amerikajin Posted December 20, 2003 Posted December 20, 2003 Lately, my problem hasn't been getting women; it's been keeping them. Things start off well, but for some reason the flame just doesn't last. The first few dinners are great. Then we start calling and talking on the phone a few nights a week, then every night. But after about a month or so, I've been getting bored or irritated with my girlfriends. I fear I'm beginning to hit the wall again with this one, even though she's a really nice person and treats me really well. I feel like I'm just dating and that's it. I've only dated one woman in my entire life who was ever able to keep my flame burning for any length of time and we had a long-distance relationship before moving in together. Since we broke up, it's like I don't want to get close to anyone too soon. Plus, I've got other things in my life I want to do right now. I'm wondering...is it normal to try dating different women, or do I have some kind of problem? Any advice from people who also suffer from "boredom". Should I try to find something within myself? Should I just pull back and start dating other people? She's going away for a couple of weeks so I'm thinking maybe this will give both of us some space.
Skittles Posted December 20, 2003 Posted December 20, 2003 Should I try to find something within myself? Not a bad place to start.
moimeme Posted December 20, 2003 Posted December 20, 2003 What bores you or irritates you? After all, it's a natural progression to be initially interested in someone and then find out things which demonstrate that they are incompatible with you. Are you getting bored and irritated because they are not whatever it is you want them to be? Yes, look inside yourself - those are questions to start with.
Duke Posted December 20, 2003 Posted December 20, 2003 There's nothing wrong with you at all. Simply put, you haven't found someone who can keep you interested. I had the same problem, things start off good but get very boring soon and I move on. I have found one or two over the course of my dating life who have kept my interest but for one reason or another it didn't work out. In fact I would be married to this day with this incredible gal who really had everything I wanted but she was a little lacking on common sense for me and the stress it caused made me break it off. We lasted nearly 2 years but I couldn't handle her jogging after dark with headphones on in a high crime area. There was a few other things but that was the biggest one. I spent so much time worried about whether or not she was going to come home of if I was going to read about her body found missing a head in the newspaper the next morning. Just keep on dating people and don't rush into anything. Keep your options and your mind open.
sarah12 Posted December 22, 2003 Posted December 22, 2003 Originally posted by amerikajin Lately, my problem hasn't been getting women; it's been keeping them. Things start off well, but for some reason the flame just doesn't last. The first few dinners are great. Then we start calling and talking on the phone a few nights a week, then every night. But after about a month or so, I've been getting bored or irritated with my girlfriends. I think your problem might be that you let things move too quickly into a 'relationship' before you even know if you really like the person. Caling everyday after a month would be a bit much for me. At that point, you are still learning alot about the person and it should be the most fun part of the relationship. However it seems though that either you or her have already taken it to the comfortable stage too soon. I've only dated one woman in my entire life who was ever able to keep my flame burning for any length of time and we had a long-distance relationship before moving in together. Since we broke up, it's like I don't want to get close to anyone too soon. Plus, I've got other things in my life I want to do right now. Ok, looks like you have been used to having a long-d relationship and that could be why you get bored of the calling everyday and I assume that the moving in with the ex had something to do with the break up. You also mentioned that you have other things to do right now in your life - maybe you are not really mentally ready to take on a relationship and therefore have not fully invested yourself in one because your mind is occupied with other things? I'm wondering...is it normal to try dating different women, or do I have some kind of problem? Any advice from people who also suffer from "boredom". Should I try to find something within myself? Should I just pull back and start dating other people? She's going away for a couple of weeks so I'm thinking maybe this will give both of us some space. I have only suffered from 'boredom' when I let things move too quickly, as I stated above. I think you need to decide whether or not you really like the person you are dating before you let it get too serious. Sure, a few dinners can be great with anyone, but can you really set this girl apart from the others? What makes her so great, do you really even like her? If she wasn't in your life anymore, would you be upset about it? or not really care? These are the things you should ask yourself if you are not sure where things are heading.
Arabess Posted December 22, 2003 Posted December 22, 2003 Originally posted by Duke There's nothing wrong with you at all. Simply put, you haven't found someone who can keep you interested. I TOTALLY agree!!! That's why I make jokes about being the Queen of the 3 Dates. Very few guys hold my interest past that point. Now, there IS some merit to finding out if it's 'them' or maybe your expectations are too high or subconsciously you really DON'T want someone in your life full time....at this point. I'm guilty of the latter....but comfortable with it.
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