carhill Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 With crap, there's always something to step in; something to clean up. Something that someday, with enough love and effort, will be better. With 'normal', that's all there is; there's nothing more; no anticipation, no challenge, no glad-handing success. No ego boost. IMO, such is gender neutral. As far as 'fixing' self-esteem in women, that's the problem. It's the fixing attempt, by anyone other than the woman alone, which causes the problem to continue. Best way to fix it is to leave her alone, but few women are left alone to fix their psyches because there's always a donkey-dick man looking to bone them. Lowest common denominator. Default to dick Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 <falls off chair laughing> Holy crap. Read "Austin Road Trip" sitting here in the office. Which was a huge mistake, since I think all the laughing was starting to make other people here nervous. Tucker Max is the man. There's one in there about his first experience with anal sex where the girl poops on him. I died when I read that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Make sure you are tall, well built, have a six pack, great car, successful job, sharp theads, a charming, confident and relaxed demeanor, be diverting at all times and make sure you always take the girl to the best bar/club/restaurant - don't cheap out. You'll both go home and have a great night together and it wouldn't be hard to keep any girl hooked with that. Then you can maintain the multi dating thing permanently as long as you are a gent, and a little bit elusive, and seeing as you'll be dating a few girls and everyone will be having agood time, noone will be too upset when you kindly drop the 'i think you are great but I am not in the right place for something serious' talk but all those girls will be so into you... If you can't do all that at the very least don't be a bitter schmo who blames all of his dates failures on the next girl he meets, as she'll see right through it and think you're a big loser The 'i'll be an a-hole' thing is a big misunderstanding. You only get emotionally damaged girls with no self esteem to fall for that. All the decent ones will avoid you. What I think you mean is how do you be that confident alpha male? That is NOT an a-hole. There is a good reason why girls fall for the alpha, it is just a sad coincidence that often the alpha types (wome like that) are also a bit of an a-hole (girls don't like that). This is all so true! Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 As far as 'fixing' self-esteem in women, that's the problem. It's the fixing attempt, by anyone other than the woman alone, which causes the problem to continue. Best way to fix it is to leave her alone, but few women are left alone to fix their psyches because there's always a donkey-dick man looking to bone them. Lowest common denominator. Default to dick This is really true. And as much as it's nice to be a woman, and know that there's this power you have over the guys, sometimes we just wanna be left alone to fix ourselves. THE best advice - don't try and help a gal get fixed. Sure, some other guy might step in to do that but at least you're not contributing to the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 It took me 25 years to figure that out, so I get no cracker-jack prize I'll leave the fixer women to the real or erstwhile bad boys; great match. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 This still leaves a major problem. Given the vast majority of women have low self esteem, and low self esteem women would never be interested in guys like me, there are simply not enough women out there to be interested in us. What should we do? Volunteer for a trip to Mars? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Expand your horizons. Travel the world. The numbers in your locale are not indicative of the world as a whole. See with better eyes Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Between the nice guy side and the dark side, there is a balance. You don't have to be a dick, just be a confident guy with a healthy sex drive. Same with females, you don't have to be a whore, just a confident woman with a healthy sex drive. Easy, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Also, a possibility is to just decide that you'll be happy on your own until that right person comes along. And quite frankly, the more content you are with yourself the quicker that will happen. But in the meantime, get out there and live your life! That, to me, is the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Expand your horizons. Travel the world. The numbers in your locale are not indicative of the world as a whole. See with better eyes I've been to every continent except Antarctica and south America.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 It took me 25 years to figure that out, so I get no cracker-jack prize I'll leave the fixer women to the real or erstwhile bad boys; great match. Thanks. Quite frankly, from the perspective of a woman, it's suffocating to have the guys hovering around trying to fix me. We really want to be given more credit than that. Ya know? But, women are conditioned to be protected by the men so the guys who want to fix us are supposedly the good guys???? Not directed at you Carhill. Just some thoughts. Maybe speaking to the question of how to help women have better self-esteem? Maybe allow them the space to take care of themselves a little?? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Great, now get to know women there. You're not meeting women if you have traveled the world and opine they're all the same. The next step is, if, for you, they are all the same, looking in the mirror. Seeing the commonality. That's you. BTW, how have the lifts been working out? Any changes? Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 I've been to every continent except Antarctica and south America.. And wherever you go, there you are, eh. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Why do men always think that guys who have women crawling all over them are a--holes? That's not often the case at all. These guys just have natural good looks, charisma and charm. Some of them don't make a lot of money at all and still have no problems attracting a lot of women. Some of them aren't even that good looking. They just have that "it" factor that draws people to them. I think it is jealousy that makes some men go on and on about the "bad boys, players, as-holes, etc.". It would be the same if average to ugly women continually talked bad about beautiful women who have tons of options. Just face it - some people have it and some people will never have it but there is someone for all of us to love. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Maybe allow them the space to take care of themselves a little? I'm a firm believer in space. I encourage it. I think alone time is healthy time. It's a key area where, historically, IME, women's words and actions do not match. Some excuse their 'craziness' and/or string of ONS/hookups as being not meaningful or 'serious', but they still aren't getting the alone time to heal and work on themselves, so generally fall for or become involved with the same kind of men again. I'll look forward to meeting the exceptions to the historical personal norm I have encountered. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Why do men always think that guys who have women crawling all over them are a--holes? That's not often the case at all. These guys just have natural good looks, charisma and charm. Some of them don't make a lot of money at all and still have no problems attracting a lot of women. Some of them aren't even that good looking. They just have that "it" factor that draws people to them. I think it is jealousy that makes some men go on and on about the "bad boys, players, as-holes, etc.". It would be the same if average to ugly women continually talked bad about beautiful women who have tons of options. Just face it - some people have it and some people will never have it but there is someone for all of us to love. I agree! Being bitter and angry is not the answer. That's not love. Everyone, everyone, everyone wants to be loved, understood, cared about. We just don't always know how to go about getting what we want and in the process mess each other up, too. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Why do men always think that guys who have women crawling all over them are a--holes? That's not often the case at all. These guys just have natural good looks, charisma and charm. Some of them don't make a lot of money at all and still have no problems attracting a lot of women. Some of them aren't even that good looking. They just have that "it" factor that draws people to them. I think it is jealousy that makes some men go on and on about the "bad boys, players, as-holes, etc.". It would be the same if average to ugly women continually talked bad about beautiful women who have tons of options. Just face it - some people have it and some people will never have it but there is someone for all of us to love. I don't think that's true, your last statement. I don't think there enough women who are sane and have self respect for the amount of guys who desire that. Those type of women are snatched up quickly, so that's why you have so many guys reading pickup artist books, because that's the only way to get the remaining women. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Why do men always think that guys who have women crawling all over them are a--holes? The ones IRL I call aholes have been that to me personally, or in business. I call em like I see em. They might charm the pants or dress off a woman, but they're still scum of the earth deadbeats to me and, not surprisingly, to other business colleagues as well. Charm doesn't work on me, sorry to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 I'm a firm believer in space. I encourage it. I think alone time is healthy time. It's a key area where, historically, IME, women's words and actions do not match. Some excuse their 'craziness' and/or string of ONS/hookups as being not meaningful or 'serious', but they still aren't getting the alone time to heal and work on themselves, so generally fall for or become involved with the same kind of men again. I'll look forward to meeting the exceptions to the historical personal norm I have encountered. I can't speak to why you have met this type of woman but for myself I can say that at times it's hard to be left alone to heal and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Further, with a stranger, how do you know where they are? Absent clear honest communication, they could have been living alone for years, not in a relationship, or they could be full of semen from an ex the night before. How do you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Rhythmic Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 I think it is jealousy that makes some men go on and on about the "bad boys, players, as-holes, etc." More likely they get the whole bad boys and ******* thing from listening to women who put them in the friendzone complain about how big of an ******* all the guys they are dating are. Then when they make a move they get rejected with "you're a nice guy but..." They get rejected when they are nice and then notice those same women seem to always have the ******* boyfriend. Those guys don't realize women are trying to reject them in a nice way when they lay down the you are a nice guy bit and it has nothing to do with why they are getting rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 You don't have to be an a-hole. You need to learn that you don't need anyone but yourself. You need to stop being the gay shopping buddy for a woman. You can be friends in the capacity of an aquantence but that's really it. You need to stop listening to her complain about her life. you don't want to be her sounding board. Her last boy friend didn't want to be her sounding board & she slept with him. When you meet a woman you can get to know her & not "date" her but don't be available for her 24/7. make her work for your company & treat her like she isn't your priority because you got other things to do. Doesn't even need to be another girl. Just a hobby or what not. Treat her like one of your buddies. If your buddy calls or texts do you get back to him right away? I don't. Don't get back to her right away. Even if you start dateing she still has to prove to you that she is worth your time. If she calls your cell, don't answer. If she doesn't leave a message or doesn't ask you to call her back, don't. If she texts you some silly text joke or pic keep responce to a minimum or don't respond at all. Would you respond if your buddy sent you a pic on the phone? I usually don't. This isn't being an A-hole, this is showing a woman she isn't that importnat. It'll be up to her to decide if she wants to make herself important to you. It's really easy to do. But you have to be indifferent not bitter & you have stop from emotionally attaching yourself to her. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 You don't have to be an a-hole. You need to learn that you don't need anyone but yourself. You need to stop being the gay shopping buddy for a woman. You can be friends in the capacity of an aquantence but that's really it. You need to stop listening to her complain about her life. you don't want to be her sounding board. Her last boy friend didn't want to be her sounding board & she slept with him. When you meet a woman you can get to know her & not "date" her but don't be available for her 24/7. make her work for your company & treat her like she isn't your priority because you got other things to do. Doesn't even need to be another girl. Just a hobby or what not. Treat her like one of your buddies. If your buddy calls or texts do you get back to him right away? I don't. Don't get back to her right away. Even if you start dateing she still has to prove to you that she is worth your time. If she calls your cell, don't answer. If she doesn't leave a message or doesn't ask you to call her back, don't. If she texts you some silly text joke or pic keep responce to a minimum or don't respond at all. Would you respond if your buddy sent you a pic on the phone? I usually don't. This isn't being an A-hole, this is showing a woman she isn't that importnat. It'll be up to her to decide if she wants to make herself important to you. It's really easy to do. But you have to be indifferent not bitter & you have stop from emotionally attaching yourself to her. Translation: You have to play games with a woman if you want her to be interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 More likely they get the whole bad boys and ******* thing from listening to women who put them in the friendzone complain about how big of an ******* all the guys they are dating are. Then when they make a move they get rejected with "you're a nice guy but..." They get rejected when they are nice and then notice those same women seem to always have the ******* boyfriend. Those guys don't realize women are trying to reject them in a nice way when they lay down the you are a nice guy bit and it has nothing to do with why they are getting rejected. Once a woman starts harping on how big a jerk her ex was you either peacfully slip into the friendzone or you try to one-up her with your own ex nightmares & reguardless you always make it seem like you kicked her to the curb because your not going take that crap from a woman. And then tell her talking about ex's is a waste of your breath to change the subject. you can't seem the least bit needy. You have to have "plenty of fish in the sea" mentality. Or you can just flat out tell her you don't want to hear about her ex's & see how that goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharon1961 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Those guys don't realize women are trying to reject them in a nice way when they lay down the you are a nice guy bit and it has nothing to do with why they are getting rejected. Women reject (or are uninterested in) douchebags as much if not more than they reject or are uninterested in "nice guys." The difference is the douchebags move on quickly and don't try to fix the women. The douchebag's validation is from bagging a babe. The nice guy's validation is from being walked all over. It's what they're each looking for to validate their preconception of who they are and where their value lies. IMO Link to post Share on other sites
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