tryagaintoday Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Hi all, Say you're dating someone and you'd asked him/her to go exclusive. He/she says they'll need some time to think it through. In the meantime, you're still dating each other. So question is how long CAN you wait for the answer? 5min?1 day? 1 month? 1 year? 50 years? It has been awhile and she is still not answering.... Thanks, tryagaintoday
FilthMerchant Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Some people never become exclusive, some people become exclusive and later make a decision not to be exclusive, some people are exclusive from the get-go. Too many variables. The answer is: when you are ready to be exclusive (if to be exclusive is what you want).
Illiandra Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 think it through? how did you ask her? usually when they say time to think, its because they are uncertain 100% of their feelings for you. trust me i have been in the situation before, and it sucks. i would try to the push and pull. How many times a week do you hang out and see each other? i would pull back a little and limit your seeing each other to 1x a week-2x a week and see how she reacts to this? Dont call or text her everyday either, make her wonder a little bit!!!
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 think it through? how did you ask her? usually when they say time to think, its because they are uncertain 100% of their feelings for you. trust me i have been in the situation before, and it sucks. i would try to the push and pull. How many times a week do you hang out and see each other? i would pull back a little and limit your seeing each other to 1x a week-2x a week and see how she reacts to this? Dont call or text her everyday either, make her wonder a little bit!!! this^ when you talk, you may want to ask him/her what he/she is looking for? maybe he/she isnt looking for a relationship....then you have your answer. in the meantime, i would start dating other men/women..
TheLoneSock Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 (edited) If she balked about being exclusive with you, then there is something about you she is not quite sure of yet, something in her eyes that is a flaw or fault she doesn't know if she'll be able to get over. She does not want to commit to a guy she doesn't feel all there with. That, or, she was just taken by surprise of the question and didn't know how to react. The two of you are still dating, which says volumes about your situation, so my guess is that she was just taken by surprise. The last time a girl asked me if we were exclusive, I balked. We were hugging and smiling and she popped the question. Still smiling, I believe my exact words were: "Whoaa, whoa, let's slow down a minute.". On the exterior I was smiling, but on the interior I was blinking rapidly like someone does when they can't see clearly. It wasn't that I didn't want that with her, because I did, I just wasn't ready for it yet - and I was taken aback by it. There were also things about her I was still unsure of. Things kind of fell apart from there. She felt rejected by my reaction and I was confused, the dates stopped. You are still dating this girl which means she is still interested, so don't fret. The best thing you can do at this point is just keep it casual, do not address it again unless she brings it up herself. Keep dating and communicating. EDIT: I disagree with other advice given so far here. Don't start the push and pull games, don't start acting in ways you weren't before, and don't start dating another girl. That is horrible advice in my opinion. You don't need to change anything or do anything drastic. Just stay consistent, and most importantly stay confident. Edited December 18, 2009 by TheLoneSock
threebyfate Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 How long have you been dating? Your example needs more detail.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I've never thought about this... but perhaps after the first month I'd expect that we would be exclusive. If the guy doesn't want to focus on just me, or exclusively on our relationship, by that time then I'll take the hint that he's just not that interested. If weeks and weeks go by and you find yourself still just casually dating each other, then that sounds more like a FWB situation.
Author tryagaintoday Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 Thanks guys. We see each other 2 to 3 times a week tops. I will text her everyday during lunch time as it was something that I told her I would do - think about her at least once at noon. She said to give her more time, until she is comfortable. She was not in any relationship for the pass 7 years and says she is not ready to be in a relationship. I just got out of a 13 years more than 3 months back. We saw each other for around 2 months. Anyway she says I definitely have a chance else she wouldn't be spending so much time with me alone. Sorry for the fragmented typing. I am really tired and sleepy.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 People make decisions too fast. Why do you think there's such a high divorce rate. They get married without knowing each other all well. When they are dating, everything was fine and dandy, no trouble in life, no obstacles.. HEY LET'S GET MARRIED! then something in life goes bad, and you two realize one of you can't handle it and bails. Seriously, i take a while, maybe 6 months - 9 months. If it's meant to be it's meant to be! I wouldn't continue to even talk to someone if I am not interested anymore. The mere fact that I am still dating someone is the fact that I am interested. Really.. is life THAT short?!
TheLoneSock Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 The mere fact that I am still dating someone is the fact that I am interested. ^ This. OP, like I said before, if you're still dating, she's still interested. Just take it easy and be consistent.
threebyfate Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 There's no way to ask this in a delicate manner. Are you two sleeping together? Is this what exclusivity means to one or both of you?
GiveAndTake Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Unless it's clearly understood that you are just f*** buddies, once two people are having sex, you should be exclusive. Just my opinion...
Lish Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Unless it's clearly understood that you are just f*** buddies, once two people are having sex, you should be exclusive. Just my opinion... This ^^^
Ms. Joolie Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Unless it's clearly understood that you are just f*** buddies, once two people are having sex, you should be exclusive. Just my opinion... Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Good one.
Recommended Posts