nekoxchaos Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 My ex came back from studying abroad, he broke up with me a week before our 1 year anniversary over aim/skype on October. We maintained some contact, there were times when I really wanted to have no contact with him but it would eat me up and I'd start talking to him again. He came back this week, we met on friday for lunch but before that I mentioned to him if its ok If we talked things out since some of the stuff was bothering me.... I was still upset about getting dumped esp over aim and before our anniversary and he would further give me confusing signals since some of the conversations, he would refer to stuff in our relationship...that were good and fun. But once I would mention anything serious he would get upset and tell me to move on and his tired of going over it. He dropped by the office to pick me up, he also hooked me up with the job in the first place. We went to coffee shop and he was the one to hug me first and he missed me, he also initiated a lot of physical contact like holding my hands or being close to my face. It was pretty casual and light hearted and we pretty much catched up with what he did studying abroad. We parted and hugged each other three times. I didn't bring anything else up, but one day I really want to get to the heart of things. I'm not sure what all that physical contact was all about, he seemed to get really touchy so I truly don't know what his intentions were , bringing anything else up aside from the good and fun times just gets him really upset and he chooses not to deal with it.
Wicker_Parked Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 I am in a similar situation, i think physical contact during a date is a technique to drum up feeling of when you were back together again, but id does come off creepy when there is an extended period when you guys been seperated for a long time. My ex has brought up similar instances where she gets upset and requests not to talk about the past but yet she is the one initiating the date and asking questions about my life. This is just the case of the dumper throwing breadcrumbs and then being satisfied when she or he has got the update on your situation. I can understand that you want to bring up the past and get into the core of the problem, i think this is a good initiative - as countless times me and my Ex would not talk about the problem and why we broke up, but full knowing thats the reason we were out together spending time. Not to be friends but find out if the relationship is salvagable but due to egos and even bad advice i see on the internet from so called experts saying dont talk about the relationship as the your other half will, this just turns out to no-one talking about the breakup and no real progress.
Author nekoxchaos Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 I dont understand either... when i would have convos with him I try to keep it as casual, maybe sometimes i would mention stuff but only after feeling comfortable to do so since he would bring it up. Or he would ask about my day... and what i did etc etc.. he in turn would start showing me pics of his trip from europe, his facebook gallery is private plus I totally dont look at his page anymore no matter how tempted. He would get really excited etc but would turn cold if anything serious is up.Unless I bring up anything serious and its MOVE ON and he'd leave... despite justtalking to me about all the fun stuff in the relationship , pet names etc etc..so shouldn't we move on from those memories too? I think about having a arguement with my family member, we would avoid eachother for a time being... and later laugh about it. Is that what i should be doing too? I suppose its best to distance myself. Before I mentioned how I wanted some time to work things out myself, he told me he'll miss talking to me blah blah and wanted to see me soon... and that i better not dissapear because im " hiding " -_-
torranceshipman Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 He's just being a friend - you were the one that asked for that meeting, you are the one that brings up the serious stuff...and when that happens he shuts you down because he's made his feelings clear - it is over and he just wants to be friends. He was hugging you, etc, because that is normal physical contact between friends, esp. those with a history of previously being intimate, and also probably because he felt like he should comfort you a bit sometimes as you were probably a little bit intense or sad in bringing up the serious stuff. Sorry, but there is nothing in this but him being friendly. I'd 100% go NC if I were you as clearly you are still so into him, but he's moved on, and you'll only get hurt if you stay friends (e.g. imagine how you'll feel when a new girlfriend comes along if you've maintained this friendship in the hope that little exchanges between you two mean something-you'd be crushed-don't let that happen!).
Author nekoxchaos Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 I can understand a friendly hug... but it kinda went beyond with him saying I smell good etc .. holding my hands for a bit, the other time he tried I didn't take his hand. Yes I think its best for me to just leave him alone, I know its not going to do me good being around for him, since he already made it clear his over me etc etc. I don't know why I'm fooling myself , I suppose the best thing to do is disappear. Besides when I told him that he told me he'd miss me yadda yadda and that I shouldn't disappear too far.... so its like you want me around but you also dont? it feels like a " you can have your cake and eat it too" situation and I don't know why I keep feeding on breadcrumbs. Besides I did learn a lot from this relationship, it brought out my good side and bad side so I'll try my best to be cautious in the future, I know the right thing to do is not to jump into another relationship until I can focus on my own problems .... it may take months or years but I guess what matters is that I heal. Maybe one day he'll want to talk to me and maybe that day I hope I'm long gone.....
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