Divas Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Hi everyone, I’m a biochemistry pre med student. I have often been told that my “standards” are too high. I’m a focused and intelligent women but I’m also outgoing and fun to be around. I’m tired of hearing that I’m too intimidating. I would like to appear less intimidating but I sincerely do not know how to. My question is what makes a women intimidating to you and how can she soften her image?
alphamale Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 My question is what makes a women intimidating to you and how can she soften her image? use words that have two syllables or less and giggle a lot. basically "act dumb" until a guy gets to know you well and then afterwards show him you are 10x smarter than him.
threebyfate Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Any guy who you can intimidate, isn't the right fit for you, unless you want to spend the entire time you're with him, pretending to be someone you're not.
boogieboy Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Who told you this? Whats the correlation between your standards and how people that meet you perceive you?
meerkat stew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Yeah, who said you were intimidating? Surely not a guy, was it? Was it a family member by chance?
Woggle Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Most men are not intimidated by smart women. It is all about your attitude and not how smart or successful you are.
dazzle22 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Just wait till you are in medical school. There will be tons of brilliant guys and they won't be intimidated by you... (I am a woman doctor)
alphamale Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Most men are not intimidated by smart women. but they are intimidated by women who are attractive and smart
Woggle Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 but they are intimidated by women who are attractive and smart Not true. A good attitude can counter balance anything when it comes to women.
alphamale Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Not true. A good attitude can counter balance anything when it comes to women. you talkin' about the average joe or one who is attractive and smart?
2sunny Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 you talkin' about the average joe or one who is attractive and smart? :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
LovieDove24 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Hmm...I do not think it is your smarts or your looks or any of those details that are making you intimidating. Sure, to joe blow who is only looking for a drinking buddy or supermodel those things might be a turn off, but for an intelligent like-minded male, intelligence and being outgoing would simply be an added bonus. So what might be the issue? I can only speak from personal experience but, considering myself to also be those things you described above, I've noticed that my very rough childhood and upbringing has made me into an extremely humble and non-judgemental person...which most likely mutes out any egocentric qualities that might come from the above traits. People always say I'm 'approachable,' I guess is what I'm trying to say. When you say you have high standards, what exactly do you mean? Are you snobbish about it? Your screen name is Diva, which leads me to believe you think very highly of yourself. Nothing wrong with that at all...as long as it is balanced with an equally healthy dose of humility for yourself and your fellow neighbor. Maybe these are some things that need to be taken into consideration?
FilthMerchant Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Guys that call you intimidating are of two types The first are intimidated because they're insecure. You probably aren't attracted to them anyway. The second say you are 'intimidating' because it's easier to say than 'keep your overbearing narcissism away from me'
threebyfate Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 So Divas, what do you think of the responses you've already received? Talk to us. Respond more than once. Okay? We've had a bad rash of troll posts lately so some interaction would be nice.
Author Divas Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]First of all I would like to thank everyone for your comments. [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I love the fact that I’m having a real conversation about this topic which I haven’t done. I know that I do come across as being very serious. Friends in class have told me so because of the way I speak. I partially French and I speak British English. I’m introverted, but only around people I don’t know very well. Most of the guys who told me I was intimidating were classmates who found me attractive but “were scared of rejection” I guess. I’m a senior and most of the guys in my upper division course have known me for my whole college career. I know of at least four guys who were attracted to me but would not approach me because they thought I would not be interested. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I don’t want to send those messages but somehow, it’s like I have a veil in from me that keeps men away. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]As for my screen name it belongs to my aunt who help raised and died when I was 10. I’m not trying to be a superstar. Not at all! [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]But I do view myself and others highly. lol[/sIZE][/FONT]
Author Divas Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 use words that have two syllables or less and giggle a lot. basically "act dumb" until a guy gets to know you well and then afterwards show him you are 10x smarter than him. lol... i'll try that as soo as school starts
boogieboy Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 You might come across as cold and aloof in person. Your accent might not help that. You might have to start approaching guys in school that you are attracted to and smile more. Smiles make you seem more approachable.
meerkat stew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Eh, based on your last post, you are just in a pool of weak men. All the guys I know would find a French/Brit combo dead sexy, and a bit of aloofness would just stoke the fire. I wouldn't do the dumb, giggly act, because that's obviously not you (i know alphamale was joking) but might consider an air of "smoldering under the surface" librarian demeanor if that makes any sense. Guys love envisioning a demure girl with a wanton streak. Do you have any catholic school girl outfits?
LovieDove24 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Hmm now that you mention it, I think it may be a cultural barrier which is making you seem "intimidating." Maybe guys just don't know how to approach you because they are struggling to find similar interests or common ground?
Author Divas Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Hmm now that you mention it, I think it may be a cultural barrier which is making you seem "intimidating." Maybe guys just don't know how to approach you because they are struggling to find similar interests or common ground? i appreciate your comment, they are very insightful. i always thought this was the case especially since i grew up in a small town down south. But i don't want to admit bcs if that's the case. I'm screw for life lol cuz i can't change that
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Any guy who you can intimidate, isn't the right fit for you, unless you want to spend the entire time you're with him, pretending to be someone you're not. Exaaaaaaaaaaaaaactly. Do not settle. I have settled before, it's not worth it. Do not settle, do not act "less than" to land a man. You will be bored.
dazzle22 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Well, it may partly be your accent. It is ridiculous, but whenever I hear someone with a British accent, I ALWAYS feel intimidated initially. I guess it is because the Brits have pretty much inculcated in us that we are the hick upstart step child across the water that rebelled. That is not just a generalization. When I went to visit some British friends of mine, there were incidents where they were so snooty about being British that it made me uncomfortable and angry. Don't know, just wondering...
mem11363 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 LD, I think you nailed this. I would add only one thing. A very serious demeanor is less approachable, a lighter more humorous/playful posture is way more approachable. Hmm...I do not think it is your smarts or your looks or any of those details that are making you intimidating. Sure, to joe blow who is only looking for a drinking buddy or supermodel those things might be a turn off, but for an intelligent like-minded male, intelligence and being outgoing would simply be an added bonus. So what might be the issue? I can only speak from personal experience but, considering myself to also be those things you described above, I've noticed that my very rough childhood and upbringing has made me into an extremely humble and non-judgemental person...which most likely mutes out any egocentric qualities that might come from the above traits. People always say I'm 'approachable,' I guess is what I'm trying to say. When you say you have high standards, what exactly do you mean? Are you snobbish about it? Your screen name is Diva, which leads me to believe you think very highly of yourself. Nothing wrong with that at all...as long as it is balanced with an equally healthy dose of humility for yourself and your fellow neighbor. Maybe these are some things that need to be taken into consideration?
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