caito40 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 This is kind of a long story, but I'll go ahead and give you a summary. I was in a relationship when I met two best friends, will call them Rick and John, who soon became two of my really good friends. John and I slowly started developing feelings for each other and I cheated on my boyfriend a few times with him. In May, John convinced me to dump my boyfriend and give him a chance. So that's what I did... and John pulls a complete 180. He starts ignoring me, and talking about me behind my back... he made me feel like an absolute fool. I was embarrassed and angry and it wasn't long before I could legitimately say that I hate him. However, Rick and I remained friends. It made for some uncomfortable situations when John was there because being in his presence just made me furious. Although, I kept it to myself. Rick and I hooked up in August, and we've been dating ever since - very unexpected turn of events, but it's the best relationship I've ever been in. When I'm with him, I'm incredibly happy. But of course, there are times when John is in our company. I've been bottling up all of my visceral surges of anger whenever I see John, but at their company's holiday party last night, I got drunk and EXPLODED. I'm so embarrassed because I said some very rude and distasteful things to both he AND his girlfriend. That poor innocent girl, the only thing she's "guilty" of is making John happy - and I hate to see him happy. I can't go on this way. I love my boyfriend, but if he had to choose he would pick John over me - they've been friends for so long. Ideally, I'll get to a place where I don't feel angry or hurt in his company anymore. If Rick and my relationship progresses to the point where we talk about marriage, John will be his best man undoubtedly. The thought of him being in my wedding makes me sick. What's wrong with me? Is it a matter of pride? Is it the rejection? I've already insulted these people enough and really embarrassed myself. I'm afraid I have anger issues. I just want to heal... please help!
imagine Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 You were at fault for dumping your b/f for John. If I were Rick, I wouldn't trust you. You are an Indian giver. I glad that you can focus to see that something is wrong. Discuss it with Rick!
meerkat stew Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Both Rick and John know the circumstances of how you started with John, and this means you are just going to have to drop it and get over it. Be thankful that either a) John is not trying to sabotage your relationship with Rick behind your back (but if you keep up this hatred, he may just start) or b) Rick doesn't care (but if you keep up this hatred he may just start caring). Also be thankful that Rick is forgiving enough to continue with you in a relationship because the majority of guys out there wouldn't be. You are dangerously close to becoming more trouble than you are worth if you keep making scenes. When you enter into a relationship via cheating, even second hand, you foreclose taking the moral high ground and just have to put up with some things you otherwise wouldn't have to.
hotstuffgirl Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 "I love my boyfriend, but if he had to choose he would pick John over me - they've been friends for so long" love does weird things,... if his friend is truly wrong for talking poorly about you, he will stand up for you. also, this is a good way for you to see if he loves you. maybe you could try and smooth things over with the friend? If you love him, you should attempt to make the situation better too. Be friendly with him, you dont have to be FRIENDS. just acquaintances. your guy needs friends too, and if he chose this guy as a friend, then he sees something good in him as well.
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