today I have hired private detective

[unlucymum]

Hi, all I am new here but I have been reading alot in the forum, anyway to make it long story short I have the feeling that my H was cheating again so I hired private detective.I have been marreid for 17 years, He had done it before and I forgive him becouse of the kids and also I came from muslim family so they all advice me to stay but I had the feeling that he would cheat again,The reason I am doing the detection is I have the opportunity take all our asset and live him with ziro.that is my revenge.I have four kids and been married since the age of 19 I have wasted so many years but it was my chose.I am just gonna wait the result.you have to excuse my english it is not my first language please.

[Spark1111]

I have read that 90 percent of the time, when a spouse is as suspicious as to hire a private detective, those suspicions are confirmed.

 

If the detective does hand you evidence, where do you plan to go with your four kids?

 

Find yourself a good divorce attorney first, give him or her your evidence and make a plan before confronting your spouse.

[unlucymum]

we sold our busines and we are in the process of selling our home so we can move back to my home country and all the money are going to be transfered to my acount, .

It won't be much good to me to get a divorce lawyer we get married in muslim way all I have to do is to wait for 2 years and then go to imam which is similer to a preast and he will get me devorce with or witout my H acceptence.

MOST IMPORTANTLY I want to leave him poor that is the only thing that will give me revenge

[foreal]

 

Find yourself a good divorce attorney first, give him or her your evidence and make a plan before confronting your spouse.

 

GO SEE DIVORCE ATTORNEY!!

 

You will be amazed at what you can and cannot get/your rights etc.

 

This should be your first move today- find a good one..they are expensive, but for a consultation, it is worth it....don't kick him out or show him anything you find until you meet with an attorney- do this for yourself and your children.

 

I am sorry you are going thru this....

[foreal]

we sold our busines and we are in the process of selling our home so we can move back to my home country and all the money are going to be transfered to my acount, .

It won't be much good to me to get a divorce lawyer we get married in muslim way all I have to do is to wait for 2 years and then go to imam which is similer to a preast and he will get me devorce with or witout my H acceptence.

MOST IMPORTANTLY I want to leave him poor that is the only thing that will give me revenge

 

I am guessing you are in the UK?

 

are you planning to move to your home country before you do this 2 year Muslim D?

 

In any case, Muslim or not, if you are in a non-sharia country, you need to see a family law attorey.

 

Can an Imam divide your assetts etc? Can an Imam protect your rights to see your kids??

 

Don't put your future and your kids' future in the hands of an Imam....take control and go see a family law attorney.

 

Just my opinion...

[unlucymum]

Foreal thank you for your advice, I will do that I am sure I know already what the detectives are going to find so I mighy as well accept what my gutt feelings were telling me.

[silic0ntoad]

MOST IMPORTANTLY I want to leave him poor that is the only thing that will give me revenge

 

Very, very mature of you. This is the exact mentality men despise in women.

 

Sure he may be cheating. Sure he is a scumbag if he does so.

 

But taking him for all he is worth makes you one of the most hated things in the relationship world. A golddigger.

[outofthedark]

My atty actually had a PI service that he used often and after our first consultation, I decided to use that service. It made it easy for me as all the "evidence" was given directly to me through my atty. It made it easy to build my case as my atty was well aware of everything that was going on. Unfortunately I live in a no fault divorce state so it didn't really matter other than giving me leverage when demanding certain things in the settlement. He didn't want his secret life exposed to the world and I had it all on paper, photos and video.

Good luck to you. Although you are doing the logistical things to protect yourself, I understand that it is also very hard emotionally.

[outofthedark]

Very, very mature of you. This is the exact mentality men despise in women.

 

Sure he may be cheating. Sure he is a scumbag if he does so.

 

But taking him for all he is worth makes you one of the most hated things in the relationship world. A golddigger.

 

Ya, okay. After ALL those years she is a gold digger? rethink the definition of a gold digger. Sometimes assets are the only way a woman can protect herself and taking half his chit... well im sure he took MORE than half of her sense of security, sense of well being, not to mention the emotional trauma he has caused her. Payback .. yup I believe in it. This was a partnership, it is now dissolving. That means that assets are split. That is not gold digging, that is fair distribution.

[eeyore1981]

Very, very mature of you. This is the exact mentality men despise in women.

 

Sure he may be cheating. Sure he is a scumbag if he does so.

 

But taking him for all he is worth makes you one of the most hated things in the relationship world. A golddigger.

 

Oh, please, this doesn't make her a golddigger. It makes her a woman who shows the man he should have thought twice before screwing her around.

 

YOU GO, GIRL!!!!

[Samantha0905]

Well, she should get what the courts allow -- but I hardly think it will leave him with nothing unless he has nothing at the start. There is an equitable distribution of property in divorce settlements, is there not?

[Angel1111]

we sold our busines and we are in the process of selling our home so we can move back to my home country and all the money are going to be transfered to my acount, .

It won't be much good to me to get a divorce lawyer we get married in muslim way all I have to do is to wait for 2 years and then go to imam which is similer to a preast and he will get me devorce with or witout my H acceptence.

MOST IMPORTANTLY I want to leave him poor that is the only thing that will give me revenge

 

It's interesting that he's done all of these things preparing to uproot his life, while he's cheating on you. The affair must not be very serious, which means that he probably just likes to cheat. Either he plans to stay where he is and let you leave, or he plans to go with you but will cheat when he's there, too. There's something odd about this.

[unlucymum]

Well, she should get what the courts allow -- but I hardly think it will leave him with nothing unless he has nothing at the start. There is an equitable distribution of property in divorce settlements, is there not?

 

What ! get what courts allows me, the man was 23 years old high school gradute, he doesn't know how to handle finance and now it is his halve a million, WTF I am taking all to the third world country.

let us see how long he can spend on woman what is left for him, if any.

[Samantha0905]

What ! get what courts allows me, the man was 23 years old high school gradute, he doesn't know how to handle finance and now it is his halve a million, WTF I am taking all to the third world country.

let us see how long he can spend on woman what is left for him, if any.

 

Well, it wasn't an insult. Perhaps it's the language barrier. In the U.S. there is generally an equitable distribution of property in a divorce settlement.

 

You apparently know enough English to know "WTF."

 

In any event, I just saw your post of your plans of transferring money to your account after you sell your business and home. Interesting stuff.

[unlucymum]

It's interesting that he's done all of these things preparing to uproot his life, while he's cheating on you. The affair must not be very serious, which means that he probably just likes to cheat. Either he plans to stay where he is and let you leave, or he plans to go with you but will cheat when he's there, too. There's something odd about this.

 

There is nothing odd he is sex addict so he always finds someone wherever he is and if I ask him about it he will cry and say it is all in my head. because I will distroy his good life.

[unlucymum]

Well, it wasn't an insult. Perhaps it's the language barrier. In the U.S. there is generally an equitable distribution of property in a divorce settlement.

 

You apparently know enough English to know "WTF."

 

In any event, I just saw your post of your plans of transferring money to your account after you sell your business and home. Interesting stuff.

KKKKKKKKKKK I have already transfered $ 270,000 australian doller that is and he doesn't know I am on to him.

[Lucky_One]

Even in Australia, there is such a thing as 'stealing'.

[unlucymum]

Even in Australia, there is such a thing as 'stealing'.

 

ooooooooh:eek: it is called stealing, and what is it called 17 years of laying and cheating?

 

I wonder how much is my time wasted worth? all he has to say in my culture was honey I am allawed to have 4 waves so I am gonna get one or two, so I can run for my life but no he led this secret life of full of deception.

 

You know since you are expert in the law, what happens if he expose to me STD,HIV, my kids did not have a responsible father and they loose me.

I am afraid to do any test untill my kids are save because I don't know what I will find

 

I don't care what you think or the law for that matter this is my revenge.

Edited December 20, 2009 by unlucymum

[Lucky_One]

Revenge or not, what you are talking about doing is illegal. I don't know if lying when not under oath or if adultery is legal or not where you are.

 

But hey - if you don't mind stealing and the possibility of prison and leaving your kids in the care of a man that you seem to despise, so be it. I am just not into wearing orange jumpsuits nor leaving my child nor of pretending that my wrong actions are good ones.

[dazzle22]

I believe the definition of "gold digging" would be marrying someone who has money, in an attempt to get it, not being married for decades and then wanting to get money accumulated during the marriage. My guess is, that no matter where the OP is located, there are laws that insist of dividing assets.

[unlucymum]

Hey don't worry about me I will go somewhere adultery is stoned to death if I have to.

My hate for him so much it is eating me inside.

[silic0ntoad]

Well I wish you luck in your quest for vengeance. Both of you are immature. Him for having an affair, and you for wanting revenge. I'll leave you with a bit of wisdom I hope you will consider before you do anything else as stupid as stealing money from his bank account.

 

When you strike out for revenge, dig two graves.

[jmargel]

Why are muslims so mad all the time? Why are they fed on by revenge? I doubt it's true for all of them, but alot that I read about and see on TV they want revenge, revenge, revenge, revenge..

 

So if you leave him poor, is that going to make you feel better? Is that going to get you through the hurt? Will that even things out? I doubt it. You will still have the same pain that you have now. You will still have the same issues to get through as well. Only your kids will suffer when they are with him.

 

It will turn into a battleground, you both using your kids telling them how evil the other is. Realize that your children LOVE their father and if you attempt to try to persuade them into hating him, it will backfire on you.

 

He didn't cheat on you because he hates you, thinks you're ugly, etc.. He cheated because of his immaturity, his flawed personality. The BEST revenge is to get a divorce, stay civil with him and move on with a happy life. Him knowing you are happy without him is the best revenge. Try to turn this into a positive position for yourself.

[ADF]

When you forgive a man wo cheats, you send him a clear message: that he can get away with anything. Do you really need to spend the money on a PI? If your husband cheated once, he'll cheat again. And again. And again. Spend your money on a divorce lawyer, not a PI.

[scatterd]

I say good for you! He has lied betrayed and disregaurded how you felt.Its called Karma and the one that cheated with him can start all over again with him as you had to.No offence to the OW here but he made a commitment to her he should have been honest to begin with and left before cheating and degrading her in that way.

I would not give the OP everything we worked for and leave hurt and betrayed.Without a pot to piss in.A gold digger is someone who only marrys for money I bet they was in love in the beginning.The only thing is the kids had no doing in this so they should not do with out or have bad feelings for their parents.Half Everything.

Edited December 21, 2009 by scatterd