Miad's Princess Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Its uncomfortable to hit the clubs with certain relatives, but there is a sacred rule amongst clubbing partners about keeping the action *private* Only a first class prude or someone trying harm your FIL would tell his daughter about the guy stuff he did. If you can drive a wedge between her and those that love her, maybe you'll be better able to control her. 1) There is no sacrad rules the people who want to keep the action private are the ones who cheat. 2) Doesn't make him or anyone a prude for telling his wife about what his FIL did. Any harm that has been done was caused by his FIL's actions not because he of him. 3) And most importantly where does control come into it? Any wedges that might now be in place were caused by the FIL's actions. It is called taking responsibility something I think the OP rightfully did!!!
Woggle Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I really think that if he hadn't told his wife about this, it was bound to come out - it was done in front of quite a few people, and then she would have been upset with him for NOT telling her. I think it was a catch 22. To me it seems that moral ground has become so relative these days, that no bad behavior can ever be called out any more without someone saying, "you can't shove your morals down their throats". Well, I don't think that parental figures should display indiscreet sexual behavior in front of their children and children in law EVER. It is an extremely awkward situation to have to witness and then deal with. I would not have confronted my FIL in front of others, but I would have let him know that my respect for him had gone into the toilet after witnessing such behavior. In fact, if my FIL or father ever did something like that, I would not speak to them again. But I am not at all tolerant of behavior that even hints at cheating on a spouse. That is ground I will never stand down from. I would be forgiving of a lot of other behaviors, but not that from parents. I think people need to "clean up their acts" when they have kids. Time to GROW UP!! Unfortunately, a lot of people don't, and kids get terrible modeling of behavior from their parents. That is why our country is so messed up. Few from our generation give good examples to their children anymore. People are rude, inconsiderate of others, selfish, brash, crude -you name a bad trait, our generation is modeling it. When I see my parents in their elder care center, (they are in their 80's) I see a generation of people who in general, know manners, know how to behave properly. Kids are growing up like "weeds", because our generation is rife with ill mannered, uncouth people who can't control their baser instincts. My God, just look at reality TV. Makes me nauseated. And that is what sells.... (sorry,this is a pet peeve of mine). No offense but you sound like Jerry Falwell or Pat Roberston.
dazzle22 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 No I am not. I hate those guys. A person can be disappointed by crude, crass, impolite behavior in one's society without being a religious prude. I am not religious, and my leanings are very left of center.
2sure Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I have NO problem with strip clubs and have attended quite a few with my H and friends. That being said....I have a huge issue with a father watching naked women with his daughter. No. No. No. I'd say fine, no dinner is OK with me you bunch of incestuous hillbillies.
GiveAndTake Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 To the OP: I'm having a hard time understanding this. It is ok to GO to a strip club, but not to get a lapdance? That's like inviting everyone over for a pool party, you can sun bathe by the pool...but no swimming! Who made these rules as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not? And, why do you feel the need to enforce them with others? (adults) I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for an invite next year to this "swimless pool party" if I were you. Sounds like you caused quite a commotion. I think you owe your father in law a BIG apology and quite possibly, anyone else that had to witness this scene.
imagine Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Don't argue with an idiot; People watching may not be able to tell the difference. Thank you for the advice!
Woggle Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 No I am not. I hate those guys. A person can be disappointed by crude, crass, impolite behavior in one's society without being a religious prude. I am not religious, and my leanings are very left of center. Then you are a feminist who are pretty much different sides of the same coin except that the religious right is pro-life and feminists are not. Many times the far right and feminists find themselves on the same side. Both of them I have no use for.
dazzle22 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 There you go again Woggle. You just seem to be so stuck in black and white thinking. You know nothing about me. For you to make such a blanket statement is ignorant. I am not a feminist. I do think that everyone regardless of sex, color, etc deserve the same rights, but I don't wave a flag that women are oppressed, on and on. I am very sympathetic to men, and genuinely like men, and feel like they are not understood often by women. Not like you with your horrible statements about women all the time..you need to reread some of what I said to you on another thread and take it to heart. But good advice seems wasted on you.
traderho Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Someone as uptight as the OP should never go to a strip club. In addition please turn in your mancard it has been revoked!
AAlike Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 To the OP: I'm having a hard time understanding this. It is ok to GO to a strip club, but not to get a lapdance? That's like inviting everyone over for a pool party, you can sun bathe by the pool...but no swimming! Who made these rules as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not? And, why do you feel the need to enforce them with others? (adults) I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for an invite next year to this "swimless pool party" if I were you. Sounds like you caused quite a commotion. I think you owe your father in law a BIG apology and quite possibly, anyone else that had to witness this scene. Exactly, I'm glad that someone else saw how silly this sounds. Your deliniation seems a bit arbitrary and excessive...to say that it's perfectly OK for a married guy to go to the strip club and look at naked women, but the moment that they engage in one of the most common activities within that same strip club it's worthy of notifying their entire family is kind of ludicrous! That's not a "moral issue", that's a completely arbitrary distinction. Especially considering the lapdance was bought for your FIL - he was probably just going along with the ritual. I'm not a strip club guy whatsoever (not because of any moral objections, really, I just find them to be very un-erotic and frankly quite boring), but I have a feeling if I was there with an older guy that "hey, buy the older guy a lapdance, hahaha" would be part of the novelty, you know?? If you were against strip clubs in general, and your FIL was adamant that you went to one, and walked in there like some VIP regular, then yeah, I can see maybe alerting someone to this behavior. but to call the moral police against him for just going with the flow in a place that wasn't even his idea is inane. It seems to me that your FIL ruined your guy's night out (which is perfectly understandable, I think it'd be less akward to go to a strip club with Mother Theresa than it would my wife's dad) and you took issue with it and want to sabotage the chance of that happening again.
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