Should I tell him everything?

[duskandsummer]

I've posted a few times about the guy I grew up with who I talked to for about 3 years and he started going out with a girl but still was looking for me and talking to me and then about a year ago things got weird and now we don't really talk because he didn't save my number in his phone. We only fooled around once but he went from texting every night to twice a week..to months and now nothing.

 

well this is the guy I feel for and have been miserable over because I never told him how I felt. He is back on with this stupid girl he has been on and off with. He loves her. He is back in town for winter break in the next couple of days..should I tell him how I feel, tell him everything. or should I just leave everything unsaid? He does come back for a month in June...should I wait to say something then?

 

I don't expect anything to happen, I just want him to know..or maybe I just need to know that he knows how I feel, and how I have been feeling. I've lost like 35 pounds since the last time he saw me..sooo maybe cause I look different he might regain some interest he lost? I dont know. Thoughts?

[GrayClouds]

I've posted a few times about the guy I grew up with who I talked to for about 3 years and he started going out with a girl but still was looking for me and talking to me and then about a year ago things got weird and now we don't really talk because he didn't save my number in his phone. We only fooled around once but he went from texting every night to twice a week..to months and now nothing.

 

well this is the guy I feel for and have been miserable over because I never told him how I felt. He is back on with this stupid girl he has been on and off with. He loves her. He is back in town for winter break in the next couple of days..should I tell him how I feel, tell him everything. or should I just leave everything unsaid? He does come back for a month in June...should I wait to say something then?

 

I don't expect anything to happen, I just want him to know..or maybe I just need to know that he knows how I feel, and how I have been feeling. I've lost like 35 pounds since the last time he saw me..sooo maybe cause I look different he might regain some interest he lost? I dont know. Thoughts?

 

He has made a choice with this girl, if you truly do care for him you should respect him enough to respect his choice. And do you expect him to instantly give up his feelings for this other girl just because you now want him? If you were the other girl how crappy that be for you?

 

Besides you will likely come off as desperate and needed only to scare him away for life. That stuff only works in the movies and usually those are not even good movies.

 

Leave it alone. Rather, focusing on him get to know yourself better, get to know other people and if you two are to be if the future you will be obvious to you both.

[GrayClouds]

I've posted a few times about the guy I grew up with who I talked to for about 3 years and he started going out with a girl but still was looking for me and talking to me and then about a year ago things got weird and now we don't really talk because he didn't save my number in his phone. We only fooled around once but he went from texting every night to twice a week..to months and now nothing.

 

well this is the guy I feel for and have been miserable over because I never told him how I felt. He is back on with this stupid girl he has been on and off with. He loves her. He is back in town for winter break in the next couple of days..should I tell him how I feel, tell him everything. or should I just leave everything unsaid? He does come back for a month in June...should I wait to say something then?

 

I don't expect anything to happen, I just want him to know..or maybe I just need to know that he knows how I feel, and how I have been feeling. I've lost like 35 pounds since the last time he saw me..sooo maybe cause I look different he might regain some interest he lost? I dont know. Thoughts?

 

He has made a choice with this girl, if you truly do care for him you should respect him enough to respect his choice. And do you expect him to instantly give up his feelings for this other girl just because you now want him? If you were the other girl how crappy that be for you?

 

Besides you will likely come off as desperate and needed only to scare him away for life. That stuff only works in the movies and usually those are not even good movies.

 

Leave it alone. Rather, focusing on him get to know yourself better, get to know other people and if you two are to be if the future you will be obvious to you both.

 

 

By the way 35 lb? I bet you look hot but do you really want some guy who would only want to be with you because now your arm candy? Beside now with the great new look and great personality you can do soooooooooooooo much better!

 

 

.

[teanoranges]

Sometimes its good to get things off your chest, but this is when you have to figure out if its better to say anything or if its better to let it go.

I would definitely see how things play out whenever he gets back.

If he makes the choice to see you and you two hang out and have a wonderful time and you get that feeling to tell him.. you can. Sometimes we have to take risks just to learn things in life.

 

But don't make deadlines. Enjoy his presence while he's there.. maybe later you could tell him (in an email? haha)

 

 

Don't you just hate these kinds of moments.

[duskandsummer]

It's not that I never showed interest I have always shown it I just never told him and I think he has to have some clue that I felt something. I care for him so much that I want to see him happy but she isn't good for him. I'm not going to make plans to see him..if he wants to see me I'll see him but over the last months it has been me texting him just to find out he hasn't saved my number..he doesn't even care. I would only tell him everything if he makes an effort to see me but idk if it will scare him then I won't but I have already promised myself I will not do anything with him because I can't give in for him to just forget I exist again..should I tell him that if he asks why I won't? Assuming I even see him or talk to him (

[stace79]

It's not that I never showed interest I have always shown it I just never told him and I think he has to have some clue that I felt something. I care for him so much that I want to see him happy but she isn't good for him. I'm not going to make plans to see him..if he wants to see me I'll see him but over the last months it has been me texting him just to find out he hasn't saved my number..he doesn't even care. I would only tell him everything if he makes an effort to see me but idk if it will scare him then I won't but I have already promised myself I will not do anything with him because I can't give in for him to just forget I exist again..should I tell him that if he asks why I won't? Assuming I even see him or talk to him (

 

It is not your place to decide what's good for him, or WHO. If a man is in a relationship, I don't care if he's drooling on your foot, women need to have enough respect to say no and walk away. It's like Tyler Perry says -- men cheat because WE (women) LET THEM.

 

Second, if you really care about him, you will respect his choice. You said he loves this girl -- so leave him the heck alone. Don't be a homewrecker.

 

Last, guys are not as stupid as they'd like women to think. If you fooled around I am sure he knew you were in to him. I say move on. Let bygones be bygones.

[duskandsummer]

the situation is way more complicated than me being a "home wrecker"

Like I said I don't plan on doing anything with him..but if he wants to hang out I want him to know what I've been going through. All I want to know is from a GUYS perspective if its a good idea. Unless a girl has been in a situation where they loved someone who began dating someone else without really telling you he didn't want you anymore or any warning what so ever, you really wouldn't understand my situation. If he would of been with her from the beginning I would of never done anything with him, but the fact that I was there first makes things different because my heart was invested. Its like what about my heart and my feelings? I'm suppose to avoid causing her pain when really I am the one going through one of the most painful times in my life for this guy. I know its not my place to tell him who is right or wrong for him, and I would never tell him that she is wrong for him. I have just heard of a lot of things shes done while dating him, that I know aren't what he was signing up for when he began dating her.

 

I don't know what to do, its so easy to say leave it alone but its another thing actually leaving it alone. How am I suppose to get closure and truly move on without getting this off my chest? Assuming the opportunity presents itself, and if it does I wouldn't even know where to start. I am not scared of losing him because he isn't mine to lose. I am not expecting anything in return. I just want to know like if its a good idea or not? Will he be a friend and be there for me or think im pathetic and really truly want nothing to do with me? Its all confusing to me, I don't understand guys at all.

[GrayClouds]

the situation is way more complicated than me being a "home wrecker"

Like I said I don't plan on doing anything with him..but if he wants to hang out I want him to know what I've been going through. All I want to know is from a GUYS perspective if its a good idea. Unless a girl has been in a situation where they loved someone who began dating someone else without really telling you he didn't want you anymore or any warning what so ever, you really wouldn't understand my situation. If he would of been with her from the beginning I would of never done anything with him, but the fact that I was there first makes things different because my heart was invested. Its like what about my heart and my feelings? I'm suppose to avoid causing her pain when really I am the one going through one of the most painful times in my life for this guy. I know its not my place to tell him who is right or wrong for him, and I would never tell him that she is wrong for him. I have just heard of a lot of things shes done while dating him, that I know aren't what he was signing up for when he began dating her.

 

I don't know what to do, its so easy to say leave it alone but its another thing actually leaving it alone. How am I suppose to get closure and truly move on without getting this off my chest? Assuming the opportunity presents itself, and if it does I wouldn't even know where to start. I am not scared of losing him because he isn't mine to lose. I am not expecting anything in return. I just want to know like if its a good idea or not? Will he be a friend and be there for me or think im pathetic and really truly want nothing to do with me? Its all confusing to me, I don't understand guys at all.

 

Ok here is the answer you want...go run to him with outstretched arms. Make sure it is on a beach and in slow motion. Look deeply into his and speak of unbinding love. At that point doves will arise for the mist of the ocean waves, fast forward to white house. picket fence and you two holding your first born. Sniff, sniff so beautiful.

 

One more time... DO NOT TELL HIM. Keep it two yourself, just because you have feeling you do not have to act on them and doing so here is disrespctful of him and his choices. And if it is to hard to do that if you spend time with him. make yourself buzy and stay away from him.

[teanoranges]

You know. My ex is with another woman, and when their relationship started, I did tell him I still loved him.

It didn't do anything.

Now I am NC for a good month+

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, but you have to make sure you know you can handle the shot to the heart when and if it comes.

 

I've had multiple guys I've held my tongue with and I'm well over them now and glad I never said anything.

I sometimes do wish I wouldn't have told my ex what I did.

 

In the end, it is your choice

[duskandsummer]

You know. My ex is with another woman, and when their relationship started, I did tell him I still loved him.

It didn't do anything.

Now I am NC for a good month+

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, but you have to make sure you know you can handle the shot to the heart when and if it comes.

 

I've had multiple guys I've held my tongue with and I'm well over them now and glad I never said anything.

I sometimes do wish I wouldn't have told my ex what I did.

 

In the end, it is your choice

 

 

The thing is as much as I want to tell him how much I care about him, I think im at that stage where I want to let him know how much I have hurt over him. Essentially I am telling him how I feel in regards to him, but really I want to let him know that what he did wasn't okay. Maybe he was going for a clean break, but I honestly would of rather him give me a reason why after 3 years did he decide to just stop talking to me..its like he just strung me along just to throw me away, like it was his intention from the start.

[teanoranges]

You can't really blame him for living his life and growing away from you.

Think about if there's anyone in your life you just dropped contact with.

Sometimes people just do that. Its unlikely that he consciously thought 'forget her... glad I had her to dump'

someone else just came along and took his attention from what he thought he felt. maybe?

 

I don't really know him or you or the situation, but this is the conclusion I've been coming to about life, love, and moving on.

No matter how good it was in the moment, the moment fades and leaves to be replaced by other moments.

[GrayClouds]

The thing is as much as I want to tell him how much I care about him, I think im at that stage where I want to let him know how much I have hurt over him. Essentially I am telling him how I feel in regards to him, but really I want to let him know that what he did wasn't okay. Maybe he was going for a clean break, but I honestly would of rather him give me a reason why after 3 years did he decide to just stop talking to me..its like he just strung me along just to throw me away, like it was his intention from the start.

 

 

First you said you want to tell him how deeply you feel for him, now your saying you want him to know how bad he hurt you. Sister, your all over the table with this. Maybe this is why he stop talking to you. It has been three years you should have moved on, your better then just this guy. As soon as you start being honest with yourself and focusing on what matters, YOU, that better guy will show up.

[twinklecat]

I really wouldn't tell him, as it has the possibility to cause an incredible amount of hurt, both ways. Sure it may feel good to get it off your chest, but how will you feel if he's nasty to you about it? x

[duskandsummer]

UPDATE!

 

He is home. Its sad that the only reason I know he is..is because his girlfriend left him a lovey dovey comment about seeing him.

 

This really sucks, I want to get over him but its like now im back where I started. Im back to wanting to cry over him, im back to feeling miserable. I have been doing good, and the reason I wanted to tell him how I felt is for closure so I can be like "I use to feel this way, but now I don't and im better off" sort of thing. But now I want to tell him because I want him. I know everyone says I should move on, but you guys should know more than anyone that..well that is impossible to do right now, I can't let go and I have been trying. I have been working on me and have no interest in dating because I am just working on improving myself, and learning to love myself. I just feel like now that he is here, now that I can't use distance as an excuse to why he doesn't want me and now that I can't use his girlfriend being a bitch as justification of us maybe being together in the future..I feel lost, not empty because its like im aching. I haven't felt this bad in months. Im out of options, I don't know what to do anymore.

 

I said I wouldn't be the first to contact him, but I want to text so bad. Just so he knows im here, that I exist because right now I feel invisible. It doesn't help that I have these pretty vivid dreams the past couple of days about him, last night being the worse one. Its like he is tangible in my dreams but then I wake up and im invisible again. I know this sounds weird and pathetic and hopeless but thats how I feel like there is no hope.

[stace79]

UPDATE!

 

He is home. Its sad that the only reason I know he is..is because his girlfriend left him a lovey dovey comment about seeing him.

 

This really sucks, I want to get over him but its like now im back where I started. Im back to wanting to cry over him, im back to feeling miserable. I have been doing good, and the reason I wanted to tell him how I felt is for closure so I can be like "I use to feel this way, but now I don't and im better off" sort of thing. But now I want to tell him because I want him. I know everyone says I should move on, but you guys should know more than anyone that..well that is impossible to do right now, I can't let go and I have been trying. I have been working on me and have no interest in dating because I am just working on improving myself, and learning to love myself. I just feel like now that he is here, now that I can't use distance as an excuse to why he doesn't want me and now that I can't use his girlfriend being a bitch as justification of us maybe being together in the future..I feel lost, not empty because its like im aching. I haven't felt this bad in months. Im out of options, I don't know what to do anymore.

 

I said I wouldn't be the first to contact him, but I want to text so bad. Just so he knows im here, that I exist because right now I feel invisible. It doesn't help that I have these pretty vivid dreams the past couple of days about him, last night being the worse one. Its like he is tangible in my dreams but then I wake up and im invisible again. I know this sounds weird and pathetic and hopeless but thats how I feel like there is no hope.

 

You should get angry. Or at least insulted. The fact that he chose someone else over you is clear indication that it's a waste of your time to be upset over him. Any guy worth having would know how much YOU are worth having!

[duskandsummer]

You should get angry. Or at least insulted. The fact that he chose someone else over you is clear indication that it's a waste of your time to be upset over him. Any guy worth having would know how much YOU are worth having!

 

 

I know but I can't find it in my heart to hate him, yes I get upset sometimes but then it all just leads back to me. The fact that I never told him how I felt, the fact that I tried to play it "cool" and not show him that he meant everything to me..that he still does. I want to believe that he had to know that I felt something because there were times I would show some of that side to him. But I still can't get over the fact that I never told him how I felt, and I feel like if I do it could change things, but im at that stage where I feel like he has forgotten all about me..like I don't exist in his world..so its pointless I lost. Im so scared of the day I find out that it gets serious with this girl...like if they get engaged I really couldn't tell you what would happen to me..I am to scared to even think about it.

[stace79]

I know but I can't find it in my heart to hate him, yes I get upset sometimes but then it all just leads back to me. The fact that I never told him how I felt, the fact that I tried to play it "cool" and not show him that he meant everything to me..that he still does. I want to believe that he had to know that I felt something because there were times I would show some of that side to him. But I still can't get over the fact that I never told him how I felt, and I feel like if I do it could change things, but im at that stage where I feel like he has forgotten all about me..like I don't exist in his world..so its pointless I lost. Im so scared of the day I find out that it gets serious with this girl...like if they get engaged I really couldn't tell you what would happen to me..I am to scared to even think about it.

 

I used to be like that about guys. I don't know why I changed, but I started realizing that I can control my attitude and that's it. I can control how I respond to things that happen to me -- I can respond poorly or well. And I am now choosing to be grateful for anything that comes my way, because I learn from it.

 

You DO have the power to move on and get over it. You just have to make up your mind to do it. Sure once in awhile I get down, and I might even let myself cry for a few minutes. But then I think "Oh, duh I have so many OTHER things to look forward to in life and be happy about."

 

Fake it 'til you make it -- I did this, too. Force yourself to go do fun things, talk with friends, spend time with family. Anything that brings you even the smallest amount of joy, latch on to those things. It really is a choice you have to make for yourself.

 

AND even if this guy wanted you back -- you will NEVER be happy if your whole self-worth hinges on a good R with some guy!

[GrayClouds]

He does not want to be with you, he is with someone else, you can not make him feel something for you that he does not. If he wanted to be with you he would be, that has nothing to do with what you have said, could say, or may say.

[duskandsummer]

He does not want to be with you, he is with someone else, you can not make him feel something for you that he does not. If he wanted to be with you he would be, that has nothing to do with what you have said, could say, or may say.

 

thats pretty harsh. It doesn't change how I feel.

[duskandsummer]

Since he has come back I feel like I have rolled back in stages!

 

I no longer want to move on..I want to get him back. I can't picture my life without him..I don't want anyone else he is all I see.

 

I feel invisible like I don't exist cause he doesn't see me..I feel so pathetic.

[stace79]

Since he has come back I feel like I have rolled back in stages!

 

I no longer want to move on..I want to get him back. I can't picture my life without him..I don't want anyone else he is all I see.

 

I feel invisible like I don't exist cause he doesn't see me..I feel so pathetic.

 

If you go after him now, when he's CHOSEN to be with someone else, then you are nothing better than a homewrecking harlot. You are basing your entire self-worth on this guy. You need to see a counselor to deal with that.

[Tsokoholic]

What do you expect to happen if you tell him what you feel? Are you hoping that if you verbalized everything, he'll leave his gf and go after you? Don't be that girl. Save some grace for yourself.

 

I have a friend who was in a similar situation. She told the guy everything. Now, she says it was a huge mistake. She just came off as desperate and it made her feel worse than ever. He did feel guilty about leading her on but at the end of it she was the one who looked sad,weak, and pathetic.

 

Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid.

[duskandsummer]

im feeling better thanks you guys, I know I sounded a little crazy but I feel like im back to being on the road to better instead of on the path to destruction. Actually after watching 500 days of summer I cried, I cried a lot. I woke up the next morning thinking, he broke my heart and ill get better eventually. If we are meant to be we will be. Fate will do its job. If not im sure i'll find that person and not even think about the if not part.