How do you get out of a "dating slump"?

[bbasher75]

Had a real bad run lately and starting to feel down on myself. EVERY girl that seems interested turns out to be either an attention wh*re, psychological issues etc. why is it so difficult to meet normal women?

 

Someone told me at 32 years old, my window "may have passed" because all the good women by my age are either married to their high school sweethearts, and the single ones are the "leftovers" i.e. GARBAGE. With all the "garbage" I've been encountering lately, I wonder if this is true?

 

Is it too late for me to find a good single woman with no kids at my age? Mabye I need to face reality and accept I will be alone forever?

 

I don't discount blaming myself, I'm a bit reserved but I'm not that bad and my looks are pretty good. So I attract nice looking women initially. But the interest they have at the start just seems to fade. I'm tired of blaming myself when I feel I'm not doing anything wrong!

 

How do I break out of this slump?

[stapelfahrer drew]

This thread is relevant to my interests.

 

I also feel as if my window has passed or is closing rapidly. At 29, that number 30 for some reason is bothering me, mostly because of the fact I haven't ever had what one would call a LTR, just a couple flings. And it hasn't been because I am afraid of commitment or any of that...they usually end it.

[betamanlet]

Had a real bad run lately and starting to feel down on myself. EVERY girl that seems interested turns out to be either an attention wh*re, psychological issues etc. why is it so difficult to meet normal women?

 

Someone told me at 32 years old, my window "may have passed" because all the good women by my age are either married to their high school sweethearts, and the single ones are the "leftovers" i.e. GARBAGE. With all the "garbage" I've been encountering lately, I wonder if this is true?

 

Is it too late for me to find a good single woman with no kids at my age? Mabye I need to face reality and accept I will be alone forever?

 

I don't discount blaming myself, I'm a bit reserved but I'm not that bad and my looks are pretty good. So I attract nice looking women initially. But the interest they have at the start just seems to fade. I'm tired of blaming myself when I feel I'm not doing anything wrong!

 

How do I break out of this slump?

 

 

I'm 34, 2 years older, same boat. Have accepted long ago that I'll be alone. Given the divorce rates, and the very high rates of relationship failure, I think it's better to be lonely than to be miserable. Plus I have pets who provide companionship. EVen women my age still want to live the sex and the city lifestyle. I don't want to deal with the baggage from that.

[alphamale]

Is it too late for me to find a good single woman with no kids at my age?

no

 

How do I break out of this slump?

be more of a challenge, chicks like that

[betamanlet]

This thread is relevant to my interests.

 

I also feel as if my window has passed or is closing rapidly. At 29, that number 30 for some reason is bothering me, mostly because of the fact I haven't ever had what one would call a LTR, just a couple flings. And it hasn't been because I am afraid of commitment or any of that...they usually end it.

 

 

Me too. I had no objection to relationships, committment, I would get dumped, usually after a month or so. The longest relationship I've had has been about 5 months, and I got dumped after she shortly before had discussed how we really should be getting married.

 

Now I'm so used to being alone that It disturbs me to think about living with someone.

 

Stapelfahrer Klaus is hilarious.

[lorangie1]

Oh my Lord. While I do agree that it's difficult to meet "normal" members of the other sex (I only meet a good one once every year!!!!), I don't believe that all the good ones are taken at the age of 32. You are still young in the grand scheme of things and I find it offensive that you would believe your friend that all that's leftover is garbage! In my experience, LOOKING for someone has never turned out right. It's so cliche to say, but it's always when you're least expecting it.

 

However, if you really want to look, the following can work:

 

1.) Bar - now, most people would probably disagree and say a bar is a terrible place to meet someone, but I've met a lot of great men at bars. If there are great men, there will be great women. It's a good setting because you can get a few drinks and relax, and there is no pressure, plus, you can go with friends! (single or married, get someone to be your wingman)

 

2.) Join a group - meetup.com is wonderful for this. There are groups of every sort of activity you can imagine. If you enjoy hiking, find a hiking group, if you like reading, a reading group, etc. I have joined about 8 different groups. I have yet to go to any events, but there's a variety of people who join and you're bound to meet someone.

 

3.) I wouldn't discount internet dating. I've personally never tried it myself, but I know many friends who have had great success with it. Plus, it's kind of cool because it's almost like shopping for a partner. You can pick and choose their personality, interests, and looks!

 

You will NOT be alone forever! Don't think that way. For every person, there are like, 1000 matches. Imagine the billions of people on this earth, and all are waiting for their perfect match (except priests and nuns), so why give up now? You say you are attractive and you seem like a cool guy, and 32 is not old, it's hot! I'm 26 and I love men in their 30s.

 

Speaking of - would you consider dating younger? Instead of looking for women in their 30's, how about their 20s? Or even go up, to the 40s? Maybe you're sticking so close to your age bracket and limiting the options.

 

Also, you say women you meet seem interested at first and then lose interest, why is that, I wonder? Are you being too needy? Too aloof? (thats not meant to be insulting, just wondering!)

[bbasher75]

I'm 34, 2 years older, same boat. Have accepted long ago that I'll be alone. Given the divorce rates, and the very high rates of relationship failure, I think it's better to be lonely than to be miserable. Plus I have pets who provide companionship. EVen women my age still want to live the sex and the city lifestyle. I don't want to deal with the baggage from that.

 

You know, what's sad is the "women" I've been meeting, some 30 and over, still act like their in Junior High School. When do the childish games stop for them? And they say women mature faster than men. That's the biggest load of cr*p ever.

 

I thought of my cat when you said the pets comment. LOL LOL dear God I actually talk to my cat too. God help us.

 

I could always pay, or sleep with women who shag anything, but I refuse to do that. Too much respect for myself.

[lorangie1]

What are the reasons the women give, when leaving you? And this question is for everyone that posted... it can't be a thing that women in their 30s do, there is always a reason. And I disagree, not many women want to do the "Sex and the City" single gal thing, it looks good on screen, but not in real life. If that's their excuse, they are lying.

[bbasher75]

Oh my Lord. While I do agree that it's difficult to meet "normal" members of the other sex (I only meet a good one once every year!!!!), I don't believe that all the good ones are taken at the age of 32. You are still young in the grand scheme of things and I find it offensive that you would believe your friend that all that's leftover is garbage! In my experience, LOOKING for someone has never turned out right. It's so cliche to say, but it's always when you're least expecting it.

 

However, if you really want to look, the following can work:

 

1.) Bar - now, most people would probably disagree and say a bar is a terrible place to meet someone, but I've met a lot of great men at bars. If there are great men, there will be great women. It's a good setting because you can get a few drinks and relax, and there is no pressure, plus, you can go with friends! (single or married, get someone to be your wingman)

 

2.) Join a group - meetup.com is wonderful for this. There are groups of every sort of activity you can imagine. If you enjoy hiking, find a hiking group, if you like reading, a reading group, etc. I have joined about 8 different groups. I have yet to go to any events, but there's a variety of people who join and you're bound to meet someone.

 

3.) I wouldn't discount internet dating. I've personally never tried it myself, but I know many friends who have had great success with it. Plus, it's kind of cool because it's almost like shopping for a partner. You can pick and choose their personality, interests, and looks!

 

You will NOT be alone forever! Don't think that way. For every person, there are like, 1000 matches. Imagine the billions of people on this earth, and all are waiting for their perfect match (except priests and nuns), so why give up now? You say you are attractive and you seem like a cool guy, and 32 is not old, it's hot! I'm 26 and I love men in their 30s.

 

Speaking of - would you consider dating younger? Instead of looking for women in their 30's, how about their 20s? Or even go up, to the 40s? Maybe you're sticking so close to your age bracket and limiting the options.

 

Also, you say women you meet seem interested at first and then lose interest, why is that, I wonder? Are you being too needy? Too aloof? (thats not meant to be insulting, just wondering!)

 

No I'm not being "too needy". Mabye too aloof. With women, who the h*ll knows what they want. 1 thing I avoid is being "needy" i.e. calling everyday etc. I GET IT, ok? I get how it works. You don't have to explain to me how often to call etc. I know that already. That's not the problem. I'm not that kind of m0ron.

 

Thanks for the advice, I'll look into internet dating but honestly I think it's kind of pathetic to have to resort to that. Like I can't meet people the normal way. But I'll try I guess.

 

And I can't go to bars because the few friends I do have s*ck in bar settings, don't like going etc. AKA losers. I have no "wingman" and I can't go alone, now can I? S*cks cuz I'd like to go Fridays and Saturdays but I'm stuck cuz I have noone to go with. And I'm awful at making friends.

[stapelfahrer drew]

What are the reasons the women give, when leaving you? And this question is for everyone that posted... it can't be a thing that women in their 30s do, there is always a reason. And I disagree, not many women want to do the "Sex and the City" single gal thing, it looks good on screen, but not in real life. If that's their excuse, they are lying.

 

Well, I have never gotten a substantial reason. Of the last few that I have dated briefly lately, two became "busy, one just fell of the face of the earth, and one told me, "You are too awesome, I am trying to find things wrong with you but I can't and that scares me." WTF?!?...never heard from her again.

 

edit....these women have been in their mid 20's.

[bbasher75]

Well, I have never gotten a substantial reason. Of the last few that I have dated briefly lately, two became "busy, one just fell of the face of the earth, and one told me, "You are too awesome, I am trying to find things wrong with you but I can't and that scares me." WTF?!?...never heard from her again.

 

edit....these women have been in their mid 20's.

 

You should have told that girl who thought you were too awesome "I'll slap you in the head a few times if it helps". By the way, she didn't like you. I know cuz a girl told me that sh*t once too. It's bullcr*p but at the same time, ironically, probably true in a way. Because she probably loves as*holes, and loves drama. And you'd provide none of that.

[meerkat stew]

You know, what's sad is the "women" I've been meeting, some 30 and over, still act like their in Junior High School. When do the childish games stop for them? And they say women mature faster than men. That's the biggest load of cr*p ever.

 

Get used to this, will tell you at 45 dating 30-48 y.o. women that things are not one bit different, even into their 40s. In a society in which women are not held accountable for much, and rationalize out of the tiny bit of accountability that is thrust on them, what social pressure is forcing them to grow up? None at all. The only thing that demands women grow up in our culture is motherhood, and that doesn't do much good for you out trying to find quality single women without children.

 

Every once in a while I meet one who is an actual adult, and not still some form of "daddy's little princess." When I meet one of those it gives me hope, but either they aren't attracted to me, or are already taken, and then I go back to whatever headcase dujour has found me attractive for the wrong reasons.

 

As far as the Sex and the City lifestyle? It is completely pervasive in metro areas, maybe not so much in suburbs or rural.

[lorangie1]

bbasher75 - Online dating isn't pathetic, a lot of people do it. I'm almost inclined to join one myself, but I'm so cynical I'd probably turn down everyone. As for bars, you're a man, you can go to a bar alone. I've gone to bars alone, and I'm a 26 year old woman. (that there is the perfect setup for lonely men) --- When you go to a bar alone, I'd suggest staying away from Friday or Saturday nights as they fill up quickly and being alone may not feel the most comfortable (in my experience), but you can go any other night of the week. Do you have like, music bars? Jazz cafes or something? You can go, have a drink alone. Not to go off on a tangent, but this is part of the reason America sucks bc in Europe, everyone drinks alone and it's normal!! But here in the states, it's considered loserville. Anyway, back to my reply, have a drink alone, if you see a woman, approach her. I'm being a hypocrite by saying this bc I dont follow my own advice anymore, but maybe you can take more chances? The more risks you take, the more opportunities you have to meet women. And chances are, you're going to meet, as you say, some attention "whores" or women with pyschological issues but once in a while there will be a diamond in the rough. Dating is tough!

 

stapelfahrer drew -- I don't know why, but bbasher is right, girls do love *******s and they like drama. Not me, because I did that **** in college and I'm sick of it and just looking for a nice guy, but I think it has to do with the chase. Like you said in my other post about the eagerness, you're right, a lot of women don't like it, which to me is SO weird! I love when a guy shows that he likes me; I don't want a cocky, aloof bastard. But those girls you dated are a dime a dozen, and they're using every excuse in the book to stop seeing you and you're better without them obviously. But you say you're only 29, do you have a college alumni association? You can go to mixers or something. And what about the tips I gave about bars and stuff. Bbasher says he doesnt have friends who like bars, but I'm sure you do I have to say, I meet most of the guys I seriously date at bars, but it's not like I meet an amazing guy EVERY single time, it's more like, one cool guy every 10 times and 10 douches every week so you have to keep your hopes up.

[stapelfahrer drew]

stapelfahrer drew -- I don't know why, but bbasher is right, girls do love *******s and they like drama. Not me, because I did that **** in college and I'm sick of it and just looking for a nice guy, but I think it has to do with the chase. Like you said in my other post about the eagerness, you're right, a lot of women don't like it, which to me is SO weird! I love when a guy shows that he likes me; I don't want a cocky, aloof bastard. But those girls you dated are a dime a dozen, and they're using every excuse in the book to stop seeing you and you're better without them obviously. But you say you're only 29, do you have a college alumni association? You can go to mixers or something. And what about the tips I gave about bars and stuff. Bbasher says he doesnt have friends who like bars, but I'm sure you do I have to say, I meet most of the guys I seriously date at bars, but it's not like I meet an amazing guy EVERY single time, it's more like, one cool guy every 10 times and 10 douches every week so you have to keep your hopes up.

 

I have been putting myself in situations that I normally wouldn't have done in the past and am getting interesting results lately (I posted about it in another thread). Unfortunately no, I do not have a college alumni association seeing as how I never finished school. But, I am planning to start back up hopefully summer semester this coming year.

 

The thing for bars is weird for me seeing as how I gave up drinking about 5 years ago after discovering the hard way that I really shouldn't drink. However, I am not one of those holier than thou d*cks who preaches sobriety or AA to anyone who will listen (or won't listen) probably since I didn't follow any of that, I have a very live and let live feeling when it comes to that. So going to a bar to have a drink by myself is probably something I wont do, but I go to bars a couple times a month with buddies and I am the token sober guy.

[lorangie1]

IMO the "token sober guy" is always the sexiest because he is either a.) the most mature b.) the only normal one in a room full of rowdy drunks. Congratulations on your 5 year sobriety.

[stapelfahrer drew]

IMO the "token sober guy" is always the sexiest because he is either a.) the most mature b.) the only normal one in a room full of rowdy drunks. Congratulations on your 5 year sobriety.

 

Thank you! It is something I am quite proud of...considering many had their doubts at first, including me.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Someone told me at 32 years old, my window "may have passed" because all the good women by my age are either married to their high school sweethearts, and the single ones are the "leftovers" i.e. GARBAGE. With all the "garbage" I've been encountering lately, I wonder if this is true?

 

Is it too late for me to find a good single woman with no kids at my age? Mabye I need to face reality and accept I will be alone forever?

Wow. I hope you don't carry this attitude around with you. Not all of us garbage leftovers are so oblivious, we wouldn't pick up on your disdain for us.

 

I wouldn't say it's too late to find a childless woman at your age, but I hope you don't discard a woman that has been married before, because it WILL be difficult to find that at your age - never married. I was married for 4-1/2 years. I'm now almost 30. I don't consider myself garbage. Whoever said that is incredibly ignorant.

[boogieboy]

BBasher what are you doing about your anxiety and erratic behavior on dates...rambling about weird things, then too quiet...practically scaring the woman away from you...what are you doing about this?

[bbasher75]

BBasher what are you doing about your anxiety and erratic behavior on dates...rambling about weird things, then too quiet...practically scaring the woman away from you...what are you doing about this?

 

What can I do? I am like this either by being born this way, or social upbringing. Either way doesnt matter, I am like this now and its going to be like learning chinese trying to change who I am.

 

Only thing I'm doing about that is to keep putting myself out there and hope I get better. It has gotten easier a little bit the more I go out, but then you also get rejected more so the pain cancels out the experience. So I dont know what to do. I gain experience but I also gain more pain and heartache in the process.

 

I'm not that bad, it's just I'm a bit quiet. I dont get though if a girl supposedly likes you at the start, why she wouldnt try to make me more comfortable? Sometimes I'm out and a girl might say "how come you're kind of quiet?" Do they not realize them saying that makes it WORSE for me? Its like they want to put in ZERO effort on their part. It took me a lot of courage to ask them out being the way I am, and they cut me ZERO slack.

 

And the funny thing is the girls who say I'm quiet really offer NOTHING to the conversation at all. God forbid I stop talking for 5 seconds and expect them to pick up some of the conversation. Throw me a FRIGGIN BONE HERE ladies!!

Edited December 18, 2009 by bbasher75

[boogieboy]

You got it all wrong. Its not their job to make you feel comfortable. You are supposed to already be comfortable with yourself when you meet up with them. Havent you seen all the threads of women here going on dates and writing off the guy for the littlest thing? They dont want to have to do that work for you. They are not your therapist.

 

YOU are supposed to make them feel comfortable when they are nervous.

 

YOU are supposed to be the fun and charming one, keeping the conversation going.

 

YOU are the one who is supposed to take charge of all of the situations on the date.

 

YOU are the one who is supposed to be the man and show them new things.

 

You have to take charge, you cant walk around life hoping that people will cut you slack, life doesnt cut you slack. You have to stop asking for people to overlook your quirks, no one is going to do you any favors (at least not while they dont know you) they dont owe you anything.

 

If you want to be in a relationship again and get to first base with a woman on a date, you are the only one who has to get over your nervousness on dates. No one else is supposed to do it but you.

[betamanlet]

You got it all wrong. Its not their job to make you feel comfortable. You are supposed to already be comfortable with yourself when you meet up with them. Havent you seen all the threads of women here going on dates and writing off the guy for the littlest thing? They dont want to have to do that work for you. They are not your therapist.

 

YOU are supposed to make them feel comfortable when they are nervous.

 

YOU are supposed to be the fun and charming one, keeping the conversation going.

 

YOU are the one who is supposed to take charge of all of the situations on the date.

 

YOU are the one who is supposed to be the man and show them new things.

 

You have to take charge, you cant walk around life hoping that people will cut you slack, life doesnt cut you slack. You have to stop asking for people to overlook your quirks, no one is going to do you any favors (at least not while they dont know you) they dont owe you anything.

 

If you want to be in a relationship again and get to first base with a woman on a date, you are the only one who has to get over your nervousness on dates. No one else is supposed to do it but you.

 

Equality rocks!

[betamanlet]

What can I do? I am like this either by being born this way, or social upbringing. Either way doesnt matter, I am like this now and its going to be like learning chinese trying to change who I am.

 

Only thing I'm doing about that is to keep putting myself out there and hope I get better. It has gotten easier a little bit the more I go out, but then you also get rejected more so the pain cancels out the experience. So I dont know what to do. I gain experience but I also gain more pain and heartache in the process.

 

I'm not that bad, it's just I'm a bit quiet. I dont get though if a girl supposedly likes you at the start, why she wouldnt try to make me more comfortable? Sometimes I'm out and a girl might say "how come you're kind of quiet?" Do they not realize them saying that makes it WORSE for me? Its like they want to put in ZERO effort on their part. It took me a lot of courage to ask them out being the way I am, and they cut me ZERO slack.

 

And the funny thing is the girls who say I'm quiet really offer NOTHING to the conversation at all. God forbid I stop talking for 5 seconds and expect them to pick up some of the conversation. Throw me a FRIGGIN BONE HERE ladies!!

 

 

They don't have to cut you any slack because there are another 15 guys who aren't shy who are willing to take her out.

[bbasher75]

You got it all wrong. Its not their job to make you feel comfortable. You are supposed to already be comfortable with yourself when you meet up with them. Havent you seen all the threads of women here going on dates and writing off the guy for the littlest thing? They dont want to have to do that work for you. They are not your therapist.

 

YOU are supposed to make them feel comfortable when they are nervous.

 

YOU are supposed to be the fun and charming one, keeping the conversation going.

 

YOU are the one who is supposed to take charge of all of the situations on the date.

 

YOU are the one who is supposed to be the man and show them new things.

 

You have to take charge, you cant walk around life hoping that people will cut you slack, life doesnt cut you slack. You have to stop asking for people to overlook your quirks, no one is going to do you any favors (at least not while they dont know you) they dont owe you anything.

 

If you want to be in a relationship again and get to first base with a woman on a date, you are the only one who has to get over your nervousness on dates. No one else is supposed to do it but you.

 

It's just not who I am, man. I used to think relationships were a 2 way street but I guess not. It's all on my shoulders and the girl just lays back and does nothing?

 

How do you suggest I do these things you speak of? Is there a pill I can take that will transform me into a new personality or something? Whats wrong with being a quieter guy? You know this world is just f*cked up.

 

It's all my fault. I apologize to everyone here and the WHOLE F*CKING WORLD for who I am. I am sorry for who I am, I apologize. I f*cking give up. Tired of this sh*t.

[bbasher75]

They don't have to cut you any slack because there are another 15 guys who aren't shy who are willing to take her out.

 

So why even f*cking waste my time? Go to the other 15 guys and leave me the f*ck alone. WOW she must have really liked me to say to herself "hey if it dont work with this guy I'll just hop on the next 15"...gee I feel so special after knowing that.

 

You know coming here has actually gotten me more down, didn't think that was possible. Mabye I'll just blow my f*cking head off. Tired of this sh*t. Everyone telling me I'm not good enough, now I have to hear it from guys too.

[betamanlet]

So why even f*cking waste my time? Go to the other 15 guys and leave me the f*ck alone. WOW she must have really liked me to say to herself "hey if it dont work with this guy I'll just hop on the next 15"...gee I feel so special after knowing that.

 

You know coming here has actually gotten me more down, didn't think that was possible. Mabye I'll just blow my f*cking head off. Tired of this sh*t. Everyone telling me I'm not good enough, now I have to hear it from guys too.

Because if you don't try, you don't get women. It's that simple. Women don't approach men (except celebrities) because they don't have to. Men approach them. It's your job to do all the work. That is your role as a man. If you don't want to then you have no bu siness complaining about women.

 

Seriously, you seem mentally unbalanced. Women are the worst reason to kill yourself over. If you're even 1% serious about that threat, please see a professional.

 

Everyone gets rejected, I get rejected, I've been dumped by every gf I have ever had. It's not worth killing yourself over. It's life.