Pizzaman81 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I have been finding lots of posts recently about, oh i'm going to be a jerk! nice isn't working. Or women are weird. Some insecure guys have trouble differentiating the difference between a jerk from someone who is confident. They think women like jerks... no women like confident guys. Ok maybe some jerks are confident.. but nice confident guys are more attractive. You're not being a nice guy only, you're being a selfish nice guy. You are the kind of nice guy that expects everyone to do exactly as you say because you are nice to them. It's a selfish fulfilling prophecy for your existence. With that out of the way. Depends on what type of girls you want to get, being a jerk and A-hole will get you emotionally unstable, short term crazy girls. If that's your cup of tea then go ahead. If you only want to bang someone for a few months then that's the proper approach to take.. actually that may not even work. You will NEVER get a decent woman if you become an A-hole. Be confident in how you carry yourself. Be social, have fun.
sumdude Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 That's right boys, there's a world of difference between being an a-hole and being a bada$$.
betamanlet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I have been finding lots of posts recently about, oh i'm going to be a jerk! nice isn't working. Or women are weird. Some insecure guys have trouble differentiating the difference between a jerk from someone who is confident. They think women like jerks... no women like confident guys. Ok maybe some jerks are confident.. but nice confident guys are more attractive. You're not being a nice guy only, you're being a selfish nice guy. You are the kind of nice guy that expects everyone to do exactly as you say because you are nice to them. It's a selfish fulfilling prophecy for your existence. With that out of the way. Depends on what type of girls you want to get, being a jerk and A-hole will get you emotionally unstable, short term crazy girls. If that's your cup of tea then go ahead. If you only want to bang someone for a few months then that's the proper approach to take.. actually that may not even work. You will NEVER get a decent woman if you become an A-hole. Be confident in how you carry yourself. Be social, have fun. Wrong. Their mistake is thinking people believe in the goldenrule. When I treat people well, it's not for any ulterior motive. I offered to pay my friend's phone bill today, and he will refuse because he knows it would make him irresponsible.. But I sincerely offered, and I would get nothing in return, wouldn't even care about being repayed, but he would, eventually.. I was raised to treat people with respect, to hold doors open, maybe if anything I desire in return for this "covert contract" is a "thank you". That's it... That's true, you won't get a decent woman from being an A-hole. But the question is, are there enough decent women for the guys that want a decent woman? I don't think there are.
Island Girl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Yes. And NICE does not equal DOORMAT. There is a world of difference between a nice guy and a guy without a spine who is a doormat and has NO BOUNDARIES when it comes to what he thinks is "being nice"! Being NICE is not giving a girl you like a ride so she can hang out with another guy. Being NICE is not "understanding" if a girl keeps canceling plans with you for dinners etc. and uses you as a back up. Those are just TWO of a myriad of scenarios where DOORMAT behavior is illustrated.
betamanlet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Yes. And NICE does not equal DOORMAT. There is a world of difference between a nice guy and a guy without a spine who is a doormat and has NO BOUNDARIES when it comes to what he thinks is "being nice"! Being NICE is not giving a girl you like a ride so she can hang out with another guy. Being NICE is not "understanding" if a girl keeps canceling plans with you for dinners etc. and uses you as a back up. Those are just TWO of a myriad of scenarios where DOORMAT behavior is illustrated. Bravo. I don't know why anyone with self respect would do th ose things, but apparently they do. I've just experienced treating someone with respect being a turnoff for them.
alphamale Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 You will NEVER get a decent woman if you become an A-hole.. thats total baloney
Island Girl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 That's true, you won't get a decent woman from being an A-hole. But the question is, are there enough decent women for the guys that want a decent woman? I don't think there are. Of course there are. They are everywhere. But you aren't going to meet them down at the bars trying to be a loud obnoxious jerk. A "nice guy" can't pull this off anyway. It is ridiculous because the act only can be held out for so long. There are a lot of attractive decent women out there. Set about finding yourself one of them that is a match -- and ENJOY the journey.
meerkat stew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Seems there are more threads whining about nice guy/a-hole threads than actual nice guy/a-hole threads. This is the second one today. Guess I'm admittedly whining about threads that whine about threads that whine about nice guy/a-holes, mea culpa. Now someone needs to come along and whine about my POV which would be whining about posts that whine about threads that whine about threads that whine about nice guy/a-holes.
Pyro Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I have been finding lots of posts recently about, oh i'm going to be a jerk! nice isn't working. Or women are weird. Some insecure guys have trouble differentiating the difference between a jerk from someone who is confident. They think women like jerks... no women like confident guys. Ok maybe some jerks are confident.. but nice confident guys are more attractive. You're not being a nice guy only, you're being a selfish nice guy. You are the kind of nice guy that expects everyone to do exactly as you say because you are nice to them. It's a selfish fulfilling prophecy for your existence. With that out of the way. Depends on what type of girls you want to get, being a jerk and A-hole will get you emotionally unstable, short term crazy girls. If that's your cup of tea then go ahead. If you only want to bang someone for a few months then that's the proper approach to take.. actually that may not even work. You will NEVER get a decent woman if you become an A-hole. Be confident in how you carry yourself. Be social, have fun. very well put sir. It does work, I am living proof.
Author Pizzaman81 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Wrong. Their mistake is thinking people believe in the goldenrule. When I treat people well, it's not for any ulterior motive. I offered to pay my friend's phone bill today, and he will refuse because he knows it would make him irresponsible.. But I sincerely offered, and I would get nothing in return, wouldn't even care about being repayed, but he would, eventually.. I was raised to treat people with respect, to hold doors open, maybe if anything I desire in return for this "covert contract" is a "thank you". That's it... That's true, you won't get a decent woman from being an A-hole. But the question is, are there enough decent women for the guys that want a decent woman? I don't think there are. Well if it's not for any ulterior motive, then do not be angry if nothing happens from you being nice. I never said to stop holding open doors, to stop assisting people once in a while. As we grow in age, those acts show class. What I am saying is, on top of being nice, you need to have a bit more flair in you and change the way of thinking. So during high school I was kind of like that. Being myself and getting angry that no girl likes me. I first thought it was that girls don't like nice guys, nice guys are wusses blah blah. No it turned out that it was because I was f'ing boring person to be around with. So I started thinking of other things to do, concentrated on my career, went to college, got into sports to get my mind off of it. Joined more social events, etc. In turn that gave me more confidence, gave me more things to talk about, more things I can relate to other people with. More activities I can invite people to do with, etc. So in the end, on top of me being nice and classy, i got all that confidence, charm (I know, please one at a time please), I noticed a difference in the way I carry myself in society. I noticed a difference in a way I smile at girls (no longer do I look like I just saw the greatest thing my life with everyone i looked at) and how I am never nervous anymore in striking a random conversation in a large group. So is being nice enough? SOMETIMES. In this day and age of so many dynamics and factors in dating, SOMETIMES being nice only works. But there are so many other aspects of a human being that people can improve. Being nice is one aspect and that you MUST keep and never revert to be an A-hole. Just improve on other aspects and how you think. As for are there enough decent girls out there for guys who are looking for decent guys? I am sure most girls on this forum are those types! People are not naturally EVIL.
Pink Cupcakes Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 That applies to women, also. Confidence in onesself is an attractive quality to both sexes.
Island Girl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 thats total baloney No it isn't alpha. A decent woman wants a guy who is confident and self assured. Who respects others but also knows that others must respect him. He doesn't put up with crap but he doesn't dish it out either. An ********* Jerk has no respect for other people and is difficult to be around because he is unpleasant in so many ways. A decent girl doesn't want that. Crazy unstable girls who somehow try to see generosity in the fact that he didn't ask her to sleep in the wet spot (when in reality it just worked out that way - he made no gesture) - as one example.
betamanlet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Well if it's not for any ulterior motive, then do not be angry if nothing happens from you being nice. I never said to stop holding open doors, to stop assisting people once in a while. As we grow in age, those acts show class. What I am saying is, on top of being nice, you need to have a bit more flair in you and change the way of thinking. So during high school I was kind of like that. Being myself and getting angry that no girl likes me. I first thought it was that girls don't like nice guys, nice guys are wusses blah blah. No it turned out that it was because I was f'ing boring person to be around with. So I started thinking of other things to do, concentrated on my career, went to college, got into sports to get my mind off of it. Joined more social events, etc. In turn that gave me more confidence, gave me more things to talk about, more things I can relate to other people with. More activities I can invite people to do with, etc. So in the end, on top of me being nice and classy, i got all that confidence, charm (I know, please one at a time please), I noticed a difference in the way I carry myself in society. I noticed a difference in a way I smile at girls (no longer do I look like I just saw the greatest thing my life with everyone i looked at) and how I am never nervous anymore in striking a random conversation in a large group. So is being nice enough? SOMETIMES. In this day and age of so many dynamics and factors in dating, SOMETIMES being nice only works. But there are so many other aspects of a human being that people can improve. Being nice is one aspect and that you MUST keep and never revert to be an A-hole. Just improve on other aspects and how you think. As for are there enough decent girls out there for guys who are looking for decent guys? I am sure most girls on this forum are those types! People are not naturally EVIL. I fully admit I stopped reading once you said "boring person".. It is NOBODY's job to entertain someone else. ANd if you need to be doing crazy things in order to be "entertained" then you have a problem. I enjoy hiking, world travel (I've been to all but 2 continents), I like learning languges, I like eating out, I like going to bars, I like to discuss politics, law, etc... But that's not "tingly" enough.. Fact remains, if you treat a woman like crap, it's more likely she'll like you than if you treat her well, on average. That's saying something about society.
Island Girl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Fact remains, if you treat a woman like crap, it's more likely she'll like you than if you treat her well, on average. That's saying something about society. No. That isn't true. If you do not allow a woman to treat YOU like crap but treat her well -- and expect the same -- she'll like you in fact more than likely LOVE you.
Pyro Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Fact remains, if you treat a woman like crap, it's more likely she'll like you than if you treat her well, on average. That's saying something about society. You really want a woman like that in your life? Odds are she is whacko if she treats you well for that.
threebyfate Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 No. That isn't true. If you do not allow a woman to treat YOU like crap but treat her well -- and expect the same -- she'll like you in fact more than likely LOVE you.Until a person understands that they're fully responsible for themselves, the concept of boundaries might as well be in an alien language.
betamanlet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 You really want a woman like that in your life? Odds are she is whacko if she treats you well for that. No. of course not. But I'm talking numbers. There are not enough women that want to be treated well as there are guys willing to provide that. THere are more women on earth, more women in college, etc, but they still 80% of them desire 20% of men. I have to babysit one of them tonight. And despite how alpha he seems, he gets laid all the time, I paid his phone bill, I will be nursing him back to health from his pukefest. . Do I expect anyting in return? No.
stapelfahrer drew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 No. of course not. But I'm talking numbers. There are not enough women that want to be treated well as there are guys willing to provide that. THere are more women on earth, more women in college, etc, but they still 80% of them desire 20% of men. I have to babysit one of them tonight. And despite how alpha he seems, he gets laid all the time, I paid his phone bill, I will be nursing him back to health from his pukefest. . Do I expect anyting in return? No. I am pretty sure that 80 percent of men desire 20 percent of the women too. And I admit, I have been guilty of that myself. A question for you though, do you WANT to babysit this alpha, drunk Don Juan? If the answer is no, but you are doing it anyway, then you are a doormat.
betamanlet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I am pretty sure that 80 percent of men desire 20 percent of the women too. And I admit, I have been guilty of that myself. A question for you though, do you WANT to babysit this alpha, drunk Don Juan? If the answer is no, but you are doing it anyway, then you are a doormat. We're very good friends. I enjoy hanging with him. He's the only friend I've made in the past 5 or so years. The question is, would I prefer to be left alone tonight, and yes, possibly I might want to be a shut in, but I fight that.. I sometimes don't want to deal with people and he makes me. can I compete with him with a woman? No, unless she's oldler and richer..
stapelfahrer drew Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 We're very good friends. I enjoy hanging with him. He's the only friend I've made in the past 5 or so years. The question is, would I prefer to be left alone tonight, and yes, possibly I might want to be a shut in, but I fight that.. I sometimes don't want to deal with people and he makes me. can I compete with him with a woman? No, unless she's oldler and richer.. I dunno man, I don't see any advantage for you whatsoever in going out with that dude, ESPECIALLY if you are going to have to take care of his drunk ass. And if you really feel that you can't compete with him for a woman, and your purpose for going out tonight is to meet a woman, that is gonna shine through. Myself, I'd go out by myself somewhere. Maybe you will meet a new friend, maybe not...but anything sounds better than that garbage IMHO from what you have written.
tami-chan Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 No. of course not. But I'm talking numbers. There are not enough women that want to be treated well as there are guys willing to provide that. THere are more women on earth, more women in college, etc, but they still 80% of them desire 20% of men. I have to babysit one of them tonight. And despite how alpha he seems, he gets laid all the time, I paid his phone bill, I will be nursing him back to health from his pukefest. . Do I expect anyting in return? No. You are babysitting a grown man who chose to get drunk to oblivion? AND paying his phone bill? welllll.......I don't know but this is quite pathetic....on YOUR part. You are acting like a biyotch. Why are you doing that? does he not have a woman (one of those women, who are crazy about "alpha males" like him) take care of him? I say there is something wrong with his game if he can't get one to clean after his puke! BTW, since you are so convince that the way to "get" a woman is to be an a$$...have you tried it? and if you did,I take it you failed since you are still whining about not having a woman here...hmmmm?
tami-chan Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Seems there are more threads whining about nice guy/a-hole threads than actual nice guy/a-hole threads. This is the second one today. Guess I'm admittedly whining about threads that whine about threads that whine about nice guy/a-holes, mea culpa. Now someone needs to come along and whine about my POV which would be whining about posts that whine about threads that whine about threads that whine about nice guy/a-holes. Lay off the Percocet There IS a MAX daily dose for it, you know. Just teasing, Meerkat!
tami-chan Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 So in the end, on top of me being nice and classy, i got all that confidence, charm (I know, please one at a time please), I noticed a difference in the way I carry myself in society. I noticed a difference in a way I smile at girls (no longer do I look like I just saw the greatest thing my life with everyone i looked at) and how I am never nervous anymore in striking a random conversation in a large group. LOL...! Well, for sure a man who is angry, whiny, dissatisfied is unattractive. Jesus H. Christ, who wants to be with someone who is miserable?
betamanlet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Yet you'd rather go to a battered woman's shelter while pregnant than listen to me read poetry or speak German, or tell you of my tails of teh Pragues, Poland, Eastern Germany. Drama uber alles.
tami-chan Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Yet you'd rather go to a battered woman's shelter while pregnant than listen to me read poetry or speak German, or tell you of my tails of teh Pragues, Poland, Eastern Germany. Drama uber alles. This is not a response to my post, is it? Because actually, I have never been to a battered woman while pregnant, or not pregnant. I DO see pregnant battered women in my profession capacity. And all those countries above? I have been there. I lived in Ludwigshafen. No biggie.
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