I beat you into submission. but really, all you need to do is to observe your own thought pattern, and ask yourself one question: "Do I want to keep me down, or shall I actually think a lot more of myself than I do, and admit I deserve to get on despite this experience?"
GrayClouds Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 For you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3mlsTmoINA
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Dusty I am sure you have not peaked. Beleive me I feel the same as you, but I have read so many of your posts and I can tell you will make it. You are a smart guy and for whatever reason it takes some of us longer than others to move forward. You have someone you like to be with, so enjoy yourself. Relax and try to look for the fun. I know, why am I giving you advice I am not taking myself. *smirk* Take it for what it is. Be strong my friend!!! You will make it.
Author DustySaltus Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 *slap, slap, slap*. Now shut up and pass the panettone cocktail. look. I know you're in a crappy place right now, but would it not be worth thinking this the other way around? "Should have been married by now. Gave my all, i really did...but she's a wackjob. It's never going to change. Thank God I'm out of that. Imagine the aggro if we HAD got married! Met a new girl who really likes me, i like her, she's knows my situation and is being patient. So in spite of all your efforts, 'K', I've become better than I was before. You thought you had the best of me, but look at that - At 28, I'm in my prime and ready to rock.... look what i've become, look what you have made me become "K". The cr*a*p you dished up actually made me more aware of how I need to be to get ahead in life. Thought I was good, but it could never be that easy can it? 'Cause now I see, it might be tough, but I'll be better than ever." If you think positive - you'll be positive. You asked for a slap up de head. Look, if that's what you want, I can dish it up like a mechanical tennis-ball launcher. I'm relentless. I hammer away until I beat you into submission. but really, all you need to do is to observe your own thought pattern, and ask yourself one question: "Do I want to keep me down, or shall I actually think a lot more of myself than I do, and admit I deserve to get on despite this experience?" Tara, you are the best. You're right and sometimes I DO feel this way. I try and turn it around but i feel like a rubberband. Just when I thought I was "breaking out" something draws me back. Once I found out how to just shut that last bit of hop out, i'll be back....that's the hardest part though. I mean you know how crazy my story is...
TaraMaiden Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I know. Downers are a B1tcH, aren't they? You know, I'm going to have to actually do some study on this. Instead of telling people that they can choose whether to be down or up, and that attitude is a choice, and that if we let things get to us it's because we want to let them get to us, and so we deliberately self-sabotage.... I'm going to have to get to the bottom of precisely WHY people choose this state, over any other. Aren't we all a bunch of Fud-king masochists, fer chrissakes?? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we permit ourselves to catch a glimpse of the bad bits, yet gravitate towards them, as if our lives depended on them? I mean, how bloody screwy is that?! Glad you mentioned the elastic band. Find one. One big enough to go round your wrist, but not too big that it will fall off. Thick one too, if you can. Then, every time you feel drawn into the swirling whirlpool that is the epi-maelstrom of your negativity - pull it as hard as you can, and snap it against the inside of your wrist. if that doesn't bring you back to the present moment, and cause you actual pain you really should pay attention to - then nothing will. It bloody hurts, let me tell you. But hey, you idiot, you did it to yourself. (sound familiar?) But this pain is preferable le to the one you are causing your self, your mind and your day-to-day, through dwelling on the Phukwitch 'K' is..... Snap out of it. Literally. But don't just stop there. Acknowledge the thought, and immediately think of a thought-antidote. Whatever thought you had, find its reverse. Even if it's - "zh1t!! TM would slap me up de head for that one!" And laugh. At yourself. because look, you just did it again, but at least now, you've got a way to skip out of it. Yup. Skip. It's impossible to remain sombre, whilst, as a grown man, you skip round your sitting room. And sing. Something like 'Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer' or something. (I'd love to see that.....) Tell me you feel like cr*ap after that, and truly, I might give up on you. (Yeh. As if.)
Author DustySaltus Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) I'm with you Tara. It's just that constant fight within myself where I am looking through rose colored glasses and missing those times where we were who we were you know. It's like this woman thought I was going to abandon her at some point so she had to do it first. I know that i brought out the best in myself for this woman. I went to a foreign country where I really wasn't close with anyone. I did all this for her and she still had the audacity to go through my emails and think that I wasn't serious about us? $7000 is GONE. Money that I could've used for an apartment or house, I had a ring custom made. I stepped up. I stopped procrastinating like I had dione so often in my life previously and went out and got what i wanted. And after all of that THIS IS HOW I GET REPAID!!!!! Then, i'm having breakfast with this new girl today and she told me that I need to give her the benefit of the doubt that she won't burn me like my ex. In my head i'm telling myself that she isn't even on the same level as my ex but at the same time this girl drove through 2 feet of snow in new york for 10 miles to come and see me....I can't even appreciate it. I just don't want to be burned anymore. I have the best intentions. I'm a good, strong, successful young man and i keep telling myself that. Then I ask myself, if I was all that..why did she go crazy and do what she did and end things. I just want to have that smile on my face again. I saw it in an old family picture the other day and I was like, "What happened to that guy? We have to get back to being that guy". It's the fight within myself. I want to get better and I want to have that feeling back that I can love again someday. Tara & everyone, thanks for the help. I appreciate it:) Edited December 21, 2009 by DustySaltus
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