Emmie Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I just graduated from college last year. I took time off, so was 29 years old when I got my degree. I had a professor who was 32. He taught in my major, was actually my advisor, and we ended up great friends outside of the classroom as well as on campus. Being young, popular, and attractive, lots of people on campus like him. I sometimes thought he was a little TOO close to his students, ie he does not think it's a big deal to see them at parties and stuff on the weekends, but it's a small town, and he really was/ is a good teacher, so I didn't think too hard about this. During my last year of school he and I both began having problems w/ our long-term significant others. Long story short, he broke up with his girlfriend and then approached me and told me he had feelings for me. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and my professor and I became involved. I was still his student at this point, was in his class and had a few months to go before graduation. We kept seeing each other, having sex, etc. into the summer. Eventually we had a big fight. He told me he didn't want to be serious about me and that he'd never intended to be. I got many mixed messages from his behavior versus what he said, we argued a lot, and I felt misled and hurt. Around this same time I heard rumors from various sources that this professor had been physically involved with other students in the past. I asked him about the rumors, he blew up at me, and that was definitely the end of any connection between us. After a few months of trying to work it out and getting more upset by him, I cut off all contact. That was two months ago. I am now dealing with the aftermath. I am hurt and confused as to why he did this. I thought at the time (and assured him) that his being my professor didn't affect me, it's not like I was 18 years old, but I think it did affect me. He wrote me recommendation letters and I now don't believe any of them. Same with all the work I did that he praised - I feel like he just said those things to sleep with me. I feel really taken advantage of. I'm also upset because I could have used his help finding a grad program and I now cannot talk to him. I recently learned that my school has a policy against this type of relationship and he could get fired for having done it. As of now the story is not 'out' but I have the feeling it might be soon (a few staff members have hinted at knowledge). If it comes out, I am afraid of what will happen. I greatly loved my school and had many older professors who I think may not like me anymore/ may lose their faith in me if they learn this happened. My prof is also very well liked and I wonder if people will take his side over mine. I don't intend to expose this myself - but on the other hand, if he's doing it to multiple students, maybe I should? Just, confused. Feeling like I should have known better. The thing is, I genuinely liked him and I considered our connection a real thing, because we were so close outside of the classroom. I really thought he cared about me on some deeper level. I'm an idiot I guess. Any input on what to do/ how to handle this would be appreciated.
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