exotic_isabella Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 LONG story short...my husband and I have been married for just over four years. I was 19 he was 22. For the first, well really four years, of our marriage he was a royal jerk. He would ignore me to play his video games, snap at me when I wanted to spend time with him and put me down when he didn't get his way. I went through hell and back and finally broke down (at that point he said that he didn't want to deal with me and thought maybe we should seperate). Weird thing is, everytime I've talked about leaving or I've started looking for someplace else to live, he starts balling his eyes out and begs me not to go. He very very very slowly has gotten better, but I'm just so far emotionally gone and don't know if I'll ever be able to love him again. I have tried EVERYTHING! I have an amazing psychologist that I go see, hubby refuses to go to some "shrink". I think part of the reason that I married him was because of his "deep" interest in me - a beautiful, sexy, (and most of the time) confident, smart BBW. There's the catch, the BBW makes me feel like I wouldn't be a lot of guys cup of tea. So, how did you know it was time to seperate and how did you deal with knowing that somebody else was hurt by your actions?
carhill Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Love dies one day at a time; one action at a time; one word at a time. Mourn its death; do not apologize for its departure. You're taking steps to regain health; he refuses to join you. He has his path; you have yours. If you think separation and divorce are right for you, they are. He'll survive. For me, personally, I knew it was time when sex with my stbx felt 'wrong', like I wasn't supposed to be there. The exact parameters of the feeling are a little too graphic for publishing but I'll never forget it. As far as being attractive to other men, I wouldn't worry about it. There are plenty of men out there who would enjoy your company and find you attractive. My stbx was technically a BBW (5'1" and 180) and, even at 50, I'm sure she'll enjoy plenty of attention from men. Something for everyone. Her size had nothing to do with our issues, or at least mine anyway. You'll do fine. Welcome to LS 1
Gunny376 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Love dies one day at a time; one action at a time; one word at a time. Mourn its death; do not apologize for its departure. You're taking steps to regain health; he refuses to join you. He has his path; you have yours. If you think separation and divorce are right for you, they are. He'll survive. For me, personally, I knew it was time when sex with my stbx felt 'wrong', like I wasn't supposed to be there. The exact parameters of the feeling are a little too graphic for publishing but I'll never forget it. As far as being attractive to other men, I wouldn't worry about it. There are plenty of men out there who would enjoy your company and find you attractive. My stbx was technically a BBW (5'1" and 180) and, even at 50, I'm sure she'll enjoy plenty of attention from men. Something for everyone. Her size had nothing to do with our issues, or at least mine anyway. You'll do fine. Welcome to LS Well said! My last LTR GF was 5'10 and 160 lbs AND I could have cared more than less!
SummerLady Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 LONG story short...my husband and I have been married for just over four years. I was 19 he was 22. For the first, well really four years, of our marriage he was a royal jerk. He would ignore me to play his video games, snap at me when I wanted to spend time with him and put me down when he didn't get his way. I went through hell and back and finally broke down (at that point he said that he didn't want to deal with me and thought maybe we should seperate). Weird thing is, everytime I've talked about leaving or I've started looking for someplace else to live, he starts balling his eyes out and begs me not to go. He very very very slowly has gotten better, but I'm just so far emotionally gone and don't know if I'll ever be able to love him again. I have tried EVERYTHING! I have an amazing psychologist that I go see, hubby refuses to go to some "shrink". I think part of the reason that I married him was because of his "deep" interest in me - a beautiful, sexy, (and most of the time) confident, smart BBW. There's the catch, the BBW makes me feel like I wouldn't be a lot of guys cup of tea. So, how did you know it was time to seperate and how did you deal with knowing that somebody else was hurt by your actions? Its different for everyone. For me it took 4 years, mentally and emotionally it was hard to come to grips with. Apart of me wanted to forgive him, plus I had kids, major guilt. The final straw came when I found out that he hit on my neighbors niece who was 20 years our junior. In that moment it was done. But like someone else said on here a little bit of loves dies along the way. Looking back I could have not done it any other way for ME..I was waiting for the right moment and I also wanted to leave having zero regret, able to move on free and clear in my heart and head. By the time I was legally divorced my marriage was way over, like burnt toast over..And I was way ready to move on. I felt fresh, great and renewed. My ex unfortunately is still up to his old tricks so I hear. He is living with his girlfriend and dating another woman about 2 hours away. Some people never change. I also hear that he blames me for the divorce which is so laughable!! Must be nice to live in fairy tale land:)
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