wolvie111 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Hello everyone, I am new here, and I really need this now. My wife and I have been together for 2 years. We have a healthy beautiful son who just turned one. We were married on July 11th of this year and it was the second happiest day of my life (she said as well for her). Things were going fine, but on July 20th, yes a week later, she called me on my phone and said ok heres the plan, I am moving out and you can stay where you are and do the things you need to do as a man. This confused me but she further explained and said I need you to get a job. Now before I go on further, I had been unemployed for 2 months because of lay offs. I took care of our son, I cooked dinner and cleaned the house for her while she went to work because this was how I felt I could fill the hole since I wasn't bringing in any money. At the same time I was applying for jobs but didn't hear a peep back from any. I worked for a full year while she was unemployed and eventually became pregnant. I still came home and helped her cook and clean even if I was dog tired. So, back to the situation, she said that I needed to have a job before she considered coming back to me. Now I found this very suspicious since she had just started a new job herself maybe the beginning of June since she was also unemployed. There was a man there that she talked highly about and she never did this before about any man since she steered clear of men who she "felt" had ulterior motives. Anyways, I find out that the very first day she leaves me, she starts a relationship with this man. This destroyed my world but at the same time good news came around because 2 weeks after she left I found a job. I figured I would win her back because I am a good man, a good father and she always stated this. Soon I start to hear that she is beginning talk about marrying this man (about 2 months into their relationship). She was very cold and distant from me, but I could also see cracks in their relationship. She encountered a lot of problems with this man, he was cheating on her and caused a great strain on her to the point where she put him before our child. Around October, I could see her warming up more and more to me and she said "the grass isn't always greener on the other side" and we agreed on a reconciliation. She comes back and everything is great....... until a week ago she states to me "I had to set people straight, I had to tell them that I am in love with my husband and I want to be with him". I asked her who it was she was talking about and she said it doesn't matter. Now, we are very open with each other and do not hide anything from each other. We share everything including our email passwords. Now, I start to get that "feeling" so I open her email and there is this email sent to the man she left me for, saying "I do love you but I see a future with my husband and a future with you is muddy, lets take it a day at a time". I confront her about this email and she says "I want my cake and eat it too, he is like heroin, I know he is bad, but I can;t stop thinking about him". I told her, its either him or me, she agrees and calls him and tells him I do want to stay with my husband. Now, again everything is going great again, but just this past Thursday, she had to work late with her friend and she stayed with her friend. We agreed that I would pick her up the next morning. But, me being the good guy I am decided to wake up early, get dressed and get a nice outfit together for her so I could take her to a lovely breakfast and enjoy a wonderful day out on the town. On my way to pick her up I come upon a car that was very very familiar to me. I didn't think much of it. When I get in the lane next to the car I see it is her and that man. She freaks out gets in my car at a parking lot near by. She then says "Are we over?" I said do you want it to be over and she proceeds to say that she is an emotional wreck and that she knows that waht she needs is from me but loves him as well and that she doesn;t think things are mend able. Am I stupid for still being in love with her and willing to give her another chance? What should I do? I am so heartbroken and I am at an all time low. Should I let go? What should I do?
cyabye Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 "What should I do?" I would run for the hills my friend. Obtain a lawyer, go for full custody, protect your finacial assets, have her removed from the house by a certain date and go NC except through your attorney. You need to man up and not put up with this crap anymore. She knows what she is doing (i.e. having her cake and eat it too) and does not care if it hurts you one bit. Take care of yourself and your child. Time to put the trash on the sidewalk. Good luck. Keep posting. cya
scorpmale001 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) wolve, wht's wrong with this picture man, who is the cheater here ....she started sexual relation ship with this man after just 2weeks of her leaving u, that continued for 2 months....u accepted her back(why ?) ....wht i don't understand is ,what part of her makes u still love her(i don't know either u r dumb or love itself is dumb) she only wanted to be with u when u r at ur best(if u don't get this, god save u ) i would say, u run after money...all women will run after u(that is the female nature) now start running after money... again r u really out of ur ****ing mind to be with her Edited December 19, 2009 by scorpmale001
mark982 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 wolvis, what in the sam hill hell is running through your head? your wifes a ho and your happy with seconds? where's your balls in her purse? sorry if it seems like i'm down on you--but i am. come on man,you gave her a fair share at getting back together,and she continued to disrespect you and your marriage. the garbage gets left at the curb.
hopesndreams Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 "I do love you but I see a future with my husband and a future with you is muddy, lets take it a day at a time". I confront her about this email and she says "I want my cake and eat it too, he is like heroin, I know he is bad, but I can;t stop thinking about him". Read this over and over and let it sink in. She is poison to you now. She is pitting you against her OM. Who will come out victorious? The one who won't put up with her crap anymore and throws her out with the trash, that's who. What a lost cause your W is. Get out now while the getting's good. Do you honestly want to win this woman back so she could keep kicking you year after year with loads of other men? Where is your self-esteem?
nobmagnet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 oh my goodness. You poor thing! my heart goes out to you. Hey love, some of the comments may have sounded harsh but people here are kind hearted and knowledgeable. She needs to sort her head out properly. You should not expect such disrespect from her (unless she is mentally challenged) you are a great man, a great sounding dad. Let your wife sail her ship. Tell her you have had enough and have really tried but she refuses to give up the OM. That is unacceptable. Ask her to leave if you can. Keep your child with you (you are the stable one here) and have time for you to realise what she has done and what you require in the future from her to mend this broken mess. Suggest marriage guidance. Sorry Insist!!! hugs xx
lkjh Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 man the hell up and dump the skank. Please dont say some bs like she is really a good person. She doesn't love you and is only with you for the security. She tells you all of this and you still sit around letting her do all of this. Respect yourself a little
Author wolvie111 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Hey everyone, I do not see the comments as harsh, I truly need to be snapped back to reality. I have suggested marriage counseling but that was blown off. Someone in here asked me why I still love her, but I honestly can't even answer that any more. I have asked her to leave. To stay with the other man. She has agreed but the part is I will not be able to pay for all the bills and she has agreed to help with that portion but I told her to not come buy to mail it. I have also told her that I really do not need to see her anymore, that for visitation I will leave our son with her mother and she can then pick him up. I just cannot see her physically, I need help honestly. My self esteem is at an all time low, I feel I have failed my son and failed as a man in keeping our family together, I am seriously having trust issues with everyone. This is the second relationship in a row that this has happened to me, only the last one left me before we married. I am having suicidal thoughts but I think of my son and thats a selfish thing for me to do. I am a wreck and feel completely ashamed. I dont even sleep anymore, I haven't eaten since Thursday.
Author wolvie111 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 I have several text messages saved, and I can't get into her email anymore to document anything. Tried unsuccessfully TBH. I am not going to defend her in this, I know what she has done to me, how can I defend her?
nobmagnet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 keep strong and do it for your son. There are no people (or at least not many) that can afford to keep their home on their own due to a joint mortgage and other aspects. a home is a home. a home is somewhere you sleep, eat relax. If she said she will help........ let her. But please work out your long term plan B if she doesnt return. Cheaper affordable accomodation will be available so look into it if you can. It is early days but i can see you seem to have tried the lot. She is in the affairee fog people talk about. Mine is in it too. I have to sell our home (my childrens home) but he doenst care one jot. Im ok with it as i said a house/home you only borrow. I can start a fresh somewhere new. I personally would not like the idea of you son living with your mother-in-law. I would get advise and quick to see your options as regards to custody. If a woman is happy to "give her child" even temporaraly to someone else to persue her new relationship well.....................words fail me. I would do anything within my power to keep my baby close. Think about it?????????????/ get strong and focus your child needs you as she has left you both. xxx
Author wolvie111 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Its not about just having him live at her mothers house. I want to be a good man and I want us both to have custody of our child. I will not take that away from her ever. I simply suggested that when it is time for her to spend time with our son, I will drop him off at her moms house so I do not have to go to her place and see her with the other man. And when its time for me to spend time with our son I want to pick him up without seeing her. I simply just cannot see her. I really am a good man, I gave her everything, I spoiled her, we had a great sex life, we went out and had fun, we went through bad times financially and came out in the end happier, but things quickly changed when she met someone else. I do not even have the support system of friends here, because I always always devoted my time to her and to our son. I didn't interact with women at all, and hardly any men because they all lived the single life. I am a family man, I would be happy with just spending time with my family, watching my son walk around and babble on and I would be on cloud 9. I held her on a pedastal, I quickly came to her aid when she needed help, even when she left me, I was there for her when she went through surgery. I never talked bad about her, I never took our son away from her. I suffered and suffered and now I suffer more. I value family values to the highest level. I didn't engage with any other woman when she left, even though I had some interested. I didn;t think anyone could compare. What I fool I am. And this is the crappiest time for anything, during the holidays and all. I am lost honestly, I do not know how to react to anything. I feel like a semi has hit me. I have lost all faith, and even blame God. Omg, I honestly just wish I could go somewhere and just hide and be left alone, I hate this feeling of shame and failure. I know I tried and really hard too.....
mark982 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 get LEGAL custody of your child, and do that monday morning. document every darn thing you can, even ones you don't thinks important. also cut her off from any source of your income.
nobmagnet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 scorpmale you scare me............. i have nothing to hide but
hopesndreams Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Still loving her is completely normal but realize you are in love with a woman who no longer exists. Your self esteem will slowly build up because you are taking control of the situation and making the right choices as in regards to not being in her presence and no longer taking her emotional abuse. Not sleeping or eating is normal as well. You must force yourself to eat. Try eating different foods that you are not accustomed to, it may help. Drink plenty of water. As for not sleeping, it is because you are anxiety ridden, and no wonder, you are being put through the wringer right now. Go see your family doc and explain the situation, get prescribed some anti-anxiety meds. It will give you a bit of peace and take the edge off so you can see the situation that you are in clearer. Your heart is playing games with ya and your brain isn't functioning at the moment. Take a step back, breathe and find within you strength that you never knew you had. You haven't failed as a man. She has failed you and her son. Nothing you did or could have done would have changed what she did. Some people are weak, spineless cowards and don't care who they trample on to get a cheap thrill.
Recommended Posts