caito40 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 This is kind of a long story, but I'll go ahead and give you a summary. I was in a relationship when I met two best friends, will call them Rick and John, who soon became two of my really good friends. John and I slowly started developing feelings for each other and I cheated on my boyfriend a few times with him. In May, John convinced me to dump my boyfriend and give him a chance. So that's what I did... and John pulls a complete 180. He starts ignoring me, and talking about me behind my back... he made me feel like an absolute fool. I was embarrassed and angry and it wasn't long before I could legitimately say that I hate him. However, Rick and I remained friends. It made for some uncomfortable situations when John was there because being in his presence just made me furious. Although, I kept it to myself. Rick and I hooked up in August, and we've been dating ever since - very unexpected turn of events, but it's the best relationship I've ever been in. When I'm with him, I'm incredibly happy. But of course, there are times when John is in our company. I've been bottling up all of my visceral surges of anger whenever I see John, but at their company's holiday party last night, I got drunk and EXPLODED. I'm so embarrassed because I said some very rude and distasteful things to both he AND his girlfriend. That poor innocent girl, the only thing she's "guilty" of is making John happy - and I hate to see him happy. I can't go on this way. I love my boyfriend, but if he had to choose he would pick John over me - they've been friends for so long. Ideally, I'll get to a place where I don't feel angry or hurt in his company anymore. If Rick and my relationship progresses to the point where we talk about marriage, John will be his best man undoubtedly. The thought of him being in my wedding makes me sick. What's wrong with me? Is it a matter of pride? Is it the rejection? I've already insulted these people enough and really embarrassed myself. I'm afraid I have anger issues. I just want to heal... please help!
boogieboy Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Youre happy now tieh Rick. What happened with John happened, and theres no reason to hold a grudge over it. He has moved past it, you can be an adult, own up to being a fool about him at the time, and move on with your life. You dont have to hate him for the rest of your life. Maybe you just enjoy the emotion. Unless you think you can find another guy that makes you as happy as Rick does. But Rick and John cant do anything about this, only you can.
Author caito40 Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 for taking the time to respond. I'm trying really hard. Why is this so difficult? Also, that phrase "maybe you like the emotion" is something to think about that I never have before...
boogieboy Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 for taking the time to respond. I'm trying really hard. Why is this so difficult? Also, that phrase "maybe you like the emotion" is something to think about that I never have before... Its difficult because youve gotten used to hating the guy. Hate=love and youve kept an emotional connection to the guy by continuing it. So you basically havent gotten over him or what he did, and he probably knows it and it gives him a good ego boost. Pretty stupid right? Many women get addicted to finding reasons to be upset to feel some kind of emotions, and then have to talk to people about it. They enjoy being a drama queen. I realized a loooong time ago that the bad temper I used to have was me enjoying feeling the anger and lashing out. I stopped when i figured it was just to stupid to enjoy anger. Im cool as cat shyt now.
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