betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 A woman won't approach a man who is standing on the sidelines, head kind of down because he just KNOWS he's not good enough. Maybe he has a neck injury? Maybe he's tired? You're going to completely judge someone based upon that?
carhill Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Soldier, we're looking for the best of the best. Don't you ever forget that. Hang your head, for even one second, and you're out. Thanks for joining
donnamaybe Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Maybe he has a neck injury? Maybe he's tired? You're going to completely judge someone based upon that? If I see a guy who looks like a downer, why would I approach him? So he can bring negativity into my life? Not on a bet! Apparently you missed the "because he knows he's not good enough" part.
gopher Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 If I see a guy who looks like a downer, why would I approach him? So he can bring negativity into my life? Not on a bet! Apparently you missed the "because he knows he's not good enough" part. Totally agree Donna. I always found that when I was happy, and just going about my business, that I would get noticed by women a lot more, than if I was actually trying to catch their eye. Women always say they want a man with confidence, and I agree with that.
donnamaybe Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Totally agree Donna. I always found that when I was happy, and just going about my business, that I would get noticed by women a lot more, than if I was actually trying to catch their eye. Women always say they want a man with confidence, and I agree with that. Absolutely! It tells us, without words, that "I'm happy and I have a life."
betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 If I see a guy who looks like a downer, why would I approach him? So he can bring negativity into my life? Not on a bet! Apparently you missed the "because he knows he's not good enough" part. Say if his mother just died? If he didn't give you a shot because you were down because your mother died, you'd say he's a jerk, but you've justified doing the same thing because you don't want to "bring negativity into [your] life"
donnamaybe Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 (edited) Say if his mother just died? If he didn't give you a shot because you were down because your mother died, you'd say he's a jerk, but you've justified doing the same thing because you don't want to "bring negativity into [your] life" If his mom just died, I would hope he wouldn't be out looking for a date. If he WAS out looking for women after his mom just died, that would be yet ANOTHER reason to avoid him. And, yet again, you missed the "because he knows he's not good enough" part. Which, and correct me if I'm wrong, seems to be you since you think you need lifts in your shoes to get a date. Edited December 18, 2009 by donnamaybe
betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 If his mom just died, I would hope he wouldn't be out looking for a date. If he WAS out looking for women after his mom just died, that would be yet ANOTHER reason to avoid him. And, yet again, you missed the "because he knows he's not good enough" part. No, but he's not allowed to go out? I've had relatives die, and people forced me to go out to get my mind off of it. Now imagine it were you, would you be fine with someone completely dismissing you because you are sad because your mother just died? How do you know he's o ut to meet someone? Maybe he's there because his friends begged him to go, maybe he likes the kind of music they are playing. You are showing a double standard here, as I know, if someone were to dismiss you in this scenario, you'd think that would be wrong, would you not?
donnamaybe Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Let it go already. You know I'm right, and you can't stand that. Even many of the men on here are agreeing with me. Men, by the way, who DO get dates with decent women. A coincidence? I think not.
meerkat stew Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I should have included seminar and keynote speaker events in that time too. Corp Comms - IR. Have always wanted to have a go at that type of job being the showboating, wisecracker type that I am, and I guess you are constantly having to learn and relearn different subject matters, which explains night classes. Wouldn't it be amazing to have someone you could share recharge time with? not talking about sleep, but quiet time. Have never found this. They do OK for about 15 minutes, then start messing with me or start in with the "what are you thinking?" Even had one that would get jealous of quiet time, as if "quiet time" were another woman I was having an emotional affair with. She would prance around in lingerie if she deemed me and "quiet time" were getting to comfortable with each other.
betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Let it go already. You know I'm right, and you can't stand that. Even many of the men on here are agreeing with me. Men, by the way, who DO get dates with decent women. A coincidence? I think not.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Have always wanted to have a go at that type of job being the showboating, wisecracker type that I am, . Ha! You would fit right in with the boys at my firm especially for our investor conferences. My courses/seminars are mostly to keep the SEC out of our hair, otherwise I end up spending a lot of my time doing damage control for the firm and it fattens our lawyers pockets. You're in the legal field right. You would love us. Wouldn't it be amazing to have someone you could share recharge time with? not talking about sleep, but quiet time. Have never found this. They do OK for about 15 minutes, then start messing with me or start in with the "what are you thinking?" Even had one that would get jealous of quiet time, as if "quiet time" were another woman I was having an emotional affair with. She would prance around in lingerie if she deemed me and "quiet time" were getting to comfortable with each other. I have had that. There is something really specially about being able to spend hours next to someone you love doing your activity of choice while he does his and you don't say a word to each other other than a nice kiss when you get up to refill your glass for a drink. Maybe you should stop dating Vitoria's Secret models? Some women just insist on taking their work home with them... :-P
Goatsbreath Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 the overall theme here seems to be that girls tend to want what they can't have or something that present's a challenge. I don't see where the argument comes in and for all you ladies hear trying to crucify calizaggy and the others...hear is case in point. fixed on one person This poor girl has 4 separate dates that could turn out to be anything, maybe even the one. They are all fairly new and the clay is pretty soft. But still, shes hung up on the elusive guy that is no longer giving her the time of day.
donnamaybe Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 the overall theme here seems to be that girls tend to want what they can't have or something that present's a challenge. I don't see where the argument comes in and for all you ladies hear trying to crucify calizaggy and the others...hear is case in point. fixed on one person This poor girl has 4 separate dates that could turn out to be anything, maybe even the one. They are all fairly new and the clay is pretty soft. But still, shes hung up on the elusive guy that is no longer giving her the time of day. That's ONE GIRL! The clue is out there guys. Just grab it!!!
Goatsbreath Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 That's ONE GIRL! The clue is out there guys. Just grab it!!! I bet even you has chased the guy throwing out less vibes and ran from the guy willing to wear his heart on his sleeve. I bet most of you have.
donnamaybe Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I bet even you has chased the guy throwing out less vibes and ran from the guy willing to wear his heart on his sleeve. I bet most of you have. You will continue to believe as you choose and, in doing so, will ensure that you remain dateless.
samspade Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Don't listen to what women say. Watch what they do. The women I've been the most aloof with were the ones whom I seduced the fastest. The ones I chased with the most effort were the ones who ran away or rejected me. Of course you have to show SOME interest. The key is to establish value over her, so that she will chase you. Hint: You won't learn that here.
torranceshipman Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Nothing like the age old story of the playstation kid that suddenly discovers women. It's never a balance with you guys, just one extreme or another. You will never be ready for a relationship the longer you let this go on. This quote totally nails it.
Author calizaggy Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 the overall theme here seems to be that girls tend to want what they can't have or something that present's a challenge. I don't see where the argument comes in and for all you ladies hear trying to crucify calizaggy and the others...hear is case in point. fixed on one person This poor girl has 4 separate dates that could turn out to be anything, maybe even the one. They are all fairly new and the clay is pretty soft. But still, shes hung up on the elusive guy that is no longer giving her the time of day. Good example.. "I slept with you, have another girlfriend, I am not interested in you" Her thinking: "OMG, I want him so bad. He is perfect!" "I find you attractive and would love to take you out to dinner tomorrow, when will you be ready?" Her thinking : "Boooring.."
meerkat stew Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Ha! You would fit right in with the boys at my firm especially for our investor conferences. My courses/seminars are mostly to keep the SEC out of our hair, otherwise I end up spending a lot of my time doing damage control for the firm and it fattens our lawyers pockets. You're in the legal field right. You would love us. Oooo intrigued now, are you, in fact the legendary superheroine "SOX Woman?" Faster than a speeding management certification? Able to leap tall audit committees in a single bound? I'm tired of securities and M&A lawyerin, will you hire me to go around and perform a "Scared Straight" rant in boardrooms across the nation? That would be so much fun, compared to actually drafting the crap. I bet you even get more per hour than I do... life is so unfair I have had that. There is something really specially about being able to spend hours next to someone you love doing your activity of choice while he does his and you don't say a word to each other other than a nice kiss when you get up to refill your glass for a drink. Maybe you should stop dating Vitoria's Secret models? Some women just insist on taking their work home with them... :-P Only 1-2 to the level of Vic Secret (but on the joke). Cool, laid back and serene will boost a 7 to a 10 in my book these days.
paddington bear Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 you are right - treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. It works...however, you have to consider the women it will work for. Paddington Bear with low self-esteem = guy uses her for sex, fills her full of crap about how he really likes her and the date was great and she is great and he'll call. He doesn't. PB is devastated, can't stop thinking about why, why, why hasn't he called 'but he said...and he said...'. Guy finally, due to boredom or whatever calls and PB leaps at the chance to 'win' him and desperately tries to keep the contact going, invites him out, sends him text messages etc. Guy feels she is too needy and clingy and disappears off with some drama queen who treats him like a piece of crap (because men fall for the same trick). Paddington Bear with slightly higher self-esteem = guy uses her for sex, she realises for him it is more than likely 'just sex' and doesn't over-invest all sorts of romantic fantasies to it. Takes all the bull he spouts out with a grain of salt and waits to see if his actions back it up. Guy enthusiastically says he'll call and doesn't and PB thinks 'not interested, move on, waste of time' and doesn't relentlessly try to figure out what she did wrong. See what I mean? - the ones who will respond to this type of behaviour are probably emotionally retarded, needy girls who are hanging around desperately waiting for some guy who is not interested (i.e. you) to make them feel validated. There is a delicate balance between acting like you have some self-respect for yourself (NOT being an *******) and being a doormat who will take any kind of behaviour just because you are so needy.
betamanlet Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 you are right - treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. It works...however, you have to consider the women it will work for. Paddington Bear with low self-esteem = guy uses her for sex, fills her full of crap about how he really likes her and the date was great and she is great and he'll call. He doesn't. PB is devastated, can't stop thinking about why, why, why hasn't he called 'but he said...and he said...'. Guy finally, due to boredom or whatever calls and PB leaps at the chance to 'win' him and desperately tries to keep the contact going, invites him out, sends him text messages etc. Guy feels she is too needy and clingy and disappears off with some drama queen who treats him like a piece of crap (because men fall for the same trick). Paddington Bear with slightly higher self-esteem = guy uses her for sex, she realises for him it is more than likely 'just sex' and doesn't over-invest all sorts of romantic fantasies to it. Takes all the bull he spouts out with a grain of salt and waits to see if his actions back it up. Guy enthusiastically says he'll call and doesn't and PB thinks 'not interested, move on, waste of time' and doesn't relentlessly try to figure out what she did wrong. See what I mean? - the ones who will respond to this type of behaviour are probably emotionally retarded, needy girls who are hanging around desperately waiting for some guy who is not interested (i.e. you) to make them feel validated. There is a delicate balance between acting like you have some self-respect for yourself (NOT being an *******) and being a doormat who will take any kind of behaviour just because you are so needy. A be nice, kind, caring, and you get absolutely nowhere with her, and then she goes for guy 1 or 2.
Author calizaggy Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 (edited) you are right - treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. It works...however, you have to consider the women it will work for. Paddington Bear with low self-esteem = Paddington Bear with slightly higher self-esteem = needy. Actually it works for all women because biologically women's brains are wired to have lower self esteem. Especially depending on what time of the month.. http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200808_omag_negativity Why is it that women pick up on the slightest slur and never hear the good stuff? Criticisms are stored forever; compliments evaporate instantly? "It turns out there's an area of your brain that's assigned the task of negative thinking," says Louann Brizendine, MD, a neuropsychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco, and the author of The Female Brain. "It's judgmental. It says 'I'm too fat' or 'I'm too old.' It's a barometer of every social interaction you have. It goes on red alert when the feedback you're getting from other people isn't going well." This worrywart part of the brain is the anterior cingulate cortex. In women, it's actually larger and more influential, as is the brain circuitry for observing emotions in others. "The reason we think females have more emotional sensitivity," says Brizendine, "is that we've been built to be immediately responsive to the needs of a nonverbal infant. That can be both a good thing and a bad thing." The hormonal surges in the female brain—what Brizendine describes as the rising tide of estrogen and progesterone—make a woman more sensitive to emotional nuance, such as disapproval or rejection. The way you interpret feedback from other people can depend on where you are in your cycle. "Some days the feedback will reinforce your self-confidence," says Brizendine, "and other days it will destroy you." "There's something about the menstrual cycle that puts your emotional self in a bad light at least a few days every month. About 90 percent of women feel some kind of increased emotionality two to four days before their period starts, where they're crying over dog food commercials. I wanted to get a message to girls who are slipping down some slippery slope and get a safety net under them." Edited December 18, 2009 by calizaggy
meerkat stew Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 OMG, you mean attributing a woman's hostile, hyper sensitive mood to being OTR wasn't actually hatefully misogynistic when we were told not to do it a few decades ago, but rather a scientifically accurate assessment of her mental state at the time?? Will wonders never cease. You mean the reason that women internalize and personalize everything men say on the internet is because they are hard-wired to do just that?? Will wonders never cease. Admittedly, ladies it chafes some to know that -any- part of the female brain is bigger than the corresponding part of my colossal brain, but in this instance the sting is not so stingful. Thank you Oprah Winfrey, you are worth every penny of your massive net worth!
betamanlet Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Actually it works for all women because biologically women's brains are wired to have lower self esteem. Especially depending on what time of the month.. http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200808_omag_negativity Why is it that women pick up on the slightest slur and never hear the good stuff? Criticisms are stored forever; compliments evaporate instantly? "It turns out there's an area of your brain that's assigned the task of negative thinking," says Louann Brizendine, MD, a neuropsychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco, and the author of The Female Brain. "It's judgmental. It says 'I'm too fat' or 'I'm too old.' It's a barometer of every social interaction you have. It goes on red alert when the feedback you're getting from other people isn't going well." This worrywart part of the brain is the anterior cingulate cortex. In women, it's actually larger and more influential, as is the brain circuitry for observing emotions in others. "The reason we think females have more emotional sensitivity," says Brizendine, "is that we've been built to be immediately responsive to the needs of a nonverbal infant. That can be both a good thing and a bad thing." The hormonal surges in the female brain—what Brizendine describes as the rising tide of estrogen and progesterone—make a woman more sensitive to emotional nuance, such as disapproval or rejection. The way you interpret feedback from other people can depend on where you are in your cycle. "Some days the feedback will reinforce your self-confidence," says Brizendine, "and other days it will destroy you." "There's something about the menstrual cycle that puts your emotional self in a bad light at least a few days every month. About 90 percent of women feel some kind of increased emotionality two to four days before their period starts, where they're crying over dog food commercials. I wanted to get a message to girls who are slipping down some slippery slope and get a safety net under them." I'm not sure they are wired to have low self esteem, but they are wired to be codependent, hence the maternal instinct. They have a desire to have something completely dependent upon them, and without that, there would be no people.
Recommended Posts