Married guy at work

[Sandyumma]

I have this guy at work, he is smart, charming, everything I ever wanted. He smiles at me, winks at me, flirts with me, he has been given all these signals that he likes me. We have been working together for just over a year.Recently we have had more chance to talk about personal lives. He keeps saying that it was mistake that he got married so early(18), and keeps saying that I should leave my husband and get another guy. But sometimes, he would say it is wrong for married man to show interest to another girl. Sometimes, I find him avoiding me as well. I am just so confused, I really dont know what he wants or if he even likes me. I am in a boring marriage, my husband is a nice guy, but I just find it hard for me to love him, I am only 25, already feel like 40, our life is just too boring, he brigntened my life, this also made me feel guilty, but I just can't stop thinking about him, what do I do?PLEASE HELP ME!!

[jnd2009]

I have/had sort of the same situation- more on the flirting part (he's not the "everything i've ever wanted part". He says he doesn't know why he's married, but he does love his wife. He's told me I'm too young to be serious with someone when we joked about messing around. One last difference is I'm happy with my relationship. Also, he recently stopped working there (not because of me).

Anyways, I'd recommend to keep it at flirting and nothing more. It's fun, it makes you feel good that someone shows an interest in you other than your man. Later down the road acting on these interests can lead to more confusion, more wanting, and leaving your husband and his wife out of it on the sideline, possibly getting hurt in the end via them finding out either by accident or some other way. Not to mention your relationship with each other can go sour, especially since you are still working together that may not be the best (also other co workers may see what's going on and know you both are married in seperate relationships- would one rat either of you out)

I may sound hypocritical, but take my experience and learn from it. The MM I talked to had left our work right after we started becoming sexual- which may have been the best for us. The next day after we played around we both worked together- and I know I may have seemed to be "up his butt", hanging out around his area, if you catch my drift- aka showing too much interest in him, more than normal.

We do still talk, and yes we have messed around. I try my best to keep my grounds in my relationship though. I don't lie to my bf about seeing him, and we don't see each other all that much (MAYBE once a month). My mind wanders, I do think about him, especially in the bed (or when I please myself- sorry if that was too much). It stays on your mind. I feel guilty sometimes, and I wish I could get him out of my head sometimes. The wanting to hook up with him comes and goes.

K i seem to be rambling so I'm going to stop. But that's what happened with my situation. Overall, if your having problems with your husband and just want OM's attention- it may turn into something ugly and I don't recommend it.

[jnd2009]

I have/had sort of the same situation- more on the flirting part (he's not the "everything i've ever wanted part". He says he doesn't know why he's married, but he does love his wife. He's told me I'm too young to be serious with someone when we joked about messing around. One last difference is I'm happy with my relationship. Also, he recently stopped working there (not because of me).

Anyways, I'd recommend to keep it at flirting and nothing more. It's fun, it makes you feel good that someone shows an interest in you other than your man. Later down the road acting on these interests can lead to more confusion, more wanting, and leaving your husband and his wife out of it on the sideline, possibly getting hurt in the end via them finding out either by accident or some other way. Not to mention your relationship with each other can go sour, especially since you are still working together that may not be the best (also other co workers may see what's going on and know you both are married in seperate relationships- would one rat either of you out)

I may sound hypocritical, but take my experience and learn from it. The MM I talked to had left our work right after we started becoming sexual- which may have been the best for us. The next day after we played around we both worked together- and I know I may have seemed to be "up his butt", hanging out around his area, if you catch my drift- aka showing too much interest in him, more than normal.

We do still talk, and yes we have messed around. I try my best to keep my grounds in my relationship though. I don't lie to my bf about seeing him, and we don't see each other all that much (MAYBE once a month). My mind wanders, I do think about him, especially in the bed (or when I please myself- sorry if that was too much). It stays on your mind. I feel guilty sometimes, and I wish I could get him out of my head sometimes. The wanting to hook up with him comes and goes.

K i seem to be rambling so I'm going to stop. But that's what happened with my situation. Overall, if your having problems with your husband and just want OM's attention- it may turn into something ugly and I don't recommend it.

[Woman In Blue]

He keeps saying that it was mistake that he got married so early(18), and keeps saying that I should leave my husband and get another guy.

What an ass. I wonder if he "shares" the information with his wife that he got married too young and it was a mistake? And he's a complete ASS for telling you to leave your husband and get another guy. "Smart and charming" does NOT describe this creep - it's more like "smarmy, sneaky, and disrespectful."

 

Sometimes, I find him avoiding me as well. I am just so confused, I really dont know what he wants or if he even likes me.

What are we, in Junior High? Why don't you pass him a note with "Do you like me?" written at the top and provide check boxes for Yes and No answers?

 

LOL...do you honestly think that some guy whose been married since he was 18 - and is itching to get his hands on something "different" - is looking for a girlfriend? He's looking for a DIVERSION and someone who'll be stupid enough to indulge him. Big deal if he "likes" you - he's looking for a cheap thrill.

 

I am in a boring marriage, my husband is a nice guy, but I just find it hard for me to love him, I am only 25, already feel like 40, our life is just too boring, he brigntened my life, this also made me feel guilty, but I just can't stop thinking about him, what do I do?PLEASE HELP ME!!

You're only 25 years old and already "bored" with your husband?? Did you marry him when you were 16 and didn't know any better? How does one get to be the tender age of 25 and already be "bored" with their husband and have a hard time loving him? Sounds as though you've using every excuse you can think of to justify crossing the line with your smarmy married office friend.

 

Sandy, you're going to find out that the world is FULL of married men on the make. You're not unique, you're not special, and you're certainly not the only woman whose ever been in this situation. I get married men hitting on me every single day. I'm not flattered by it, I'm not tempted, and I certainly don't feel "special" and wonder if they "like me." They're a dime a dozen and all looking for a little action away from their wive's prying eyes. That's hardly the thing dreams are made of.

 

Respect yourself - and your marriage - a little more. Don't become just another bimbo having sex in some married jerk's car before he heads home to the wife. Blech.

 

Good grief.

[Sandyumma]

I have/had sort of the same situation- more on the flirting part (he's not the "everything i've ever wanted part". He says he doesn't know why he's married, but he does love his wife. He's told me I'm too young to be serious with someone when we joked about messing around. One last difference is I'm happy with my relationship. Also, he recently stopped working there (not because of me).

Anyways, I'd recommend to keep it at flirting and nothing more. It's fun, it makes you feel good that someone shows an interest in you other than your man. Later down the road acting on these interests can lead to more confusion, more wanting, and leaving your husband and his wife out of it on the sideline, possibly getting hurt in the end via them finding out either by accident or some other way. Not to mention your relationship with each other can go sour, especially since you are still working together that may not be the best (also other co workers may see what's going on and know you both are married in seperate relationships- would one rat either of you out)

I may sound hypocritical, but take my experience and learn from it. The MM I talked to had left our work right after we started becoming sexual- which may have been the best for us. The next day after we played around we both worked together- and I know I may have seemed to be "up his butt", hanging out around his area, if you catch my drift- aka showing too much interest in him, more than normal.

We do still talk, and yes we have messed around. I try my best to keep my grounds in my relationship though. I don't lie to my bf about seeing him, and we don't see each other all that much (MAYBE once a month). My mind wanders, I do think about him, especially in the bed (or when I please myself- sorry if that was too much). It stays on your mind. I feel guilty sometimes, and I wish I could get him out of my head sometimes. The wanting to hook up with him comes and goes.

K i seem to be rambling so I'm going to stop. But that's what happened with my situation. Overall, if your having problems with your husband and just want OM's attention- it may turn into something ugly and I don't recommend it.

 

Thanks for the advice, we are not in anyway romantically involved other than flirting. I know what I am supposed to do, it is just being so hard, I think about him every day , and I feel so so guilty just thinking of it, I started crying last night when I was with my husband, he is a wonderful man, I should not even be having this kind of feelings for some other guy, but I just can't stop.

[RedDevil66]

What an ass. I wonder if he "shares" the information with his wife that he got married too young and it was a mistake? And he's a complete ASS for telling you to leave your husband and get another guy. "Smart and charming" does NOT describe this creep - it's more like "smarmy, sneaky, and disrespectful."

 

 

What are we, in Junior High? Why don't you pass him a note with "Do you like me?" written at the top and provide check boxes for Yes and No answers?

 

LOL...do you honestly think that some guy whose been married since he was 18 - and is itching to get his hands on something "different" - is looking for a girlfriend? He's looking for a DIVERSION and someone who'll be stupid enough to indulge him. Big deal if he "likes" you - he's looking for a cheap thrill.

 

 

You're only 25 years old and already "bored" with your husband?? Did you marry him when you were 16 and didn't know any better? How does one get to be the tender age of 25 and already be "bored" with their husband and have a hard time loving him? Sounds as though you've using every excuse you can think of to justify crossing the line with your smarmy married office friend.

 

Sandy, you're going to find out that the world is FULL of married men on the make. You're not unique, you're not special, and you're certainly not the only woman whose ever been in this situation. I get married men hitting on me every single day. I'm not flattered by it, I'm not tempted, and I certainly don't feel "special" and wonder if they "like me." They're a dime a dozen and all looking for a little action away from their wive's prying eyes. That's hardly the thing dreams are made of.

 

Respect yourself - and your marriage - a little more. Don't become just another bimbo having sex in some married jerk's car before he heads home to the wife. Blech.

 

Good grief.

 

My sentiments exaclty!

 

Sandy, you'll just become another play thing for these married guys and just another cheater who's life will only get worse.

Read a few more posts on this site and then make up your mind.

 

I'm sure many of the other women on this site who are proud of having affairs (and there are many) will come in here and egg you on.

Listen to those who have been through this crazy war, not the ones who take pleasure out of this.

[imagine]

I have this guy at work, he is smart, charming, everything I ever wanted. He smiles at me, winks at me, flirts with me, he has been given all these signals that he likes me. , and keeps saying that I should leave my husband and get another guy. But sometimes, he would say it is wrong for married man to show interest to another girl. Sometimes, I find him avoiding me as well. I am just so confused, I really dont know what he wants or if he even likes me. I am in a boring marriage, my husband is a nice guy, !

 

What kind of a woman are you that would deal with an interloper. If your husband is nice, then deal with the problem in your marriage - you...

 

You are already addicted to co-worker. This is your fault. You did not put up any boundaries to defend your marriage.

 

Lots of folk get bored with their marriage. Fix it.

 

Read the free articles at Marriage Builders.com. Call us back for advice!

[Sandyumma]

What an ass. I wonder if he "shares" the information with his wife that he got married too young and it was a mistake? And he's a complete ASS for telling you to leave your husband and get another guy. "Smart and charming" does NOT describe this creep - it's more like "smarmy, sneaky, and disrespectful."

 

 

What are we, in Junior High? Why don't you pass him a note with "Do you like me?" written at the top and provide check boxes for Yes and No answers?

 

LOL...do you honestly think that some guy whose been married since he was 18 - and is itching to get his hands on something "different" - is looking for a girlfriend? He's looking for a DIVERSION and someone who'll be stupid enough to indulge him. Big deal if he "likes" you - he's looking for a cheap thrill.

 

 

You're only 25 years old and already "bored" with your husband?? Did you marry him when you were 16 and didn't know any better? How does one get to be the tender age of 25 and already be "bored" with their husband and have a hard time loving him? Sounds as though you've using every excuse you can think of to justify crossing the line with your smarmy married office friend.

 

Sandy, you're going to find out that the world is FULL of married men on the make. You're not unique, you're not special, and you're certainly not the only woman whose ever been in this situation. I get married men hitting on me every single day. I'm not flattered by it, I'm not tempted, and I certainly don't feel "special" and wonder if they "like me." They're a dime a dozen and all looking for a little action away from their wive's prying eyes. That's hardly the thing dreams are made of.

 

Respect yourself - and your marriage - a little more. Don't become just another bimbo having sex in some married jerk's car before he heads home to the wife. Blech.

 

Good grief.

 

I married very young too, my husband was my first serious bf. I know it is stupid to just think of any possibility with this guy. I just find myself in a deep whole and get nobody even to talk to, how do those women with similar experience get out of this kind of situations?

[Sandyumma]

What kind of a woman are you that would deal with an interloper. If your husband is nice, then deal with the problem in your marriage - you...

 

You are already addicted to co-worker. This is your fault. You did not put up any boundaries to defend your marriage.

 

Lots of folk get bored with their marriage. Fix it.

 

Read the free articles at Marriage Builders.com. Call us back for advice!

 

I know it is my fault to even let myself fall for this kind of guy. But how do I get out? I see him everyday, 8 hours a day!!

[imagine]

You are addicted to the Dopamine generated into your system. The chances that you will fall is pretty good.

 

You have to withdraw. Quit work. Find another job. Tell your husband of your feelings. Ask your husbands protection.

 

Sorry girl, cold turkey is the only answer. Make contact with a lady friend. Get her to help you with the problem until you and OM can be apart.

 

I want to underline this point. Your affair (EA) is a chemical addiction and addicts don't like help.

[Angel1111]

You're headed down a road that will rip you up more than you could ever imagine. And then you'll be begging for that boring life of yours to come back. First of all, do not EVER, EVER, EVER get involved with a married man. If he's miserable in his marriage, then he needs to leave it. He's interested in you because he knows that you're a prime target for an affair. The translation of that is: you're someone that he won't have to leave his marriage for.

 

How do people attract one another like that? I don't know, it just happens. I know that you think his attention is a compliment, but the real compliment would be if he left his marriage first and then pursued you (if you also left your marriage). Anything else is not a compliment. The reason he's telling you to leave your marriage is because he wants to have an affair with you but doesn't want the complications of you being married. Because of the way he vascilates already - avoiding you, saying it's wrong to show interest in other women, etc - that already spells trouble. He's not likely to leave his marriage - he's just looking for a little thrill on the side.

 

Now all of this may sound very exciting to you but I'm here to tell you that the misery that will ensue is not worth it. I spent 5 yrs trying to extract myself from that kind of misery. If you're that unhappy in your marriage, then leave your husband and find someone else. There is no happy ending to this story with the married man at work.

[bittersweet memories]

You are addicted to the Dopamine generated into your system. The chances that you will fall is pretty good.

 

You have to withdraw. Quit work. Find another job. Tell your husband of your feelings. Ask your husbands protection.

 

Sorry girl, cold turkey is the only answer. Make contact with a lady friend. Get her to help you with the problem until you and OM can be apart.

 

I want to underline this point. Your affair (EA) is a chemical addiction and addicts don't like help.

 

I agree with some of the things said here, EXCEPT tell your husband. NOWay don't do that. You haven't done anything so why tell him. Its only going to cause problems. Just stay away from this guy, avoid him, don't talk to him. If he comfronts you tell him to stay away.. He will eventually get the hint. Keep your mind busy when you are out of work. It will eventually get easier with time.

Edited December 20, 2009 by bittersweet memories

[hopeless4u]

All I can say is DO NOT start anything with this man

 

The fact that you are both M is complicated enough but working with him as well just makes it worse.

 

I was with xMM for 2 yrs, I also work with him and that made it pretty impossible to end things (we tried on many occasions) once feelings were involved.

 

He got caught last W and threw me under a bus as soon as his W gave him the chance to stay in the M and its the hardest thing I've ever been through.

 

I am dreading seeing him at work, at the moment I can bearly hold myself together just thinking of him so have no idea what tomorrow will be like.

 

At the moment its fun, please believe me if you take it any further you are asking for heartbreak.

[Woggle]

Go ahead and do it but have the decency to set your husband free first. After you do that jump in head first because the only way you will learn is the hard way.

[Sandyumma]

All I can say is DO NOT start anything with this man

 

The fact that you are both M is complicated enough but working with him as well just makes it worse.

 

I was with xMM for 2 yrs, I also work with him and that made it pretty impossible to end things (we tried on many occasions) once feelings were involved.

 

He got caught last W and threw me under a bus as soon as his W gave him the chance to stay in the M and its the hardest thing I've ever been through.

 

I am dreading seeing him at work, at the moment I can bearly hold myself together just thinking of him so have no idea what tomorrow will be like.

 

At the moment its fun, please believe me if you take it any further you are asking for heartbreak.

 

I can totally understand you, I have to see him everyday, hear his voice everyday, and talk to him everyday, it is making things really hard. Now I am taking days off for the holidays, don't know how things are going to be when I go back to work, I have to really start doing the "" RIGHT" thing.

 

I don't really understand why I would even have these feelings for another MM.

[Sandyumma]

I agree with some of the things said here, EXCEPT tell your husband. NOWay don't do that. You haven't done anything so why tell him. Its only going to cause problems. Just stay away from this guy, avoid him, don't talk to him. If he comfronts you tell him to stay away.. He will eventually get the hint. Keep your mind busy when you are out of work. It will eventually get easier with time.

 

I think that is exactly what I am going to do when I go back to work, just don't know if I will be able to do it.

[tryagaintoday]

Do you have the courage to divorce your husband? Do it. Then ask this co-worker to do the same. Chances are, it wouldn't happen.

[imagine]

Your husband has got to learn how to properly respond to your honesty. Honesty is essential in all marriages and builds lines of trust and temptation.

 

Marriage should always be about support. We need our partner!

 

Use this situation to improve your marriage. Don't become one of the many folk that complain about their spouse. Build a better more friendly marriage now that you are aware of the temptations that marriage is exposed.

 

We are a venting ground when we don't want to talk to our spouse. Think how much better it could be talking straight to hubby.

 

Again, prepare him first.

 

Read the marriage builders articles. They are free and very, very good.

[Sandyumma]

Your husband has got to learn how to properly respond to your honesty. Honesty is essential in all marriages and builds lines of trust and temptation.

 

Marriage should always be about support. We need our partner!

 

Use this situation to improve your marriage. Don't become one of the many folk that complain about their spouse. Build a better more friendly marriage now that you are aware of the temptations that marriage is exposed.

 

We are a venting ground when we don't want to talk to our spouse. Think how much better it could be talking straight to hubby.

 

Again, prepare him first.

 

Read the marriage builders articles. They are free and very, very good.

 

I have not done anything, I dont think there is anything to talk to him about, hope all the feelings will go away...

[make me believe]

Sandy, you're going to find out that the world is FULL of married men on the make. You're not unique, you're not special, and you're certainly not the only woman whose ever been in this situation.

 

Yep. In fact, you're probably not even the only woman who's been in this situation with this man. Believe me, if he is willing to flirt with you, suggest you leave your husband (for what?? him?), and tell you how miserable he is in his marriage, then he is probably willing to do all of that stuff with ANY woman who shows the slightest bit of interest.

 

Face it, this guy is a LOSER. If he is so unhappy being married then he needs to get out of his marriage. If YOU are unhappy being married then you need to work on things with your husband, or divorce the poor guy.

 

You need to get yourself out of this situation. STOP flirting with this guy and entertaining fantasies of what it would be like to be with him. Give the time & energy you spend on this a*hole to your husband. If you are bored, do new activities with your husband, go on vacation/a weekend trip, do SOMETHING to shake things up before you give up completely.

[Sandyumma]

Yep. In fact, you're probably not even the only woman who's been in this situation with this man. Believe me, if he is willing to flirt with you, suggest you leave your husband (for what?? him?), and tell you how miserable he is in his marriage, then he is probably willing to do all of that stuff with ANY woman who shows the slightest bit of interest.

 

Face it, this guy is a LOSER. If he is so unhappy being married then he needs to get out of his marriage. If YOU are unhappy being married then you need to work on things with your husband, or divorce the poor guy.

 

You need to get yourself out of this situation. STOP flirting with this guy and entertaining fantasies of what it would be like to be with him. Give the time & energy you spend on this a*hole to your husband. If you are bored, do new activities with your husband, go on vacation/a weekend trip, do SOMETHING to shake things up before you give up completely.

 

He just kept saying getting married is a biggest mistake ever, but I never suggested that he should leave his wife, I think the fact that they are able to get married with each other's first love is very sweet. I would never imagine him leaving his wife or me leaving my husband. I never fantasised what it would be like to be with him. Also I think there are rumors in the office already, the guys who work in his group always make fun of me, says I am his trouble, I don't want to be labeled as TROUBLE to sombody. It is just so hard for me to stop thinking about him...........

[Sandyumma]

suggest you leave your husband (for what?? him?),

 

This is also what confuses me. I don't understand why he always says that, he never said leave my husband for him, just keep saying I should leave him and find some other guy when I still have commodidties. He never suggested this other guy should be him, so I just don't get his intention.

[make me believe]

This is also what confuses me. I don't understand why he always says that, he never said leave my husband for him, just keep saying I should leave him and find some other guy when I still have commodidties. He never suggested this other guy should be him, so I just don't get his intention.

 

Well, at this point you really need to stop discussing your marriage with him and when he makes suggestions like that tell him it is none of his business. He has NO right to tell you to leave your husband! Ugh, you really just need to tell him to fk off.

 

And when you find yourself thinking about him, make yourself stop. Seriously! It's that easy. Don't allow yourself to indulge in thoughts of him. Distract yourself with an activity or consciously turn your thoughts to something else.

[Sandyumma]

Well, at this point you really need to stop discussing your marriage with him and when he makes suggestions like that tell him it is none of his business. He has NO right to tell you to leave your husband! Ugh, you really just need to tell him to fk off.

 

And when you find yourself thinking about him, make yourself stop. Seriously! It's that easy. Don't allow yourself to indulge in thoughts of him. Distract yourself with an activity or consciously turn your thoughts to something else.

 

I am trying really hard on this, now I am off for the holidays, so I am keeping myself busy doing things around the house and keep my mind off him as much as I can, just don't know how things are going to be when i get back to work and have to see him everyday or even hear his voice.

[Maggotface]

You WILL regret it if you do anything sexual with this other guy. He is being sneaky you need to wake up to his tricks, you are just a ego boost. If you do decide to cheat you will soon realize how much you care for your husband. Nothing will come from this guy, he will not leave his wife for you, no relationship (other than sex) will emerge.