LostLamb Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 My ex contacted me a week ago after seeing a post of mine mentioning my last relationship and his family. It wasn't anything identifiable/untrue and I didn't know he had joined the site or just happened to look me up the very next day. Anyway , his message was so long that it came in two parts and the anger was astonishing. Can someone with more experience tell me why a dumper would be even more angry a year later? I'm stumped and it's making me ill again. He accused me of things that were just plain ridiculous like not finding him attractive when we dated. I know I hurt him by not changing , not looking after myself and expecting him to do EVERYTHING for me but i'm being honest now-I didn't deserve the awful things he said and what makes it worse is that he has had a partner since week 3 of our split who he is still with. I've done nothing other than work on my issues and become more isolated. Please don't say that he doesn't hate me.My therapist used to say the same thing but his message last week was pure hatred and full of comments I don't want to repeat.
Tayla Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 ahh the old cause and affect is alive and well. Wonder what really caused him to be so unkind.....hmmm....and you to take it so personally. Usually a year later we are less attached to the person and their opinions.... Chances are, if something rings true even in an unkind way, consider it something still needing worked on.
Author LostLamb Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 He changed my life , cared for me when sick and was my only friend. Of course my head is still mixed up about how things ended but why was he so cruel? Seeing the comment about his family obviously led to anger but such a long rant when he has everything he's ever wanted is just so cruel. I didn't deserve it and wonder why he hates me so much when he dumped me and won. I can't go back in time. He was like my twin in so many ways and I know it'll be hard replacing him but I was getting on with life. "Don't call me or turn up at my house" is such a weird comment that it floored me. He initiated contact , I don't go out much and went NC when he told me he didn't want me in his life. I wonder what a therapist would make of such a comment
Author LostLamb Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Anyone other input? I am really having trouble forgetting everything that he said and trying to move on but it's hard. I'm still in a state of semi shock that a man with as new partner and life could be so cruel.
skydiveaddict Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Anyone other input? I am really having trouble forgetting everything that he said and trying to move on but it's hard. I'm still in a state of semi shock that a man with as new partner and life could be so cruel. because he's immature and is still not over you. so he's trying to hurt you. waste no more time w/him you say he even tracked you down to LS? Have nothing more to do w/ him
Author LostLamb Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 because he's immature and is still not over you. so he's trying to hurt you. waste no more time w/him you say he even tracked you down to LS? Have nothing more to do w/ him It was a different site but I wouldn't care now if he found me on here as i've nothing to hide and never lie. If he's still not over me why did he say he's glad his father died knowing I was out of his life for good? Why was he engaged within six months of leaving? I blamed myself for such a long time but now I actually hate him and wish him harm -something I didn't want to do. He knows how vulnerable I am and says horrid tripe after a YEAR of no contact and acts like a wanker. You couldn't make this up
skydiveaddict Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 It was a different site but I wouldn't care now if he found me on here as i've nothing to hide and never lie. If he's still not over me why did he say he's glad his father died knowing I was out of his life for good? Why was he engaged within six months of leaving? I blamed myself for such a long time but now I actually hate him and wish him harm -something I didn't want to do. He knows how vulnerable I am and says horrid tripe after a YEAR of no contact and acts like a wanker. You couldn't make this up Just have NOTHIHG more to do with him. Sounds a little crazy to me. "glad his father Died knowing you were out of his life for good?" This guy's got a lot of pent up issues that you want NOTHING to do with. Believe me
Author LostLamb Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Just have NOTHIHG more to do with him. Sounds a little crazy to me. "glad his father Died knowing you were out of his life for good?" This guy's got a lot of pent up issues that you want NOTHING to do with. Believe me I don't have anything to do with him and never will , he was the one who broke NC not me. If he would have spoken to me properly when we broke up maybe he'd not feel so much anger. God knows what his wife to be thinks of it all but what kind of idiot dates a man who broke up with his fiancee weeks before? I'm so angry I could kick his fat arse.
skydiveaddict Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) Good your you! I kmow you will do well in the furture, good luck! Don't waste your time being angry at him, it's like being angry at a toilet that overflowed. Not worth the effort Edited January 27, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Narf Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Not sure if this is the same... But my ex of 8 years hated my guts for a little while before we split and then ages after we split... His anger was basically i wouldnt change (loose weight) and he wanted me to so badly... Im a size 14 and 6 foot 1... Im not skinny but i am in the healthy weight range but could lose a few kg... His need and anger about that hurt so badly he said he changed for me ... (not sure what he did cause i never asked him to change) and that is what caused the anger. It eventually led to us breaking up (me ending it) so his anger continued cause he loved me and couldnt believe a fat girl would dump him... He eventually got over it and begged for me back for months cause he saw how cruel he was and how he should of handled his issue with my weight... I would just leave it, it will never be the same and it wont get better, he seems selfish and is using the anger to hurt you and keep you away... He might just find out that what he hates most about you is actually something to do with himself....
Author LostLamb Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 Don't worry about him and what he has to say, he sounds like he has a lot of pent up anger over either loosing you or something similar. Take it as a compliment he is obviously still thinking about you pretty deeply. Hang in there girl! Thanks. He should have moved on by now seeing as HE dumped ME. Not sure if this is the same... But my ex of 8 years hated my guts for a little while before we split and then ages after we split... His anger was basically i wouldnt change (loose weight) and he wanted me to so badly... Im a size 14 and 6 foot 1... Im not skinny but i am in the healthy weight range but could lose a few kg... His need and anger about that hurt so badly he said he changed for me ... (not sure what he did cause i never asked him to change) and that is what caused the anger. It eventually led to us breaking up (me ending it) so his anger continued cause he loved me and couldnt believe a fat girl would dump him... He eventually got over it and begged for me back for months cause he saw how cruel he was and how he should of handled his issue with my weight... I would just leave it, it will never be the same and it wont get better, he seems selfish and is using the anger to hurt you and keep you away... He might just find out that what he hates most about you is actually something to do with himself.... I'm sorry to hear that as i'm tall and not skinny but he liked my figure and thought I was stunning for some reason. You really are better off without a man who thinks you are too big at 6ft1 and size 14! You sound healthy to me. I know that it wasn't an easy relationship but he met his wife to be THREE weeks after we finally parted , they are now living together (I haven't seen or spoke to him since Dec 08 ) yet he looked me up . I just wish my reply would have been harsher but it took weeks for the comment about his father to sink in. He made me hate him , something I really didn't want to do but finally do. If I ever saw him i'd hold my head up high because he should feel ashamed for the way he has acted then moaning about me after a year of NC and even saying he almost cheated on me. He is a douche as Americans say! I've had a lucky escape hopefully as he treats love as a silly game and had the cheek to even say I didn't love or fancy him! Yeah , that is why I accepted his proposal (I don't even want marriage) and took his picture all the time. He's put me off relationships for life.
Recommended Posts