How do you get out of a "dating slump"?

[betamanlet]

It's just not who I am, man. I used to think relationships were a 2 way street but I guess not. It's all on my shoulders and the girl just lays back and does nothing?

 

How do you suggest I do these things you speak of? Is there a pill I can take that will transform me into a new personality or something? Whats wrong with being a quieter guy? You know this world is just f*cked up.

 

It's all my fault. I apologize to everyone here and the WHOLE F*CKING WORLD for who I am. I am sorry for who I am, I apologize. I f*cking give up. Tired of this sh*t.

 

 

Don't apologize, just adapt. Change. Read up on the seduction books by Mystery. I'm going to read the mystery method over new years. Everything you think about women is wrong. Everything yout hink they want, is wrong. They may say things, that they want things, but what they actuallyl want is usually not what they say they want.

 

I'm sure you can follow the advice without being a total douche, I haevn't even read it yet, so I cannot even describe what it is, but it's basically going to be the opposite if everything you and I currently do. Accept this, or just don't think about women.

 

There are more important things in life. And if you ask men who have a gf/wife, many of them will wish they were single so they don't have to put up with the constantly changing moods, behaviors, nagging, etc. You might be envious when you see couples, I used to, but now I realize he probably has to deal with some horrible things. I know I did when I had a gf.

[betamanlet]

Also, if you're lonely, get a pet. There is no better companion. Humans are horrible companions compared to pets. If it's only sex you want, then you've got a problem... But companionship can be achieved through friends and pets and keeping busy.

[lorangie1]

Because if you don't try, you don't get women. It's that simple. Women don't approach men (except celebrities) because they don't have to. Men approach them. It's your job to do all the work. That is your role as a man. If you don't want to then you have no bu siness complaining about women.

 

Seriously, you seem mentally unbalanced. Women are the worst reason to kill yourself over. If you're even 1% serious about that threat, please see a professional.

 

Everyone gets rejected, I get rejected, I've been dumped by every gf I have ever had. It's not worth killing yourself over. It's life.

 

I approach men ALL the time. Out of the last 10 guys I've dated, I have approached around 7 of them. That never turns them off, but yes, I am sick of doing the work haha.

[bbasher75]

Because if you don't try, you don't get women. It's that simple. Women don't approach men (except celebrities) because they don't have to. Men approach them. It's your job to do all the work. That is your role as a man. If you don't want to then you have no bu siness complaining about women.

 

Seriously, you seem mentally unbalanced. Women are the worst reason to kill yourself over. If you're even 1% serious about that threat, please see a professional.

 

Everyone gets rejected, I get rejected, I've been dumped by every gf I have ever had. It's not worth killing yourself over. It's life.

 

Listen I do try. I go on dates I ask women out. But reading these posts if something goes wrong its ALL MY FAULT and I'm just a f*ck-up. I suggested mabye the woman could make me a bit more comfortable on a date if she knows I'm shy and I got ripped a new one just for saying that. That is NOT A LOT TO ASK in my opinion. If a girl can't even make you feel A LITTLE at ease knowing you are a bit quiet, SHE NEVER LIKED YOU MUCH TO BEGIN WITH OR IS A COMPLETE B*TCH. I'm getting told here I am wrong for saying that, and I dont agree.

 

And yeh I'm mentally unbalanced, thats what happens when you're a good person and repeatedly get spat on. I dont plan on killing myself, although I admit I have entertained the thought many many times.

 

I'm not gonna lie. I hate how this world works. I hate that in order to be seen as "a real man" you have to be a dickhead. Confidence my a*ss, you have to be a dick. Period. Lets stop sugarcoating it.

 

I just wish I could treat women poorly, I really do. I just can't bring myself to do it. Guess my genes end with me. Being a good guy makes you "beta" I guess.

[betamanlet]

Listen I do try. I go on dates I ask women out. But reading these posts if something goes wrong its ALL MY FAULT and I'm just a f*ck-up. I suggested mabye the woman could make me a bit more comfortable on a date if she knows I'm shy and I got ripped a new one just for saying that. That is NOT A LOT TO ASK in my opinion. If a girl can't even make you feel A LITTLE at ease knowing you are a bit quiet, SHE NEVER LIKED YOU MUCH TO BEGIN WITH OR IS A COMPLETE B*TCH. I'm getting told here I am wrong for saying that, and I dont agree.

 

And yeh I'm mentally unbalanced, thats what happens when you're a good person and repeatedly get spat on. I dont plan on killing myself, although I admit I have entertained the thought many many times.

 

I'm not gonna lie. I hate how this world works. I hate that in order to be seen as "a real man" you have to be a dickhead. Confidence my a*ss, you have to be a dick. Period. Lets stop sugarcoating it.

 

I just wish I could treat women poorly, I really do. I just can't bring myself to do it. Guess my genes end with me. Being a good guy makes you "beta" I guess.

 

I'm shy, I have tons of anxiety. If I ever have the feeling, I don't bother, because I know it will be held against me. Women have very low self esteem, so everything you act like, everything you and I do, reminds them of themselves, which is repulsive to them.

 

The world may suck, but you don't exactly have to be a dickhead. Just somehow deal with anxiety. Go for girls that don't make you in the slightest anxious. You will do much better with them. At least you aren't a gazelle. Your sole purpose is to be brutally killed and eaten on the Serenghetti by a tiger. Or imagine being a mouse being fed to snakes, while still alive.

 

Things can be worse. If you make women be everything in your life, then you won't be happy unless you change. Also, where do you live?

 

I'm serious, go more for women that absolutely don't make you anxious at all. I'm normally completely shy around women, but there was this chick who worked at my local bar, that I felt no anxiety around, and I have tried to kiss her, I grabbed her behind, etc, and still, got her number. Whereas had I been shy, etc, I never would have.

[bbasher75]

Don't apologize, just adapt. Change. Read up on the seduction books by Mystery. I'm going to read the mystery method over new years. Everything you think about women is wrong. Everything yout hink they want, is wrong. They may say things, that they want things, but what they actuallyl want is usually not what they say they want.

 

I'm sure you can follow the advice without being a total douche, I haevn't even read it yet, so I cannot even describe what it is, but it's basically going to be the opposite if everything you and I currently do. Accept this, or just don't think about women.

 

There are more important things in life. And if you ask men who have a gf/wife, many of them will wish they were single so they don't have to put up with the constantly changing moods, behaviors, nagging, etc. You might be envious when you see couples, I used to, but now I realize he probably has to deal with some horrible things. I know I did when I had a gf.

 

The guys with GF's have a choice to be single or not. I don't. Forgive me if I don't pity them. I think you're under the wrong impression about me, that I "dont realize what women want". I do realize what they want. They want to be treated like sh*t, spit on, and kicked. They want drama. They want to b*tch to their girlfriends about how bad their boyfriend is because otherwise, their lives are pathetic and meaningless.

 

I get it.

 

I'm telling you this: I DONT LIKE IT. And I CANNOT DO IT. And I'm desperately trying to find a girl who is NORMAL. Too much to ask though.

 

Mystery is a douchebag. I've seen his show and he loves being a douchebag. Thats why he is good with women. I cannot do what mystery does for 1 simple reason: I dont enjoy being a douchebag.

 

Guess I better start learning to enjoy it though.

[betamanlet]

I approach men ALL the time. Out of the last 10 guys I've dated, I have approached around 7 of them. That never turns them off, but yes, I am sick of doing the work haha.

That's rare, but once in a blue moon a woman will approach me. It's the exception, not the rule,a nd yes, women want men to do the work.

[betamanlet]

The guys with GF's have a choice to be single or not. I don't. Forgive me if I don't pity them. I think you're under the wrong impression about me, that I "dont realize what women want". I do realize what they want. They want to be treated like sh*t, spit on, and kicked. They want drama. They want to b*tch to their girlfriends about how bad their boyfriend is because otherwise, their lives are pathetic and meaningless.

 

I get it.

 

I'm telling you this: I DONT LIKE IT. And I CANNOT DO IT. And I'm desperately trying to find a girl who is NORMAL. Too much to ask though.

 

Mystery is a douchebag. I've seen his show and he loves being a douchebag. Thats why he is good with women. I cannot do what mystery does for 1 simple reason: I dont enjoy being a douchebag.

 

Guess I better start learning to enjoy it though.

 

If what you are saying is true, which in some cases it is, some women want to be treated that way, others just want to be told what to do, if that's teh case, then they are NORMAL, and the women you want are ABNORMAL.

 

Hehe, you should go to law school, maybe you can become a douchebag. You have to be a douchebag to be a successful lawyer. I picked the wrong field.

[bbasher75]

If what you are saying is true, which in some cases it is, some women want to be treated that way, others just want to be told what to do, if that's teh case, then they are NORMAL, and the women you want are ABNORMAL.

 

Hehe, you should go to law school, maybe you can become a douchebag. You have to be a douchebag to be a successful lawyer. I picked the wrong field.

 

I think being a douchebag makes one go into law, but not vice versa. So that probably wouldn't work.

 

It's sad that I find myself sometimes thinking "how can I treat women worse to get better results...hmmm..." then I realize what I'm thinking, and realize just how f*cked up this world is.

 

ALL women want to be spit on. OK 95% I would say. It s*cks.

[betamanlet]

I think being a douchebag makes one go into law, but not vice versa. So that probably wouldn't work.

 

It's sad that I find myself sometimes thinking "how can I treat women worse to get better results...hmmm..." then I realize what I'm thinking, and realize just how f*cked up this world is.

 

ALL women want to be spit on. OK 95% I would say. It s*cks.

 

 

You don't have to deliberately treat a woman worse. Just go for ones you have less interest in. It will come out the same way. You don't need to spit, just don't return calls or texts.

 

What kind of woman are you going for? Do you only want "hot" women?

[bbasher75]

You don't have to deliberately treat a woman worse. Just go for ones you have less interest in. It will come out the same way. You don't need to spit, just don't return calls or texts.

 

What kind of woman are you going for? Do you only want "hot" women?

 

Look heres what I dont get.

 

You say "dont return calls or texts". I did that after a girl flaked on me and she then asked me out on a date. Just like you said, I showed disinterest and she came running (typical).

 

Of course like a dope, I said "sure" and met with her. "Gee no more challenge" her retarted mind must have thought. She then told me "lets be friends".

 

OK question: At what point do you stop showing "disinterest"? Until they physically rape you? At some point if you want to sleep with them, you have to "show your cards" dont you?

 

I thought me ignoring her texts was good and I was "home free" when she asked me out after I did that. "OK it worked, now I got her!"...but then she lost interest when I went out with her.

 

I mean how much do you have to ignore them before they say "gee I want to f*ck this guy!"?

[D-Jam]

Here's the glimmer of hope for you guys.

 

I'm 36. Met Ms Right last year at 35. My last GF broke it off with me at age 29, and I was in a similar slump. Seemed like I'd only meet psychos, headcases, attention whores, teases, flakes, bad-boy chasers, etc.

 

Is it impossible to meet women in your 30s who have their heads together, lives in order, and are physically attractive AND childless? YES

 

Is there one of those girls around every corner? NO

 

So how did I meet my GF?

 

Two words: SOCIAL CAPITAL

 

I met my GF through my friend's GF. She worked with her at the same place, and thought we would hit it off. My GF was a recent divorcee, and I just gave it a shot. It worked out.

 

One big thing though...at that time I had given up on love, and did that whole spiel you've all seen me write about. Where I plan my life out as if I never find anyone and thus make myself happy and fulfilled in life with travel, career, exploration, and enjoyment.

 

You guys need to do the same. Imagine as if a "higher power" came out of the sky and told you that no matter what, you will NEVER find Ms Right and will grow old and die alone. The "higher power" apologizes for this, but just leaves you at that notion...that you're alone for life.

 

So...what would you do? How would you spend your life? Would you sit there pouting and being depressed, mad, hateful, frustrated? Or would you cast the need for "someone" out of your life and find other ways to be happy in this world?

 

I tell you...that not only made my mind and soul "free" of the pressure and burden of dating, but it made me more attractive in the eyes of women. They saw I had a life, and I didn't care anymore if I found someone. I was interesting, intelligent, confident. I didn't rule out the notion of love, but I didn't seek it, and thus I came off as more comfortable and easygoing.

 

Stop worrying about your age. There are loads of the "good ones" ending up divorced right now. They'll need time to get over things, but they still want what you want...and they need to find you.

 

Get your life in order. Part of what ended my last RL and even made women repel from me was that I had gone through a slump in employment and money and thus ended up back at my parent's home, saving up a down payment. If your life isn't smooth and stable and secure, then focus on that first.

 

Do things, see things. This also boils down to how I planned out my life if I were to spend it alone. I took up photography. I traveled alone. I already was doing the DJ and electronic music thing. I got into drum circles for fun. I went to more art shows. I cooked and kept learning how to do more. I didn't do these things for any other reason other than personal interest.

 

So think about it...imagine how many girls would be interested in a guy who has all these interesting aspects in his life.

 

If your life is watching TV, playing video games, or other bland/dull stuff that most people aren't into or guys would only be interested in...then diversify. See what else this great big world has to offer. You'll have fun AND meet new people...more social capital.

 

Build Social Capital. I see a lot of guys out there who seem adamant on finding a girlfriend, but they aren't people persons. They're loners. They even will say how they dislike people in general and don't have many or any friends...and they refrain from social situations.

 

Yet they want a girl to share in that. These guys will not want to go out and do things, but they want a girl to be in their lives. Some of these guys even do not want to be "friends" with the girl! They see her as someone to take out and ****...nothing more.

 

And they wonder why they can't find anyone!

 

Social capital is friends, family, acquaintances, colleagues, coworkers, etc. No one is saying you need to be the life of the party, but if your life is sitting at home playing XBox and going to work...then it won't help you in life. I met my GF through social capital. Even female friends will help. Real ones will think of all the single women they know and if any would be taken by you.

 

Meetups are one spot, social events, charity functions, anywhere that you find yourself in a non-cliquey environment where new people can come into your life. Lord knows if I ever took a cooking class I'd probably meet a load of interesting folk. Perhaps even single females who would be impressed with my interest in the art.

 

That's it in a nutshell. Just live your life and let her find you.

 

 

Two more things:

 

Online Dating: Yeah, it's hit or miss, but if you want to date and meet people, then give it a go and keep it as a side thing. The one big mistake many make is they get on one or multiple sites, and spend every day and night on them. Nothing else. Every day they're on looking for women, sending emails, and playing the numbers game...but fail to realize how little they have in themselves to catch the interest of women.

 

Just sign up on one pay site and one or two free sites, and check in every other day or every week. Do your thing, but check in, email a few, and move on.

 

Single Mothers: Don't be so quick to write them off. We all think of the women who are stuck with a few kids from some psycho ex and a messed up life and no time to be someone's GF...or they're in a hurry to find a replacement for the ex, but I've met many who aren't like that.

 

In actuality, I see a lot more MILFs out there than ever before. Single attractive women who were once married and had a family, doing the "right" thing as we all see it, but then it ended. Maybe she fell out of love, or he cheated, or he dumped her for someone else, or he fell out of love.

 

In the end, they're out there seeking men. Many times now they are "past" the lust for bad boys and want Mr Stability. They take better care of themselves because some believe they need to in order to attract men, but many just have that lifestyle. After all, a guy before you thought she was worth marrying at some point.

 

I'd steer clear of the moms with issues, baggage, and messed up lives...but don't rule them out altogether. You might just find Ms Right among them. Lord knows you increase your chances and perhaps face less competition.

[betamanlet]

Look heres what I dont get.

 

You say "dont return calls or texts". I did that after a girl flaked on me and she then asked me out on a date. Just like you said, I showed disinterest and she came running (typical).

 

Of course like a dope, I said "sure" and met with her. "Gee no more challenge" her retarted mind must have thought. She then told me "lets be friends".

 

OK question: At what point do you stop showing "disinterest"? Until they physically rape you? At some point if you want to sleep with them, you have to "show your cards" dont you?

 

I thought me ignoring her texts was good and I was "home free" when she asked me out after I did that. "OK it worked, now I got her!"...but then she lost interest when I went out with her.

 

I mean how much do you have to ignore them before they say "gee I want to f*ck this guy!"?

 

 

That's too advanced for me. The guys I know who do well with women act whacky. They are constantly kidding around. Tell more jokes, make her laugh. Heck, make her cry. If you create an emotional rollercoaster, she will be more interested in you.

 

I wonder how old you are, because you sound like me a few years ago. I struck out with this very attractive girl last year, I no longer care, and have started helping her study for law school. We have to have intelligent conversations, very serious stuff, no joking around. I'm sure I'm a brother to her now, but I also don't care....

 

be funny. Do something that makes her have emotions, one way or the other. Being serious will turn off women.

[D-Jam]

One other thought for the OP and others...

 

 

Change Up Who You Meet. In that slump, I still kept chasing women whom would never be right for me. They were club chicks, party girls, wild hot women, etc. They showed me interest and I pursued when I should have seen their red flags and walked.

 

If all you're meeting are messed up women, then you need to go to new avenues and rethink who you get interested in. My GF is waaaaaay different than the other women in my past. Only commonality is she's not obese...because that's my #1 turnoff. Other than that...totally different girl.

[bbasher75]

Build Social Capital. I see a lot of guys out there who seem adamant on finding a girlfriend, but they aren't people persons. They're loners. They even will say how they dislike people in general and don't have many or any friends...and they refrain from social situations.

 

This is a problem for me I will admit to. I admit this aspect of my life is my fault and noone else's. I just don't know how to make "new friends" at age 32. If I ask a guy for his number it'll sound gay. How can I make new friends at my age?

 

I can relate to disliking people in general, yet at the same time would like to meet some good people to hang out with. I do not wish to refrain from social situations, I just feel like I have no choice in the matter right now because I have no friends who I can hang with in a bar, etc. Its a vicious circle. I cant meet new people, because I have no people right now with me to meet new people. I just dont want to go places by myself, it'll look pathetic.

 

I dont know how to meet new people or make guy friends. Any advice?

[D-Jam]

What are you into Basher? Interests.

 

If you like sports, then go on meetup.com and seek out a group that goes to pubs to watch sports. They exist. Easiest place to start.

 

If you like working out and such, then join a group to work out together or even take part in a charity run. You'll meet people there.

 

The goal is to be sociable. Sometimes you'll start by chatting with a girl and she'll have a BF or something and you two might hit it off.

 

So what are you into?

[betamanlet]

One other thought for the OP and others...

 

 

Change Up Who You Meet. In that slump, I still kept chasing women whom would never be right for me. They were club chicks, party girls, wild hot women, etc. They showed me interest and I pursued when I should have seen their red flags and walked.

 

If all you're meeting are messed up women, then you need to go to new avenues and rethink who you get interested in. My GF is waaaaaay different than the other women in my past. Only commonality is she's not obese...because that's my #1 turnoff. Other than that...totally different girl.

 

 

Exactly. Go for women who don't intimidate you. THere are some women that I find attractive that for some reason, I'm not scared to death of them. It's rare, but it happens. Normally they have on an engagement ring so I know I can't do an ything about it though. But some have to be single. Problem is, for some reason, these kind of women, that don't intimidate me, nerdy chicks, are usually bipolar.

[bbasher75]

Exactly. Go for women who don't intimidate you. THere are some women that I find attractive that for some reason, I'm not scared to death of them. It's rare, but it happens. Normally they have on an engagement ring so I know I can't do an ything about it though. But some have to be single. Problem is, for some reason, these kind of women, that don't intimidate me, nerdy chicks, are usually bipolar.

 

Sometimes I feel that way too. I dont know if its intimidation or what, just certain attractive women I can talk to much easier than others. Why is that? Is it a chemistry thing? Its weird. And people in general too.

 

Good advice to try and hit it off with women I'm comfortable with. If I'm not comfortable with them I should try another 1 until I find the right chemistry, I guess.

[bbasher75]

What are you into Basher? Interests.

 

If you like sports, then go on meetup.com and seek out a group that goes to pubs to watch sports. They exist. Easiest place to start.

 

If you like working out and such, then join a group to work out together or even take part in a charity run. You'll meet people there.

 

The goal is to be sociable. Sometimes you'll start by chatting with a girl and she'll have a BF or something and you two might hit it off.

 

So what are you into?

 

Well I'm into poker but again, I only play online. Would like to find a poker group and play live. Any ideas?

[betamanlet]

Sometimes I feel that way too. I dont know if its intimidation or what, just certain attractive women I can talk to much easier than others. Why is that? Is it a chemistry thing? Its weird. And people in general too.

 

Good advice to try and hit it off with women I'm comfortable with. If I'm not comfortable with them I should try another 1 until I find the right chemistry, I guess.

 

 

Everyone is unique. For some reason, asian chicks don't intimidate me. I've never even been on a date with one. Women that look nerdy don't intimidate me, I'd act more "confident" around them because I'm not feeling the anxiety. Yes. Exactly, try more with women you feel comfortable with. Sometimes I'm on the metro here in DC, and I bite my tongue, trying not to speak to a woman because I'm not intimidated, when normally I am. There are these "hot" women I see all the time, that I would nevenr want to ttalk to because even if she said yes, I would probably vomit from anxiety before a date.. No anxiety, Know success with women.

[meerkat stew]

You have to be a douchebag to be a successful lawyer. I picked the wrong field.

 

You have to be a douchebag to be a successful -litigator-.

 

Bbasher, you don't need to be a d-bag, you just need to anesthetize yourself once and for all by making huge volumes of approaches and GET OUT OF BARS. The deck is stacked against you there with drunk idiot men chasing drunk idiot women. Build a social network in your community without the aim of meeting women, but of meeting people at large. Approach everyone, make a metric crapton of friends and acquaintances. Every person, young, old, male, female you meet has single female connections to women that are in the desired 20% of quality and not in the 80% of chaff.

 

Based on your posts, maybe google seasonal affective disorder also. You may need some vitamin D therapy, i.e. get outdoors.

[bbasher75]

You have to be a douchebag to be a successful -litigator-.

 

Bbasher, you don't need to be a d-bag, you just need to anesthetize yourself once and for all by making huge volumes of approaches and GET OUT OF BARS. The deck is stacked against you there with drunk idiot men chasing drunk idiot women. Build a social network in your community without the aim of meeting women, but of meeting people at large. Approach everyone, make a metric crapton of friends and acquaintances. Every person, young, old, male, female you meet has single female connections to women that are in the desired 20% of quality and not in the 80% of chaff.

 

Based on your posts, maybe google seasonal affective disorder also. You may need some vitamin D therapy, i.e. get outdoors.

 

Thanks for the post. 20% quality you say? Geez I'll take those odds. Better than the 5% or less quality I was estimating. 20% I can find someone I think, lol.

[D-Jam]

Well I'm into poker but again, I only play online. Would like to find a poker group and play live. Any ideas?

Meetup.com

 

Maybe check out charity casino nights.

 

Maybe see if there's some watching world series of poker night.

 

 

Any other interests?

[mixwell]

Had a real bad run lately and starting to feel down on myself. EVERY girl that seems interested turns out to be either an attention wh*re, psychological issues etc. why is it so difficult to meet normal women?

 

Someone told me at 32 years old, my window "may have passed" because all the good women by my age are either married to their high school sweethearts, and the single ones are the "leftovers" i.e. GARBAGE. With all the "garbage" I've been encountering lately, I wonder if this is true?

 

Is it too late for me to find a good single woman with no kids at my age? Mabye I need to face reality and accept I will be alone forever?

 

I don't discount blaming myself, I'm a bit reserved but I'm not that bad and my looks are pretty good. So I attract nice looking women initially. But the interest they have at the start just seems to fade. I'm tired of blaming myself when I feel I'm not doing anything wrong!

 

How do I break out of this slump?

 

Damn my mom told me the same thing when I was younger (26 now) but she said "Don't wait until you get older to find a mate because they will be married, have kids etc" I don't see it is too late but even now @ my age being on facebook and having friends from highschool on my friends list I see a lot of the females are married, have kids and things like that. I want to marry a chick that has no kids but I honestly do feel the older you get the more chances you will meet a woman (your age) that has kids.. You could also try to go to the younger bracket to better the odds haha.

[TheWatcher]

Someone told me at 32 years old, my window "may have passed" because all the good women by my age are either married to their high school sweethearts, and the single ones are the "leftovers" i.e. GARBAGE. With all the "garbage" I've been encountering lately, I wonder if this is true?

 

At 38...I somewhat agree that your window may have passed but I'm not sure about the garbage and "leftovers".

 

It is very difficult to meet women and if you happen to notice someone that you find interesting...she is most likely already attached.The dating world is geared

towards people in their 20's & I think that at a certain point you have to accept that you may never meet anyone that you're compatible

with and who's available.

 

With that being said,take lorangie1's advice and try the bars/clubs.I know of a 25 yr old who's dating a 37 yr old guy she met at a club.You never know...Good luck