Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 I was an am very much into him. I can see long term potential in him. He's got some awesome qualities. I opened up to him about a lot of things. My friend thinks he's playing games. She doesn't understand why one day he is calling me his girl and the next dumping me. She says if he was for real, he'd have talked to me. I don't understand why play games though, I mean it can't be for sex. It wouldn't make sense at this point.
pandagirl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Oh youre a drama queen tester too eh? I dont know if you read the OP, but she is only a month in with this guy. Yes, I did read that. I would understand him bailing on her if this was an established repeated pattern. But if this is a first scuffle in their very brief relationship, then he's not much of a quality person OR just was never into her in the first place.
D-Lish Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Guys don't like drama- I am truly not surprised he took off. He may like a lot of things about you- but if he was on the fence, this could have put him over. It's only been a month- that's too early for dealing with the deep stuff like the moods due to our hormones. Hey- I understand the hormone stuff as I live it- But I think busting it out this soon was quite possibly a deal breaker. Keep this in mind for the next guy and resist the urge to introduce drama until you have a stronger foundation.
Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 If he was on the fence though, why did he ask me to be his girl? If he wanted me to be his girlfriend, shouldn't he have at least wanted to talk about things? There is some confusing aspects of this. Do guys ever get scared and come back? Do they say things they don't mean in heat of the moment? I wasn't trying to bug him the last time I called, but he had made it sound like we were still seeing each other tonight, and then never showed. I was just calling to see if he was coming or not.
meerkat stew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 If you two had discussed being BF/GF, then he owes you a breakup and not a full-out fade. If there was never any discussion about status, just dating and he referred to you as GF in a non-serious manner, you may not hear further from him if he is done. That's just the way people are these days. I think he is going to contact again, though, and may try to patch things up. If he does, and you want to keep him, take this incident to heart and don't repeat it.
Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Meerkat, there was a discussion about being boyfriend/girlfriend. He told me he wanted me to be his, and asked if I wanted him to be mine. I said yes. I was very excited about it. We talked about taking down our online profiles (he brought that up). He was referring to me as his girl prior to that.
Lovelybird Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Why were you moody? Are there any things bothered you? What do you fear? I think it is better to face your own fear now than to worry about what he is thinking. Could be that you rely too much your emotional happiness solely on him, and you fear you lose this happiness , and he probably feel this way that you put your own happiness before him?
meerkat stew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Well then if he fades out without a formal breakup over this single instance, he is an ass and you have dodged a big bullet. Be thankful you didn't waste more time. How long has it been since you've heard from him? My normal cooling off period over stuff like this is 48 hours, but some guys could be a bit longer.
boogieboy Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I was an am very much into him. I can see long term potential in him. He's got some awesome qualities. I opened up to him about a lot of things. My friend thinks he's playing games. She doesn't understand why one day he is calling me his girl and the next dumping me. She says if he was for real, he'd have talked to me. I don't understand why play games though, I mean it can't be for sex. It wouldn't make sense at this point. Yeah but do you understand how frustrating it is that he couldnt talk to you at the moment? You couldnt be reasoned with when you were moody? An email doesnt fix that if it can happen again. He probably doesnt want to feel that frustration again.
Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Why were you moody? Are there any things bothered you? What do you fear? I think it is better to face your own fear now than to worry about what he is thinking. Could be that you rely too much your emotional happiness solely on him, and you fear you lose this happiness , and he probably feel this way that you put your own happiness before him? I felt like I was getting mixed messages from him. Yesterday he was telling me how much he loved that I was an affectionate person with him. Today he wasn't like it. Telling me it was smothering. It wasn't more or less then it's ever been. I was happy before him and I will be without him, but I still feel sad about all of this. Well then if he fades out without a formal breakup over this single instance, he is an ass and you have dodged a big bullet. Be thankful you didn't waste more time. How long has it been since you've heard from him? My normal cooling off period over stuff like this is 48 hours, but some guys could be a bit longer. This was all today. At 1 this afternoon he told me he'd be coming for me at 4 or 5. That was after all the drama crap. He never did. I called after 5 because I wanted to know if he was coming. I was told he wasn't home. Then he sent me a message maybe an hour and a half after I called saying it wasn't going to work and not to call him any more. Yeah but do you understand how frustrating it is that he couldnt talk to you at the moment? You couldnt be reasoned with when you were moody? An email doesnt fix that if it can happen again. He probably doesnt want to feel that frustration again. Yes I do understand how frustrating it is. But it is also frustrating getting mixed messages. And I don't understand why he said he'd be over then just not come.
boogieboy Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Yes I do understand how frustrating it is. But it is also frustrating getting mixed messages. And I don't understand why he said he'd be over then just not come. Its not a mixed message. He didnt show up, the message is clear, he doesnt want to see you. All you can do is either wait him out, or cut him loose from your mind.
D-Lish Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Why were you moody? Are there any things bothered you? What do you fear? I think it is better to face your own fear now than to worry about what he is thinking. Could be that you rely too much your emotional happiness solely on him, and you fear you lose this happiness , and he probably feel this way that you put your own happiness before him? LovelyBird! It's been so long since I have seen you here! She was moody over her period:eek:
meerkat stew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Then he sent me a message maybe an hour and a half after I called saying it wasn't going to work and not to call him any more. Am sorry, didn't see this earlier. A TEXT? This is a big foul ball, worse than what you did by far. You are better off without this guy, and will realize it soon. Don't call him any more, he doesn't deserve your further thoughts or attention.
Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Its not a mixed message. He didnt show up, the message is clear, he doesnt want to see you. All you can do is either wait him out, or cut him loose from your mind. That is not the message I was specifically talking about, if you had read above. Although, if he didn't want to see me, he could have told me earlier on. Instead of waiting. At 1 he said he was going to take a nap and be here by 4 or 5, that was the last thing said. Then nothing. No show. Then he said he doesn't want to see me. The mixed message I was specifically talking about is liking something I do or am one day, and being pissed about it the next.
Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Am sorry, didn't see this earlier. A TEXT? This is a big foul ball, worse than what you did by far. You are better off without this guy, and will realize it soon. Don't call him any more, he doesn't deserve your further thoughts or attention. He sent me an email. I haven't called since he told me not to, I just called to find out if he was coming and was running late or that he wasn't coming at all. I only emailed him to appologize and explain. I haven't made any other contact. And it is hard not to. Yes, I know I was moody and on my period, but it doesn't help when he's upset at something that was okay the day before. It confuses me.
Lovelybird Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I felt like I was getting mixed messages from him. Yesterday he was telling me how much he loved that I was an affectionate person with him. Today he wasn't like it. Telling me it was smothering. It wasn't more or less then it's ever been. I was happy before him and I will be without him, but I still feel sad about all of this. This was all today. At 1 this afternoon he told me he'd be coming for me at 4 or 5. That was after all the drama crap. He never did. I called after 5 because I wanted to know if he was coming. I was told he wasn't home. Then he sent me a message maybe an hour and a half after I called saying it wasn't going to work and not to call him any more. Yes I do understand how frustrating it is. But it is also frustrating getting mixed messages. And I don't understand why he said he'd be over then just not come. First thing here I think I would do if I were in this situation, is not freak out ! and stop calling him. Human's mind and feeling are constantly changing, this is one side of real life. He isn't like God who can stick with whatever He spoken, so let go of what he said yesterday, and concentrate on stablize your own emotions. If I were this man, probably I would be bothered by constantly calling. No necessary to explain, your calm attitude would speak much volume to him than oral explaination
Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 LovelyBird, I haven't contacted him since the apology. I shouldn't have done that either? You don't think I should have called to see if he was coming and was just late? My friend stopped by and wanted me to go some where with her, but I didn't want him to think I was blowing him off and just not being here. I wont contact him any more. I just hope he is just upset and gives me the opportunity to do right.
boogieboy Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Yes, I know I was moody and on my period, but it doesn't help when he's upset at something that was okay the day before. It confuses me. From what I understand in your original post, this all happened on the same day. YOu bickered with each other, and he said this might not work out. What was he upset about that he wasnt upset about the day before...your arguments? He can change his mind you know. Its only a month in, maybe he wasnt so investe. When you get moody, if he doesnt want to deal with it because he knows that is what the future is like, he can change his mind about you - no matter what he told you earlier.
Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 From what I understand in your original post, this all happened on the same day. YOu bickered with each other, and he said this might not work out. What was he upset about that he wasnt upset about the day before...your arguments? He can change his mind you know. Its only a month in, maybe he wasnt so investe. When you get moody, if he doesnt want to deal with it because he knows that is what the future is like, he can change his mind about you - no matter what he told you earlier. Yeah it was during the day, well morning I guess. We woke up and he seemed kind of distant and different. The saying something is okay thing, I was talking about him wanting all this affection yesterday and then today getting mad at me for it. If he just would have told me. I can't read his mind. He does have the right to change his mind. I was not proclaiming he doesn't. But it wasn't necessary to lead me to think he was coming and wait till nearly two hours later to tell me never to talk to him again. No more then was it necessary for me to being upset the way I was. We both should have communicated better to each other. Maybe we will get the chance too.
Lovelybird Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 LovelyBird! It's been so long since I have seen you here! She was moody over her period:eek: Hi D-lish, nice to see you again I have been busy with some other things lately, my old company is finished, and now I am seeking another kind of job, being a language teacher LovelyBird, I haven't contacted him since the apology. I shouldn't have done that either? You don't think I should have called to see if he was coming and was just late? My friend stopped by and wanted me to go some where with her, but I didn't want him to think I was blowing him off and just not being here. I wont contact him any more. I just hope he is just upset and gives me the opportunity to do right. Hi, ForReal, what you did, you did, please don't beat yourself over past done deal. No, I don't think you are blowing him off, just take balance back, I think it is great you go out with your friend, it is important for you to connect with your friends while you are dating, just learned this recently myself when things cool off, maybe you will have a new start. But here is one thing: you have to watch if he can accept your vulnerable part, don't let him or yourself be a judge to judge over your perfermance. that is not a way to live. been there
Author ForRealLoveMe Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Well I haven't heard from him yet. I have a busy day ahead of me, so hopefully my mind will stay occupied. I don't feel I was blowing him off either, but when I left I had no idea whether or not he was coming, that' is why I called, and he probably thought I was being needy or something. I'll try not to beat myself up over it, but I feel sad about it.
Lovelybird Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 You are not husband and wife yet, so basically you have no duty to report to him what you do and where you go, especially you just knew each other for a month. If he missed you when he come to visit you, that just means he didn't plan ahead. It is not your duty just wait for him at home 24/7. Good gentleman plan ahead
Woggle Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I would ran as well. Men hate manufactured drama and a man who knows what is good for him will run at the first sign of it.
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