sallybee Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 So I met this guy during the summer and we hit it off. We dated for a month but I had to leave for school. I thought he was going to call it quits when I left but he still continued to call. It got too difficult so I called it off. During Thanksgiving break we reconnected and it was great. He was sweet but I left again for school to finish finals. So now that I'm back at home for winter break I saw him twice. And the second time I saw him we started to have sex again. But the way he went about it made me feel used. I went over to his house, made some small talk, and he immediately started making out with me and fondling me. So we have sex, he turns on a movie, and never really gives me much attention (only when he thought he was going to get some sex again). So the movie ends and he slaps my leg twice indicating that I should leave. And this is earlier than usual. He said he had to get up for work early tomorrow though this has never been a problem before. He is also going through a hard time in his life. He has some financial problems and sometimes his checks don't make it in time for bills. So due to this he can't really take me out to places or even come over to my house since I live too far away. So it's been 2 days since I've had any contact with him. The last time I talked to him I told him that I'd appreciate it if he drove to my house for a change because I always came over to his. And he said he couldn't afford it. He was telling me about some job interviews he had but his phone was giving out. So he said he'll just call me the next day. And he didn't. Should I give him a call just to ask how he's doing and if he still wants to talk to me? Or should I just cut my losses and move on?
Island Girl Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 So the movie ends and he slaps my leg twice indicating that I should leave. Yes you should cut your losses and move on. He wasn't paying any attention to you unless there was some sexual aspect going on. Bad nes. And the whole slapping your leg to indicate to you that you should leave? Oh in the context of all that you posted that is just VERY bad.
Island Girl Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Do not call. Lose the number. Forget you know him.
Author sallybee Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 The first day I saw him he told me that people always deserted him and that he can't depend on anyone because he always has a lot of problems. I promised him that no matter what I'm not going to be there for him. He's also going to be alone for Christmas because he has problems with his family. He's always been sweet and this is the first time he's messed up. I also told him that I don't want to see him unless he has a lot of time. So that'll be this weekend. So maybe he'll call then?
O'Malley Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 The first day I saw him he told me that people always deserted him and that he can't depend on anyone because he always has a lot of problems. Consider his comments as insight into his self fulfilling prophecy. His actions are the common denominator in why other people desert him. Block his number or change yours, unless you're fine with the way he treats you currently.
Author sallybee Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 Yeah, he's obviously pushing me away. I thought if anything I'll just give him a call during Christmas eve so that he doesn't feel so alone.
Island Girl Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 The first day I saw him he told me that people always deserted him and that he can't depend on anyone because he always has a lot of problems. I promised him that no matter what I'm not going to be there for him. He's also going to be alone for Christmas because he has problems with his family. He's always been sweet and this is the first time he's messed up. I also told him that I don't want to see him unless he has a lot of time. So that'll be this weekend. So maybe he'll call then? If he calls you should not answer nor should you respond. He is treating you like a sex doll not a person with feelings who is worth getting to know and spend time with. I don't care that he is going to be alone -- GOOD! Then maybe he'll learn he has to INVEST into people to have THEM invest in HIM. He has not given you one reason to waste your time on him. Sex is just that - sex - and without any real connection it is 15 minutes of time and perhaps an orgasm. That isn't meaningful nor does it serve to establish intimacy or connection. You are better off reevaluating your standards and deciding what kind of a relationship you want. Then you can set about getting it. But noooo - not with this guy. Just forget about him entirely.
Island Girl Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Yeah, he's obviously pushing me away. I thought if anything I'll just give him a call during Christmas eve so that he doesn't feel so alone. He isn't going to be thinking of giving you a call so YOU are not alone. Do not waste your time. He is playing you like a violin.
Author sallybee Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Thanks you guys... I promise not to call him. I deserve better.
2sunny Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 do not call - and don't bother seeing him. his actions - or lack of display what kind of treatment you would get if you dated him. heck, if he's this bad now - what he going to be like after 5-10 years together? he's selfish and self centered - no reason to make any effort for him. you should consider stepping up your guidelines for spending time with a man much less sex with him. if you expect more - the men will understand they have to deliver decency and more in order to be with you at all. since the expectation has now been set so low - he figures he gets whatever he wants, when he wants with absolutely no effort for you.
Island Girl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 his actions - or lack of display what kind of treatment you would get if you dated him. heck, if he's this bad now - what he going to be like after 5-10 years together? Exactly. This is the time when he should be sweeping you off your feet and showering you with attention and affection. This is when he is courting you. A man who acts like this? This is as good as it is going to get and that is HORRIBLE. Soooooooo not worth your time. you should consider stepping up your guidelines for spending time with a man much less sex with him. if you expect more - the men will understand they have to deliver decency and more in order to be with you at all. Again 2sunny nailed it here. A man will treat you the way you expect to be treated. Do not lower the bar - they must step it up in order to have your time and attention. It IS that way. Think of it that way. You would have had a MUCH better time that night having a long luxurious bubble bath and spent time pampering yourself! And it would have been a more productive use of your time. Your time is valuable. Any time spent with a man - getting to know him etc. should be seen as such. He should be thankful you are with him and invest effort in getting to know you. That should be a very basic requirement. Your standards should start - just start mind you - there.
Author sallybee Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Well I thought it was ok to have sex with him since we had a history already. I thought we were just going to start from there all over again. Back then he did respect me and was getting to know me. I guess something happened between the 2 months we weren't together that made him change his mind.
Island Girl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Well I thought it was ok to have sex with him since we had a history already. I thought we were just going to start from there all over again. Back then he did respect me and was getting to know me. I guess something happened between the 2 months we weren't together that made him change his mind. I understand what you are saying but a month isn't very long -- so when you were reunited you should have started from SCRATCH. That means DATES and going out spending time together. It does not mean hooking up and having sex over a winter break. That does not a relationship make.
2sunny Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Well I thought it was ok to have sex with him since we had a history already. I thought we were just going to start from there all over again. Back then he did respect me and was getting to know me. I guess something happened between the 2 months we weren't together that made him change his mind. so now the standard he sees is that he calls when he just wants sex - then asks you to leave... is that enough for you? if it's not, then don't see him again. if he asks - tell him you're looking for a more serious connection now, and his behavior just isn't enough for your boundary. do not go by a man's words - go by his actions. his say that he's not valuing you enough to make an effort.
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