Why don't we talk??

[DollyMix]

My boyfriend and I argue sometimes or I'll be upset about work or just how life is or anything and he always says why won't you talk to me, it's never really concerned me until today.

It's a loong story, basically I live with him and his parents and brother, I pay my rent (from my savings) but have been unemployed for 3 months my last job really knocked my confidence I felt bullied by my boss and senior members of staff and eventually after sticking it out and things not improving had my hand forced to resign.

I start a new job in january it was offered to me over a month ago so it's been certain I have a job and start date for january I'm really nervous since my last experience but am basically postive and quite confident it will go well a little nervous as I have a birth defect with my arm which meant I had to go see Occupational health to say I could undergo physical restraint training (it's a v slightly risky job) the doc said he would recommend me to try the training course with the hope I could pass it and take the job, this also adds to my stress because what if due to my arm I can't do the job?! I know I sound really negative but I don't voice these concerns they're just thoughts that sort of keep me up at night

Anyway to the point over dinner his dad is keeping on at me about the job, saying mean things like how everybody will be smiling at me going to work like everyone else I'm like yeah? I'll be smiling too lol I didnt say that but thats my view so he keeps on and on eventually hits the nerve saying try to keep this one.

Let me be clear I've had one job before the last I'm good at my work and I enjoy it, that job he was always running down because it was care work I don't know if anyone else does care on here but it's really rewarding and important in peoples lives. So the fact I feel I didn't succeed in my last job (which wasn't care but was working with the elderly in activities) really hurts I hate to feel I've failed.

Bf did stick up for me and say that wasn't my fault but I've already started crying *Damn you tear ducts* so I leave the table.

In our room I'm trying to get a hold on myself because I'm so hurt and angry with his dad and with myself for not saying something to shut him up.

Eventually I say I'm done because I am, I don't want to live there anymore I don't want to get on with his family You know it's been the straw thats broken the camels back.

While I was crying and thinking bf's saying talk to me talk to me and I feel like can I not have two minutes to think things over myself? I feel like I've changed my whole lifestyle for my bf what more can I give??

 

So I guess I've got two questions :

 

1) I thought men were the ones who didn't like to talk, what have I got to talk about? he knows everything about me and everything I do because we live together and spend alot of time together, Why does he keep asking me to talk to him?

 

2) Any ideas where we go from here? I'm pretty much done with his dad I feel I've taken all the criticism and rudeness I can, I feel like I'm losing myself before I met bf I wouldn't accept being spoken to like that by anyone. Can our relationship really work if I can't stand one of his parents? we're only 21 and 22, serious but too young too withstand this?

 

sorry for the long post, be pleased for someone elses views on the situation though

[boogieboy]

Try telling your BF that you dont like to talk when you have a problem. Tell him if you think he can help, you will ask him, but in the meantime, when you are upset, you dont like to talk about it, and you like to think to yourself.

[aerogurl87]

So I guess I've got two questions :

 

1) I thought men were the ones who didn't like to talk, what have I got to talk about? he knows everything about me and everything I do because we live together and spend alot of time together, Why does he keep asking me to talk to him?

 

2) Any ideas where we go from here? I'm pretty much done with his dad I feel I've taken all the criticism and rudeness I can, I feel like I'm losing myself before I met bf I wouldn't accept being spoken to like that by anyone. Can our relationship really work if I can't stand one of his parents? we're only 21 and 22, serious but too young too withstand this?

 

 

I read your whole post but I'll answer these two questions.

 

1) Most men don't like to talk about how THEY feel, but when their SOs start up the water works then they usually know it's a time to tune in because let's face it women are alot more emotional than most men in general. Also just because you live together doesn't mean you need to stop talking. People grow with every minute of everyday, so if you stop talking, he'll never be able to continue to grow with you. And what if a day comes when you really need to talk to him and you've pushed him away by saying "we don't need to talk". What then?

 

2) You're not dating his parents, you're dating your boyfriend. So with that said, you don't have to like his dad, you just have to be cordial towards him. Talk to your bf about it and see if he can talk to his dad. If that doesn't work then just be polite to him but don't be fake about it (ex. going out of your way to be nice to him). I don't get along with my own dad because like your BF's dad he's rude and criticizes me alot, but I'm cordial and respectful because I live in his house. On another note, I think you and your BF should move out as soon as you can (or at least you should) so that this doesn't start to hinder your own relationship with your BF.

[DollyMix]

sorry I know it's a rambler just had to get it all out