TomTom5 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Hi all you lovely people who give up so much of your time to help others. I have just joined this. My 'problem' (after an extremely traumatic, addictive and broken hearted 4 year relationship break up where after a year of non committed FWB I have finally 'bowed out' and am in about a month of NC) is that, while in my deepest heart I am mortally afraid of this man contacting me and it all starting again, and I will let myself be further invalidated, I don't feel that 'no one will ever love me again' but I feel that I will not be able to be in love again. I feel that I will never have that intense physical, chemical, butterfly, 'in love' feeling again with anyone else other than this man I have broken up with. That's where the pain in this is. I really do want to love someone, like this, physically and also in every other way, but I have never been blessed like that. Why? All I ever wanted was one single life long partner, now anyone I see is a stranger. I don't want to start again with a stranger, but I do so want to feel in love again. I bounce between euphoria and freedom to utter despair and may cry all day. I am 'dating' a man who is absolutely perfect for me, but am holding off from anything physical because I am afraid that I don't 'fancy' him. Sometimes I feel ok about him, and others I feel sort of 'homesick' when I am with him. He knows nothing of this break up. I am close to throwing in the towel sometimes, because all my relationships have 'ended in tears' as my mother used to say.
meonly Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Sounds to me that u still love him a lot !!! Is the relationship realy over ? If you dont want him anymore,give yourself some time off to heal ! Your new friend is in a rebound with you ! Not fair to him unless u tell him everything and take it very slowly or it wont work !!! You cant start a new relation with a broken heart and a man who still owns most of it !!! You have to make sure you dont want your ex anymore because the chances of him calling back is very possible ! If i were you,i would put everything on hold for 3 months ! Im also in nc (i month) after a relationship that lasted 5 years,my ex g/f replaced me and dumped me 3 days after ! Yes it hurts so much ! So i know im not ready to date again ! Im in nc but the break is 3 months old now. Best of luck to you and take it day by day and the sun will shine again !
Author TomTom5 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Are you saying yes to 'Do Women hold all the cards', and if so, please explain to me how to play this card game. I have never played games before...and I really don't like this game. Or are you saying yes, to I will fall in love again...?
shadowplay Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Are you saying yes to 'Do Women hold all the cards', and if so, please explain to me how to play this card game. I have never played games before...and I really don't like this game. Or are you saying yes, to I will fall in love again...? yes. -----------------
meonly Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 The dumper holds all the cards,man or women !
Island Girl Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I am close to throwing in the towel sometimes, because all my relationships have 'ended in tears' as my mother used to say. All relationships end until they don't. Most people do not marry or spend the rest of their lives with their first love sometimes not the second or third, etc. Each relationship you have you will learn about yourself, what you want and do not want, and relating to another human being. And each time there will be nervous excitement in the beginning and generally a lot of happiness until it ends. Ending are usually sad but they are necessary for you to move on to something new when the relationship is broken. More than likely you will not have ONE love story in your life but a couple of them - maybe several. If you keep worrying about the possible end you will not enjoy the twitterpated beginnings or the blissful middle part (that MAY last - you never know). You will miss what life is about and what makes it so great to be here on the planet together. When you are young you learn to ride a bike. And it is exciting and scary too. Sometimes you fall but in between you get those moments of happiness knowing what it WOULD be like to ride. You persevere and you ride at speeds previously unknown with the wind in your hair and a smile in your heart. You may still fall. Surely sometimes you WILL fall. But you don't worry about it - you enjoy the RIDE. That is the way love is. 1
TaraMaiden Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Depends on what the game is. If it's poker or Baccarat, very possibly. If it's Birthdays, Anniversaries, Weddings, Christenings and Christmas, very definitely. Men have no idea what to do about cards, sending them, to whom, when or what to write. This happens particularly after marriage when it becomes "your job"..... OK. Joke over. This leapt out at me: I am close to throwing in the towel sometimes, because all my relationships have 'ended in tears' as my mother used to say. Why? What pattern are you repeating, and what's the source of the repetition? Answer that, and maybe the tears will turn to those of joy.....
threebyfate Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Every person, man or woman, holds their own cards by controlling their perceptions. Add up the time spent in all your relationships. How much of those times were positive times? How much of those times were negative? With most people, the positive times far outweigh the negative times. So where does the regret come into play? There are no guarantees of forever. So be glad for the happy experiences, learn from the negative experiences and always look forwards. Grab life with both hands and ride it, with a view to the long-term, rather than becoming a ghostly reflection of fear, regret and yesteryears.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 It feels like my ex (male) holds all the cards, I feel like I hold none.
meonly Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 i also feel the same,im powerless in this break up.she holds all the cards.
threebyfate Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 The only reason reason why people don't hold their own cards, is because they've dealt them away and allow someone who doesn't have their best interests in mind, to continue holding them.
gaudi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 The only reason reason why people don't hold their own cards, is because they've dealt them away and allow someone who doesn't have their best interests in mind, to continue holding them. threebyfate is spot on with this one, we've gone and "twisted" when it would have been in our own interests to "stick"
bluestraps Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 You're not ready yet to be serious with someone. I would not even date anyone until some time has gone by. I think people get into relationships too quickly and they get disapointed when they dont quite measure up to the last one.
unwantedunloved Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 the one who love the less gets to hold the cards....
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