Kristie16 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I'd like peoples' input on my situation. I'm 24, never had a real boyfriend, am a virgin, etc., etc. I am insecure and that is part of the reason for never having a relationship but its also just never really been the right situation (there have been times when I could have both been in a relationship and lost my virginity, but it just wasn't right at the time.) I DO want a relationship, but I am also very much into my career right now and making my dream of that come true. Because of that and my goals of wanting to see the world, I travel quite a bit. And not travel as in go for two weeks and then return. I move around for a few months at a time, all in an effort to improve in my field AND to just experience different parts of the world and see and experience everything that comes with a new place and new job. Right out of college I moved across the world for a job for about nine months. After that I returned to the U.S. and lived in a big city for about three months. I've been back at the parents house for the last two months and am moving for another temp job where I'll be there for five months. After that my goal is to do a job that would have me traveling every day for about six months. I do lead the life that many people say they'd die to have, but it's lonely at times. Moving all over so much means I make friends and I keep in contact with them over email, facebook, etc., but with some of the people I never know when I'll see again or if I ever will see them again. It's not exactly the ideal situation for developing a romantic relationship with a guy. Part of me has come to terms with the fact that as long as I pursue my dreams and travel like this I won't be able to meet someone and have a relationship. I'm definitely still open to it and would love to meet someone and be together while I continue to live my life all over, but by the time I get to know someone well enough its usually time for me to leave. So my question is this: People always say this time of your life is to be selfish, do what you want to do and pursue your career goals. BUT what happens if I get to be late 20s and have never had a boyfriend because I've been traveling and doing what I love to do. What is a guy going to think of that? People always like well-traveled individuals, but what would a guy think meeting a girl who has never had a bf in her late 20s, even if it is because she's been traveling nonstop and pursing her life goals? I cant see settling down just to meet a guy, because even if I were to settle someplace long term right now there's no guarantee I'd meet someone and then I'd be putting my life goals on hold or just disregarding them altogether. What do you all think, especially guys?
torranceshipman Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 You'll SO see all of this differently when you start having sex :laugh: Nothing wrong in being selfish in terms of your career etc in your 20's, but IMO it's not healthy to have never dated. And you are talking to a girl who actively has to stop herself working like a crazy fool on weekends here, so I know where you are coming from. Find a balance - get out there and start dating - wen you look back on your 20's you shouldn't regret any wasted opportunities. I know some very successful guys and girls and we all put our careers first but it never stopped us dating. Nothing wrong in putting your career first though, but it's not the only marker of success.
temple Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I agree that you might like to start a balance between dating and working. But I'd say just pursue your dreams right now and the rest will come later. You seem the kind of person who is a 'go-getter' and I think that if you stopped following your career dreams in place of 'settling down', you would eventually come to resent that decision. And: I don't think that a like-minded guy would really be too bothered about how many past relationships you have or have not had
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Bah, I'm sick of people thinking that just because you're doing something other than seeking out the approval of a wet blanket that you're "selfish." A relationship is a profoundly selfish experience; you're in it for the pleasure the other person brings you. If something else gives you more pleasure, or satisfaction, or happiness, than why should you succumb to pressures to get into a relationship just to be in a relationship? Keep doing what's important to you, and don't worry about a relationship until you meet someone that you want to be in one with. Trust me, if you look for one just because you think you SHOULD be in one, then it'll end badly. Keep on workin', Dagny Taggart
Author Kristie16 Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 Thank you. I appreciate the responses. I'm not opposed to dating or anything. I've gone on a few dates in the places I have lived, but I've never been one to really date to just date. Instead, I usually hang out in group settings or become friends with guys outside of the pressure of "dating." I guess I just wonder because, while I do have that in my mind and I DO want a relationship, I think the fact that I know I might be in one place for only a few months and may never be back DOES impact how willing I am to totally put myself out there and get too close to someone. And I do feel pressure that I should be in a relationship or dating more. They say find a happy medium between work and relationships and your 20s are for dating. Trust me, I'd like to have my work AND a boyfriend or a stream of guys asking me out. Unfortunately, that's just not the case. I know I could probably change that if I changed my focus and put all the energy I dedicate toward work to finding a guy, but the difference between my work and a guy is I can't force someone to like me no matter how hard I try.
Sam Spade Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Bah, I'm sick of people thinking that just because you're doing something other than seeking out the approval of a wet blanket that you're "selfish." A relationship is a profoundly selfish experience; you're in it for the pleasure the other person brings you. If something else gives you more pleasure, or satisfaction, or happiness, than why should you succumb to pressures to get into a relationship just to be in a relationship? Keep doing what's important to you, and don't worry about a relationship until you meet someone that you want to be in one with. Trust me, if you look for one just because you think you SHOULD be in one, then it'll end badly. Keep on workin', Dagny Taggart That is fine, but nobody wants to be in a relationship with anybody who always, always, always puts their gratification as #1 priority. Relationship is not just something you "do" at the end of your "to do" list. So, I am personally a bit turned off by people that have been way too busy engaging in all sorts of "experiences". Doing so is very important, of course, but an excessive focus on that may create bad habits for later in life: many people have relaitonship problems in their 30s precisely because they are so set in their ways or "lifestyle" that they are simply unable or unwilling to make room for anybody else in their life...
stillafool Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I say continue doing what you are doing. You can settle down and have a relationship anytime. Guys will be happy that you haven't "slept around" your whole life like most people and will treasure your "virginity". You probably look younger at 24 than most people because you haven't had sex. Go for your dreams Girl! I don't even know you and I'm so proud of you.
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