aeh Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I have read all of these threads about walkaway wives and "once the woman is gone, she's gone"... Well, I'm here to tell you that I have come back from the brink of insanity. If you read my previous threads you can see I was out of my mind. Summary is that I've been married for 15 yrs, H had an almost year long affair with a married co-worker. I then had a short two week revenge affair with an old boyfriend which my husband knew about (wow, this sounds like something from really bad TV) and then I was really really really wanting to be single. Met an amazing guy who was about everything I have ever dreamed of. Was ready to walk away from my husband. Felt exactly like Ann09 and other women on this board who were not in love with their husbands anymore (of course had the added thread about the infidelities, etc). Hit a breaking point..Something changed. I have had some bad days since (tears, etc) but have felt a complete change of heart towards my husband. I'm still a bit hesitant to tell him how much of a change of heart because I am scared he will hurt me, or think its okay to do what he did or that he will not realize how devastating it was to me...but I have been much happier, feeling back to normal again and best of all, my Dream Guy has contacted me a couple of times now and I feel nothing. Yes, he's a "nice" guy (I know what you're thinking here, he's not that nice!) and he's beyond gorgeous and successful, but I'm okay. I don't feel the overwhelming pull, I don't wonder what I'm missing.... So sometimes, there IS a way back.....
Woggle Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Both of you cheated on each other so both of you have a lot of dirt on your hands. You still had resentment over his affair so you had one of your own and now the two of you want a clean slate. If it works good luck to you but you are not a walkaway wife. A walkaway wife is a woman who all of a sudden decides to leave a man who has been faithful, not abusive and has generally treated her well to go find herself or because she has fallen out of love. Many times there is an affair but not always and the man doesn't know what the hell happened. These women only come back when the man doesn't even want them anymore.
nobmagnet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 woggle i agree. It does work for WAH s too. I know we have been told not to bash WAW:)/WAH but.........................
Woggle Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 woggle i agree. It does work for WAH s too. I know we have been told not to bash WAW:)/WAH but......................... Men don't usually walk unless there is a damn good reason though.
dgiirl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Men don't usually walk unless there is a damn good reason though. Yah, another woman!
tojaz Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Men don't usually walk unless there is a damn good reason though. Bet most women would say the same thing, just different perspectives.
carhill Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 The women's reasons, for staying or leaving, are always perceived to be better. If a man has a reason, other than infidelity, he's not a man because he actually *gasp* expressed a feeling. Buddy, man up, do your duty and take a bullet for your wife and country. bla, bla... be the robot you were programmed to be. Bitter much? OP, I hope it works out for you. If you and he both want it to work, MC can help you. Give it a try if you haven't already. Find a MC who specializes in infidelity and marital reconstruction; someone who has a concrete plan for rebuilding the M. Best wishes
nobmagnet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 woggle is that really what you belive?? hey i beleive mosts WAH/WAW are exqual. some have affaires some do not.
hopesndreams Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Men don't usually walk unless there is a damn good reason though. Excuse me?
nobmagnet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Excuse me? yep my thought but I havent had enough wine to be grumpy yet!!
Woggle Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Women are know to walk away from a good marriage where they are being treated well in order to find themselves or because they are bored or whatever. When men walk it is because they are really being treated horrible and sometimes there is another woman. How many women do you see on this board who got the I love you but I am not in love with you speech?
trippi1432 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Men don't usually walk unless there is a damn good reason though. Waiting to hear the interpretation on this one.
hopesndreams Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Women are know to walk away from a good marriage where they are being treated well in order to find themselves or because they are bored or whatever. When men walk it is because they are really being treated horrible and sometimes there is another woman. How many women do you see on this board who got the I love you but I am not in love with you speech? *raises hand*
Woggle Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 *raises hand* You are one of the exceptions. There is an exception to every rule but 9 out of 10 threads on this board about walkaway spouses are from men.
hopesndreams Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 You haven't read enough threads. I am not the exception.
Woggle Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 You haven't read enough threads. I am not the exception. I have read plenty of threads where people were blindsides and the overwhelming majority are from men.
hopesndreams Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 It sounds like a case of selective thread reading. You are more attuned to the men that post and dismiss women posters because you have a dim view of them.
trippi1432 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Women are know to walk away from a good marriage where they are being treated well in order to find themselves or because they are bored or whatever. When men walk it is because they are really being treated horrible and sometimes there is another woman. How many women do you see on this board who got the I love you but I am not in love with you speech? I'm one that got that Woggle, he was treated very horribly by me and his son. He was forced to mow the grass, he was forced to have all his bills paid for him every month while he blew most of his check on the lottery, scratchers and beer. He was forced to do a quick run to the grocery store, he was unhappy because I bought us a home to live in and he had a new truck to drive, he was just miserable because son wanted a dog or a cat...any animal was too much responsibility. His son treated him horribly by identifying with other friend's dads because they had fun and spent time with their kids in a positive way. Yes, we drove him right into another woman's arms because we treated him horribly. Best peace of mind I have ever gotten. Not trying to chase you off, just offering perspective.
Woggle Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Like I said there is an exception to every rule but 70% of divorces are initiated by women. This is a proven statistic and a quick search through the divorce will tell you the story.
Spoiled Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I have read all of these threads about walkaway wives and "once the woman is gone, she's gone"... Well, I'm here to tell you that I have come back from the brink of insanity. If you read my previous threads you can see I was out of my mind. Summary is that I've been married for 15 yrs, H had an almost year long affair with a married co-worker. I then had a short two week revenge affair with an old boyfriend which my husband knew about (wow, this sounds like something from really bad TV) and then I was really really really wanting to be single. Met an amazing guy who was about everything I have ever dreamed of. Was ready to walk away from my husband. Felt exactly like Ann09 and other women on this board who were not in love with their husbands anymore (of course had the added thread about the infidelities, etc). Hit a breaking point..Something changed. I have had some bad days since (tears, etc) but have felt a complete change of heart towards my husband. I'm still a bit hesitant to tell him how much of a change of heart because I am scared he will hurt me, or think its okay to do what he did or that he will not realize how devastating it was to me...but I have been much happier, feeling back to normal again and best of all, my Dream Guy has contacted me a couple of times now and I feel nothing. Yes, he's a "nice" guy (I know what you're thinking here, he's not that nice!) and he's beyond gorgeous and successful, but I'm okay. I don't feel the overwhelming pull, I don't wonder what I'm missing.... So sometimes, there IS a way back..... I am glad you had a change of heart and things are getting better for your M. But I must point out that you had a "short two week revenge affair." Not a drawn out emotional A in which you fall in love and have the most passionate sex. If your "revenge affair" was more of a EA, it would be more difficult to have the change of heart. Tell your H about how you feel because he may be feeling the same. And you both will put forth 100%. Good luck:)
dgiirl Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Like I said there is an exception to every rule but 70% of divorces are initiated by women. This is a proven statistic and a quick search through the divorce will tell you the story. Apparently, I am one of those "exceptions" as well. Seems there are more exceptions around here then you keep spewing off. You always throw around that statistic but that stat does not prove 70% of the women who initiated a divorce left the marriage "to find themselves". How many of those women filed because their husbands were serial cheaters or abusers? How many of those women filed because their husbands left but refused to file for a divorce they claimed to have wanted? I, for one, filed for divorce. I filed 5 months after my exh simply walked out of the marriage for his mistress and never returned. I filed not because I wanted a divorce, not because I was walking away from the marriage, but because after 5 months separated from my exh, barely having any type of conversation with my him, I was no longer in a marriage and I needed to protect _myself_ financially and move on with my own life.
trippi1432 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Apparently, I am one of those "exceptions" as well. Seems there are more exceptions around here then you keep spewing off. You always throw around that statistic but that stat does not prove 70% of the women who initiated a divorce left the marriage "to find themselves". How many of those women filed because their husbands were serial cheaters or abusers? How many of those women filed because their husbands left but refused to file for a divorce they claimed to have wanted? Raising Hand!! I, for one, filed for divorce. I filed 5 months after my exh simply walked out of the marriage for his mistress and never returned. I filed not because I wanted a divorce, not because I was walking away from the marriage, but because after 5 months separated from my exh, barely having any type of conversation with my him, I was no longer in a marriage and I needed to protect _myself_ financially and move on with my own life. Absolutely! Going back to the original poster....love and marriage go through many stages....sometimes it even comes full circle, back to that romantic love if you both invest time, honesty and are willing. The grass isn't always greener...just ask my ex.
Woggle Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Look at the seperation and divorce forum and you lose count of how many threads are started by man completely blinsided by a walkaway wife. I can't believe I am even arguing this.
LonelyTiger Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Oh, I have to join in on this one. I'm another exception! I didn't get the ILYBINILWY line I got 'I love you but not the way you want me to' - same thing really! I will probably be the one to file for divorce - because my husband has deserted me and he'll never bother to file himself, unless he's planning to remarry. What would you expect me, or any woman in my situation, to do? Sit around waiting for the rest of my life in case he decides to come back? And the reason that a lot of posters on the infidelity forums are men is because women have people we call 'girlfriends'. We are good at sharing our feelings with people we actually know in real life. That's not a dig at men that's just the way it is - in my experience. When a woman's world falls apart eg her husband leaves her, she has girlfriends to lean on emotionally. Men often have nobody they would trust with such deep and painful feelings. That's why they post on here. To the OP, I wish you all the best and hope it works out.
carhill Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Yeah, when your stbx shares your relationship issues with your best male friend, it's kinda tough to feel positive about seeking and getting support. Perhaps that's a male thing, respecting the burdens of others. I hated it that a successful man who manages dozens of his own employees and listens to them and their problems had to hear about our M from my stbx, and long before divorce was on the table. So, if negative feelings are evident in my prior post, that's where they come from. Owned
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