confusedmuch Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I have not had a serious relationship for the last few months even though I've gone on a lot of dates. Most of the guys I dated I haven't wanted to go out with again after the first or second date. After 3 straight months of what seems likes dates that go nowhere, I'm getting tired of it. I really want a relationship but on the other hand, I kind of want to just put dating on hold. I did notice though that I'm really picky with each new date. What they wore. Were their pants too long, too baggy, did they even try to look good? Then there's things like can they give me space. Are they too eager to jump into something. And are we on similar levels when it comes to communication? Recently though, I went on a first date with a guy that had the perfect personality, money and the dreams. But when he tried to hold my hand, it completely turned me off. But I've made out with other guys after a first date and had so much fun doing it. Which makes me think the chemistry just wasn't there with him. But it seems like I always find something wrong with the guys I date. Am I just being too picky? What kinds of things when dating should you just let slide?
dazzle22 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Are you over everything in your past relationship you just got out of a few months ago? If not, that is probably holding you back, or maybe you just haven't found someone you have good chemistry with. It really doesn't matter if someone is a great person, and has some dosh, if they are not "your type" and you don't have chemistry, there is nothing wrong with you or them, you are just not the right ones for each other.
DustySaltus Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Be as picky as you need to be. It's all about having no expectations but at the same time being open to meeting someone. If you go into the date thinking, "here we go again, this guy will probably do something I don't like"....he's got a lot of work to do. When was your last serious relationship? Do you compare people to past relationships you've had?
Author confusedmuch Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 When was your last serious relationship? Do you compare people to past relationships you've had? last serious relationship was just a few months ago. No, I don't really compare guys to past relationships. Just mostly whether they can make me laugh, seem trustworthy and their goals in life. Weird thing is even if they meet all the above expectations, if I'm not physically attracted to them, I can't bring myself to continue seeing them. Which makes me feel like I'm just shallow, which I'm really not. At least I don't think I am??
boogieboy Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I think going on all these dates has frustrated you and burned you out, and thats why youre finding reasons to get out of dates. They arent necessarily bad, but youre getting burned out and not relaxing and enjoying the dates. Maybe you should go on a hiatus from dating for a while, and start fresh in a month or so so you can give some guys a fighting chance.
Kiowa Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I used to be really picky too about the guys I dated. I would come up with all sorts of stupid little reasons why I didn't like a guy. For example: their hands looked weird or they walked funny. Then, I met the guy I am dating now. On the first date, I really wasn't in to him and was pretty sure I didn't want to see him again. But then he offered to take me to a Vietnamese restaurant and I couldn't refuse. His genuine happiness at having me around and how I felt in his company made me start to change my mind. Not entirely though. I had to keep on dating him and slowly I came to the realization that I was being petty to protect myself and my lifestyle (dating and relationships take time). However, I am now happy that I kept on focusing on the positive and ignored the negative as best I could. Do what works for you. If the negatives are deal breakers, then break it off. If you can maybe get over it, give a couple more chances to get to know him better and see if he has some qualities that more than make up for those negatives.
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Be as picky as you need to be. It's all about having no expectations but at the same time being open to meeting someone. If you go into the date thinking, "here we go again, this guy will probably do something I don't like"....he's got a lot of work to do. When was your last serious relationship? Do you compare people to past relationships you've had? well said^
Island Girl Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Be as picky as you need to be. It's all about having no expectations but at the same time being open to meeting someone. If you go into the date thinking, "here we go again, this guy will probably do something I don't like"....he's got a lot of work to do. When was your last serious relationship? Do you compare people to past relationships you've had? Agreed and well put Dusty.
Author confusedmuch Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 You are trying to rationalize your behavior, so that later you can have something to tell your friends/co-workers. Basically,you don't like a certain guy, period. Then you try to find a reason to articulate your dislike. So that if a friend asked you later why you didn't like him, you would have something better to say than "I don't know, I just didn't like him". Same thing with the flip-side, love. People like a certain person, but then try to find a reason to articulate the feeling. STOP TRYING TO RATIONALIZE FEELINGS, whether they be good or bad. You don't need a reason to love someone anymore than you need a reason to dislike someone. Excellent answer! That actually makes me feel a lot better, thank you.
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