waltham781 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Put another way, for those of you out there with children considering or in the process of the big D, do you think having children helped or hurt your marriage?
threebyfate Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I'm not in the process of a D and we're only expecting, but children aren't the problem or the saviour for any marriage. The father and mother are the cornerstones of the family unit. If they stand together, the family unit holds tight. If one or both should fall, children also pay the price.
floridapad Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 IMHO the children took time away from the marriage. We put the children first and that is damaging to the marriage. The marriage should always be first. Regular dates nights, team work with the children (discipline) etc is all the responsibilityu of the parents. So I guess the answer to your question is that the children can get in the way if YOU allow it to happen. They can also build enormous bonds. It all depends on you.
SimplyBeingLoved Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Children can pull apart a marriage due to the fact that they add additional stress, sometimes significantly more stress. And if stress is not managed well, that weakens a marriage. As well, people tend to put children/"family" first which can weaken a marriage as well. I agree with FP that children should not be put first. Yes there are time periods where more time is spent on the children as is good and necessary.... but if that gets to be the default, it really does damage the marriage, IMHO.
trippi1432 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Sorry, but you can't blame the kids in the fault of a marriage being pulled apart...many marriages end without kids. Does it add stress.....absolutely, but it is the selfishness of one or both parties that end the marriage because they don't put each other first or someone puts the kids ahead of the marriage. On an even playing field, when the family is in tandem, the family unit works....when one or both parents aren't on the program, the marriage fails and someone comes out stronger (typically the adult). So has been my experience.
SummerLady Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I'm not in the process of a D and we're only expecting, but children aren't the problem or the saviour for any marriage. The father and mother are the cornerstones of the family unit. If they stand together, the family unit holds tight. If one or both should fall, children also pay the price. If 2 people are fighting and not in harmony children pay a very big price. I have friends from childhood that wished their parents got divorced due to all the fighting. Divorce is tough on kids and not something I would ever brag about doing. But the alternative is worse. You have to live an authentic life. Living in discourse is a poor example for children and staying married for children is a bad decision. My opinion of course.
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