mem11363 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 IG, I totally agree with your posts on this stuff. I also think that the guys who have difficulty with women don't quite understand the whole doormat concept. IME women do lots of "fitness tests"/boundary testing with men. Offhand I remember 2 different dates where I got blatantly boundary tested. First one - GF and I had slept together a couple times but not discussed exclusivity. We are at dinner and she goes to the pay phone and makes a call for about 5 minutes. She comes back to the table and I said "you want to be with someone else - we can leave right now?" I said that because my radar was telling me she was calling another guy. She immediately apologized and I let it go. We finished our date. She came home and slept with me that night. Second one was a first date with an attractive woman, she was definitely more attractive then me. Offered me a cigarette 3 times - I politely said no each time. Right after the third time she suddenly got really angry said I was being super rude. I honestly didn't have a clue. So I calmly asked twice what she was talking about. She just kept angrily repeating how rude I was. I then got equally angry and basically stared her down - and she suddenly and totally dropped the topic and the attitude as if it had never happened. After dinner she made out with me a long time and then asked me to call her again and then called me a few days later to go out. Lucky for me she was not an interesting conversationalist or I might have ended up falling for a nut case. In both cases I felt like my date was totally violating reasonable behavioral boundaries and in both cases I was ready to get up and leave right then and I think they could tell. And for sure in both cases they said "note to self - this nice guy is not a doormat" As for the early relationships where I did act somewhat doormattish - I got treated like dirt and then dumped. Live and learn. No it isn't alpha. A decent woman wants a guy who is confident and self assured. Who respects others but also knows that others must respect him. He doesn't put up with crap but he doesn't dish it out either. An ********* Jerk has no respect for other people and is difficult to be around because he is unpleasant in so many ways. A decent girl doesn't want that. Crazy unstable girls who somehow try to see generosity in the fact that he didn't ask her to sleep in the wet spot (when in reality it just worked out that way - he made no gesture) - as one example.
tami-chan Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 This is not a response to my post, is it? Because actually, I have never been to a battered woman while pregnant, or not pregnant. I DO see pregnant battered women in my profession capacity. And all those countries above? I have been there. I lived in Ludwigshafen. No biggie. ahhh...was typing too fast... The post should read: "......I have never been to a battered woman's shelter.......... but I DO see pregnant battered women in my professional capacity....." hehe...damn Asian...sorry English is my second language!
meerkat stew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 ahhh...was typing too fast... The post should read: "......I have never been to a battered woman's shelter.......... but I DO see pregnant battered women in my professional capacity....." hehe...damn Asian...sorry English is my second language! Yeah, right, I'm not the only one on percoce t am I t am I?
Island Girl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Seems there are more threads whining about nice guy/a-hole threads than actual nice guy/a-hole threads. This is the second one today. Guess I'm admittedly whining about threads that whine about threads that whine about nice guy/a-holes, mea culpa. Now someone needs to come along and whine about my POV which would be whining about posts that whine about threads that whine about threads that whine about nice guy/a-holes. This was frickin' HILARIOUS.
LovieDove24 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Nice is good. Doormat is never good. Insecure is so unsexy.
tami-chan Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Yeah, right, I'm not the only one on percoce t am I t am I? HAHA ..I am not in pain..and if I was, I have better stuff
Island Girl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Nice is good. Doormat is never good. Insecure is so unsexy. Most people think Emo is terrible and pathetic. If only most people understood Doormat IS EMO.
bac Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Wrong. But the question is, are there enough decent women for the guys that want a decent woman? I don't think there are. Betamanlet, you do a lot of generalizations, but if you want to get laid you have to deal with a specific person who is different than an average girl. Anyway, what are your objectives ONSs, FWBs or a GF? Have you ever been nice to a girl? What kind of things do you imply under being nice? You told that you have been a bad guy and it worked well for you. What kind of things do you imply under being a bad guy? I guess there can be misundestanding between your definition of nice/bad behavior. In other words, the things that worked for you well, IRL are nice and enjoyable for girls.
FilthMerchant Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 That applies to women, also. Confidence in onesself is an attractive quality to both sexes. I guarantee you that confidence is a greater asset to a man than it is to a woman. Example? A man who is 4/10 for looks and 8/10 for confidence will generally be just as successful with women as a man who is 8/10 for looks and 4/10 for confidence. This doesn't apply to women.
WTRanger Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I guarantee you that confidence is a greater asset to a man than it is to a woman. Example? A man who is 4/10 for looks and 8/10 for confidence will generally be just as successful with women as a man who is 8/10 for looks and 4/10 for confidence. This doesn't apply to women. There is some truth to this. Because a woman with low confidence is easier to sleep with. She'll think sex is the only thing to keep a guy around. And the jerkwad guy knows exactly how to find these girls. Granted if you are looking for a deep relationship neither of the two people are worth your time. But in a generalization of a generalization, there is some truth to the confidence difference between men and women. It all depends on how the confidence comes out. It has been said before. Treat someone like dirt and they'll stick to you like mud.
FilthMerchant Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 There is some truth to this. Because a woman with low confidence is easier to sleep with. She'll think sex is the only thing to keep a guy around. And the jerkwad guy knows exactly how to find these girls. Granted if you are looking for a deep relationship neither of the two people are worth your time. But in a generalization of a generalization, there is some truth to the confidence difference between men and women. It all depends on how the confidence comes out. It has been said before. Treat someone like dirt and they'll stick to you like mud. Was I talking about confidence, or was I talking about treatment of other people? How on earth does your post start with my quote and end with 'treat someone like dirt and they'll stick to you like mud'?... the mind boggles at this. Confidence is not an asset for women in regards to attracting men. Just like an hourglass figure, tastefully applied make-up or supplicating behaviour are not assets for men in regards to attracting women. That is all that I've said. The next response should not be twisted into a completely different and irrelevant topic. Thank you.
meerkat stew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 HAHA ..I am not in pain..and if I was, I have better stuff Maybe you -can- afford a choochoo train, doc, want to email me some fentanyl?
Author Pizzaman81 Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 It seems like Betamule is at it again. This is a reminder to him.
Vertex Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Doormat is to nice guy as confidence is to jerk. My point here being nice guys tend to be correlated with being doormats, and jerks tend to be correlated with confidence. However, you should try to combine the confidence of the jerk with the finer qualities of a nice guy. The end result is an assertive middle-ground -- one where you treat people kindly, but stick up for yourself when your boundaries are crossed. You should not allow yourself to be treated like crap, nor should you treat others like crap. All the while, be confident in yourself and know that you bring something good to the table.
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