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I dated the older guy... is there something off about him or is it just me?

soconfusing

By soconfusing
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soconfusing Member

soconfusing

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I posted a thread last week about whether I should date a guy that was 16 years older than me and I finally decided to go for it.

 

Well, it went well overall but there were some things about him that were just nagging at me and I don't know if it's just me being completely weird or if, well, he is as weird as he seems...

 

First of all, he can carry a great conversation. Eh, talks a bit much, but I'm an excellent listener, guess he got a little over excited when he found a girl that could listen, lol. I could see it in his eyes that he was sincere and truly cared. His laugh never sounded fake or forced and he wanted so many of the same things in life that I wanted. Plus, he has money (always a good thing!)

 

Okay, things that seemed a little off about him: a) we went to a pretty nice restaurant and on a $50 check, he only tipped $4... and the service was good. (I was tempted to sneak in a bigger tip, but didn't want him to get offended if he saw me do that). b) He says he grew up in the US his entire life (but was born into an indian family) and has an accent that is not American. Plus, his grammar sounds like he's still perfecting the english language. But he also said that he only speaks english. c) I told him that I planned to go to Europe next year as I already had a plane ticket paid for and he was saying things like how we would plan for it...

 

So now I find myself wondering if he's secretly a human trafficker in disguise, waiting for me to let him whisk me off to Europe for a romantic getaway only to never come back.

 

I already know I'm crazy just for letting myself get this carried away in my head.

 

With this little bit of info about him though, does this sound like someone I should go on a second date with? Lol, I mean if someone can convince me that there's no reason for me to be thinking so crazy...

Edited by soconfusing
Boundary Problem Established Member

Boundary Problem

Posted
Posted
talks a bit much,

 

I could see it in his eyes that he was sincere and truly cared.

 

on a $50 check, he only tipped $4...

 

Plus, his grammar sounds like he's still perfecting the english language.

 

saying things like how we would plan for it...

 

 

Well, sounds like you can go for a second date with him, but just make it a coffee date type thing, or a dinner.

 

How can he "truly care" during one date? Why does he want to go to Europe with you after one date? Why is his grammar so bad if English is his primary language.

 

 

Talking too much and being cheap are something you want to keep your eye on, but the questions I raised above are the ones that might stop me from going on date #2.

 

As my dad says - why waste your time with a guy if you KNOW it has no future.

SoulSearch_CO Established Member

SoulSearch_CO

Posted
Posted
b) He says he grew up in the US his entire life (but was born into an indian family) and has an accent that is not American. Plus, his grammar sounds like he's still perfecting the english language. But he also said that he only speaks english. c) I told him that I planned to go to Europe next year as I already had a plane ticket paid for and he was saying things like how we would plan for it...

 

So now I find myself wondering if he's secretly a human trafficker in disguise, waiting for me to let him whisk me off to Europe for a romantic getaway only to never come back.

HAHAHAHA....I knew you were going there when i read b and c. LOL I think that's a bit...um...farfetched. I wouldn't pass by a 2nd date because of that.

 

However - strangely enough, A was actually the bigger turn-off to me. I would have a really hard time looking past that. I've never worked as a waitress, but I've worked plenty of customer-service-type jobs, so I'm big on tipping. If it's possible a cultural thing, I MIGHT be able to look past it...but growing up in the U.S. and being a ****ty tipper - c'mon.

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

Posted
Posted

Often Indians bought up here still have parents who don't speak English very well, and who speak an English language full time at home, and get Indian TV on cable...the Indian community can be very tight knit so it might not be so surprising if he still has an accent...? Could be dodgy though, just keep an eye on him! And yea the tipping thing is off.

DollyMix Member

DollyMix

Posted
Posted

Always go with your instincts, especially if your getting a dangerous man vibe, look out ofr number one!

Ms. Joolie Established Member

Ms. Joolie

Posted
Posted

I grew up in a hispanic home, my parents first language was Spanish. There are lots of times I can't remember the english word of something (or the Spanish one is more familiar) because that's what I would always hear at home. The more I'm around a hispanic community the more I adapt that way of talking. Even just being around my family I get into a more comfortable hispanic way of being.

 

But I don't speak Spanish! lol. Understand and read it some, speak it some, but not fluent. My grammar sometimes gives off where I'm from (old, southside San Antonio) and how I accent my speech as well.

 

I'm so cross-cultured now though, people can't tell what I am. lol

 

So maybe this might be the case with your date. Just throwing it out there.

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soconfusing Member

soconfusing

Posted
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I grew up in a hispanic home, my parents first language was Spanish. There are lots of times I can't remember the english word of something (or the Spanish one is more familiar) because that's what I would always hear at home. The more I'm around a hispanic community the more I adapt that way of talking. Even just being around my family I get into a more comfortable hispanic way of being.

 

But I don't speak Spanish! lol. Understand and read it some, speak it some, but not fluent. My grammar sometimes gives off where I'm from (old, southside San Antonio) and how I accent my speech as well.

 

I'm so cross-cultured now though, people can't tell what I am. lol

 

So maybe this might be the case with your date. Just throwing it out there.

 

That's interesting, I'll keep that in mind, thank you.:)

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soconfusing Member

soconfusing

Posted
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Always go with your instincts, especially if your getting a dangerous man vibe, look out ofr number one!

 

That's the funny thing. I don't get a dangerous man vibe... or wait, maybe I do, lol. After I left the parking lot (where we met up), it was late and dark and I saw a car following me for a mile or two. I just knew it was him and I was a little creeped out by it. So just to be sure, I stayed in my lane and slowed down, a lot, which forced the car to pass me by. It was definitely him! He honked at me when he passed though. Granted, he may have just been going home in the same direction.

 

Lol, I've been trying to learn not to assume anything bad about the guys I date - like why they haven't called yet (usually they're just still at work). And here I am rationalizing how this guy is such a good hearted person but also a human trafficker. I am horrible. :o

MadDriver Established Member

MadDriver

Posted
Posted

$50 dinner bill for two implies a restaurant that is not so nice (for a date)...

Forget about the tip. You should expect to be taken to a restaurant with a final bill that comes to AT LEAST double that. He picks up the check of course.

 

That's how your female friends think.

dazzle22 Established Member

dazzle22

Posted
Posted

IMHO, when we get uneasy gut feelings, there is usually some warning signal that our subconscious is telling us. If there is ONE thing I have learned in life, is IGNORE THEM AT YOUR OWN PERIL. The guy sounds creepy to me. The following you thing, and the wanting to travel to Europe after one date, all NOT good. That would be enough for me...

thegreatmoose Established Member

thegreatmoose

Posted
Posted
Okay, things that seemed a little off about him: a) we went to a pretty nice restaurant and on a $50 check, he only tipped $4... and the service was good. (I was tempted to sneak in a bigger tip, but didn't want him to get offended if he saw me do that). b) He says he grew up in the US his entire life (but was born into an indian family) and has an accent that is not American. Plus, his grammar sounds like he's still perfecting the english language. But he also said that he only speaks english. c) I told him that I planned to go to Europe next year as I already had a plane ticket paid for and he was saying things like how we would plan for it...

These things sound more than a "little off" to me. I would tell him thanks but no thanks.

SoulSearch_CO Established Member

SoulSearch_CO

Posted
Posted
$50 dinner bill for two implies a restaurant that is not so nice (for a date)...

Forget about the tip. You should expect to be taken to a restaurant with a final bill that comes to AT LEAST double that. He picks up the check of course.

 

That's how your female friends think.

Damn. Not all of us are so fixated on money. :rolleyes: I want to say the first date I had with the current guy I'm seeing...we ate at TWO different places (had lunch AND dinner) and the bill came to less than $50 for the two TOGETHER. Quality does not always mean how much money was plunked down. The date was very memorable because of the COMPANY. And the second date - all that was "spent" was some gasoline in his truck. And he got lip-action on that date. LOL

Boundary Problem Established Member

Boundary Problem

Posted
Posted
I saw a car following me for a mile or two. I just knew it was him and I was a little creeped out by it. So just to be sure, I stayed in my lane and slowed down, a lot, which forced the car to pass me by. It was definitely him! He honked at me when he passed though.

 

 

First date? I think that is weird.

 

At a MINIMUM, he is insensitive to be following you home after a first date. A mile or two is pretty far.

 

You can tell a lot about a person on a date. So for now we have he's cheap,he talks too much, he wants to go to Europe with you....

 

Plus I have this niggling suspicion he is married. Isn't he quite a bit older?

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soconfusing Member

soconfusing

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First date? I think that is weird.

 

At a MINIMUM, he is insensitive to be following you home after a first date. A mile or two is pretty far.

 

You can tell a lot about a person on a date. So for now we have he's cheap,he talks too much, he wants to go to Europe with you....

 

Plus I have this niggling suspicion he is married. Isn't he quite a bit older?

 

He is not married - does have a couple kids though. And he's 40...

aerogurl87 Established Member

aerogurl87

Posted
Posted

From reading what your wrote about him OP I'd give him the boot. Ok I could maybe overlook the accent thing since I dated a Russian guy who grew up in the USA and he still had a Russian accent (which was very sexy). But talking about going to Europe with you and following you home for a mile or so on the first date is extremely creepy.

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