Loves me buy she is unsure.

[albertaguy]

Hi there! first time poster, though I have read a lot! I guess everyones situation is different but here is mine which has me a little confused.

 

Anyway, she was going to school for awhile and she seemed a little bit short tempered a lot of the time, I passed it by as school stress and didn't think much of it. Until a couple months ago we started having some serious conversations and it basically came down to her saying "something is missing".

 

After a couple weeks we decided she needed to stay at her moms for a week or so and see if she can figure out any answers by herself. This actually helped in the sense she figured out that she thinks our spark is missing in the relationship. Which in itself didn't make sense to me because I thought we did have a romantic relationship, I mean I didn't hesitate doing things for her, taking her out to dinner, making her breakfast before she woke up, buying her flowers on occasion, writing little notes for her when I wasn't around. You know, the good stuff.

 

After discussing this even further in the days ahead then she came to the conclusion that the spark in our sexual relationship is the specific reason. Again, I was dumbfounded as it seemed we had a great sexual relationship, we even did quite a bit of experimentation, we were very open about each others fantasies etc. It was good.

 

Now, forward to today and the last few days. It has gotten very interesting, we started to argue more and more because it was frustrating us both, especially me because I had no idea what she is actually thinking. I start getting mad and suspicious and looking for answers so I did a big no-no and started snooping her text messages. I find a text message from a guy stating something about loving both people and making a decision etc. etc. Oh man I almost had a heart attack when I read it, I was so pissed at first then I was insanely sad. I was litterally crying in front of her when I brought it up, and let me say that in 5 years I have never cried in front of her. She almost started to laugh and said I had the text message all wrong, and that it was a forward sent from another guy because he wanted to get advice on a text message he sent to another girl. Now, I believe we have had a great honest relationship, I have never ever doubted her telling the truth, so I believed her mostly. But now, a little part of me is a little suspicious for real this time.

 

I have to say that I am an industrial painter, I spend A LOT of time by myself in a little booth painting just thinking and thinking about everything. So the more I thought the more I becaume obsessed about this text message and if she was lying about this guy named "Jon". I'm embarrassed to say because of my crazy thoughts on this subject I have broken trust a few times, I know her email passwords, I have access to phone occasionaly, etc. This is what I've found out...

 

- She has recieved calls and called this "Jon" every few days, calls ranging from 1 minute to 30 minutes, and even one call for about an hour.

 

- She recieved an email from him with his picture in it (just a regular picture), and the email just said "hi baby, look it's me!"

 

- I have read other text messages however none of them are emotionally charged. Just random talking.

 

- She has NEVER mentioned him ever.

 

- Basically, I still haven't found solid proof there is something going on.

 

 

With that being said, we had a big fight a few nights ago and I was so pissed I brought up everything that I just listed. She admitted a couple things, but also had valid excuses for all these things. First, she actually admitted to me she sort of likes this guy a little bit, but she isn't sure if she just likes the attention he is giving her or what, but she assures me that nothing has been going on. The calls are what she says work calls, because she does work with this guy apparently, and they work security together, 12 hour shifts. However, some of the calls are not on work days, and her answer for that was they were still discussing random work related drama. To her credit though, most of the calls are FROM him and not TO him.

 

Finally, now we are broke up for the past few days, however she still calls a few times a day, says she misses me and loves me, but it just wouldn't be right getting back together. She has even stayed the night a few times (no sex). We have broken up on good terms. But I have told her that the moment she decides to be with someone else there will be absolutely no contact anymore because I can't stand the thought of her with someone else. She also always says she sometimes thinks she is making a big mistake with breaking up with me. Yet if she was to come back there would still be that missing spark.

 

I'm SORRY, I know this is an extremely long post, and congrats for reading through it, part of me just needs to tell all, part of me hopes the more information the better responses.

 

 

 

I think I'm a good guy with integrity, I have good common sense and I can honestly say, most of the conversations that I have had with my ex-girlfriend, I had to push the pace to get answers nearly everytime.

 

I have been all over the place with thoughts as to why this is happening. Here is what I think might be happening...

 

- "Jon" is very intersted in her, and is pushing himself towards her while he fully knows that she is currently having problems with our relationship, which frankly makes me want to punch him in the face for making things harder.

 

- She definitely has some sort of feelings towards "Jon", but she is confused about why she is having these feelings, and she is not sure wether to act on them or not. She doesn't know which way to go. Even know she says she feels for me 100 times more than this guy, maybe she feels for this guy more then she is letting on?

 

-Sometimes I think I am over thinking this "Jon" guy, I mean if she cared THAT much about him, wouldn't she be calling him everyday, wouldn't she be going to see him more often. They work for the same place, but they never see each other at work as they work opposite shifts apparently. I'm pretty sure she isn't doing it behind my back because almost all her free time she is seeing me.

 

- I know the sex spark thing is legitimate, I've come to realize that it has been like that for awhile, I don't know why, I've always had to ask if can do it, or else she would have never. I have no idea if that can change.

 

- Maybe she is debating wether I am ultimately the one guy for her. Or if she should try out others. Because she always mentions she doesn't know if she's making a mistake, and she doesn't want to lose me. And she is afraid I won't be there if she wants to come back. I tell her that I don't want to be waiting around while she finds out if she wants to be with someone else. I don't want to be considered a last resort so to speak.

 

- One thing that I think may be true and I'm afraid of is, that I am her first real boyfriend, the first guy she has ever had sex with. She is a beautiful girl, many guys look at her and she has told me in the past years on many occassions when guys have tried to hit on her. I don't like to admit it, but maybe she just needs to get around and have fun? Although when I brought that up she denies it.

 

-My worst fear... is that someone can put on a damn good lie when they really feel they need to, and that she is really seeing this guy. But at the same time I can't see her still lying to me after I broke down in front of her after reading that cell phone text. I mean, if you were going to tell someone you are cheating, I would think that would be the perfect "you're caught" moment to tell the whole truth.

 

 

Again, sorry for the long post, I just want to know everyones thoughts and opinions on what you think may be wrong, or if you think my thoughts are right or wrong? I mean come on, she is even coming over tonight to watch some movies, because even know we broke up a couple days ago and said we wouldn't talk to each other, she still calls the next day saying that misses me. What the heck is going on here.

 

 

 

 

Coles notes because this is so long.

-she said she has minor feeling for someone else

-she still loves me, and misses me

-we broke up, but she still comes over,we still spend a lot of time together

-she says there is no sexual spark

 

 

Thanks for reading! if you made it through!

[females_lie]

Kinda in the same boat friend. Been with mine for 8 years. We had normal couple issues, nothing crazy. But she had feelings of not being appreciated from years ago. She never communicated them because she felt if i "loved her id figure it out". We all know how that goes. Anyway, 2 years ago, came home from djing to see her phone wide open on the bed. It was like God placed the phone there for me to see....the texts were there and everything. She had been visiting a old aquaintence of ours while I was workinga nd discussing all of aour problems with him...because he "was a good listener". I was crushed, she admitted having feelings for him. I should have dumped her than but I took the blame for a lot of the problems. Biggest ****ing mistake of my life. Well the next year and a half was ok, but I was still hurt and she wasnt the same. Fast fowar to september 09, she decides she is "confused" and wants "a break"..not a break up of course..lol. She takes off to her dads for three weeks. We still talk/text and even go on a few dates. I tell her its all or nothing and its a wierd relationship so she comes home. Everything was still wierd and she wasnt the same. Well 3 weeks ago (day before thanksgiving) she drops the bomb and we brake up. I was devestaed.8 years invested down the drain. She kept messaging me in a friend way and I could tell we were going towards friend zone which i want nothing to do with. So here I am now, 7 days into no contact and don't plan on going back. When/if she calls, I plan on doing everything this website and every other book says, make her chase me.

Sorry bro, shes bangin the other guy...and I think you know it.Its a terrible feeling...hell Im sure there might be another guy my lady is interested in (maybe the dickweed from before)...but here is where you get your balls back. Takle every thing you got and cut her out completely. Look at it the way I finally did. If she really loved you, would the thought of feelings for someone else even enter her mind? No. Plain and simple. Your relationship obviously had unresolved issues like mine and things didnt get fixed which is why we are on this forum today. As hard as it is, don't blame your self as communication issues involve 2 people messing up...I have finally realized that. Im still sad..but each day it gets a little easier...especially since Im determined to be strong now. If she comes back to me, I know she is in love with me. If she doesnt, **** her I can get any girl I want...lol...Good luck.

[McGrupp]

first off you say you broke up at the end? did you? you didnt mention that earlier and made it seem like you 2 were still together.

 

- Basically, I still haven't found solid proof there is something going on.

 

seriously? then you post this:

 

She recieved an email from him with his picture in it (just a regular picture), and the email just said "hi baby, look it's me!

 

i think thats pretty obvious right there.

 

i dont know what your contact situation is but you have to pull way back if you want any chance. almost dissapear off of her radar. im going to tell you strait some huge red flags.

 

-she works with the dude: already spending a lot of time with him, stuff in common i dont care how much their shifts are different

 

- she says sex is lacking. or uninteresting. huge, huge ****ing red flag. you shouldve walked away there.

 

-and then this guy thing. gimme a break with her and him forwarding the ****.

 

if u want any chance, be a man and walk the **** away. dont beg, dont cry dont email. just take your emotions and cry in the bar or your bed but not inmake her come back, cause as you said you already broke down and she has definately lost a lot of respect for you.

 

i work(ed) alone for all of my breakup and man do i sympathasize with you. **** is brutal.

[albertaguy]

first off you say you broke up at the end? did you? you didnt mention that earlier and made it seem like you 2 were still together.

 

 

 

seriously? then you post this:

 

 

 

i think thats pretty obvious right there.

 

i dont know what your contact situation is but you have to pull way back if you want any chance. almost dissapear off of her radar. im going to tell you strait some huge red flags.

 

-she works with the dude: already spending a lot of time with him, stuff in common i dont care how much their shifts are different

 

- she says sex is lacking. or uninteresting. huge, huge ****ing red flag. you shouldve walked away there.

 

-and then this guy thing. gimme a break with her and him forwarding the ****.

 

if u want any chance, be a man and walk the **** away. dont beg, dont cry dont email. just take your emotions and cry in the bar or your bed but not inmake her come back, cause as you said you already broke down and she has definately lost a lot of respect for you.

 

i work(ed) alone for all of my breakup and man do i sympathasize with you. **** is brutal.

 

 

I see your point about the email. Honestly, it's the only thing I have yet to confront her about, because I'm hoping another solid email will come around. She said he is a pushy guy and I am hoping that's all the email is, is pushy. She never did reply to that email either. And sorry if I made it seem as if we were still together, techincally it has been a breakup, it's just it still feels like we are together in so many ways.

 

And as for her banging the other guy, part of me wants that to be true so I can just end it all right now, however I don't think it is true. In fact, after the whole cell phone fiasco, she has been making it a point to voluntarily show me her cell phone to check dialed and receieved calls, text messages etc. Because she wants me to believe her.

[females_lie]

I see your point about the email. Honestly, it's the only thing I have yet to confront her about, because I'm hoping another solid email will come around. She said he is a pushy guy and I am hoping that's all the email is, is pushy. She never did reply to that email either. And sorry if I made it seem as if we were still together, techincally it has been a breakup, it's just it still feels like we are together in so many ways.

 

And as for her banging the other guy, part of me wants that to be true so I can just end it all right now, however I don't think it is true. In fact, after the whole cell phone fiasco, she has been making it a point to voluntarily show me her cell phone to check dialed and receieved calls, text messages etc. Because she wants me to believe her.

 

 

Dude, your in denial..plain and simple. Im still kinda there with you. But trust me, its clear as day to a outsider reading your story. The quicker you accept the fact that you need to blow this bitch off...the better you will be. You need to accept the fact that if she really loved you, none of this would be happening and she would have told that guy to piss off the first time he talked to her.

[albertaguy]

Dude, your in denial..plain and simple. Im still kinda there with you. But trust me, its clear as day to a outsider reading your story. The quicker you accept the fact that you need to blow this bitch off...the better you will be. You need to accept the fact that if she really loved you, none of this would be happening and she would have told that guy to piss off the first time he talked to her.

 

 

Maybe you are right, but I still need to know forsure, something solid. I am even contimplating calling this guy, I do know his number. Would he actually tell the truth as well?

[females_lie]

Maybe you are right, but I still need to know forsure, something solid. I am even contimplating calling this guy, I do know his number. Would he actually tell the truth as well?

 

 

No no no no no no no. DO NOT CALL HIM. Face the stone cold reality...she isnt your girl anymore...its irrelevant what she does. The sooner you cut ties, the sooner she can start realizing things. You calling will make you look psychotic and really demolish any tiny chance you have with her. She needs to realize things on her own.Thats where Im at. Trust me dude...I play every scenario in my mind with my ex and the other guy..do i think she might be out with him? Yes. Did I ask her when we first broke up? Yes. They all will deny it because they dont want to hurt you. Weather they did or didnt doesnt matter...you or I cant stop it..thats what I have learned. Do your thing man...get away from her.Let her learn things on her own...thats where Im at. My ex (hard to even type that) is one confused human being...with everything from her career to me to her friends. She is second guessing everything and no matter how hard I try, there is no "showing her" that we are good togther. You really need to step back and let go...trust me...its by far..the hardest ****ing thing I have ever done...and its far from over for me..Im only 1 week in. But time will tell if both of us really do love each other. Just think, while we are crying like pussys over getting dudmped, there are guys in iraq getting shot at wishing they were sitting on a computer...I guess what Im saying is, our situations, as hard as they are, are faaaaarrrr from the worst things right now.

[albertaguy]

No no no no no no no. DO NOT CALL HIM. Face the stone cold reality...she isnt your girl anymore...its irrelevant what she does. The sooner you cut ties, the sooner she can start realizing things. You calling will make you look psychotic and really demolish any tiny chance you have with her. She needs to realize things on her own.Thats where Im at. Trust me dude...I play every scenario in my mind with my ex and the other guy..do i think she might be out with him? Yes. Did I ask her when we first broke up? Yes. They all will deny it because they dont want to hurt you. Weather they did or didnt doesnt matter...you or I cant stop it..thats what I have learned. Do your thing man...get away from her.Let her learn things on her own...thats where Im at. My ex (hard to even type that) is one confused human being...with everything from her career to me to her friends. She is second guessing everything and no matter how hard I try, there is no "showing her" that we are good togther. You really need to step back and let go...trust me...its by far..the hardest ****ing thing I have ever done...and its far from over for me..Im only 1 week in. But time will tell if both of us really do love each other. Just think, while we are crying like pussys over getting dudmped, there are guys in iraq getting shot at wishing they were sitting on a computer...I guess what Im saying is, our situations, as hard as they are, are faaaaarrrr from the worst things right now.

 

 

Thanks for the advice, it's nice to chat with someone who is in a similar situation. I will keep this thread updated as I can.

[HLP234]

Yeh that makes a lot of sense. But this is also a type of pain I would now wish on anyone, especially if it all happened out of nowhere and you know nothing you did was wrong.

 

Spending time with her and being friendly, when you know in the back of your head that is not what you want, you can't pretend to be alright with it for too long. I tried that, it doesn't work she will see right through you.

 

If she has made it clear that its over, than do not even bother contacting her. If you are not sure its over and you want to know, just continue NC and if she does not contact you at all to talk about you guys or to apologize, than I guess assume its done with.

[females_lie]

 

If she has made it clear that its over, than do not even bother contacting her. If you are not sure its over and you want to know, just continue NC and if she does not contact you at all to talk about you guys or to apologize, than I guess assume its done with.

 

 

This is exactly where Im at. I feel deep down inside we will be together again..but looking at it as it is, its over and wishful thinking is doing nothing but driving me crazy.

[HLP234]

I am currently on a break too and I have the same exact feeling. There is no point to contact them and let them know how you feel..they will just blow up on you and deny what ever you think she may be doing.

 

The best offense for her is going to be defense against what you say. I even found out some other stuff about what she is doing and that makes it 10x worse knowing that so you just have to try and forget her for the time being.

[albertaguy]

Hello! Super old post I know, and from what I remember most people never ever post updates on their situations. It's been about 2 and a half years obviously since this happened.

 

The great news is we aren't together, and haven't been since that initial post. I stopped all contact with her for a long period of time and it's the best thing I ever did. I am definiely happier now with a new girlfriend.

 

The bad news is obvisouly I still care about the girl and want her to be happy, and she's turned into a depressed mess. She is still with this guy and he has cheated on her, mentally abused her, after this long her family doesn't even want to meet him, and yet she still sticks with him. She still calls me crying every few months or so because of the situation because she feels she can still talk to me and I won't be judgmental towards her. Part of me laughs a little I will be honest, but overall I just wish she would finally ditch the bastard and find another guy that will treat her right.

 

 

 

Overall, what happened to me then was a huge learning experience. I was devistated and pissed off for months. I've understood now for a while how in denial I was and how I tried to justify her actions in every way because I trusted her so much for so long. But now I believe I'm a much better man because of this.

 

Hope you appreciate the update!

 

[Toru]

Very much appreciated albertaguy. Great to hear you are doing well and happy with a new girlfriend.

It speaks for you that you want her to be happy with a new guy and that you don't judge her for who she is. Your girl must be lucky with a guy like you.

 

Take care!